Thoughts and Prayers are the Inverse of the Gospel

Yes, this is "piling on".

Yes, "thoughts and prayers" has already jumped the shark.

Yes, senators and congresspeople are now saying things like, "our prayers are with...." because the phrase has moved from a joke to toxic in a few weeks.

That said, whatever will come post-"thoughts and prayers" will serve in its place, another empty platitude in the place of actual action.

And that's the point. Prayer is never a substitute for action.

Let's try out the parable of the Good Samaritan with thoughts and prayers....

A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead.^... But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. The Samaritan told the man, "You will be in my thoughts and prayers," and continued on his journey. 

Or how about this one....


 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me your thoughts.  I was a stranger and you prayed for me.  I was naked and you posted on social media.  I was sick and you felt sad. I was in prison and you felt bad for me.

Or how about one more... 

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”  They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “My thoughts and prayers are with this woman."

Thoughts and prayers in the place of action is the actually inverse of the gospel. It's heresy. The good news was not about platitudes and "feelings" but compassionate acts of love. 

Of course we should pray for those in mourning and for healing but when we only pray for healing and fail to actually act to prevent further pain, we make our Christian faith perverse. God works in mysterious ways, but never though the NRA.

Similarly, I have found many Christians blaming the fact that God is "banned" from schools. 

This t-shirt. This was obviously designed by an elderly person or a 11 year-old. Look at those fonts, and COMIC SANS. A prayer in COMIC SANS.

Who knew that God can be held out of a solidly built brick building? Is this like the silver bullets of theology? God is all knowing and all powerful....well, except in schools! It's bad theology and it's factually incorrect. Students can pray, bring their holy books and schools must make accommodations for religious groups and meetings after school hours. It's also a slap in the face of teachers living out the gospel with their actions. American Christianity has become a cult of fantasy and anti-science, of trusting politics and laws rather than changing hearts. Embracing "winning" over ethics and morals that were supposedly important. Evangelicals see themselves as victims, even though they are in the numerical majority. American Christianity is in its final fits of it's spiral of death. Death is ugly but the rebirth is necessary. May God save us from the Christians. 

(To cover my bases #notallChristians)

State of Mind

Sometimes I feel worn out.  The kids are in bed. The dishes aren't done but I am.

I don't mean just physically but mentally and spiritually. Lately, my spiritual life feels like I am running in place in one of those huge hamster wheels.

My actions show that I feel like God doesn't mind if I miss a prayer (or two or three or four). I feel disconnected from it all. This life has ups and downs and all arounds, and right now I'm in one of those ruts.

Frequently, I find my mind wandering to the future, never satisfying with what's right in front of me. Too busy to just be. Many people would be surprised to hear me say that because I am "in the moment" for most of my life. This is true for sometimes in moments with my children I am almost brought to tears of joy or beauty. When I am alone though, my mind betrays me.

The truth is, the future isn't better. The future might not exist at all. Now is better than the past and the future. It's all we have. The plans I make are just preparation. They should not be a substitute for living. If you are familiar with the Buddhist concept of mindfulness you know I just cribbed all that from my little bucket of Buddhist knowledge.

God, help me to see what's right in front of me.

I wanted to litter this little post with quotes from the Buddha and scripture and add a cute picture or two but it would just be for my pride's sake and plus, it's getting late.

Being mindful will help me be open to being closer to who God wants me to be. When I do pray, here's what I pray for.

Faith
Patience
Love of others especially my enemies
For the poor and helpless
To help those in need
Those in conflict areas of the world
For the scared and sick
To be a servant of others
All these characteristics to be in myself and family
To be where God wants us to be.

Sikh Center Fragments

I visited our local Sikh gurdwara (called a "Sikh Center") here in town about a month ago.

Here are the fragments:

I had called about two weeks prior to inquire about the best worship time to come to. It was an awkward phone call but I didn't let it dissuade me from coming. Most Sikhs I have met have all been friendly folks.

Besides, I was looking to expand my checklist.

 Here are the significant religious places/events I have experienced in life thus far:

• Buddhist Monastery - Chanting Service & Meal (Monks were from Thailand)
• Buddhist Meditation Center - Meditation Open House (a Shambala Center)
• Hindu Temple (Vaishnavism)
• Mosque (Islam, for those that don't know, Sunni for those scoring at home)
• Eid al-Fitr Celebration Dinner  (End of Islamic Ramadan - Turkish Cultural Center)
• Reformed Synagogue (however, I was not there for a worship service)

I arrived early for the two-hour service as I was meeting a few students there for an assignment they had to complete. It was a group six of us and we stood around in the parking lot for a few minutes waiting to see if any additional students would join us (they never did). As usual, I had forced myself into this situation. We all felt awkward but I had to be the leader and pretend I didn't.

This is the Khanda, the symbol of Sikhism. I think it's pretty obvious that Sikhism has the best symbol out of all the religions. It looks like something off of Star Wars. (Runner-up: Yin-Yang)

 
We arrived inside the lobby and took our shoes off. There was chanting going on in what seemed like the large open room right in front of us. I led us inside to find....just a women sitting on the floor alone. I realized we were listening to a speaker we had entered the "langar" the common area around the kitchen for eating after the service.

I approached the woman and found out her name was Regina and she wasn't a Sikh at all - but married to a Sikh that had immigrated here to the states from India. She came to the gurdwara every Sunday with her family (including her in-laws). She told us it was best if we covered our heads while inside the gurdwara as a sign of respect. I felt a little stupid for not knowing that ahead of time, but ya know, it all worked out. She led us to a drawer full of head coverings for men and scarfs for women. I chose a blue one and felt like a pirate. Turns out blue and orange are preferred colors for Sikhs.

She invited us to grab a bite to eat (some corn-bread-like stuffing cake stuff and some other Indian goodies). We were waiting for the 11:00 service to start but it was already 11:00 and about 20 people came out of the worship area into the room we were in. More people started filing in, old people, women with their beautiful saris and groups of kids, running around being kids.

It surprised me when I saw that about a third of the men didn't have a turban or beard.

Love the sense of humor of this t-shirt. I would wear it if I was from India, South Asia or the Middle East.

I had previously thought all Sikh men had to have beards. I knew all about the 5 K's (look it up, I'm too lazy to type it out for you).  It turns out a Sikh male is only required to follow the 5 K's (which includes not cutting hair and keeping your facial hair) only after baptism. Baptism is a choice and only when the believer is ready. So, there were some men even in their late 50's at the gurdwara that had not been baptized.

A little after 11:00 AM rolled around, we strolled into the worship hall, which was divided by gender.  It is similar to a mosque in that everyone sat on the floor. However, at the front of the room was a short stage where three musicians chanted and sung.  More importantly, at the center was a stage like area where the scared book of Sikhism the Guru Granth Sahib was presented. The entire service an older Sikh would wave a feather over the book (ya know, to keep it cool).

Yeah, like this, except imagine the dude fanning the book with a feather (of course, it's hot under all those blankets). Also, this is (obviously?) not my photo. I don't have the gall to take photos of people when they are in their sacred areas. It just feels wrong and awkward. And I usually I feel awkward enough as it is.

 
The only other male student in my group and I went straight to the back where most believers were seated at. At this point, they were all older men over the age of 65.  We found a spot against the wall, as that's what most of the early-birds were doing - getting the early bird seating. So, old people are all the same, no matter the culture.  Indeed, it was the most comfortable spot and that's a good thing because we were sitting there for over two hours.

The first 30 minutes was just one long song. Like one of those praise-and-worship songs that just goes on and on and on. Making it more difficult was the fact that I had no idea what was being sung.

Turns out the mind wanders when the entire service is in Punjabi.

I noticed a young couple that sat in the back together on the female side, breaking the division of gender in the room. No one seemed to mind but it seemed audacious to me all the same. I was like, yeah, man, I would be that Rebel Sikh guy, too. Fight the POWER. He was a baptized believer and his girlfriend/wife/partner was Anglo. I was going to talk with them later but felt a little too eager to talk with them and then it made me feel silly and maybe even a little racist as I felt like talking to them only because he had a Anglo girlfriend/wife/partner. So, I was lame and didn't.

One of the musicians spoke for a few minutes and then another long half hour song began.  Some parishioners seemed to quietly sing along, but the music was so loud I couldn't tell how many were singing along.

Finally, there was a sermon. I was left guessing what was being said. Mostly, to my foreign ears it sounded like rhetorical question after rhetorical question, with the accompanying pauses and the occasional eye-brow raising. He seemed like a seasoned pro - even watching him was a little entertaining. He got a few pleasant but authentic guffaws from his congregation from time to time.



So, the Sikh Center here in town is in a non-descript building but this the Golden Temple in Punjab. Why am I posting a picture of it? Because I can't do a whole post on Sikhism and not show a picture of this amazing building. It would be a internet sin.  This is definitely on my bucket list. It's also close to Dharamsala as well, which would be cool to check out. AHH - I gotta get to India-Nepal sometime in the next decade somehow.


Later, it was explained to us that the sermon was about loving God and all of God's creations, including our fellow man. To love others is to express one's love in God and for God. A pretty nice thought.

After the sermon, you guessed it, another SONG (which thankfully only ran for 15-20 minutes). This final song was followed by a prayer in which we all stood up. Standing up felt great after being on the ground for about 2 hours.  The prayer was issued and I prayed myself, hoping God was listening to the Sikhs around me. As you may or may not know, I am not one of those strict, mean old Christians but this got me thinking about the nature of God, prayer, the purpose of prayer and the importance of prayer on the believer.

Finally, after the prayer, a part of the service happened that was in English! Three children read from short essays they wrote about their "camp" experienced from a youth event they recently attended.  Good introductory Sikh stories that I actually already knew. We were formally welcomed and our names were read out loud and we stood up as they called our name. Then another prayer was said and sweet bread was passed around to all. It felt a little like communion.

The congregation was dismissed but a group of young Sikhs were quickly around us to welcome us and answer any questions we had. They were pretty cool and they helped answer the question I had about facial hair. I was also encouraged to hear that they hadn't really experienced any direct or explicit discrimination here in town.  I was pleased to hear that a group of Christians came by after the terrible shooting in Wisconsin to offer their support. I wished I had thought about doing that too.

It was then time to eat, while we were having our questions answered the congregation filed into the langar (or what Christians might call the "fellowship hall") for lunch. The Sikh tradition includes lunch after service for all. Everyone sat on the ground and servers came around with buckets of food.

Okay, this is from a gurdwara in Dubai but yeah, it looked like this. The only thing kinda weird was the bare feet so close to your plate. That sounds more gross than it was, it didn't bother me.

It was Indian vegetarian fare. Not bad. Lentils were very good, the other stuff was okay. However, when you get free food, everything tastes a little better.  The students that stuck around for lunch were (honestly) a little boring. I ended up walking over to Regina and talking with her and it got very interesting as she considers herself a Christian but still attends here every Sunday. She talked about feeling the Holy Spirit among the believers and wondered if I thought it could be possible. I couldn't complete my thought as her in-laws came by, as did her husband. It seemed like this conversation was for more Christian "insiders" than the whole fam from the look on Regina's face. After a short conversation it seemed like it was "time to go" (and much of the congregation was making for the exits). I hope to meet her again next semester, but my answer is yes, I think it's possible.

It was an interesting experience I was happy to participate in.  For me, I love "hands on" experiences with other religions and cultures. I look forward to another visit in the coming months.

The Formula to my Faith

Because nobody asked and there is no demand, here it is. A percent breakdown of how my patch-work faith is put together I  created while sitting at a child's birthday party under black lights.  

25% - Traditional Christianity   - I am an unabashed liberal in so many areas of my life but when God and Jesus are reduced to symbols…it bothers me. Some say these events really didn’t happen or that they are symbolically true…there may even be some truth in that. However, I believe in the historical accuracy of most of what is the recorded in the gospels (with some obvious examples of inclusions in the text). I believe Jesus actually defeated death and rose again…. otherwise, why am I doing this?  

25% - Liberal Christianity – While I am pretty traditional in my beliefs surrounding the gospels, everything else gets complicated.  I don’t believe everything literally happened in the Bible (nor do I think the author’s original intent in many cases was that it was supposed to be understood in a literal sense).  On the other hand, I don't believe everything is patently false either. I believe in evolution, I don’t believe in hell, I have problems with Paul, I am fine with women leadership and practicing homosexuals in the Church.

17% -Kierkegaard's Understanding of Faith – Faith and reason are not reconcilable in my book. There’s no need to attempt to do so, it only makes us look silly. Also, just because I don't understand 50% of what he writes doesn't mean I can't dig his concepts. 

12% - Historical Criticism – Some may claim foul here. I mean, this isn't a reason why I believe but without this tool in the tool chest, I wouldn't be a believer. We must put an ancient text in its historical context of culture and possible author motivations. Otherwise, we simply won’t understand the text clearly..  If the Bible is only understood “as is” it’s not half as impressive and you’re missing out on it’s true beauty.   

10% - Cosmological Argument – Look, it’s not convincing to some, but for me, it works.

5% - Pascal’s Wager – I mean, it makes sense. Besides, it's a fun little story. 

3% - Personal Experience - There have a been a few times that seem too good to be chance events. On the other hand, one can fool one’s self very easily.

2%  - Ontological Argument – eh, only here because an agnostic that I respect said it was the most convincing argument he had heard. That’s how much I respect him.  

1% - Hope in things unseen – Well, hope is a beautiful thing now isn’t it?

 

Well, there's this too but just wanting something can't make it true, nor would it be a good reason to believe in something. There's a lot of research that shows genetic predisposition to believe in religion (or not to believe).  I think my brain is split down the middle on that one.

That's all party people, keep it real and keep working it 'till the cows come home. 

The Problem with Truth

What is truth?

Lately the question has been kicking around in my life, so here I find myself typing out my thoughts.  When it comes to truth, I am no relativist.  I have little patience for those folks who believe all opinions, religions or cultures are all “equal” or “the same”.  I mean no one is stopping you from believing that way, but it’s just plain lazy.  

On the other hand, I think the Buddhist/Hindu/Jain story informs my point of view as well.The story goes like this… there were once six blind men that were taken to an elephant and asked to describe what an elephant was like. 

I know this looks and sounds like a mean fraternity prank.

Each of the six men had a different description of what an elephant was based upon where they stood in relation to the elephant. The man at the trunk was convinced an elephant was like a huge python, the man at the tusk believed an elephant was like a spear, the guy at the ear thought it was like a fan, etc., etc. Of course the point of the story is that none of the men were completely right and none of them were completely wrong. They each had a part of the truth but not the full truth. 

For Hindus, the "truth" (and for that matter, God) is too subjective (or in God's case incomprehensible) for anyone person to claim they can see the whole truth. Most people are like those blind guys, believing they know what the elephant is.  

When Buddha was asked by people what truth was, he was said to have been silent. Jesus was also silent when Pilate asked him what the truth was.  Maybe the question is just a big trap question. Maybe the truth about truth is that it's like the Tao, once you name it, you’ve lost it. 

..................

I am a Christian, so in theory, I am supposed to have a clue about the truth. On Sunday my pastor had a whole sermon on truth and Christianity. One of his points was that good, sincere people can be wrong about their beliefs.  One example was about  the woman who believed she could survive like a plant, off of only sunshine and water.  Yes, the story was true. 

In this particular case the woman was proved wrong by the simple fact that she almost died (she had to end her little experiment).  As silly and disturbing as her truth claim was, it could be verified in the here and now. She could be proved right or wrong.  

The "truth" is, religion kinda sucks as a truth claim.

Not too long ago, we had a visit from some Mormons in our house. They came by while I was doing yard work, so I set up an appointment with them the following week. After about 40 minutes about talking about the cross, Joseph Smith and the Book of Abraham, I finally asked them how they knew they were "right". One of them replied that they had prayed about it and they felt God had given them confirmation of the truth of The Book of Mormon. This is a standard Mormon line. They feel it's true, so therefore, it's true.

I asked him if he thought the Islamic terrorists "felt" they were "right".  He replied that yes, he thought that they believed they were following "God's will". If religion's truth is based on how you as an individual feel about it - isn't this a problem?  Even if I move beyond my "gut feelings" and I put my trust in the Bible, a church, a pastor, etc., you are still no better (although you might be better informed). Any given church may have misrepresented, mistranslated or even misunderstood "God's will" thus muddying the water even more.

This brings me to the idea of unfalsifiable beliefs. This is best explained by John Wisdom's Parable of the Invisible Gardner:

 "Two people return to their long neglected garden and find, among the weeds, that a few of the old plants are surprisingly vigorous. One says to the other, 'It must be that a gardener has been coming and doing something about these weeds.' The other disagrees and an argument ensues. They pitch their tents and set a watch. No gardener is ever seen. The believer wonders if there is an invisible gardener, so they patrol with bloodhounds but the bloodhounds never give a cry. Yet the believer remains unconvinced, and insists that the gardener is invisible, has no scent and gives no sound. The skeptic doesn't agree, and asks how a so-called invisible, intangible, elusive gardener differs from an imaginary gardener, or even no gardener at all."

This parable brings up some problems for all religious believers, as faith can’t be verified. It cannot be proved true (or false) in our lifetime.  One could say that some Christian claims might be able to be "proved" wrong by a discovery of an ancient artifact. However, many believers might question the authenticity or realiablity of any discovery thus undermining this claim of falsifiability. 

While falsifiability does prove to be a problem for the veracity of any truth claim, I don't think it sinks all religions. If the religion's truth claims can be proved likely to be not true at all (i.e. Mormonism) then, you have a clear case for disbelief.  However, I would posit that if God exists, a level of mystery would be needed in order to retain the moral free agency of people. Either way, I do find problems with discovering what the “truth” is from any religion’s point of view.

All this week I kept thinking about why my pastor’s sermon rubbed me the wrong way. What’s the problem with stating that Christians have “the truth”? I mean, I am a Christian after all, don’t I believe my own faith?

I guess that’s what it comes down to – faith.  For me, faith is ultimately a call for the believer to stop trying to answer what the “truth” is. Because once our faith is something you know as a fact then it’s not really faith anymore.  You cease to have free will and are only responding to something you have to respond to.   I am suspicious of people who seem to know it all.   

"You should never never doubt what no one is sure about"

Some people take comfort in answering life's riddles - they put their faith into a church or God or something else entirely. That way their doubts are silenced, their "truth" preserved.  My profession has honed my skills as a thinker - every question can be questioned, every query can be reversed to show another side. When I come up with an answer, a new question is then created. Maybe I am insane. Lately I've been consumed with doubt.

Authentic faith, like the pursuit of truth, requires authentic doubt. Questioning your beliefs or your faith isn’t just a burden, it’s a gift. That’s how Kierkegaard saw faith, as a miracle from God.  When Jacob wrestles and struggles with God he isn’t struck down by a lightening bolt, he is blessed. It is because of his struggle he gets the blessing.  

The more I struggle, the more I risk, the more I feel like this is the way it’s supposed to be. 

I guess my problem with claiming I have the truth is that in doing so, I am ignoring the fact that I have doubts about my truth claim. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe in my truth claim, it’s just it can’t be proved.  The idea that my truth claim is somehow better than the other blind guy trying to feel the elephant is a little silly.  So, we’ll just keep feeling together, hoping the elephant is really there.

Postscript: Just read an interview with the new pope and I thought he pretty much summed up this whole post a lot better than me:

"In this quest to seek and find God in all things there is still an area of uncertainty. There must be. If a person says that he met God with total certainty and is not touched by a margin of uncertainty, then this is not good. For me, this is an important key. If one has the answers to all the questions—that is the proof that God is not with him. It means that he is a false prophet using religion for himself. The great leaders of the people of God, like Moses, have always left room for doubt. You must leave room for the Lord, not for our certainties; we must be humble. Uncertainty is in every true discernment that is open to finding confirmation in spiritual consolation. Our life is not given to us like an opera libretto, in which all is written down; but it means going, walking, doing, searching, seeing … We must enter into the adventure of the quest for meeting God; we must let God search and encounter us."

Stories from Before the Big Bang.....

The other night I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking of the cosmological argument for God’s existence and the Big Bang.  Yes, these sorts of things keep me up at night from time to time as well as thinking about making an excel spreadsheet of my comics collection and fantasizing about quitting my job and doing something crazy like moving my family to the other side of the globe.   

 I'm a big fan of the whole school of thought, "we are a way for the universe to know itself". Sounds cool, ya know? Really without us or another sentient, conscious beings, the universe is a utterly pointless and meaningless affair.

Anyway, if you’re unfamiliar with the cosmological argument, here is one version:

1. Whatever begins to exist has a cause.
2. The Universe began to exist.
3. Therefore, the Universe had a cause.

Most believers point to the “cause” being God – although this itself is a leap of logic and faith.  The obvious weakness to this next leap is that if God started the universe and everything has a cause (per premise #1), then where did your “eternal” God come from?  It starts the whole argument over again. 

So this got me thinking what came about before the start of the universe?

Oh, that's clever.

I am reasonably sure I have thought about this before, but this particular evening, the idea stuck around in my head. I should state that I am way out of my depth here. Basically, my knowledge of the cosmos and philosophy can be fit into the palm of very small child. Maybe this is why I find it so fascinating because everything I read, I learn something.  Nonetheless, I will carry on because that’s what bloggers do (I  guess). 

I recently finished reading Klosterman’s Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (eh, it's alright) and in one section he rails against probability, stating that everything is 50/50. Either something is going to happen or it’s not.  Either it is or is not true, etc. etc. . Of course if you play with this idea enough it gets absurd:  Unicorns: 50/50, UFO’s: 50/50, Noah’s Ark: 50/50,  and so on and so forth. 

Even still, there is certain logic to it.  I am working under two assumptions here and they are basically clarifying the positions above:

1. We know the universe began
2. Something can’t come from nothing

If we are discussing the prehistory universe (and apparently there are whole books on this subject) then we find ourselves, whatever our position to be, in theoretical conjecture.  Is everything at this point 50/50? Maybe there are no odds at this point, just ideas that are variously silly, educated, absurd, realistic, obvious and troubling. I guess what I am trying to say is that something caused the universe into being. It was either on purpose or a happy accident.

So if it wasn’t God behind creation, what was it? Again, we are in theory, and this idea might be debunked or outdated, but, work with me people! Here’s one theory I found: 
 

“…the new view argues that our universe was created when two parallel "membranes" collided cataclysmically after evolving slowly in five-dimensional space over an exceedingly long period of time. These membranes, or "branes" as theorists call them, would have floated like sheets of paper through a fifth dimension that even scientists admit they find hard to picture intuitively..”

Sounds good.... but wait - where did the “branes” in the fifth dimension come from?  A common phrase I kept  reading on the web, was "asking what came before the Big Bang is like asking what is north of the North pole".  It was a common discussion point among atheists. Here's an interview with atheist Richard Dawkins by fundamentalist Hugh Hewitt:

HH: I’m talking about the whole cosmos. Where did that come from, 13 billion years ago?

RD: It came from the big bang, which is not a complex process. It’s a simple process.

HH: And what preceded the big bang?


RD: Well, physicists won’t answer that question. They will say that time itself began in the big bang, and so the question what preceded it is illegitimate.


HH: What do you think?


RD: I’m not enough of a physicist to understand what I’m saying, but I have to say that that’s what physicists say.


HH: So when you consider before the big bang, what does Richard Dawkins think was there?


RD: I don’t consider the question, because I recognize that it’s an intuitively appealing question. I recognize that I, along with everybody else, wants to ask that question. Then I talk to physicists who say you can no more ask what came before the big bang than you can ask what’s north of the North Pole.

Ironically, whether you go with the "God" answer or the "nothing" answer, they each share similarities in that the ultimate answer is of what was before the Big Bang is...well...don't ask, because the question itself can't be asked. When I asked a philosopher (who is a few offices down from me) about what happened before the Big Bang,  he noted that people don't like to hear that this question is basically unanswerable. Even if that really is the case after all.  Still, something bothers me about saying there was nothing (or "branes") that by sheer nature did something. 

It is likely that I am missing something at this point (either from philosophy or cosmology). Maybe the more refined question is to ask why is there something rather than nothing to begin with? 

From my perspective, both of these creation accounts are stories we tell ourselves.  We consume stories in film, television, in novels and in art. We repeat stories told in song and in our sacred books. It's like our brains can't accept anything without a definite start (and end?)  We're the story-telling animal. Personally, one's belief of disbelief shouldn't be centered on one argument alone so I take this whole exercise with a grain of salt. All that being said, at least tonight, I'll sleep a little better about the story I've adopted for my own.  
 

Death, Birds, Hope

My grandmother has pancreatic cancer and so I've been thinking about death a lot more lately. Death and oddly enough, birds.  

My grandma is on hospice care at home and we went to visit her last Saturday. Sure, she has looked better before but she was still herself; except she stayed in bed. She couldn't host us as she typically would have. She couldn't serve me her watery ice tea (I could never tell her I didn't like her tea) or cook her famous pot roast but all in all, given the circumstances, it felt pretty normal. It was a nice visit. 

As she lives a little over an hour away, the soonest we could come back was the following Friday.  In six measly days, she had changed completely. 

I was taken aback when I first walked into her room.  She looked as though she had lost 15 pounds from her 108-pound frame. The weight loss affected her face and her eyes were sunken in. I hate to say it but she looked .... well, bird-like. It was like being around a different person. Even her demeanor was different; less interaction, more of a blank stare, and more...silence. She hasn't eaten much and having a conversation takes more energy than she has in her reserve tank.

I found myself watching the "Dr. Oz" show with my grandma in silence alone.  The whole thing was surreal. My grandma is dying and we're watching Dr. Oz with our remaining time together. The thought occurred that I should take advantage of my time with her and chat.  I prepped her with questions about her courtship with my grandfather (who passed seven years ago). She struggled a little bit and I didn't catch every word but it went on for a few minutes and then....she got sick.

I felt awful. I know intellectually that maybe it wasn't my fault that she became ill but I still blamed myself.

Waiting for someone to die is a strange thing. I know it's not a unique situation but it's still new to me.

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My grandmother's mother washed the dead in her small Texas town for wakes or funerals. Her mother would bring the body into the house and wash them on the table. Yes, she would wash bodies on their own kitchen table. When my grandma was five or six, her father died and his body was brought into the house to be prepared. She saw his body and hid in the back of the house for a long time.
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My mother is frustrated that my grandmother doesn't want to talk much about it.  "It" of course, means talking about dying.  My grandmother is from the "Greatest Generation" and traditionally they aren't as open as Baby Boomers. She's always been no-nonsense and dying from cancer has made her a bit "stoic" as my mom sees it. But is she afraid? She's been a faithful Christian her entire life but what does she think, what is she feeling? 

I told her how much I loved her cherry pies and this barely got a half-smile. I counted that as my victory for the day. 

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My parents have been taking care of my grandmother often, which means I have to take care of my parent's pets and house when they are gone.  Their house backs up to a large wooded area and they have taken in three cats from "the wild" as their own.  In two of the last three days, one of the cats has killed a bird on the back porch. Just gutted the whole thing out - there were even blood stains on the concrete.  This isn't surprising, as cats kill birds all the time, but it gets your attention. 

Death and birds.

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Last night, I woke up numerous times, and with each lapse of consciousness, I was haunted by the memory of my grandma. 

How different she looked, how powerless we are, the pain she is feeling, and the emotions she can't or won't express. I wondered about my own death and how similar or different it might be. Any time I think about death, I think about God. And when I think about God, late at night, I always doubt. I begin to doubt that God exists or if there is any purpose in life, I doubt my feelings and my own experiences. 

I feel existential dread as I recognize the slow and inexorable wheel of time as it moves relentlessly forward every day of my life. The world is defined by its commitment to change, entire species and epochs have come and gone....for what end? One day you and I will be gone. One day, it's more than likely humanity will become extinct too.   I know this isn't an uncommon thought or concern but I wonder what the point of existence is anyway?  The pain, the mystery, the suffering, the wondering...the plan?

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A few days ago my family and I went to one of our favorite pizza restaurants to eat out and on the way out, I noticed a small dead bird that had died from running into the window. This happens all the time, millions of birds die every year around the world due to flying into windows. Still, the human brain is wired to recognize patterns..... so, there it was again, death and birds. 

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A few weeks ago a wren made a huge nest on our front door. There are six eggs. We have watched them grow, day by day. 

It was a welcome bit of hope in a troubled time. 

Mohammad and Jesus: A Case Study in Forgiveness

I used to think that underlying all the surface differences between religions (at least those with a belief in a god) was one important similarity. I believed at the core of every successful religion was the belief in a purposeful, loving, creator God. And I found just that depiction of God in two of the major world faiths, Christianity and Hinduism. However, this winter my fears and doubts about Islam were confirmed - it is fundamentally a different kind of faith.

This past holiday break I began a quest to re-edit our course selection of the Qur'an for our Introduction to the Humanities class. This meant I finally put in the time to finish reading the Qur'an, researched various translations, went to pro-Islam sites, anti-Islam sites, academic websites, watched videos, trawled Wikipedia and basically spent a lot of time and thought on Islam and the Qur'an. It was interesting but honestly tough to go through.

Let me begin by stating I respect Muslims. Heck, I lived like a Muslim two years ago for one week (admittedly, it was a mixed bag of success). I find the dedication to prayer and fasting a beautiful thing. The sense of community Muslims have here in the US is impressive - I have visited one of our local mosques a few times and I have always come away enriched by the whole experience. Additionally, I do not think the Qur'an justifies terrorism in any form. Only when the text is taken out of context can the book be used to justify violence toward those who are unbelievers (and even then it wouldn't be a call to kill non-combatants either). This isn't to say there aren't issues with violence in the book or the faith as a whole (as Muslims have used "Islamic law" to promote violence). However, the Qur'an itself creates a well developed "just war" theory. War is to be limited and only allowed in certain situations. 

All that said, the more I have learned about Islam and the Qur'an the more I find the faith troubling in numerous ways. I don't necessarily mean in the ways you might expect (i.e., terrorism) but in the conception of God itself. The Qur'an displays a God that is brutal, heart-hardening, punishing (and ultimately) a hateful God. Humans do not have complete free will once you have "rejected" God, there is little promise for forgiveness, as he will harden your heart:

“Surely, those who disbelieve and did wrong; God will not forgive them, nor will He guide them to any way except the way of Hell, to dwell therein forever.” (Qur'an 4:168-169)

Note: All my quotes are double-checked for fairness and accuracy. In this case both this quote above and the one below are not taken out of context and are representative of the Qur'an's discussion on free will and hell.

As an added bonus, once in hell, your punishment will be quite horrifying and torturous beyond your imagination. It's all narrated in the most terrifying detail:

“And you will see the criminals that Day bound together in shackles, their garments of liquid pitch (melted copper) and their faces covered by the Fire.” (Qur'an 14:49-50)

                                            Well, at least they give you shorts in hell.


In my research, I kept a narrow focus to Islam, the Qur'an and a little bit on Mohammad and his family. My translation was a part of the Oxford World's Classics series, translated by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem. The translation itself is quite poetic (especially compared to other English translations) and is quite clear. Haleem's introduction and introductory notes for each sura are indispensable. Haleem puts each sura in a historical context for the readers that is necessary for understanding a difficult text for those of us born outside an Islamic culture. I purposefully steered clear from hadiths to narrow my scope. However, one evening after reading an anti-Islam website, I saw a story about Mohammad and an "adulteress" woman that caught my attention.

For those who aren't familiar with hadiths - hadiths are stories or sayings of Mohammad. They aren't considered scripture (as each hadith may or may not be verified or trustworthy as other hadiths). However, they are extremely important in Islamic life, especially where the Qur'an is vague or silent on an issue. They have had a vast influence on Islamic law.

Anyway, back to the hadith that caught my attention. When I first read this particular hadith, I frankly couldn't and didn't believe it. I am a liberal after all, I believed the stonings that still happen today were a result of culture, not the religion itself.

Absolutely terrifying and horrible.

Besides, this was coming from some anti-Islam extremist. However, after more web research I finally found the hadith number and the reference. The hadith is hosted on a neutral academic site which finally led me to accept the fact that I had already known: Islam is vastly different from Christianity. Grace, forgiveness as understood by Christians is a foreign concept to Muslims. The obvious parallel to this hadith is the story of Jesus and the adulteress that was about to be stoned in the gospel of John. If there was a story to encapsulate the differences between the two faiths, it can be found in these two stories. First, here's the hadith of Mohammad:

http://www.cmje.org/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/017-smt.php

Book 017, Number 4207:

"Imran b. Husain reported that a woman from Juhaina came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and she had become pregnant because of adultery. She said: Allah's Apostle, I have done something for which (prescribed punishment) must be imposed upon me, so impose that. Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) called her master and said: Treat her well, and when she delivers bring her to me. He did accordingly. Then Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) pronounced judgment about her and her clothes were tied around her and then he commanded and she was stoned to death. He then prayed over her (dead body). Thereupon Umar said to him: Allah's Apostle, you offer prayer for her, whereas she had committed adultery! Thereupon he said: She has made such a repentance that if it were to be divided among seventy men of Medina, it would be enough. Have you found any repentance better than this that she sacrificed her life for Allah, the Majestic?"



This hadith brings up interesting issues concerning hadiths (especially if I was a believing Muslim). First I want to note that the woman comes to Mohammad asking for punishment. According to the Qur'an (24:2) the prescribed punishment for adultery is 100 lashes on the back (ouch). Maybe she already knew that, maybe she didn't. Maybe, if I'm going to be fair-minded beyond what I need to be- maybe Muhammad hadn't received that "revelation" just yet. Either way, it's clear the woman's intentions are noble and brave as she is seeking forgiveness with the person in her community with the most authority (not to mention he's got the total "in" with God).

Mohammad sends her off to take care of her growing baby only to have her come back and be executed for her sin - this act is accepted without question and believed to be necessary in order for true repentance and forgiveness to take place. Being humiliated in front of the community's leaders is not enough, nor is simply asking for forgiveness to God enough. What the woman thought of the ordeal after her initial confession is left to our imaginations. Physical punishment is the atoning act - there can be no other option.

Maybe, you're a Qur'anist (and if I were Muslim I would be) - you ditch the whole story and call it for what it is (hogwash). Still, the story is indicative of the faith proclaimed in the Qur'an. The story reflects the elements already in the Qur'an - it doesn't have to be true to be "true". The threats of hell that exist on almost every page in the Qur'an show that violence is the prescribed punishment for sin. Forgiveness isn't cheap in the Qur'an.

Some of this can be explained by the Middle Eastern preoccupation with shame and dishonor (themes that if you really squint can see hints of in the gospels). Adultery produces shame and dishonor and the only way it can truly be eradicated is by punishment.


Now let's visit the famous passage from John 8. Like the concept of hadiths, it has it's own problems of verification (as it's not in the earliest manuscripts of the John)...we'll get to that in a little bit...here's the story:

From John 8: 2-11:

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

In this story the woman isn't nobly coming before Jesus asking for forgiveness - she's caught in the act (if we take the men at their word). Making matters worse, she's playing the bait in a game to trap a (possibly) religious nut - she must be just as scared out of her mind as the other woman in the other story was (or will be, as in theory, this happens about six hundred years before the Islamic story does...you get the point, right?).

Jesus (as he often does) answers a question with a challenge - we can sit in judgement only if we have no sin of our own. From a Christian perspective, mercy comes from God and while I am on earth, I can't judge because I am no better than anyone else. I'm screwed up, just as much as they are (See also Matthew 7).

However, there is a similarity that Christianity and Islam share. Traditionally, Christians have believed in a fiery, violent tortuous afterlife as well. Of course, I don't prescribe to that particular poor exegesis but that's a story for another post. The point is, forgiveness isn't cheap in Christianity either. In fact, it's already accomplished by the cross. In order to repent, you don't have to be stoned. 

The fact is this story is a late addition to the gospels and it most likely circulated orally for decades in some form before being written down here in John. Maybe, just maybe it's not even true (although it sure as heck makes a great scene in The Last Temptation)....but it's still "true" in its reflections of the message of Christ. The real miracle is that the God of the New Testament believes in grace - all that is "required" for the woman is to "go...and leave your life of sin".

In some sense, the demand is the same in both stories - your life in exchange for forgiveness. For Jesus, this didn't mean your life in a physical sense (although your faith may cost your physical life). The fact is, if I know I am truly forgiven, it means I act upon that fact and live a life towards Christ-consciousness. I am thankful I can work to bring the Kingdom a little closer to earth. I'm already forgiven.

This post isn't about judging Islam or Muslims. I only wanted to contrast where the two faiths split - these differences are real and do change the way believers of their respective faiths see themselves and others. I see much hope in the Qur'anist movement and in my fellow American Muslims to help reform global Islam.

Postscript: I had three Muslim women speak during two of my intro classes today. During the break I asked two of them about this hadith and it's inconsistency with the Qur'an's teaching on adultery. They saw no inconsistency. She said the hadiths and the Qur'an were "harmonious" and that the woman wanted to be stoned to be forgiven in this life - rather than face punishment in the next. When I asked could she have been forgiven without the stoning - she said yes. Which at this point, begs the question, why get stoned then? She said it "broke Mohammed's heart" to do that, and that he didn't want to do it (which clearly is reading into the text). I said, I could understand if someone wanted to be killed (even if I think this is highly unlikely, let's go with it) - I said I have a big problem with someone taking these stories as "law" and forcing "forgiveness" by murdering the woman - which  seems much more like brutal punishment rather than atonement. At any rate, it goes to show me that people pretty much believe what they want.  They were very nice though and I learned a thing or two myself.