Wizard of Oz Fragments

I was in a local production of "The Wizard of Oz" this summer....here are the fragments.

My youngest daughter was in a production of "Annie" this past winter and she loved it. When she heard the same church theater group would be doing "The Wizard of Oz", she was determined to audition for a part again.  In fact, my other two kids got excited by the whole idea as well and decided to audition for "munchkins". 

I think I was sitting at the table goofing around with them, giving my "wizard" voice when they told me they wanted me to audition...in fact, they told me they wouldn't audition without me. I feigned a little that I wasn't interested, but it was mainly for self-protection.  I figured the director had someone else in mind, or there were politics involved.  That said, the kids were persistent in their begging, Besides, I figured it would be fun just to try out and make some memories with the kids.

At the audition they called up everyone, no matter the part and asked for us to the sing a little of the "Jolly Old Land of Oz" as a big a group. No problem. So far, I am acing this thing as I can read a little bit of music and can sing okay. Then, to my the horror, they asked for us to dance. I told them I was only trying out for  the role of Oz, but they insisted that they wanted to see what everyone could do.

There I was, the only grown man on stage, surrounded largely by girls under the age of 14, a couple of boys and a few older ladies. The director wanted to see if we could learn a quick dance routine on the spot and to put it into practice. To put it mildly,  I was terrible. So terrible that I just had to laugh while I was up there. They asked us to improvise our ending move and I ended up falling over, which got a few laughs. At least they could see I had a good attitude about the whole thing.

In the weeks prior to the audition, I had practiced a few lines at home given the availability of scripts online.  I focused my attention on the "award scene" in the aftermath of when Oz has been discovered and delivers awards and mini-monologues to Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion awards.




Frank Morgan's performance is inspired and just about, well, perfect. He is playful, wise and has a twinkle in his eye.  To step into such a beloved role and performance was intimidating.

It was obvious this was a perfect audition scene and when I practiced at home I used my  "Map Maker voice"....which requires a little explanation. As I have covered here, I am a storyteller for the kids and one my main characters for my stories is the Map Maker. Coincidentally he is also an old wizard and he has a strange accent that I created from somewhere in my strange head.  It's a almost English/North Eastern American thing and I am not quite sure where I picked it up from, but it's definitely fits the character. It's given with an older affect and honestly, people like the voice. In fact, I would guess most of the specific compliments given to me were about my voice for the character. 

While other actors auditioned for various parts, the director told me the "medals scene" would be the scene I would audition with, so I got a bit of practice in as well.  Finally, it was my turn and frankly,  I nailed it. I could tell I was doing well....but it just felt good and the director looked happy. I tried it with my regular voice a second time but that didn't work out too well. It seemed like the Map Maker and Oz were meant to be. As I stepped off the stage the director told me I would be one of the Oz's for sure....the productions are so popular, they double-cast all the lead roles.

So, that was that and I had been cast as a "lead" of a real stage production.

Of course, I've had a little experience on the stage from time to time, but nothing too fancy.  The last significant stage production I had been in was a mini-Christmas production for Christmas Eve service at church a few years ago. However, almost all my lines were pre-recorded, as the audience was supposed to hear my thoughts. There was practically no pressure, except to not trip on my own two feet.

My previous other roles included some church stuff in high school and my roles in "The Music Man" my senior year. I was one of the traveling salesmen (actually had the first line of the whole play), a towns-person and sang the town songs and was a dancer to the "Shipoopi" with my future wife! I can't believe I had to Google "Shipoopi" to figure out how to spell it. I will eventually blog about this experience but suffice to say I was very nervous for the first scene and after that I could just have fun and blend in with the rest of the cast. 

The kiddo's were also cast, E & H were munchkins and C was a Poppy flower and a Oz-ian citizen. It was a family affair!

While it was "only a church production" this church really offers some impressive stuff. The directors have worked in NYC and have actually done professional work.

I mean, check out my crazy head that was projected when I was Oz. Technology never fails to amaze me. This looked surprisingly professional. 

They had a total of eight shows, which meant all the leads would have four shows each.

So while I was a "lead" by strict definition, I had strange role. Two of my six scenes were pre-recorded and five of the six scenes are in the second act of the play. So while I was required to be at many Act I rehearsals, I had little to do but sit around and fret about my scene in Act I. Even when I got around to it, we would do it "one and done" style, as the director seemed to have supreme confidence in me. Besides, they had all sorts of stuff to get to for Dorthy and the others like singing and dancing, etc.

I didn't mind it all the downtime though, it was interesting to watch the show come together. Still, I was bit of an outsider. Almost all of our leads were in their 20's and in college, while I am an old man. Two exceptions were the other Oz (in his 50's) and one of the witches (in her mid- 40's). Mirroring my participation with the stage, I barely got to know them until we started rehearsing, while most of them had worked together at least a few times.

After the first few weeks of rehearsals on Act I, we finally dived into Act II. This was a welcome change but also, things started to move pretty fast. I was given one full day of  warning to record my big Oz head scenes. I didn't think it was a big deal as I knew my lines "OK" and I figured I was have multiple takes. No problem.

The next evening came and I went down early to have my face painted and record my scenes. If I am being honest, (and hey no one reads this blog anyway, so why not?)....it was pretty cool. On a technical side, I hated it. I don't like anything near my eyes but on practical side, it felt like I was in show business.

The best selfies are with make-up on.

The problem with only having a day's notice is that my memorization of the script was not that good. Especially when everyone is just staring at you and especially when you have a huge light directed into your face and you're not supposed to look anywhere but straight ahead. It was weird and I am obviously making excuses here....but I felt like I was choking. It was the first time I really started to doubt myself in the production.  If I was grading myself, I would give my performance a B but this is because the "producer" of the digital effect could combine my takes. I felt pretty bad about the whole thing but the director was fine and everyone was supportive and kind-hearted about the whole thing.

 After weeks of rehearsals, we were finally ready to open the show.  I was nervous, more nervous than I had originally expected. I was on the side-stage listening to Dorthy sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and realizing...this was it and there was no turning back. My first performance was so-so, but as someone later said, I got better each performance and it really felt that way. I mean, I could get technical - my first scene the third night was the best while my last scenes on the fourth night was the best ya know, no one but me could even sense a difference.

A few photos from my scene as Professor Marvel in Act I. Act I was in gray or "black and white" to mirror the film. It was a cool idea.

My favorite part of the whole endeavor was adding something different each night. One night, it was a mistake, but both "Dorthy" and I found our way back as we both knew the script. Dorthy was great -  talented, professional in demeanor and had a great attitude.  She also seemed like a great person off stage too. Being that the majority of my lines come with Dorthy, it was fortunate that we had a little chemistry.

In my first scene, Dorthy has run away from home when she meets Professor Marvel. Once Marvel figures out what's going on, he tries to "con" her back home. This is such fun character type to play - the con man with a heart of gold. Anyway, one night I decided to add a bit to the performance and asked Dorthy as she's attempting to get in "tune with infinity" if she's ever done this before, because she's a "natural". My fellow actor didn't bat an eye...and I was pleased when we got a few laughs.

After Act I, I would get to hang out "back stage" - an adjacent fellowship hall next door. It was fun to hang out with my kids and check on them as needed. The kids did so well, the little one's aced the dance moves and the older one sang great. the show was a great for their confidence. I could see growth in all their performances. In particular, given the research that shows adolescent girls lose confidence from 10-13, it was nice to be a part of something that can help build confidence and character.

Act II is where the Wizard's role is actually meaty, although, again, two of my scenes were pre-recorded. I would still waltz in the back of the room, just in case there were technical problems and I would then voice the Wizard from the back. Nothing happened, but it was still fun to walk in wearing a cape.  It's a little known fact that if you're walking wearing a cape it increases your confidence by 90%. My costume was a little silly but it did get me into character.

I loved the "awards" scene out of all my scenes.  I would practice my monologues driving to work, in the shower or really during any part of my day I was alone. I rarely slipped up, as I knew it so well. Right before I would go out on this scene I wasn't nervous but actually excited.  It felt like the character and I would zen into one being at this point during the show.

Immediately after the awards scene is the farewell in the hot air balloon. Look, it is local theater. We had it set up on wheels and I would "float" away back stage. It wasn't all that bad. After I flew away, I had to rush backstage to a different area, get back into my Professor Marvel costume quickly to be ready to be back in Kansas. That was by far, the most nerve wracking part of the role. Also, changing in front of people isn't a big deal when you are properly motivated to do it quickly and get your mic back on.

During my speech in the balloon, I would look at the cast, specifically looking for my three kids.  Usually, I could find one or two and this would make me happy. 

After my fourth performance, it was all over. All the hours to learn a very specific skill - the lines, the motions, etc. were now essentially - useless. All these specific people in specific roles, whom accomplished a goal as a team would never be brought back together again.  It already feels poignant and this was only six months ago!

Another thing I loved from this experience was the challenge of it all. I haven't really had a "real" role ever, not like this....and here I am, 41, and trying something new. It felt like I was stretching a muscle that hadn't been used in a long, long time and it felt good. I am grateful for the experience. After all, isn't that what life's about - trying something new and having fun with those you love the most?

Sikh Center Fragments

I visited our local Sikh gurdwara (called a "Sikh Center") here in town about a month ago.

Here are the fragments:

I had called about two weeks prior to inquire about the best worship time to come to. It was an awkward phone call but I didn't let it dissuade me from coming. Most Sikhs I have met have all been friendly folks.

Besides, I was looking to expand my checklist.

 Here are the significant religious places/events I have experienced in life thus far:

• Buddhist Monastery - Chanting Service & Meal (Monks were from Thailand)
• Buddhist Meditation Center - Meditation Open House (a Shambala Center)
• Hindu Temple (Vaishnavism)
• Mosque (Islam, for those that don't know, Sunni for those scoring at home)
• Eid al-Fitr Celebration Dinner  (End of Islamic Ramadan - Turkish Cultural Center)
• Reformed Synagogue (however, I was not there for a worship service)

I arrived early for the two-hour service as I was meeting a few students there for an assignment they had to complete. It was a group six of us and we stood around in the parking lot for a few minutes waiting to see if any additional students would join us (they never did). As usual, I had forced myself into this situation. We all felt awkward but I had to be the leader and pretend I didn't.

This is the Khanda, the symbol of Sikhism. I think it's pretty obvious that Sikhism has the best symbol out of all the religions. It looks like something off of Star Wars. (Runner-up: Yin-Yang)

 
We arrived inside the lobby and took our shoes off. There was chanting going on in what seemed like the large open room right in front of us. I led us inside to find....just a women sitting on the floor alone. I realized we were listening to a speaker we had entered the "langar" the common area around the kitchen for eating after the service.

I approached the woman and found out her name was Regina and she wasn't a Sikh at all - but married to a Sikh that had immigrated here to the states from India. She came to the gurdwara every Sunday with her family (including her in-laws). She told us it was best if we covered our heads while inside the gurdwara as a sign of respect. I felt a little stupid for not knowing that ahead of time, but ya know, it all worked out. She led us to a drawer full of head coverings for men and scarfs for women. I chose a blue one and felt like a pirate. Turns out blue and orange are preferred colors for Sikhs.

She invited us to grab a bite to eat (some corn-bread-like stuffing cake stuff and some other Indian goodies). We were waiting for the 11:00 service to start but it was already 11:00 and about 20 people came out of the worship area into the room we were in. More people started filing in, old people, women with their beautiful saris and groups of kids, running around being kids.

It surprised me when I saw that about a third of the men didn't have a turban or beard.

Love the sense of humor of this t-shirt. I would wear it if I was from India, South Asia or the Middle East.

I had previously thought all Sikh men had to have beards. I knew all about the 5 K's (look it up, I'm too lazy to type it out for you).  It turns out a Sikh male is only required to follow the 5 K's (which includes not cutting hair and keeping your facial hair) only after baptism. Baptism is a choice and only when the believer is ready. So, there were some men even in their late 50's at the gurdwara that had not been baptized.

A little after 11:00 AM rolled around, we strolled into the worship hall, which was divided by gender.  It is similar to a mosque in that everyone sat on the floor. However, at the front of the room was a short stage where three musicians chanted and sung.  More importantly, at the center was a stage like area where the scared book of Sikhism the Guru Granth Sahib was presented. The entire service an older Sikh would wave a feather over the book (ya know, to keep it cool).

Yeah, like this, except imagine the dude fanning the book with a feather (of course, it's hot under all those blankets). Also, this is (obviously?) not my photo. I don't have the gall to take photos of people when they are in their sacred areas. It just feels wrong and awkward. And I usually I feel awkward enough as it is.

 
The only other male student in my group and I went straight to the back where most believers were seated at. At this point, they were all older men over the age of 65.  We found a spot against the wall, as that's what most of the early-birds were doing - getting the early bird seating. So, old people are all the same, no matter the culture.  Indeed, it was the most comfortable spot and that's a good thing because we were sitting there for over two hours.

The first 30 minutes was just one long song. Like one of those praise-and-worship songs that just goes on and on and on. Making it more difficult was the fact that I had no idea what was being sung.

Turns out the mind wanders when the entire service is in Punjabi.

I noticed a young couple that sat in the back together on the female side, breaking the division of gender in the room. No one seemed to mind but it seemed audacious to me all the same. I was like, yeah, man, I would be that Rebel Sikh guy, too. Fight the POWER. He was a baptized believer and his girlfriend/wife/partner was Anglo. I was going to talk with them later but felt a little too eager to talk with them and then it made me feel silly and maybe even a little racist as I felt like talking to them only because he had a Anglo girlfriend/wife/partner. So, I was lame and didn't.

One of the musicians spoke for a few minutes and then another long half hour song began.  Some parishioners seemed to quietly sing along, but the music was so loud I couldn't tell how many were singing along.

Finally, there was a sermon. I was left guessing what was being said. Mostly, to my foreign ears it sounded like rhetorical question after rhetorical question, with the accompanying pauses and the occasional eye-brow raising. He seemed like a seasoned pro - even watching him was a little entertaining. He got a few pleasant but authentic guffaws from his congregation from time to time.



So, the Sikh Center here in town is in a non-descript building but this the Golden Temple in Punjab. Why am I posting a picture of it? Because I can't do a whole post on Sikhism and not show a picture of this amazing building. It would be a internet sin.  This is definitely on my bucket list. It's also close to Dharamsala as well, which would be cool to check out. AHH - I gotta get to India-Nepal sometime in the next decade somehow.


Later, it was explained to us that the sermon was about loving God and all of God's creations, including our fellow man. To love others is to express one's love in God and for God. A pretty nice thought.

After the sermon, you guessed it, another SONG (which thankfully only ran for 15-20 minutes). This final song was followed by a prayer in which we all stood up. Standing up felt great after being on the ground for about 2 hours.  The prayer was issued and I prayed myself, hoping God was listening to the Sikhs around me. As you may or may not know, I am not one of those strict, mean old Christians but this got me thinking about the nature of God, prayer, the purpose of prayer and the importance of prayer on the believer.

Finally, after the prayer, a part of the service happened that was in English! Three children read from short essays they wrote about their "camp" experienced from a youth event they recently attended.  Good introductory Sikh stories that I actually already knew. We were formally welcomed and our names were read out loud and we stood up as they called our name. Then another prayer was said and sweet bread was passed around to all. It felt a little like communion.

The congregation was dismissed but a group of young Sikhs were quickly around us to welcome us and answer any questions we had. They were pretty cool and they helped answer the question I had about facial hair. I was also encouraged to hear that they hadn't really experienced any direct or explicit discrimination here in town.  I was pleased to hear that a group of Christians came by after the terrible shooting in Wisconsin to offer their support. I wished I had thought about doing that too.

It was then time to eat, while we were having our questions answered the congregation filed into the langar (or what Christians might call the "fellowship hall") for lunch. The Sikh tradition includes lunch after service for all. Everyone sat on the ground and servers came around with buckets of food.

Okay, this is from a gurdwara in Dubai but yeah, it looked like this. The only thing kinda weird was the bare feet so close to your plate. That sounds more gross than it was, it didn't bother me.

It was Indian vegetarian fare. Not bad. Lentils were very good, the other stuff was okay. However, when you get free food, everything tastes a little better.  The students that stuck around for lunch were (honestly) a little boring. I ended up walking over to Regina and talking with her and it got very interesting as she considers herself a Christian but still attends here every Sunday. She talked about feeling the Holy Spirit among the believers and wondered if I thought it could be possible. I couldn't complete my thought as her in-laws came by, as did her husband. It seemed like this conversation was for more Christian "insiders" than the whole fam from the look on Regina's face. After a short conversation it seemed like it was "time to go" (and much of the congregation was making for the exits). I hope to meet her again next semester, but my answer is yes, I think it's possible.

It was an interesting experience I was happy to participate in.  For me, I love "hands on" experiences with other religions and cultures. I look forward to another visit in the coming months.

Fragments, Inc.

I had a dream the other night that I was led by Stephen Colbert (yes, that Stephen Colbert) to a room that opened under a office floor (like a cellar). Once I walked down some stairs, he said something I can't recall and locked me in. The submarine like-door closed behind me and I knew my escape could only lead down the stairs.

Can I overstate the importance of Colbert? Sure, but gosh darn it, this guy is one of my hero's. Only Stewart and Colbert really point out the insanity of it all. Every now and then I will read some high-brow journalist (or conservative) downplay what they do (they are just entertainers/they are no better than Glenn Beck or O'Reilly). This is actually a wrong. Their similarity with the Fox shows are that they have a particular point of view. The fact is they are funnier and smarter than the blowhards at Fox. (Side question: Why are liberals funnier than conservatives?) It's this whole corporate media that continues to show us that there are "two sides to every story" - and forces us to believe that all opinions are equal. No, actually, opinions based on facts are better. The deconstruction of the right by Colbert and Stewart are brilliant. If only every media outlet had the bravery to call the buffoonery of global-warming denying, lies by politicians, bullying, and incompetence when they saw it. This might be the longest photo comment ever. Sorry about that....ahem....

I descended down the winding white-painted metal staircase. It was rickety but it got the job done. The staircase opened into a very small room. There was only room enough to open the door at the bottom of the stairs. It was carpeted, well lit and it looked as thought I could be in any generic office building. I walked through the door, which led to small hallway. On my right, a few feet down was a small white utility door and directly five feet in front of me, another door, identical to the one I just opened.

I opened the door in front of me to find an identical hallway that I just stood in. Of course, I tried the next door, and it too, opened into an identical hallway. Deep down, I knew these corridors repeated for eternity.

Panicking, I ran back to the stairwell fearing I might lose my mind among the endless doors and corridors. I was lost and alone. I wondered if I should go forward towards the endless doors and hallways hoping to find an endpoint or should I stay waiting at the staircase, hoping something or someone would open the door above? Alone, lost and hopeless, the thought occurred to me that maybe I had died and had discovered hell. Yep, it was scary but it was this thought (I think) that actually woke me up.

In other fragment news, I thought of my very own "Experiments in Living" week theme this summer. Last summer I lived like a Muslim for a week (which, by the way, I was a total failure at). This summer my experiment will be called the: Not "Made in China" Week. I will attempt to not use or buy anything made in China for a week. I know, it sounds like a doozey. But it should be a good challenge. I just need to create some ground rules and begin in possibly May or June.

I am almost done with my job as chair of my department. It's a great feeling. It really is.

One Week As A Muslim: Days 6 & 7

I finished up my week as a Muslim and I gotta say the ending of this experiment was a unmitigated disaster.

I would love to give you the blow by blow - but we spent the weekend in a whirlwind of cleaning and doing other stuff required by Father's Day activities that would make your little head spin. The truth is I can barely remember last Thursday, let alone Friday-Saturday (Sunday is actually pretty clear).

It ended with a few prayers on day six and zero, count 'em ZERO on day seven. Technically, it shouldn't even count. I suppose I didn't eat pork on Sunday.

If you consider the thinking, the writing, the planning, and the guilt it feels like I've been meditating on being a Muslim for freakin' month.

List of Things I Learned in one week as a Muslim

Pork is everywhere and more tempting than you might think.

It's hard to get up before 5:00 in the morning, and I consider myself kinda of a morning person

Kids screaming during prayers - makes it difficult to think.

When praying on the floor, check for ants or other bugs that bite.

Being a secret Muslim requires patience and good planning.


Seriously, when I get a little more time I want to write a little more reflective piece on my experiences.

So, I leave thee with bated breath, waiting upon my pontifications of wisdom and charm.

One Week as A Muslim: Days 4 & 5

Days 4 and 5 have come and (almost gone).

I just have to admit it, I am not good at this.

I started off by missing my morning prayer on day four. It's been such a long and eventful two days, that I've even forgotten how that happened. I prayed at work my Dhuhr prayer (around 1:35) and was stung by ants crawling on the floor (the fiends!). I got home right at 5:00 and purposely did not pray because it was 5:00 and my daughters wanted to play and I had to prepare dinner and get them in bed by myself. I was back at for the last two prayers of the day.

Today, I AGAIN missed the morning prayer. This time the cat woke me up at 4:10 - I had to throw her in the garage and I thought, "just as I fall asleep my alarm is going to go off; what am I doing anyway?; I'm not really Muslim...I can make the prayer up at work". Just like that I shut off the alarm...

To my credit, I didn't fall asleep until after 4:40 (yeah, I keep track of stuff like that) and I did do my morning prayer at work. Even still, it felt like I was cheating.

I missed the afternoon prayer this time because I was CRAZY busy helping with registration. I felt guilty leaving my post...that's the simple truth. I should have but this time I thought, "It's not like I have any readers anyway". Um-huh, my internal voice actually said that. But I avoided the pepperoni pizza (boy, was I tempted - absentmindedly, I even had placed it on my plate...but replaced it with a dried up cheese slice).

But I haven't missed a prayer since (the house was briefly empty when I got home) I have to pray again shortly, but plan on doing so.

Look, maybe it's a little presumptuous but today I came up with a much better schedule for prayer (forgive me Allah)

Morning: Whenever you wake up
Mid-Morning: 10:25 (if you wake up after this point, you can make it up later in the day)
Afternoon: 2:25
((Mid-Afternoon Make-up (only if you missed the mid-morning prayer due to a late start): 3:45))
Early Evening: 7:25
Night: Before you go to bed

I like it because it would be spaced out a bit more and it would provide you time to pray at work, when you need it (at least when I need it most!).

Anyway, I'm not changing the game mid-stream just trying to think about what I would have set-up if it was all up to me.

Serious Reflection Time: So, what impact has prayer had on me so far?


It's hard to measure, although I have definitely prayed more than I ever have in my life. At least three times during the day I am making personal prayers to God. I have been focusing on our upcoming adoption and our child's birth mother - but also on our upcoming service project I am organizing.

It's made me even more appreciative than I already was....just reciting, "and my cup overflows" a few times a day is awesome. Reciting really does help you start to believe what you're saying. I thought the prayer might get remote or ritual-like but it has surprisingly stayed fresh. I really try to "feel" what I'm saying.

Never a big fan of even hinting at the "health and wealth" gospel - but I can truly say that this week has led me to realize that I believe "surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life".

Interlude from Joel Osteen: "Ya know it might not have worked for you, but it did for me...check out all this cool, expenisive leopard print stuff.

On the surface it sounds pompous or even arrogant but when I reflect on it; I find it to be true. In a literal sense, I will be a father of three children, I'm married to a wonderful wife and have a wonderful family (in-laws included). Furthermore, I've got some great friends, our church family is great and I love my job. I believe that even when these variables change....I will still be surrounded by love. Furthermore, I will always be journeying with God for the rest of my life. God's love will suffice through all the good and all the hard times to come. In the coming days I write up a little more commentary on these verses I've been reciting....I never thought just simply repeating words would do so much.

One Week As A Muslim: Day 3: Imagining "God"

After the total failure of last week, I was back in the saddle again as a "Muslim".

Once again, I was back up before dawn and found it surprisingly easier than before. I recited my prayer without the print out and was tuned in as if I didn't skip a beat (falling back to sleep is always a little bit of an issue but still not too bad).

While I've gotten better at my recitation - one aspect of the prayer gives me pause. During the prostration you are supposed to "reflect on the glory of God" or something like that. As described elsewhere it this is the nonverbal part of the prayer - the most vague - I have the hardest time with.

If you say the word "God" to most westerner's you usually get 1-2 images that come to mind. One is the classic old man with a beard in a white robe. The other image is the stereotypical image of Jesus. In my case, my image of God comes from the picture printed on the inside of my Bible I had as a child. Ya know the one, he's on the cross, nearly naked, looking like he's in pain - bearded, long hair, etc. When someone says, "God"; that's usually the image that comes to mind.

So at 4:58 in the morning I find myself prostrated trying to reflect on the glory of God...and I got....nothing. Sometimes that picture of Jesus pops into my head. Other times I picture photos from the Hubbell telescope. Otherwise, my mind acts like it does during meditation. Meaning, it's here or there but not really focused (I had a really good meditation session once - but that's a different post for another night).

In Islam, the depiction of God is prohibited. If you visit a mosque or Islamic Center - you'll find relatively bare walls with the only decoration being Arabic calligraphy with verses from the Qur'an. When you Google "Allah" a bunch of images of the word "Allah" come at you.

Example Above: Way too afraid to make a joke.

 Is this what Muslims see in their mind's eye when they hear the word "Allah"?


Also interesting is that images of the word "Allah" can be seen in the darnest places (much like the Virgin Mary) - "Allah" in the clouds, "Allah" in the water and my favorites, "Allah"on a piece of (disputed) fruit;  "Allah" on a cow.

Can't wait to see "Allah" & the Virgin Mary on same pizza someday.

Anyway, back on topic - I think Islam has the right idea. Humans are always trying to make God more recognizable, or familiar. In many ways, this can be a good thing but on the other hand, God can't be and shouldn't be put in a box. While I might believe God's consciousness or form was temporarily in human form - "God" transcends outside the realm of human existence. God is neither male nor female, body nor spirit - God transcends all earthly ideas of life itself - leaving humans with our limited imaginations of what God might be.

So, I'll be working on what to say, think or imagine in the coming days....in the end, I'd like to think God believes it's the thought that counts.

Guilt and Loathing in The Lost Weekend As a Muslim

The whirlwind of days 3-6 are just about over (two hours and counting) and my "Muslim" faith didn't survive.

I have a truckload of excuses. We were getting ready for our massive garage sale fundraiser all day and all-night Friday (and believe me the work required was massive). I was literally doing something all day Friday-Sunday. There were no breaks and I managed 4 hours sleep on Friday.

I could chalk it up to bad timing....but really, the truth is, I've failed.

weird, huh? that's kinda how i felt though.

I haven't had one prayer since early Thursday evening or early Friday (I can't even remember it feels like years ago). When I wasn't busy - I could start to feel the guilt setting in. I've heard of Catholic guilt but I gotta say, Muslim guilt could be pretty bad. I could Google it, but I'm too tired. If I had readers, maybe they could look it up for me.

SERIOUS SIDENOTE: how do these bloggers do it?  I mean seriously?!!??

Saturday was the crescendo of it all. I was physically beat and I actually felt almost all of my near 33 years (on a daily level I feel between 27-29 and a half years).

I feel asleep on the couch reading right after I tucked our oldest in at about 9:00. I knew I wasn't waking up at 4:50 in the morning. I was already been deflated and defeated.

Sunday came and church and lawn work followed (as we were having people over and the back yard looked like a jungle)....anyway, today I went to work and faced the first day of registration on my feet for most of day.

I just keep thinking, "I can't believe I gave up on all this after TWO measly days". two - days and I was toast.

So, I am restarting this experiment tomorrow morning. It was definitely a rough patch. I could give up and call it a day...after all, this is a "fragment" blog. So, I am restarting day three tomorrow and submitted all over again (takes a deep breath).

One Week As A Muslim: Day 2

Day two was relatively successful. My prayers went off without a hitch (well, except the 8:30 PM) but that was a bit of foreshadowing to say the least.


During day two, I had my prayers down pat. I could recite most of it mindfully and really reflect on what I was saying. I could feel myself actually feeling....wait for it.... spiritual at times. A peaceful reassurance when reading Psalm 23; while a desire to submit and follow with the "Lord's Prayer".

At work, I found myself trapped furthest from the door at a packed-to-the-gills meeting (literally 75+ in a room meant for 25 or 30 at the max). I had to quietly get out before my afternoon prayer - which made for a slightly uncomfortable and more visible exit than I would have preferred.

I found an empty room again, but once again, found myself looking at the door, waiting to be "outed" as a secret Muslim (imagine how Obama must feel).

Little Known Fact: Our last 11 presidents have all been secret Muslims - "W" even kissed this guy - what a homo.

That evening I came home right at 5:00 and had to quickly prepare for prayer. This didn't go over too well. While my wife was and is extremely accommodating for such a weird guy - my 18 month old-daughter certainly doesn't get it. She came into the room as I was praying (unknown to my wife) - I continued to pray and placed her on our bed (she loves climbing on anything). When Kathryn discovered her, she took her out which; of course resulted in a screaming fit. Needless to say the rest of my prayer was rushed and not, as they say, "centered".

Topping the day off we ate at an "Persian" restaurant near our home (owned by Iraqi's). It was definitely fun and my daughters enjoyed watching strangely familiar music videos from the Middle East. It's like the late-80's-early 90's style music videos never really died...they just took root in a different part of the world.

Fact: This video was based on a real experince. If you see a person appearing as a sketch, you've just broken the fourth demension.

I totally forgot about the 8:30 prayer as I was immersed in baking cookies for our upcoming adoption fundraising garage sale. As I hit the sack late on Thursday, I was tired....little did I know my little successful run was about to be broken.

One Week As A Muslim: Day 1

After two missteps, my one week journey as a Muslim finally began today.

After my cell phone alarm had me up at 4:50 - I went to the kitchen sink to begin the wudu cleansing rituals. These rituals can only be described as, well, literally symbolic. While you physically clean yourself; the point isn't physical cleanliness but rather a spiritual cleansing before praying to God. I felt a little divided about wudu this early in the morning. On one hand, I like the idea of preparing myself before praying but then again its 4:50 in the morning and the process will be waking me up more than I would ever want to be.


I started with my hands, nostrils, mouth, face, arms (up to my elbows) and finally my feet (up to my ankles). All this was repeated three times. I later found out I was practicing Sunnah traditions, which are based on the Sunni Hadiths.  Admittedly, wudu did its job - I felt fresh and wide awake after I was done.

This would have been nice, but I stretch well - I hope the wife doesn't mind my feet near the kitchen sink! :)

I started my recitation (again, I am reciting from my faith tradition using the 23rd Psalms and the Lord's Prayer) and completed two rakats (two prayer cycles) before heading back to bed.

Of course, my body was ready to start the day. I probably didn't drift off until about 5:30. Thankfully, our oldest only got up at 6:30 and stayed in her "Quiet Time" for the full 30 minutes until 7:00AM. Needless to say I was ready for my coffee at that point.

I went along with my day as usual; I left for work around 8:00ish and checked emails, made a few phone calls, got ready for my class, etc. My class will be conflicting with the afternoon prayer (Dhuhr) as it runs on MW from 11:00-1:45. Dhuhr usually happens between 1:32-1:35 PM. According to tradition, it's okay that I'm a little late - I am just supposed to make it up as soon as possible. So, after class and answering a few after-class questions, I headed upstairs back to my office. I thought I would check my email and find a vacant room (thankfully not as difficult to do in the summer semester). I got sidetracked by a friend...and then I remembered that I was already late with my prayer duties. I headed to the men's room for my wudu.

As I began cleaning myself in the public restroom for Dhuhr I began to feel a little self-conscious for the first time in my journey. I was worried someone might walk in as I was washing my arms up to my elbows. No one came in - but it definitely put me in the position of a Muslim here in the states. I began to appreciate the tension created by participating in a different belief system than the dominant culture.

Direct Link: http://www.mattbors.com/2008/07/muslim-in-america.html

I explored an area of our building that had a number of empty rooms. As I began my prayers in the corner of a darkened room, I nervously keep peeking towards to door when I heard the noise of nearby doors opening and closing or people walking by. I half-expected someone to burst in and discover me with my shoes off, bowing in prayer in the corner. I started to turn a computer on in case someone came in so that I could create a facade that I was checking something on the computer. However, I determined to just tell the truth if I was discovered.

When I got home, my family was at the in-law’s house (just around the corner) which allowed me peace and quiet for the Asr prayer (a little after 5:00 PM). I was expecting them any minute and rushed the whole process (this was definitely my worst prayer of the day). I slacked further at Maghrib (8:30ish PM) when I was making cookies for our garage sale adoption fundraiser and completely forgot. I remembered when Kathryn came home and started about 15 minutes late.

Finally my Isha prayer was a breeze because not only was it on-time but I hadn’t broken any of cleanliness traditions – I didn’t have to perform my wudu! What a relief for the last prayer of the day. I was definitely tuned in more than the others – I wasn’t tired, rushed or nervous someone would discover me and I was finally beginning to memorize my recitations.

My first day as “Muslim” was relatively successful. I haven’t explored the spiritual side of my experience so far, but I thought I would have plenty of time to do that in the future blog entries (after all, this is only day one of seven). I’m ready for Day 2!

One Week As A Muslim: -1 & -2 day as Muslim: Complete and Utter Failure

I was ready to start my week as a “Muslim” early Monday morning.

(See the prior post if you are confused for the details).

Sunday night I found myself dead tired from a long weekend out of town.  However, I was determined to go forward with the plan.

I had my prayer rituals printed out. I had my scripture picked out (I went with the old standards – Psalms 23 and the traditional “Lord’s Prayer” more on this later this week).

After we got the kids to bed, we cleaned the kitchen (we had left it dirty when we left for Austin). Then I got ready for the next day (the first day of the summer session) and fired off some important emails.  When we finally got into bed it was after midnight.  I told my wife, “no pain, no gain” and set my alarm for 4:50 – 10 minutes before Fajr, the first prayer of the day. This would give me enough time to perform the ritual wudu – which is the ritual cleaning of the hands, face, mouth, nostrils, arms and feet.

I suddenly awoke at 1:30 at the sound of our oldest (4 years old) crying. I might have dreamt this because when I checked on her she was fast asleep in bed.  As I dragged myself back to bed I felt as though the like the Tired Stick and been beaten over my head. I was groggy and out of it and with little thought – turned off my alarm.

I felt bad but knew I wasn’t physically ready after a long weekend. I made plans for Tuesday to be the day. This time I turned on the alarm – I was ready to go.  This time I awoke sometime at 5:30 – my alarm had gone off but the radio was so soft (as to not wake the wife) it hadn’t done it’s job. I had overslept Fajr by 40 minutes! In Islam you can make this up by praying around the time of sunrise (Shorook) around 6:30 but 6:30 at my house is “Go Time” and there would be no time for me to pray.

So, I will begin the process again tomorrow. This time around I will be using my cell phone alarm...although now I know why an adhan is needed because you can't accidentally oversleep.

Experiment in Living # 1: One Week as a Muslim

So I have decided to embark on a little experiment in living. In a few days or weeks (whenever I feel like I'm ready) I will live like a Muslim for one whole week.  I’m not converting to the Islamic faith – my entire experiment will be through the lens of Christian belief and practice (i.e., instead of reciting the first chapter from the Qur’an, I’ll be reciting a chapter from Psalms). My goal is to embrace what being a “Muslim” is – to submit to God. Here will be my basic rules:


*Practice Cleanliness traditions such as wudu (as this relates to prayer).


* Pray five times a day as prescribed in the Qur’an during the prescribed times (this can change daily but usually lands around the following times: 5:20ish, 6:30ish, 1:30ish, 5:10ish, 8:30ish and 9:50ish). This includes trying to find time to pray at work or whenever I may be.  Most prayer traditions will be followed.    


*I will not consume pork or alcohol (I’ll be doing a bit of cheating; as strictly speaking , Muslims should not eat any meat not killed properly by another Muslim)


*I will (or we will) try to dine at one of our "Persian" restaurants that week..(this one is just for fun more than anything).

So, between now and then, I will be selecting some prayer verses I will be reciting, memorizing them and studying the physical movements of prayer. 

Should have an update in about a week...or at least the night before I start this crazy experiment in living.