End of a Tough Year Fragments

It's been a tough year, but ya know what? It's almost over. 

I decided to make one huge post of fragments, updates, and thoughts on my 2025. 

Fam Fragments

In January, K and I were in a musical in the local theater; it was good for us not only to be in a show together but also because our good friends J &J were in the show too! My character was featured in a few songs, and I did pretty well with my solo lines in the songs. I was an evil character, so I had to really work on my mean, evil, demented face. No, it didn't come naturally. Why do you ask?? 

Currently, K, E, and I are cast in another musical (premiering this coming January), and we are having a blast because we really love this show. K has a big role, E is supporting, and I have a very minor role, but it's really fun to be a bit player.  E plays my stepdaughter, so that's extra fun.   Usually, I have been a supporting character in our theater company...definitely, less pressure and stress this time around....still the music is tough!! 

Some other Fam Updates:

C is finishing up her third college semester at the college where I teach. This summer, she was able to do a Study Abroad in England, this past summer and she earned a partial scholarship (which my bank account appreciated).  It's been fun to see her excel here at the school; she has a role in student government as well.  Sometimes we grab lunch, or she will just swing by my office. I will definitely miss that when she transfers.

She's excelling in so many ways, it's exciting to see what she will do next. She is still running her non-profit, working part-time, is part of the speech team, part of the student government, and she also has to study and spend time with her bf!  She will transfer, maybe to Texas State, in the fall. Oh boy, here we go! 

E had a tough semester in some ways, but she's excelling too. She got her driver's license a few weeks back. It was fun to train her. I did most of the driver's ed just like I did with C. She has so many friends, and I am so glad she has been active in the choir and theater. I think she has made friends for life with some of these folks. Her struggles this fall have been largely out of her control, and they revolved around the unfairness of subjectivity. That's a tough one because it happens to you for the rest of your life...it hurts! I can't believe we're gonna have another senior next year! I am NOT ready for the emotions this time around. 

H had a rough spring (long story) but a pretty good fall. He was on the A football team but played less offense this year (last year he would get some action as WR in the second half of most games). He was slotted as safety a lot last year, but mainly played CB this past year. At times, he struggled with tackling but in his last game with high school coaches watching, he had a huge 4th down tackle and later had another good tackle. He has matured in some ways, but he's still a kid at heart. 

I love to be a dad, it's easily the hardest and best thing I have ever done (and continue to do). 

My Top Ten(ish) Songs of the Year 

Here were my favorite songs of the year. Most of them were on my “most played” list, but some weaseled their way into my head one way or another and deserve a spot because they were in my head more than I played them:  

• Fountains of Wayne – “I Know You Well”
• Nujabes – “Feather”
• Almost Weezer – “Rosemary”  (note: this is not Weezer)
• Butthole Surfers – “What Did You Do in My Room Last Night?”
• Ramones – “Life’s a Gas”  
• Robert Pollard & Kim Deal - “Love Hurts” (the most beautiful cover)
• Skin Shape – “I Didn’t Know”
• Monrovia – “City on the Hill”  & “Heavy Foot”
• Rivers Cuomo – “Bottle of Wine Song” (it's a demo, but it's pretty sweet)
• Jesse Welles – “Will the Computer Love the Sunset”/ & “I Ain’t Got None of My Friends Left”

 And the song of the year (and I definitely want this song played at my funeral): 

•  Cat Stevens/Yusef – “Oh Very Young”

 Job Fragments

As I wrote in my last post, things at work are a 'changing. It's been a roller coaster of emotions since early October. I went through the stages of grief: shock and disbelief, rage, gratitude for what has been, to now...possibly....maybe... acceptance. 

Kinda sorta. 

In some ways, I am "over it' but I think that stems more from emotional exhaustion and boredom.  I am detached, for sure, but my personality never stays in an extreme position for too long. Somehow, I was lucky enough to be born into a brain that can compartmentalize, and my brain desires balance. 

I feel like I am done being angry about it, even if I am not done being sad about it. 

To be honest, I was feeling a bit burnt out and ready for a bit of a break. I was released from many of my teaching duties, but now I am going back 100% to teaching (with the extra classes that come along with it)>  As the weeks went by, I realized this change can bring about opportunities I haven't yet dreamed about. 

For years, I believed this was what I was going to do until I retired or died. Now, new doors are opening, new possibilities, new dreams....including even leaving higher ed if the right opportunity came around. 

I have seen my projected pension, and while it's best if I at least work another 6 years (at a minimum), I am open to something else. I will probably stay put, but I find it simply amazing that one year ago, I would have never even entertained the idea. Crazy times. 

In other news, there is a very slim possibility I go to Northern Ireland this summer, but it would only happen if someone else can't go (or something else goes wrong).  I really want that opportunity to be shared....even if this is the last time we could do it!! I have a deserving faculty member in mind to go, I hope he can do it!! 

Finally, I am planning a study abroad for 2027 in Spain and Portugal. We'll apply to make it happen in the spring, and then hopefully get enough students to sign up. 

Art Update

I haven't really done much art since last winter. Maybe nothing?! The main reason for this is I found a creative outlet doing something else.....

YT Channel/Comics 

Yeah, I became the dreaded "content creator" this year. Maybe I will write another post about it in early 2026. It's a comic book channel, and it's been a fun hobby. 

Pathetic Year-End Reading List Fragments 

I tried to read a little more this year (BESIDES comics/graphic novels). I did okayish.....here's my list from Libby (the app).

What can I say? I got into a Tolkien spin that I found comforting late at night. 

• Return of Shadow - Tolkien
• The Treason of Isengard - Tolkien
• The War of the Ring - Tolkien (did not finish)
• Children of Hurin - Tolkien (did not finish, but I've read it before) 
• The Castle- Kafka (did not finish but will come back to it)
• Dark Matter - Blake Crouch (pretty okay but kept me reading)
• The Journey: Big Panda & Little Dragon - Norbury (does this count?!?!?) 
• 1984 - George Orwell (currently re-reading, first time since high school, I think)
• Dracula - Bram Stoker (currently reading, pretty great) 

TV/Movies End of Year Fragments (Wow, I guess I don't watch that much TV)

I watched Twin Peak....but I think I actually watched most of it in 2024....but hey, here is my chance to say I loved it, especially the first season. The last season from Showtime or whatever.....not so much, but it was okay, and I am glad it was made.  

I think I watched the last few of The Beast in Me with my wife (it was fine). 

Pretty sure we watched some Mormon documentaries and that one about that influencer mom who is horrible and abuses her children. Terrible! 

We watched both Wicked movies and loved them. Fantastic Four was okay enough. I re-watched a bunch of Star Trek: Next Generation before I cancelled Paramount+ because of their new owners (fuck them). God, I love that last episode of TNG so much. I already miss putting STNG on while I do laundry or wash dishes. Oh well, life goes on.  

Photo Dump from the 2025 (in reverse order) 

I remembered I used to post memes and photos, so why not do it again? 

My colleague brought a space heater to work the other day.  I think it likes me! 

Sometimes ya just gotta color. This wooden craft Santa was packed with four little markers and was at the bottom of a box full of ornaments. We have probably had it for at least 5 years, so I figured I would complete it before those little markers dry up. I hid it deep in our tree, and I plan on sneaking it into our tree from now on (don't tell anyone).

Just a cool bug in the parking garage at work. Cool.

I was at a sports card show with my son at a "Hermann and Sons" lodge, and it had this '70s era bar attached, and it was like going back in time. I loved every second sitting in there. I got crazy nostalgia for this style. It had a back pool room too. It just smelled old. 10/10 experience. 

This was in a park I was walking in this fall. Ya know, it's the little things that bring you a little joy. 

This is my garage. At one point, I was going to write a blog just about what is in this photo and all the memories associated with it.  I dunno, maybe I still will? 

In January, I visited my best bud who lives outside of Chicago. We went to the Spurs-Bulls game (we had planned on doing a little more in town, but my flight was delayed by a few hours).  It was a good game, but damn it, we lost. Still fun and an interesting experience as it was the first time I had been to an NBA game NOT in SA. A good visit, and it wasn't even that cold! 

Spurs Fragments (because YOU care about them) 

I love the Spurs. Just fun to be relevant again, it had been TOO long. The joy is back. Now, we just have to figure out how to integrate Wemby back into the offense. 

Housecleaning/Goodbye Fragments 

Just discovered this is my LEAST prolific blogging year. I am taking it in stride. I am a busy man.  Lately, I haven't really felt like writing, let alone blogging at all. I suppose when the spirit strikes me, I'll be back. Maybe even before the end of 2025. I will definitely write an update in March at the latest. 

Anyway, that's all for me. I hope you find time this holiday break to spend time with family, friends and even yourself. Read something you've been putting off and cozy up with the book on a cold winter's night. 

Until next time.....

The Most Influential Things I’ve Ever Read

These are writings that changed me or influenced the way I see the world (for better or worse, I suppose). I am probably missing a few, no doubt.  Many of the titles below you can find fully online.  

They are placed in roughly the chronological order in which they were written:

• The Epic of Gilgamesh (special attention to what Siduri says to Gilgamesh)
• Plato’s Allegory of the Cave (short section in The Republic)
• Dao De Jing
• Book of Genesis, Psalm 23, Book of Daniel
• Zhuangzi’s parable of a butterfly (short allegory)
• Gospel of Luke (in particular the parables of the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son)
• 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Paul on Love)
• 1,001 Nights
• 12 Years a Slave – Solomon Northup
• Frederick Douglass’ Autobiography
• “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” - Ambrose Bierce (short story)
• Frankenstein – Mary Shelley
• “The War Prayer” – Mark Twain (short story)
• The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
• The Myth of Sisyphus – Camus (essay)  
• The Trail - Kafka
• Man’s Search for Meaning – Frankl
• Slaughter-House Five – Kurt Vonnegut
• 1984 & Animal Farm – George Orwell
• MLK’s Letter from the Birmingham Jail
•  “The Library of Babel” – Borges (short story)
• The Amazing Spider-Man #33 - "The Final Chapter" - Lee & Ditko
• The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Adams
• The Sunflower -  Simon Wiesenthal
• The Tao of Pooh – Benjamin Hoff
• Walking with the Wind – John Lewis
• Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time – Marcus Borg
• Come As You Are - Azzerrad 
• The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book - Waterson 
• “They’re Made of Meat” – Terry Bison (short story)
• Kurt Vonnegut’s letter to students, 2006

Warm & Cozy Again (Why I love Lord of the Rings)

Well, I'm back.

Back to reading The Lord of the Rings once again.  I've read this book at least twelve times, more than any other book....and yet when I started to read it earlier this week, I still got a little excited.

Usually when I start reading The Lord of the Ring (LOR), it's usually the fall or winter. After all, it's a cold weather book. At least it feels that way to me. In the last decade or so, I usually wait about 2-3 years between readings after another decade or so of usually reading it once a year. I like to wait until the first real cold front of the season to begin. Most of the book is read late at night, next to a warm lamp, covered up cozily in bed. I usually read as long as I can until I drift off to sleep, sometimes with the book on my chest.

Just typing those words makes me happy.

With each re-read I deliberately read slowly, taking my time with the Tolkien's (at times) overly descriptive text. It's a slow book and I love it that way.  I especially adore the beginning of the book and by the end of the book (yes, of course the appendix, too) I'll be glum at the thought of being finished. Usually what this means is that I will re-read a whole host of other Tolkien stuff, of course, The Hobbit, Unfinished Tales, sometimes referencing back to the something in the appendix of LOR and last time around I re-read The Children of Hurin  and then, almost sputtering out of Tolkien overload, I usually break down somewhere in The Silmarillion and stop. Now you know why I do this only every 2-3 years...it becomes all engrossing.

The first time I read LOR, it was the late summer of 2001. I had heard the the movie was coming out that winter and I felt like I ought to see what all the hype was about. I heard it was boring, but it didn't deter me. I picked up The Hobbit first, not knowing what to expect.  I was charmed after reading the first page. It felt like you were taken right into the fairy tale world and it just felt, safe, safe and homely. 

After a few more weeks, I purchased a paperback version of LOR and while I was on the edge of my seat reading about the Black Riders, after Rivendell, the narrative seemed to slow down and I was a little frustrated. Then, I had a huge car accident that I was lucky to survive. My copy of LOR had been in my truck and it tumbled and flipped across the road just as much as my truck did. It was destroyed.

I was happy to be alive and being in graduate school, I was also extremely busy, so I did not immediately pick up a new copy. However, my best friend's mom was a huge Tolkien fan and she had found out that my copy had been destroyed in the accident and bought me another copy as a gift. It inspired me to finish it before the first movie came out. I still have this paperback version today and although some of the appendix is falling out, I feel like this little edition and I have a long history together. One day, it may fall apart on me, but until then, we're sticking together.

For me, The Lord of the Rings isn't just about the way it makes me feel, but the way it brings you into an almost fully formed world. An alien world that is just out of reach, and yet fully touchable. At times the narrative gets unwieldy, but it doesn't let you go. Some characters feel flat and fairy tale like, but others real and grounded.  A mix of the a fantasy and at times not quite a real world (or maybe as the world should be). It's philosophical and a bit dry, other times it reads as a history narrative and other times, it's downright funny while other parts of the book are pure adventure...but it is always thoughtful and always detailed.  Don't get me wrong, it has its flaws.

The most important flaw being Tolkien's use of race and 20th century "race theory" in the book. It's used to describe the differences between the "races" (elves, hobbits, humans, etc.) and even more disturbingly between the human cultures.  It's sad and enraging and yet, it doesn't make me stop reading the book. Tolkien was a man of his times, he was ignorant but not quite a bigot. It reminds me the way I feel about Carl Barks. I'm conflicted and yet drawn to their art.  Maybe I'm letting them both off the hook too easily but this is a debate for another time....

This fall or winter we may be moving and so I felt a strong need to be grounded and closer to a feeling of "home" more than ever. I'm glad I'm back once again for the ride.

Update from 2020: I ended up reading the Annotated The Hobbit, which is great but all my other Tolkien stuff is stuck at work because of the Pandemic (it's at work because of the move).  To be honest, I have my Tolkien fill and I'll be ready for more in a couple of years.

time flies or something like that

Wow. I just discovered I hadn't posted in quite awhile.

Been busy with a big birthday project for the wife that has pretty much consumed my off-duty time (a photo book).

I did have a new idea for a Nirvana blog (the band, not moksha) and many of the items listed below are still alive and kicking. 

Otherwise, I can report I've had several strange dreams this month (a midget forcing herself on me romantically, cannibalism (please don't ask), and a deer stepping on my face). I think I've been waking more at night (mainly because of the kids) and unable to fall asleep right away. Last night I was social worker in my dream, which was pretty boring.

Other news....reading Borg's Meeting Jesus Again For the First Time. Have to say, I love it so far and highly recommend it.  Also managed to read the Marvel Essential Volume on the Marvel Two-In-One (Vol. 2)  this included some great stuff but also some run-of-the-mill stuff that was pretty blah.

I'll start working on a new post soon, but now I am working on two separate projects - one to re-organize and consolidate our photos (so I can clearly back it up on a minimum of disks) and (next month) start digitizing some VHS to DVD.

Boring, time-consuming stuff. Such is life....until next time, America.

i was flipping the channels the other day and noticed this show is still on. this is still be produced and apparently making money...only in America. all things considered, "until next time America" is a terrific sign-off.