Fragments Here, There and Way, Way, Way Over Thre

Sometimes students drive me crazy.

On Monday in my World Cultures class I asked for ideas, thoughts, images or anything that came to mind when I said the word "Islam" and/or "Muslims".

....Silence......

After a few rephrasing of my question an older student finally said, "bin Laden". Okay, good talking point. I am happy for someone to start us off with something a little controversial. So I write "bin Laden" on the whiteboard, hoping for more.  Still there was more "silence"...I decided to call on a student by name, "Chris, what do you think of when you hear the word 'Islam'?" Silence and then he shrugs. I write "shrugs" on the board. Ok, I'll try another. "Simon, what do you think when you hear the world 'Islam'"? "Uh..I don't know." So, I write that on the board as well. 

PEOPLE. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????

Yes, I finally started getting some feedback after that response.

Today in the same class, I walk in and I feel the energy level of the room. It was a "Sleepy Sunday Afternoon After Lunch Close to Nap-time Level" . I asked if they would like to do jumping jacks or walk around the building. I actually got a few smiles on that one. VICTORY.

This is part of the semester where you really start disliking classes as a whole. No, not all the students just the class itself. I actually really like a few of the students as individuals in that class. But as a whole, something is just off. Likely, it's all me (no, I don't really believe that).  I have two of my five like that. However, the other three are great (really) so that's a good thing - thankfully, I always end each day with a good groups of students.

Saturday we were in Costco near the meat. There was a huge meat thing (no idea what it was but it was about 3 feet long). I looked at my four-year-old and held it up,  "Hey, E, look, human leg!" E, looking concerned, "Really?". "No, we don't eat humans. Would you want to eat a person?" Without missing a beat, "A dead person."  Five second pause, "...if I was an animal."  My weird little girl!! So proud. :)

Stuck in my head all day long. So, so good. Basically what I want my rock music to be:




Last night I read through Book 67 (on women and marriage) of the Sahih al-Bukhari.

And I have three words to say:

HOLY CORN DOG.

I will have more, much more to say on this doozie collection of hadiths. I have to say most Muslims I have meet are either living with a horrible case of repression, disconnection or ignorance (or they actually believe this stuff).

Before you read the excerpt take this short quiz.

Muhammad is about to describe who he saw in hell as "the majority of its dwellers". Guess which of the following were roasting the most?

A) Rich People
B) Women
C) Hypocrites
D) Disbelievers 

Your answer.....

He said, "I saw Paradise (or Paradise was shown to me), and I stretched my hand to pluck a bunch (of grapes), and had I plucked it, you would have eaten of it as long as this world exists. Then I saw the (Hell) Fire, and I have never before, seen such a horrible sight as that, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women." The people asked, "O Allah's Messenger ()! What is the reason for that?" He replied, "Because of their ungratefulness." It was said. "Do they disbelieve in Allah (are they ungrateful to Allah)?" He replied, "They are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors done to them. Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she seems some harshness from you, she will say, "I have never seen any good from you.' "

Now this tradition is mentioned 2-3 additional times in the hadith from different witnesses.  In my understanding, this confirms that the saying is more reliable and deemed more authentic as compared to a source that is only recorded once in the collection or by one witness.

I got to watch some TV to relax -- I've been online for TOO long tonight. Best wishes, eat well and don't forget to always turn your blinkers on when changing lanes.

Goodnight sweet internet.

Mohammad and Jesus: A Case Study in Forgiveness

I used to think that underlying all the surface differences between religions (at least those with a belief in a god) was one important similarity. I believed at the core of every successful religion was the belief in a purposeful, loving, creator God. And I found just that depiction of God in two of the major world faiths, Christianity and Hinduism. However, this winter my fears and doubts about Islam were confirmed - it is fundamentally a different kind of faith.

This past holiday break I began a quest to re-edit our course selection of the Qur'an for our Introduction to the Humanities class. This meant I finally put in the time to finish reading the Qur'an, researched various translations, went to pro-Islam sites, anti-Islam sites, academic websites, watched videos, trawled Wikipedia and basically spent a lot of time and thought on Islam and the Qur'an. It was interesting but honestly tough to go through.

Let me begin by stating I respect Muslims. Heck, I lived like a Muslim two years ago for one week (admittedly, it was a mixed bag of success). I find the dedication to prayer and fasting a beautiful thing. The sense of community Muslims have here in the US is impressive - I have visited one of our local mosques a few times and I have always come away enriched by the whole experience. Additionally, I do not think the Qur'an justifies terrorism in any form. Only when the text is taken out of context can the book be used to justify violence toward those who are unbelievers (and even then it wouldn't be a call to kill non-combatants either). This isn't to say there aren't issues with violence in the book or the faith as a whole (as Muslims have used "Islamic law" to promote violence). However, the Qur'an itself creates a well developed "just war" theory. War is to be limited and only allowed in certain situations. 

All that said, the more I have learned about Islam and the Qur'an the more I find the faith troubling in numerous ways. I don't necessarily mean in the ways you might expect (i.e., terrorism) but in the conception of God itself. The Qur'an displays a God that is brutal, heart-hardening, punishing (and ultimately) a hateful God. Humans do not have complete free will once you have "rejected" God, there is little promise for forgiveness, as he will harden your heart:

“Surely, those who disbelieve and did wrong; God will not forgive them, nor will He guide them to any way except the way of Hell, to dwell therein forever.” (Qur'an 4:168-169)

Note: All my quotes are double-checked for fairness and accuracy. In this case both this quote above and the one below are not taken out of context and are representative of the Qur'an's discussion on free will and hell.

As an added bonus, once in hell, your punishment will be quite horrifying and torturous beyond your imagination. It's all narrated in the most terrifying detail:

“And you will see the criminals that Day bound together in shackles, their garments of liquid pitch (melted copper) and their faces covered by the Fire.” (Qur'an 14:49-50)

                                            Well, at least they give you shorts in hell.


In my research, I kept a narrow focus to Islam, the Qur'an and a little bit on Mohammad and his family. My translation was a part of the Oxford World's Classics series, translated by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem. The translation itself is quite poetic (especially compared to other English translations) and is quite clear. Haleem's introduction and introductory notes for each sura are indispensable. Haleem puts each sura in a historical context for the readers that is necessary for understanding a difficult text for those of us born outside an Islamic culture. I purposefully steered clear from hadiths to narrow my scope. However, one evening after reading an anti-Islam website, I saw a story about Mohammad and an "adulteress" woman that caught my attention.

For those who aren't familiar with hadiths - hadiths are stories or sayings of Mohammad. They aren't considered scripture (as each hadith may or may not be verified or trustworthy as other hadiths). However, they are extremely important in Islamic life, especially where the Qur'an is vague or silent on an issue. They have had a vast influence on Islamic law.

Anyway, back to the hadith that caught my attention. When I first read this particular hadith, I frankly couldn't and didn't believe it. I am a liberal after all, I believed the stonings that still happen today were a result of culture, not the religion itself.

Absolutely terrifying and horrible.

Besides, this was coming from some anti-Islam extremist. However, after more web research I finally found the hadith number and the reference. The hadith is hosted on a neutral academic site which finally led me to accept the fact that I had already known: Islam is vastly different from Christianity. Grace, forgiveness as understood by Christians is a foreign concept to Muslims. The obvious parallel to this hadith is the story of Jesus and the adulteress that was about to be stoned in the gospel of John. If there was a story to encapsulate the differences between the two faiths, it can be found in these two stories. First, here's the hadith of Mohammad:

http://www.cmje.org/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/017-smt.php

Book 017, Number 4207:

"Imran b. Husain reported that a woman from Juhaina came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and she had become pregnant because of adultery. She said: Allah's Apostle, I have done something for which (prescribed punishment) must be imposed upon me, so impose that. Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) called her master and said: Treat her well, and when she delivers bring her to me. He did accordingly. Then Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) pronounced judgment about her and her clothes were tied around her and then he commanded and she was stoned to death. He then prayed over her (dead body). Thereupon Umar said to him: Allah's Apostle, you offer prayer for her, whereas she had committed adultery! Thereupon he said: She has made such a repentance that if it were to be divided among seventy men of Medina, it would be enough. Have you found any repentance better than this that she sacrificed her life for Allah, the Majestic?"



This hadith brings up interesting issues concerning hadiths (especially if I was a believing Muslim). First I want to note that the woman comes to Mohammad asking for punishment. According to the Qur'an (24:2) the prescribed punishment for adultery is 100 lashes on the back (ouch). Maybe she already knew that, maybe she didn't. Maybe, if I'm going to be fair-minded beyond what I need to be- maybe Muhammad hadn't received that "revelation" just yet. Either way, it's clear the woman's intentions are noble and brave as she is seeking forgiveness with the person in her community with the most authority (not to mention he's got the total "in" with God).

Mohammad sends her off to take care of her growing baby only to have her come back and be executed for her sin - this act is accepted without question and believed to be necessary in order for true repentance and forgiveness to take place. Being humiliated in front of the community's leaders is not enough, nor is simply asking for forgiveness to God enough. What the woman thought of the ordeal after her initial confession is left to our imaginations. Physical punishment is the atoning act - there can be no other option.

Maybe, you're a Qur'anist (and if I were Muslim I would be) - you ditch the whole story and call it for what it is (hogwash). Still, the story is indicative of the faith proclaimed in the Qur'an. The story reflects the elements already in the Qur'an - it doesn't have to be true to be "true". The threats of hell that exist on almost every page in the Qur'an show that violence is the prescribed punishment for sin. Forgiveness isn't cheap in the Qur'an.

Some of this can be explained by the Middle Eastern preoccupation with shame and dishonor (themes that if you really squint can see hints of in the gospels). Adultery produces shame and dishonor and the only way it can truly be eradicated is by punishment.


Now let's visit the famous passage from John 8. Like the concept of hadiths, it has it's own problems of verification (as it's not in the earliest manuscripts of the John)...we'll get to that in a little bit...here's the story:

From John 8: 2-11:

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

In this story the woman isn't nobly coming before Jesus asking for forgiveness - she's caught in the act (if we take the men at their word). Making matters worse, she's playing the bait in a game to trap a (possibly) religious nut - she must be just as scared out of her mind as the other woman in the other story was (or will be, as in theory, this happens about six hundred years before the Islamic story does...you get the point, right?).

Jesus (as he often does) answers a question with a challenge - we can sit in judgement only if we have no sin of our own. From a Christian perspective, mercy comes from God and while I am on earth, I can't judge because I am no better than anyone else. I'm screwed up, just as much as they are (See also Matthew 7).

However, there is a similarity that Christianity and Islam share. Traditionally, Christians have believed in a fiery, violent tortuous afterlife as well. Of course, I don't prescribe to that particular poor exegesis but that's a story for another post. The point is, forgiveness isn't cheap in Christianity either. In fact, it's already accomplished by the cross. In order to repent, you don't have to be stoned. 

The fact is this story is a late addition to the gospels and it most likely circulated orally for decades in some form before being written down here in John. Maybe, just maybe it's not even true (although it sure as heck makes a great scene in The Last Temptation)....but it's still "true" in its reflections of the message of Christ. The real miracle is that the God of the New Testament believes in grace - all that is "required" for the woman is to "go...and leave your life of sin".

In some sense, the demand is the same in both stories - your life in exchange for forgiveness. For Jesus, this didn't mean your life in a physical sense (although your faith may cost your physical life). The fact is, if I know I am truly forgiven, it means I act upon that fact and live a life towards Christ-consciousness. I am thankful I can work to bring the Kingdom a little closer to earth. I'm already forgiven.

This post isn't about judging Islam or Muslims. I only wanted to contrast where the two faiths split - these differences are real and do change the way believers of their respective faiths see themselves and others. I see much hope in the Qur'anist movement and in my fellow American Muslims to help reform global Islam.

Postscript: I had three Muslim women speak during two of my intro classes today. During the break I asked two of them about this hadith and it's inconsistency with the Qur'an's teaching on adultery. They saw no inconsistency. She said the hadiths and the Qur'an were "harmonious" and that the woman wanted to be stoned to be forgiven in this life - rather than face punishment in the next. When I asked could she have been forgiven without the stoning - she said yes. Which at this point, begs the question, why get stoned then? She said it "broke Mohammed's heart" to do that, and that he didn't want to do it (which clearly is reading into the text). I said, I could understand if someone wanted to be killed (even if I think this is highly unlikely, let's go with it) - I said I have a big problem with someone taking these stories as "law" and forcing "forgiveness" by murdering the woman - which  seems much more like brutal punishment rather than atonement. At any rate, it goes to show me that people pretty much believe what they want.  They were very nice though and I learned a thing or two myself.

Fragments Here, There and Everywhere

Talking about Buddhism in class today, I was discussing "healthy" attachments and "unhealthy" attachments, which led me to a discussion on stalkers. I fell into my odd habit of taking the voice of point of view I am talking about, (in this case "I know she loves me, if only she can understand how much I love her", etc.)  this led my students to laugh and made me remark that I might be performing my bit "a little too convincingly". I did note I thought every guy in the class had at least driven by someone's house after a breakup at least once. I said anyone who hasn't just "isn't romantic" - which someone said that that might be considered creepy, of which I replied the line between creepy and romantic is a very thin one.

Days like today remind me why I love teaching. I felt "on" like I haven't in a long time.

Thinking about why God created humans and thinking about why I had children...are there similarities?

Quickly read through two books the past week - The Crescent Through the Eyes of the Cross and the graphic novel, Persepolis. The first not too shabby - and in the context of evangelist Christian books - it's amazing. The author is a Arab Christian and he treats Islam with respect and dignity (that it deserves)  while also having a distinct Christian point of view. Wasn't sure if I was going to learn something about Islam but I did.


Persepolis was great - couldn't put it down - I will have to check out part two soon. I was interested in assigning this in my Intro to Humanities class or a Eastern Cultures class but I don't think it has enough on Iran or on Islam in the book...but highly recommended for graphic novel folks.

Hunger Banquet tomorrow...need my beauty rest. G'night to all.

Oh Hell...

The last five years I have become more and more interested in the concept of hell. After much reading, reflection, thought (and not enough prayer) I pretty much have come to the conclusion (about three years ago) that I don't believe in the traditional Christian understanding of "hell".  These are based on the biblical texts themselves as well as logic and my understanding of the nature of God. Eventually, I'll write a blog post on this.

The last few days I started reading the Qur'an again. I am on a quest to finish the entire book but I typically get off track after a few weeks every time. I am about 25% in it and I just started again. This time the concept of hell just kept jumping out at me. 

If you're into hell, you're gonna love the Qur'an. If you thought the Christian idea of hell was gory (the "lake of fire", gnashing of teeth, etc.) take a gander at this from wikipedia:

"The Quran and Sunnah offer detailed descriptions of the methods of torture in jahannam. The Quran states the punishments will be: the burning of skin, only to be replaced for reburning; garments of fire will be worn, and boiling water will scald the skin and internal organs;faces on fire;lips burnt off; backs on fire; roasting from side to side; faces dragged along fire; bound in yokes then dragged through boiling water and fire"

Had enough?

I've always found the medieval artistic depictions of hell to be not only insanely horrifying but detailed enough to keep 13-year old boys entertained for minutes on end.

I can vouch for having (so far) personally read 3/4 of those examples given. Another personal favorite is the use of gold to brand those who have hoarded gold (9:34-35).

Completely and utterly horrifying. Making matters worse is that God seems to take delight in the whole ordeal, "That is what you get! Taste that!" (8:14). I should also note that the God of the Qur'an has a habit of hardening hearts and getting in the way of free will all together.

I write all this in confusion of how anyone can swallow this concept and still love and respect God at all.  I don't write this to disrespect Islam. I believe most Muslims to be respectful, moral and good people. Many of the traditions and teachings of Islam are beautiful (granted there's also some not related to hell that I am also disturbed by).  Heck, last summer, I "lived" like a Muslim for a week (with admittedly mixed results).  Basically every Muslim I have ever met has been friendly and nice. That's not what I can say for all the Christians I know! I'm not letting Christianity off the hook either - this isn't about proving Christianity to be "better" than Islam (even if it's my belief system).

The concept of hell (as it's generally taught today) is a moral quandary that has to be addressed by all serious believers.

I write this knowing there are millions living in fear of this kind of God. Millions are closed off from religion because they believe that a God that allows an eternal hell doesn't deserve their worship or a relationship.  Any God torturing humans forever - can't be a God of love but only of judgement and violence. As for me, I stand hopeful that the Bible is right - God really is love (1 John 4:8) and as Paul says, "love never fails" (1 Cor 13:8).

One Week As A Muslim: Days 6 & 7

I finished up my week as a Muslim and I gotta say the ending of this experiment was a unmitigated disaster.

I would love to give you the blow by blow - but we spent the weekend in a whirlwind of cleaning and doing other stuff required by Father's Day activities that would make your little head spin. The truth is I can barely remember last Thursday, let alone Friday-Saturday (Sunday is actually pretty clear).

It ended with a few prayers on day six and zero, count 'em ZERO on day seven. Technically, it shouldn't even count. I suppose I didn't eat pork on Sunday.

If you consider the thinking, the writing, the planning, and the guilt it feels like I've been meditating on being a Muslim for freakin' month.

List of Things I Learned in one week as a Muslim

Pork is everywhere and more tempting than you might think.

It's hard to get up before 5:00 in the morning, and I consider myself kinda of a morning person

Kids screaming during prayers - makes it difficult to think.

When praying on the floor, check for ants or other bugs that bite.

Being a secret Muslim requires patience and good planning.


Seriously, when I get a little more time I want to write a little more reflective piece on my experiences.

So, I leave thee with bated breath, waiting upon my pontifications of wisdom and charm.

One Week as A Muslim: Days 4 & 5

Days 4 and 5 have come and (almost gone).

I just have to admit it, I am not good at this.

I started off by missing my morning prayer on day four. It's been such a long and eventful two days, that I've even forgotten how that happened. I prayed at work my Dhuhr prayer (around 1:35) and was stung by ants crawling on the floor (the fiends!). I got home right at 5:00 and purposely did not pray because it was 5:00 and my daughters wanted to play and I had to prepare dinner and get them in bed by myself. I was back at for the last two prayers of the day.

Today, I AGAIN missed the morning prayer. This time the cat woke me up at 4:10 - I had to throw her in the garage and I thought, "just as I fall asleep my alarm is going to go off; what am I doing anyway?; I'm not really Muslim...I can make the prayer up at work". Just like that I shut off the alarm...

To my credit, I didn't fall asleep until after 4:40 (yeah, I keep track of stuff like that) and I did do my morning prayer at work. Even still, it felt like I was cheating.

I missed the afternoon prayer this time because I was CRAZY busy helping with registration. I felt guilty leaving my post...that's the simple truth. I should have but this time I thought, "It's not like I have any readers anyway". Um-huh, my internal voice actually said that. But I avoided the pepperoni pizza (boy, was I tempted - absentmindedly, I even had placed it on my plate...but replaced it with a dried up cheese slice).

But I haven't missed a prayer since (the house was briefly empty when I got home) I have to pray again shortly, but plan on doing so.

Look, maybe it's a little presumptuous but today I came up with a much better schedule for prayer (forgive me Allah)

Morning: Whenever you wake up
Mid-Morning: 10:25 (if you wake up after this point, you can make it up later in the day)
Afternoon: 2:25
((Mid-Afternoon Make-up (only if you missed the mid-morning prayer due to a late start): 3:45))
Early Evening: 7:25
Night: Before you go to bed

I like it because it would be spaced out a bit more and it would provide you time to pray at work, when you need it (at least when I need it most!).

Anyway, I'm not changing the game mid-stream just trying to think about what I would have set-up if it was all up to me.

Serious Reflection Time: So, what impact has prayer had on me so far?


It's hard to measure, although I have definitely prayed more than I ever have in my life. At least three times during the day I am making personal prayers to God. I have been focusing on our upcoming adoption and our child's birth mother - but also on our upcoming service project I am organizing.

It's made me even more appreciative than I already was....just reciting, "and my cup overflows" a few times a day is awesome. Reciting really does help you start to believe what you're saying. I thought the prayer might get remote or ritual-like but it has surprisingly stayed fresh. I really try to "feel" what I'm saying.

Never a big fan of even hinting at the "health and wealth" gospel - but I can truly say that this week has led me to realize that I believe "surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life".

Interlude from Joel Osteen: "Ya know it might not have worked for you, but it did for me...check out all this cool, expenisive leopard print stuff.

On the surface it sounds pompous or even arrogant but when I reflect on it; I find it to be true. In a literal sense, I will be a father of three children, I'm married to a wonderful wife and have a wonderful family (in-laws included). Furthermore, I've got some great friends, our church family is great and I love my job. I believe that even when these variables change....I will still be surrounded by love. Furthermore, I will always be journeying with God for the rest of my life. God's love will suffice through all the good and all the hard times to come. In the coming days I write up a little more commentary on these verses I've been reciting....I never thought just simply repeating words would do so much.

One Week As A Muslim: Day 3: Imagining "God"

After the total failure of last week, I was back in the saddle again as a "Muslim".

Once again, I was back up before dawn and found it surprisingly easier than before. I recited my prayer without the print out and was tuned in as if I didn't skip a beat (falling back to sleep is always a little bit of an issue but still not too bad).

While I've gotten better at my recitation - one aspect of the prayer gives me pause. During the prostration you are supposed to "reflect on the glory of God" or something like that. As described elsewhere it this is the nonverbal part of the prayer - the most vague - I have the hardest time with.

If you say the word "God" to most westerner's you usually get 1-2 images that come to mind. One is the classic old man with a beard in a white robe. The other image is the stereotypical image of Jesus. In my case, my image of God comes from the picture printed on the inside of my Bible I had as a child. Ya know the one, he's on the cross, nearly naked, looking like he's in pain - bearded, long hair, etc. When someone says, "God"; that's usually the image that comes to mind.

So at 4:58 in the morning I find myself prostrated trying to reflect on the glory of God...and I got....nothing. Sometimes that picture of Jesus pops into my head. Other times I picture photos from the Hubbell telescope. Otherwise, my mind acts like it does during meditation. Meaning, it's here or there but not really focused (I had a really good meditation session once - but that's a different post for another night).

In Islam, the depiction of God is prohibited. If you visit a mosque or Islamic Center - you'll find relatively bare walls with the only decoration being Arabic calligraphy with verses from the Qur'an. When you Google "Allah" a bunch of images of the word "Allah" come at you.

Example Above: Way too afraid to make a joke.

 Is this what Muslims see in their mind's eye when they hear the word "Allah"?


Also interesting is that images of the word "Allah" can be seen in the darnest places (much like the Virgin Mary) - "Allah" in the clouds, "Allah" in the water and my favorites, "Allah"on a piece of (disputed) fruit;  "Allah" on a cow.

Can't wait to see "Allah" & the Virgin Mary on same pizza someday.

Anyway, back on topic - I think Islam has the right idea. Humans are always trying to make God more recognizable, or familiar. In many ways, this can be a good thing but on the other hand, God can't be and shouldn't be put in a box. While I might believe God's consciousness or form was temporarily in human form - "God" transcends outside the realm of human existence. God is neither male nor female, body nor spirit - God transcends all earthly ideas of life itself - leaving humans with our limited imaginations of what God might be.

So, I'll be working on what to say, think or imagine in the coming days....in the end, I'd like to think God believes it's the thought that counts.

Guilt and Loathing in The Lost Weekend As a Muslim

The whirlwind of days 3-6 are just about over (two hours and counting) and my "Muslim" faith didn't survive.

I have a truckload of excuses. We were getting ready for our massive garage sale fundraiser all day and all-night Friday (and believe me the work required was massive). I was literally doing something all day Friday-Sunday. There were no breaks and I managed 4 hours sleep on Friday.

I could chalk it up to bad timing....but really, the truth is, I've failed.

weird, huh? that's kinda how i felt though.

I haven't had one prayer since early Thursday evening or early Friday (I can't even remember it feels like years ago). When I wasn't busy - I could start to feel the guilt setting in. I've heard of Catholic guilt but I gotta say, Muslim guilt could be pretty bad. I could Google it, but I'm too tired. If I had readers, maybe they could look it up for me.

SERIOUS SIDENOTE: how do these bloggers do it?  I mean seriously?!!??

Saturday was the crescendo of it all. I was physically beat and I actually felt almost all of my near 33 years (on a daily level I feel between 27-29 and a half years).

I feel asleep on the couch reading right after I tucked our oldest in at about 9:00. I knew I wasn't waking up at 4:50 in the morning. I was already been deflated and defeated.

Sunday came and church and lawn work followed (as we were having people over and the back yard looked like a jungle)....anyway, today I went to work and faced the first day of registration on my feet for most of day.

I just keep thinking, "I can't believe I gave up on all this after TWO measly days". two - days and I was toast.

So, I am restarting this experiment tomorrow morning. It was definitely a rough patch. I could give up and call it a day...after all, this is a "fragment" blog. So, I am restarting day three tomorrow and submitted all over again (takes a deep breath).

One Week As A Muslim: Day 2

Day two was relatively successful. My prayers went off without a hitch (well, except the 8:30 PM) but that was a bit of foreshadowing to say the least.


During day two, I had my prayers down pat. I could recite most of it mindfully and really reflect on what I was saying. I could feel myself actually feeling....wait for it.... spiritual at times. A peaceful reassurance when reading Psalm 23; while a desire to submit and follow with the "Lord's Prayer".

At work, I found myself trapped furthest from the door at a packed-to-the-gills meeting (literally 75+ in a room meant for 25 or 30 at the max). I had to quietly get out before my afternoon prayer - which made for a slightly uncomfortable and more visible exit than I would have preferred.

I found an empty room again, but once again, found myself looking at the door, waiting to be "outed" as a secret Muslim (imagine how Obama must feel).

Little Known Fact: Our last 11 presidents have all been secret Muslims - "W" even kissed this guy - what a homo.

That evening I came home right at 5:00 and had to quickly prepare for prayer. This didn't go over too well. While my wife was and is extremely accommodating for such a weird guy - my 18 month old-daughter certainly doesn't get it. She came into the room as I was praying (unknown to my wife) - I continued to pray and placed her on our bed (she loves climbing on anything). When Kathryn discovered her, she took her out which; of course resulted in a screaming fit. Needless to say the rest of my prayer was rushed and not, as they say, "centered".

Topping the day off we ate at an "Persian" restaurant near our home (owned by Iraqi's). It was definitely fun and my daughters enjoyed watching strangely familiar music videos from the Middle East. It's like the late-80's-early 90's style music videos never really died...they just took root in a different part of the world.

Fact: This video was based on a real experince. If you see a person appearing as a sketch, you've just broken the fourth demension.

I totally forgot about the 8:30 prayer as I was immersed in baking cookies for our upcoming adoption fundraising garage sale. As I hit the sack late on Thursday, I was tired....little did I know my little successful run was about to be broken.

One Week As A Muslim: Day 1

After two missteps, my one week journey as a Muslim finally began today.

After my cell phone alarm had me up at 4:50 - I went to the kitchen sink to begin the wudu cleansing rituals. These rituals can only be described as, well, literally symbolic. While you physically clean yourself; the point isn't physical cleanliness but rather a spiritual cleansing before praying to God. I felt a little divided about wudu this early in the morning. On one hand, I like the idea of preparing myself before praying but then again its 4:50 in the morning and the process will be waking me up more than I would ever want to be.


I started with my hands, nostrils, mouth, face, arms (up to my elbows) and finally my feet (up to my ankles). All this was repeated three times. I later found out I was practicing Sunnah traditions, which are based on the Sunni Hadiths.  Admittedly, wudu did its job - I felt fresh and wide awake after I was done.

This would have been nice, but I stretch well - I hope the wife doesn't mind my feet near the kitchen sink! :)

I started my recitation (again, I am reciting from my faith tradition using the 23rd Psalms and the Lord's Prayer) and completed two rakats (two prayer cycles) before heading back to bed.

Of course, my body was ready to start the day. I probably didn't drift off until about 5:30. Thankfully, our oldest only got up at 6:30 and stayed in her "Quiet Time" for the full 30 minutes until 7:00AM. Needless to say I was ready for my coffee at that point.

I went along with my day as usual; I left for work around 8:00ish and checked emails, made a few phone calls, got ready for my class, etc. My class will be conflicting with the afternoon prayer (Dhuhr) as it runs on MW from 11:00-1:45. Dhuhr usually happens between 1:32-1:35 PM. According to tradition, it's okay that I'm a little late - I am just supposed to make it up as soon as possible. So, after class and answering a few after-class questions, I headed upstairs back to my office. I thought I would check my email and find a vacant room (thankfully not as difficult to do in the summer semester). I got sidetracked by a friend...and then I remembered that I was already late with my prayer duties. I headed to the men's room for my wudu.

As I began cleaning myself in the public restroom for Dhuhr I began to feel a little self-conscious for the first time in my journey. I was worried someone might walk in as I was washing my arms up to my elbows. No one came in - but it definitely put me in the position of a Muslim here in the states. I began to appreciate the tension created by participating in a different belief system than the dominant culture.

Direct Link: http://www.mattbors.com/2008/07/muslim-in-america.html

I explored an area of our building that had a number of empty rooms. As I began my prayers in the corner of a darkened room, I nervously keep peeking towards to door when I heard the noise of nearby doors opening and closing or people walking by. I half-expected someone to burst in and discover me with my shoes off, bowing in prayer in the corner. I started to turn a computer on in case someone came in so that I could create a facade that I was checking something on the computer. However, I determined to just tell the truth if I was discovered.

When I got home, my family was at the in-law’s house (just around the corner) which allowed me peace and quiet for the Asr prayer (a little after 5:00 PM). I was expecting them any minute and rushed the whole process (this was definitely my worst prayer of the day). I slacked further at Maghrib (8:30ish PM) when I was making cookies for our garage sale adoption fundraiser and completely forgot. I remembered when Kathryn came home and started about 15 minutes late.

Finally my Isha prayer was a breeze because not only was it on-time but I hadn’t broken any of cleanliness traditions – I didn’t have to perform my wudu! What a relief for the last prayer of the day. I was definitely tuned in more than the others – I wasn’t tired, rushed or nervous someone would discover me and I was finally beginning to memorize my recitations.

My first day as “Muslim” was relatively successful. I haven’t explored the spiritual side of my experience so far, but I thought I would have plenty of time to do that in the future blog entries (after all, this is only day one of seven). I’m ready for Day 2!

One Week As A Muslim: -1 & -2 day as Muslim: Complete and Utter Failure

I was ready to start my week as a “Muslim” early Monday morning.

(See the prior post if you are confused for the details).

Sunday night I found myself dead tired from a long weekend out of town.  However, I was determined to go forward with the plan.

I had my prayer rituals printed out. I had my scripture picked out (I went with the old standards – Psalms 23 and the traditional “Lord’s Prayer” more on this later this week).

After we got the kids to bed, we cleaned the kitchen (we had left it dirty when we left for Austin). Then I got ready for the next day (the first day of the summer session) and fired off some important emails.  When we finally got into bed it was after midnight.  I told my wife, “no pain, no gain” and set my alarm for 4:50 – 10 minutes before Fajr, the first prayer of the day. This would give me enough time to perform the ritual wudu – which is the ritual cleaning of the hands, face, mouth, nostrils, arms and feet.

I suddenly awoke at 1:30 at the sound of our oldest (4 years old) crying. I might have dreamt this because when I checked on her she was fast asleep in bed.  As I dragged myself back to bed I felt as though the like the Tired Stick and been beaten over my head. I was groggy and out of it and with little thought – turned off my alarm.

I felt bad but knew I wasn’t physically ready after a long weekend. I made plans for Tuesday to be the day. This time I turned on the alarm – I was ready to go.  This time I awoke sometime at 5:30 – my alarm had gone off but the radio was so soft (as to not wake the wife) it hadn’t done it’s job. I had overslept Fajr by 40 minutes! In Islam you can make this up by praying around the time of sunrise (Shorook) around 6:30 but 6:30 at my house is “Go Time” and there would be no time for me to pray.

So, I will begin the process again tomorrow. This time around I will be using my cell phone alarm...although now I know why an adhan is needed because you can't accidentally oversleep.

Experiment in Living # 1: One Week as a Muslim

So I have decided to embark on a little experiment in living. In a few days or weeks (whenever I feel like I'm ready) I will live like a Muslim for one whole week.  I’m not converting to the Islamic faith – my entire experiment will be through the lens of Christian belief and practice (i.e., instead of reciting the first chapter from the Qur’an, I’ll be reciting a chapter from Psalms). My goal is to embrace what being a “Muslim” is – to submit to God. Here will be my basic rules:


*Practice Cleanliness traditions such as wudu (as this relates to prayer).


* Pray five times a day as prescribed in the Qur’an during the prescribed times (this can change daily but usually lands around the following times: 5:20ish, 6:30ish, 1:30ish, 5:10ish, 8:30ish and 9:50ish). This includes trying to find time to pray at work or whenever I may be.  Most prayer traditions will be followed.    


*I will not consume pork or alcohol (I’ll be doing a bit of cheating; as strictly speaking , Muslims should not eat any meat not killed properly by another Muslim)


*I will (or we will) try to dine at one of our "Persian" restaurants that week..(this one is just for fun more than anything).

So, between now and then, I will be selecting some prayer verses I will be reciting, memorizing them and studying the physical movements of prayer. 

Should have an update in about a week...or at least the night before I start this crazy experiment in living.