The Beauty in Chance Events

Life is full of cycles. 

You can get in a rhythm and you end up in a re-run of habits, hobbies, and activities. Lately, I have been finding myself just watching YouTube on my bed until I was exhausted enough to stop fighting sleep. The old days of my prodigious reading habits faded into an inconsistent bedtime routine. After I finished taking graduate classes in the fall of 2020, my reading fell to almost non-existent. I read a bit but I have struggled to get motivated to read anything in particular. Sure, I would read a few comic books and I did manage to finish an actual book or two but I just wasn't feeling it. 

For the last few years, my creative energy was geared towards writing but art has always been in the background, waiting for me, ever so patiently to come back home. Of course, I have done a few birthday posters for the kids but nothing on my own for years beyond some fun doodling with watercolor markers. With the encouragement of a friend, I started painting again last week. As I painted I realized how much I missed it and how much fun I had been missing out on. I also had forgotten what a gift there is in embracing chance events. 

April, acrylic & paper - April 2022

The above photo was my first effort and I have to admit, I like it. 

I had started fiddling with my watercolor paint pens, drawing branches or roots (a common motif of mine) but it just felt drab and boring. Then I changed my plan and began to paint in an abstract style. Pushing and stretching the paint with my little paint tool.  I purposely didn't put much thought into it. I let my mind and tool unconsciously find their way together, weaving this way, then the other. I selected bright, primary colors (as those make me feel warm and fuzzy).  I added countless layers of paint to give the piece texture and needed depth.  Finally, on the second to last layer, I tore out random bits of paper from old books to add a bit more depth and otherworldliness to the piece. 

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A few days later I decided to paint again. This time, I painted two pieces at once but only one is good enough to share. The more "experimental" piece (well, trash piece) is kinda a hot mess bordering on disaster overload. 

However, the "good" piece was a much more successful experiment.  I started by building an acrylic base of texture but I also integrated a little bit of the pour technique that's so popular on YouTube with more overt use of collage. Thankfully over the years of art-making, I have collected old books, comic books, and other ephemera like some of my dad's old college papers. I also have a random assortment of things already cut out that weren't used at the time or just plain forgotten about.

I had brought in a huge stack of random stuff and just started grabbing whatever my grubby little hands could find, by chance. I would grab a page, tear it out and drop it anywhere on the canvas or impulsively find a place for it and go with my gut instinct.  I tried to keep in sync with my primal, spontaneous mind so it could find connections and patterns that my conscious mind could never find on its own. I even managed to escape my over-analyzing, over-thinking consciousness for a while and that's always a nice vacation too.  

After about a half-hour I stopped. I didn't like what I was seeing so I decided to come back to later that evening.  When I returned to the piece I added a bit more but still....something was off but I didn't know what. However, it was getting late, so I started putting my art supplies away and cleaning up. As I picked up my huge stack of old books, notebooks, and junk, a perfectly cut-out photo of a baby ostrich fell out of the stack and onto the floor. I instantly picked it up and plopped it right on the wet green blob in the center of the canvas and I and went back to cleaning up. 

After I finished cleaning up, I looked down at the piece and it seemed the baby ostrich made me look at the piece in a whole different light. It now seemed complete and confident. It gave the viewer's eyes a shared starting place to the canvas. Also, baby birds are cute, so there's that too. 

This random baby ostrich, falling from my stack of junk changed everything. I didn't like the painting before but I didn't know what it was missing. This small chance event changed everything. Now, I can't imagine this piece being any other way.  How many random events have happened like this to you and now you can't imagine your life any other way? Some of my most favorite people, events and ideas stem from the extraordinary origin of chance.  

Missed An Issue???, acrylic and paper, April 2022.

I had forgotten the wisdom of creating art. Of course, it's fun and it's an escape for the soul but more importantly, there are lessons to be had if we open to the opportunities presented by the beauty of chance events. 

Things I Miss and I Can Never Get Back (an incomplete list)

I miss playing basketball for hours and then talking to my friends for a couple more hours. 

I miss driving around and getting lost with friends.

I miss wondering what I'll be someday.

I miss holding my babies and rocking them to sleep.

I miss my friend Mikey.

I miss reading the comics on Sunday mornings. 

I miss feeling like everything was so important. 

I miss telling bedtime stories. 

I miss buying an album and hoping that it would be better than just the two songs you knew from the radio. 

I miss not living by my old favorite taco place where our first apartment was. 

I miss when my kids went to bed at a reasonable hour. 

I miss building forts with my kids and having sock battles. 

I miss meeting friends at a bar and not knowing if they were actually there. 

There's still so much to miss and I still have so much still here. 

I am happy to remember and so full of gratitude for my current life and situation. 

Even More Underrated 90's Albums

I have nothing better to do, so it's time to explore EVEN more underrated albums from the 90s.  At some point I am going to run out of underrated albums but there's at least one more post in me after this one. In this post, I share two albums that were personally important to me in the 90s but the first album I write about is an album I discovered much later. 

Lemonheads - Car Button Cloth (1996) 

Evan Dando is one weird dude (this is his current  "intro video" on his YoutTube homepage) and I think it makes Car Button Cloth all the much better for it. Dando could never quite pull it altogether to make a great album (It's a Shame About Ray comes closest). But The Lemonhead's discography is full of good albums and some great songs. Car Button Cloth will have your head bopping along with the jangly guitars and catchy songs that feature odd and creative lyrics.  It's an album that is just very, very 90's. If you like that slacker-college rock, indie music delivered in a deadpan tone, this will work for you. It's not an ambitious album, but it's definitely not straight-ahead "alternative" rock. It's got heart and some of these songs will stick with you. If the momentum of the first six tracks could have held, this would have been a classic 90s album. The back half isn't bad mind you, but the last 6-7 tracks are a grab-bag of okay or generic alternative songs. 

Standout Tracks: Tracks 1-5, but especially "It's All True",  "If I Could Talk I'd Tell You", "Hospital" and  "The Outdoor Type".

Ben Folds Five - Naked Baby Photos (1997)

It's only one of my favorite songs of all time. 

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know...should a compilation album of live performances and demos that was meant to be a quick cash grab capitalizing on a huge hit really be on this list? Yes, yes. and yes. Of course, this isn't Ben Folds Five's best album but it IS underrated and I love this charming album, warts and all. I should preface this by saying this should NOT be your introduction to Ben Folds or Ben Folds Five. If you're a newbie, start with Whatever and Ever Amen, then where you go next is up to you. This was one of those classic 90s purchases for me. I saw it at Best Buy, didn't know a single thing about it, and went for it. I can't really put into words why this album meant so much to me (although the fact I was projecting my romantic life into every single song  on this album helps). It's still a worthwhile trip to take, even if you're not nostalgic for it. It gives you just a taste of what Ben Folds is like live. If you like brash, piano-driven, heart-on-your-sleeve anthems with dashes of jazz and heavy metal...give it a try. 

Standout Tracks: "Jackson Cannery", "Emaline",  "Alice Childress", "Underground", "Twin Falls". 

Coward - S/T (1997) 

This person has the whole album uploaded after being absent from YT or the internet in general for the last 20+ years, this was finally uploaded in 2020. This person is now my hero. 

Coward is the classic case that proves sometimes good songwriting and great melodies aren't enough to "make it". I already said something similar to this in my first "Underrated 90s" post about The Pulsars (which ironically enough is another self-titled release from 1997). Coward released one album to lackluster sales and then promptly disintegrated into the ether of the late 90s. But what they left us with is a gem of an album. It's a fine example of 90s power pop, full of hooks, catchy choruses, rocking solos and good vibes. No doubt, if you give this album a chance, you'll be switching what your favorite song is every few weeks. It's a little cheesy and there are some lyrics (and maybe a song or two) that land with a thud but overall, it's breezy, rocky and fun. It's a mix of the debut albums of Weezer and Fountains of Wayne and it will be stuck in your head for the rest of your life. It's candy for your ears. 

Standout Tracks: "Fell Down", "I Don't Care", " "I Wish", "I'm Alright", "Psycho",  "Mulcahy's" - almost all of it okay! 

A Poem About Popeye

I have things I have to do, I have updates to give you, a random person on the internet (or more likely it's just me in the future reading this). 

That said, here's a poem I wrote a few months ago:

Popeye Determines to Overcome his Midlife Crisis After Reading a Book About Buddhism  

As the third panel comes, I wait for the joke,

But it’s just Bluto waiting to fuck me up.

I run towards the spinach to save the day

but I never seem to remember just why I’m running or why. 

“I am what I am, and that's all that I am”

But the truth is, I don’t know what I am.

I think I am done with this.

There aren’t enough panels for “what I am”.  

There are so many 

terrible/wonderful/beautiful/mysterious 

panels left to find out. 

The self is an illusion, 

I am done lying.  

It's That Time Again Fragments

I was meaning to post fragments last month but I just wasn't motivated. I think it was a holiday hangover. 

Here are the latest and greatest fragments from my life:

Did We Get COVID? Read and Find Out 

Sometime in December I saw this gif on Twitter and thought, "yeah, that's it!"

We prepped for the holiday season as I knew there would be more possibilities for getting exposed to COVID.  I got boosted the week of Thanksgiving while my wife was boosted a few weeks later. Of course, we wore masks at work and out in public and we never eat inside restaurants but in early December we went out to lunch with another couple at an empty restaurant. I felt a little naked. A week later I took the kids to Spider-Man: No Way Home (it was fine) of course we still wore masks. 

Part of this renewed risk activity was because we were boosted, and Omicron hadn't hit yet, part of it was just being exhausted with COVID, like everyone else. 

It felt as if we were tempting fate but we decided to hold our annual holiday party for the first time since 2019. We felt pretty safe as the Omicron surge hadn't hit our area yet (at least not in a big way).  Almost all the adults and children were vaccinated and/or boosted, and one family had just had COVID ten days ago. So, all things considered, we felt pretty good about having the party. We had about 10-12 adults and 15 kids attend the party.  It was a lovely time and it almost felt normal if not for a sinking feeling I would get when I would look out across the house and wonder if we were hosting a mini-super spreader event. 

As it turned out, everyone was fine. 

On New Year's Eve, we decided to once again take a big risk and we attended a wedding. It was a little too hard to pass up as some good friends were going and it was a young couple that we really like. Besides, there was gonna be an open bar and a lot of our theater friends would be there.  

Most people were masked during the ceremony but once things really got going at the reception, there were only a few masks. I would haphazardly wear mine at the reception...but....again, remember there was an open bar so I possibly wasn't using the best judgment all of the time. That said, once again, we made it out okay. Last I heard the pastor did get COVID but the event was not a super-spreader event at all. A good and memorable time was had by all. I have to say the fact that they brought out tacos right before midnight was just so awesome and so San Antonio. 

Maybe we shouldn't have been so risky, but especially after the wedding, we steered clear of our parents for a week or so, just in case. 

But like Mario above, we somehow made it to the flagpole safely. We've had a bunch of close calls, taken various members to get tested but so far, so good....(not sure it can last forever)....

Friend Fragment Update

I was reflecting on this old post the other day. 

I don't recommend reading it, so to sum it up, it's a pathetic post about how lonely I was as I neared turning 40. It seemed like I hardly had any more "active" friends and of course, making friends as an adult is always hard. Well, I suppose I should update the blog and tell you since that time I have made some new friends. 

Instead of just having one good friend at work I am happy to report I  now have two additional really good friends. All three are so different and bring something different to the table.  My wife and I also found,  almost-the-impossible: we made friends with another couple....and we like both of them! We met through the church theater group we are a part of. Look, I am not saying I have some super busy social life but it's made all the difference for me and I feel much more happy friend-wise than I have been in a long time. So, if you're a lonely adult, there is hope...but ya gotta get a little lucky too. 

Fam Update

C (almost 16) has a boyfriend. They have been dating for about 3 months now, which feels even longer to me.  He seems like a good kid and yet.... well, there's too much to say in this blog about him. So, it's better left unsaid (it's complicated).  He goes to another school on the other side of town and neither can drive so that's been easier to control. Still, you can't help but worry for her heart. 

Also, C starting up dual credit/college applications and worrying about driving soon. She was looking up colleges and universities tonight.  It's a weird place to be. Sure, it felt a lot easier building pillow forts and having sock battles, telling bedtime stories and going for walks together on beautiful days but being a dad of a teen has its pleasures too. She's a smartie and I am proud of how passionate she can be about doing the right thing. We have loved being a good "second home" for her friends. The other day her best friend said we were the best parents....hey, not too shabby, that made us feel good.  

E is doing well in the 7th grade. She's a ballet dancer and I feel like half our week is driving her to her lessons or prepping for her dance performance for the school. She just got braces and refused to even show me for the first day! She's such a good kid...lately, we've been watching LOST together. It's my first re-watch of the show since it aired and that has been so much fun, watching it together.  I might even write a blog post about it at some point (yeah, don't hold your breath). 

H is once again obsessed with Pokemon, this is his third iteration of being Poke-crazed, which is fine by me (it's gotta be something and right now it's Pokemon and Minecraft). Now he watches YouTube videos of box and pack openings and we even tried to sell one on eBay (it was bought but the dude never paid). He is also playing flag football, the league is pretty competitive and he is having a blast. Good coaches and that's the key. Competitive but good hearts and good sportsmanship.  His team is very good and while he is new, he caught his first pass last week for 25 yards. He was filling in for the injured center the last week and did a great job. This week it was too cold and the game got postponed. :/

Comics Update

Did I ever tell you I have some comic goals in my life? Yeah, my life is that shallow and nerdy. I mainly collect old Marvel's, mainly late 70's to the very early 90s. But I also love old Disney (Dell/Gladstone) or the occasional DC also, you gotta spice it up sometimes. 

I will never collect a whole run of something, but I do have a few goals. 

Here's what I usually buy on the spot if the price is right:

All Black Costume pre-Venom Spider-Man (I probably have about half of these as is)...these are now almost impossible to find at the used book stores, so I might pick up a few in the coming years at the comic shop but we'll see how the prices are....

Any 80's Marvel...I think my heart skips a beat when I can find a Dr. Strange, Defenders, Fantastic Four, Avengers, and especially Spider-Ham, Rom and Micronauts. Basically, any weird stuff is a bonus and I will usually buy it if it's reasonably priced. About the only thing 80's I will shun is New Mutants (heck even the first year is kinda cool but after that, forget about it...I could just never get into them).  

I picked up Fantastic Four #140 last week and thought damn, the Thing 
was talking about orgies in a comic from 1971. Just kinda blew my mind.  

Special collections I am building towards: 

I am hoping to complete a run of 265-300 of Fantastic Four,  I have about  2/3 of it already. I just like to pick up what I can find in the wild. It's more fun that way.

Anything with Kang, time travel, alternate universes, etc. 

I am also trying to collect Excalibur 1-75. I have 1-26 and much of the later run but I probably need another 20 or so to go! A really underrated comic, especially when Alan Davis was at the helm. Funny, smart, and usually fun. 

The whole point is I try to find these organically and on the cheap it makes life exciting, yeah, I said it. 

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I have some blog ideas but they are on the back burner. I also started editing a paper for possible publication but every time I think of it, I just feel ill. I have a lot going on at work that is non-teaching related and it's very exciting. I may find myself back in Ireland in the years to come but the soonest would be 2024. We'll see....

Well, that about does it, folks. Until next time,  stay safe, stay warm and when you hear that old song you haven't heard in a long time in the car, let go and sing like you've never sung before, I won't tell a soul. 

Quote of the Day: Ancient Fake Confucius Quote Edition

I've been reading from Zhuangzi (translation by Ziporyn) and I came across an ancient fake Confucius quote (I guess everyone's been doing it for centuries). Zhuangzi used Confucius as a character in his writings, so while this quote is almost certainly not Confucian, it is attributed to him all the same: 

"People cannot see their reflections in running water, but only in still water" (Ziporyn 33)

For this coming new year, I hope I can slow down more often and reflect more clearly on who I am and who others are. 

Also, exercise more, eat better, yada yada yada, etc., etc., etc.  

I can't promise I will blog more this coming year (hate to disappoint ya, stranger but it's true). That said I hope whoever you are and whenever you are reading this you are happy, warm and have hope and dreams to hold onto, just in case you are neither happy nor warm.  

Confucius Didn't Say That!: Who Cut the Meat? Edition

I've been writing blog posts about fake Confucius quotes for years now. 

I feel like I have a pretty good lay of the land (the land of "Fake Confucius Quotes").  I got comfortable, maybe even lazy, seeing terrible quote after terrible quote. Knocking down fake quote after fake quote is still fun but I have to admit maybe it became a little routine. 

However, with today's post, there's something I have never written about before. A fake Confucius quote that is accidentally Confucian?  Stick around and find out below Confucian Philosophy fans....

“The way you cut your meat reflects the way you live.” - Confucius 

At first glance, I thought this seemed pretty obvious that this is something that Confucius didn't say because it's stupid and pithy.  

I can kinda see a point here. I could see how someone might think that a person's table manners might reveal one's character but frankly, that's old school classism at its worst. It's something someone's rich grandma might say (or worse, actually believe). It's not just that it's snobby but it's stupid.

Except for George Constanza. I am pretty sure the way he ate revealed his character. 

The way a person eats tells me nothing of their actual character or "the way (they) live". Someone's table manners might tell me what kind of upbringing they had or their native culture but little to nothing is revealed about their actual character or intelligence level. 

(long pause)

Okay, that's the rant I wish I could keep going on about maybe something about how Confucius really only cares about the way people act towards one another ....but the truth is a little more complicated than that. While this quote definitely isn't in the Analects or spoken by Confucius...there is, a Confucian element at play in this quote. 

I am kinda embarrassed about the whole thing myself, but anyone can find the light switch on with the lights on (that's an inside joke), so let's dissect the background on the quote. 

First, we have to unpack a few ancient Chinese concepts before we move forward.

In the Analects, Confucius often uses the word wen. According to many scholars, there isn't an exact English equivalent for wen but the general consensus seems to be wen is defined as "cultural refinement", "culture" will do in a jiffy though.  

According to Confucius, being refined is itself, an art form and a desired trait for those wanting to improve their lives, from 5:15: 

"Zi Gong asked: “How did Kong Wen Zi get the title ‘wen’”? (wen = learned, literary, refined) Confucius said, “He was diligent and loved to study. He was also unashamed to ask questions to his inferiors. Therefore he got the name wen.” - (all quotes from AC Muller)

There's also the concept of li, which is centered on ritual. Here is how Muller describes the concept of li. 

"The term li, however, has, in the Analects, a much broader meaning than ritual, since it can also refer to the many smaller “ritualized” behavior patterns involved in day-to-day human interactions. This would include proper speech and body language according to status, age, sex— thus, “manners.” In this sense, li means any action proper, or appropriate to the situation."  - AC Muller 

I lean on Muller to do the heavy lifting in this blog series as his translation is clear, accurate and easy to link to also his commentary is also spot-on.  Ultimately, it's my blog and I don't want to go around digging for hours on my bookshelf or online to get you basically the same information. 

Muller and others often translate li as propriety. Knowing when to do something properly is an honored Confucian value and skill. This would include, even eating.

Slingerland states, "The tradition (classic Chinese culture) is the system of ritual practice, music, and langue use that in Confucius' opinion plays a primary role in shaping human character" (Slingerland xxiii). 

So, for Confucius, the way a person ate probably would reveal something about their character. At best, it would show them to be uncultured or ignorant, at worst, stupid, impatient, and/or rude. 

Here are some examples of the importance of wen (culture) and li (propriety and ritual).

From 1:12 (of course, I bold the important aspects for clarity below):

"You Zi said: “In the actual practice of propriety, flexibility is important. This is what the ancient kings did so well— both the greater and the lesser used flexibility. Yet there are occasions when this does not apply: If you understand the flexibility and use it, but don't structure yourself with propriety, things won't go well.”

When Confucius is asked about filial piety in 2:5 he states, "When your parents are alive, serve them with propriety; when they die, bury them with propriety, and then worship them with propriety.”

Maybe most damning of them all, comes in 3:5, "The Master said: “If a man has no ren what can his propriety be like? If a man has no ren what can his music be like?”

Ren is often translated as humaneness, an ideal that a junzi or "superior person" should live up to. With this quote from 3:5, Confucius is obviously conflating one's li with one's ethics and vice versa. For Confucian philosophers, you just couldn't have one without the others. In other words, the little stuff matters. One's propriety and "culture" reflect one's character. 

Later in 7:25, comes this zinger, "The Master taught four things: Culture, correct action, loyalty and trust."

As for actual verses from the Analects on eating, we have yet another verse that affirms the Confucian quality of our fake quote. 

In a large dialogue on Confucius' eating habits in 10:6, the Analects states, "(Confucius) did not chat while eating, and did not talk after retiring. No matter what kind of simple fare it might be, such as coarse rice or broth, he would always make an offering, doing so with due solemnity."

This is the first fake quote that while still fake, is ultimately Confucian in tone and in its values. I don't agree with the Confucian value of emphasizing rituals, manners, and culture. Life's too short to care about following table manner do's and don'ts. Of course, I am not advocating for chewing with your mouth open but my point still stands. 

Maybe my biggest disagreement with Confucius might be his inability to see the dao or way of doing things as cultural and arbitrary as opposed to his idea that it is established by Tian or "Heaven". We just have to recognize that ultimately, Confucius was a man of his time, and he extolled the values of the past.  

I don't think we should make inferences on their moral character based upon the way someone speaks or eats. As for how to really judge someone, I say we should go closer to something like we find in 1:4: 

"Ceng Zi said: “Each day I examine myself in three ways: in doing things for others, have I been disloyal? In my interactions with friends, have I been untrustworthy? Have not practiced what I have preached?”