My Five Favorite Comic Book Cliffhangers: A Post In Which I Ramble On About All Sorts of 80's Suff

As we age we tend to look back on our youth with rose-tinted glasses. We long for a "simpler time" when things like blogs didn't exist and an elderly stupid television star was president (Wait - nevermind).

Even if the past is "objectively" worse in many ways (and wow, it was). The past represents a siren call of a past that never was. For example, I HATED the fact that if I missed a Muppets show or a Saturday morning cartoon there was a good chance I would NEVER see it again. And yet I find myself longing for those days. Everything seemed to matter more. There was no "undo" button on typewriters after all.

Dungeons & Dragons was the "Moby Dick" of my Saturday mornings. I loved the show but there were two problems. One issue was that it came on late in the morning (10:30-11:00) when my Mom started to pry me away from the TV (I was usually parked in front of the TV by 6:30 AM on Saturdays). The second problem was my Mom hated this show, I am sure she thought it was evil. So, it was with a little excitement and pride that I watched this show with my kids the last few years (usually when my wife was not home as she thinks it's a little evil too).

I've blogged about the past A LOT and I recently (kinda) wrote about how a technologically backwards time could be kinda cool (in my ode to mix-tapes). But the truth of it all is that it could be a real bummer being a comic-book-collecting kid in the 1980's.

Just an excuse to post this photo from Unbreakable. I haven't seen the movie in years and although it is slow, I think it has to be my favorite movie about comics. Wait, are there other movies about actual comic books anyway??

It was hard collecting comics when I had an inconsistent cash flow coming in. I was a lazy kid and frequently went months at time without earning an allowance. Even if I did earn my  allowance, I often blew through my money on toys or baseball cards. I see this all the time with my kids, they will happily spend their money on the wasteful, Dollar-Store happiness....over actually waiting for something or saving just a little more money to get what they've been dreaming about.

Secondly, I couldn't always control when I went to the store.  This meant when I bought a comic book that ended on a cliff-hanger, I was going to cross my fingers and hope I would see it on the newsstand the next month. But I also had to hope that no one else would buy that particular issue either because the drug store and my grocery store usually had no more than 2-3 copies of the most popular titles. Then, if I did see the next issue in the wild, I would pray I had the money or I had to beg my mom to buy it for me.

There was no internet, so if I missed an issue, I would never know what happened.

So, because no one asked me...here are my top five cliff-hanger comics that I read as a kid.

Disclaimer: I am not stating these particular comics are objectively the best cliff hangers. They're not. These are just a few of my favorite comics that I bought as a child and I was unable to track down the next month's comic. In many cases, I would re-read these comics for years and I had no idea what happened.

#5 - Fantastic Four #294 - "Hero Worship"

 

This is a great comic book. It has everything that I love about comics; a nice mix of character, action and mystery. It also dabbles a little in alternate universe/time travel stuff, which I have always loved. 

The main gist of the plot is the team steps into a "world" (it's a long story) that worships the Fantastic Four (as when they first appeared in the early 1960's). The population has even been genetically modified to mimic the powers of the team. The team is seen as "heretics" and they are attacked by the entire city's population. 

The comic ends with the apparent death of the team (the leader of the city zaps the team with a Ray-Gun and they turn to skeletons...so cool). I think I bought this issue in one of those comic "three packs". The customer could see two of the issues but the third issue was behind one of the others. My used bookstore frequently has mid-to-late 80's FF and I kept waiting to see #295 but after several years of waiting, I finally ended up buying issue #295 on Amazon a few years ago and I finally found out the rest of the story. 

SPOILER: They didn't really die but it's a satisfying conclusion to this story.  

#4 - Mickey Mouse # 219 (the first Gladstone) 

The first part of Floyd Gottfredson's "The Seven Ghosts".

I loved going to the mall as a kid. My favorite stores at the mall was the video game store (EB?) and Walden's Books. I can still remember the smell of a good ol' Walden Books. Once inside a Walden's I would head straight for the magazine section and the comic rack. In 1986 (there's that year again) I saw something I had never seen on a comic rack, Disney comics. I was nine, so I was definitely intrigued. I loved cartoons but because we didn't have the Disney channel, I couldn't get enough of Disney cartoons or Disney characters. I could tell they were reprints of older comics and this piqued my interest as well. I already loved old stuff.

It turns out this was the first month's collection of of the Gladstone company. Apparently, it had been several years since Disney comics had been available. I remember not being sure if I should buy this particular comic or a Spider-Man comic and that says a lot about how impressed I was with this comic. At nine-years-old I was a little embarrassed that I would buy a "Micky Mouse" comic because it might be considered for "younger readers". However, I got over it and got the issue.

This is "part one" of Gottfredson's "The Seven Ghosts" (originally the storyline ran in the Sunday comics in the 1930's).  Gottfredson had been given a peek at the early production of the cartoon "Lonesome Ghosts" and he loosely based "The Seven Ghosts" on what he saw.

"Lonesome Ghosts" is quite delightful but the only thing they really have in common is that  Micky, Donald and Goofy are running a detective agency and there are ghosts involved. That said, it's basically completely different from what Gottfredson created. Here it is if you're into old cartoons (and really, who isn't?):




Incidentally, I had "Lonesome Ghosts" on my Fisher-Price Movie Viewer, which is basically a hand-powered film projector. I used to watch "Lonesome Ghosts" in slow motion, backwards and forwards, etc. over and over (and over) again.  Of course there was no audio, but it was still pretty cool. Alas, we only had the "Lonesome Ghosts" and "Cinderella" cartridges. I still have this and my kids enjoy it from time to time as well.

Anyway, this is getting off subject.....

"The Seven Ghosts" comic starts with Mickey creating a detective agency with Donald and Goofy. Their first case surrounds a rich "man's" house that is seemingly haunted. It has humor, action and of course, mystery. Mickey is street-smart and plays the cynic to the supernatural occurrences. Goofy plays the believer and whole heartily believes the ghosts to be his friend. Finally, Donald puts on a brave face but is frightened at the slightest noise. The cliffhanger of this particular issue ends on Goofy seemingly proving that the ghosts are in fact, real.

It was a great cliffhanger and I never was able to find the next issue. I was finally able to read the end of story 15-16 years later in graduate school. I ended up winning a bid on eBay of a giant collection of Gottfredson's Mickey comics (printed in the late 70's).  Gottfredson and Barks (Donald Duck, Uncle Scrooge) really were the masters. If you like a old comics that tell a mystery, check out the storyline (there are multiple re-prints available). 


#3 Amazing Spider-Man 280 - "Introducing the Sinister Syndicate"

I think I was obsessed with this issue, I would just remember staring at this cover forever.

This is just classic 80's Marvel. Spider-Man has his black suit on (my favorite Spider-Man costume), Silver Sable's in it and it's full of great action. Sure, it's basically a trope (super-villains team up on the super-hero or a duo and the hero(s) fight back against all odds), but it works.

The plot line has Spider-Man helping Silver Sable track down the Jack O' Lantern for cash (Peter Parker is in need of cash to help Flash Thompson's legal defense). Instead of tracking down Jack O' Lantern (or maybe because they are set-up) they end up being trapped at Coney Island fighting for their lives against the new "Sinister Syndicate". The issue ends with Spidey and the Silver Sable injured and surrounded by the evil squad of villains.

Let me be frank, it's a pretty basic comic but the cliffhanger made me obsess over it. See, that's the cool thing about cliffhangers...while I was waiting I imagined what would happen next. Sure, it was a given Spider-Man would come out on top, that's not the point. It was fun to try to figure out just how he would do it.  I never was able to track down #281 but maybe someday on one of comic-book runs (usually at used book stores around town). I know it's available digitally but somehow, I think it will feel a lot better if I find it in the wild.



 #2 Marvel Team-Up # 59 - ”Some Say Spidey Will Die By Fire...Some Say By Ice!" 

 

I think I picked this issue up in "Free Comic" promotion somewhere down the line. It was first published in 1974 and for a long time, this was the oldest comic that I owned. Heck, it's likely still in my top 10 or 15 oldest comics I own. It's one of the Chris Claremont issues (before he went on to X-Men fame) and the art is top-notch as well. For a Marvel Team-Up, its downright abnormally good (usually MTU are pretty generic and lame).

This was the first issue I had seen or heard about Yellow Jacket and I thought he just looked so darn cool. Anyway, the bad guy known as Equinox appears and is ready to kill Spider-Man.

As I kid I found this villain a little scary. Something about his eyes and crazy violent dialogue.

Spidey ,Wasp and Yellow Jacket take on Equinox and in the last few pages, Equinox blows up a tanker that was behind the Yellow Jacket. The last page reveals that Yellow Jacket has been seemingly killed.  

Keep in mind I was probably 10 (or under) when I read this and I had never seen or heard of the Yellow Jacket before. I was unaware that comic book characters literally CANNOT STAY DEAD (there's a law or something)...and being I had never heard or seen him in the 80s' I thought this was his actual death. I was blown away and I wanted to know what happened the next issue. I still had no idea. Also, there was this really seductive scene with Yellow Jacket and the Wasp in the first few pages that I remember being really fascinated with at the time. 

# 1 Transformers #79 - "The Last Autobot" 

I loved Transformers. I loved the cartoon, I loved the toys, so of course I loved the comics. By the time I started collecting (1984-1985) the comic has been out out for a few months. I somehow traded my way into one of my favorite comic cross-overs (and cover) of all-time in Transformers #3

The size proportions are terrible but you can't NOT be pumped when you see this cover. It was a dream come true for my 9 year-old self. Also, check out Gears in the corner box. Gears actually had a major role in this issue (and at least in the Marvel line, never again).

Bob Budniksy wrote the first 55 issues of Transformers. The first 35 are mixed with a third of the issues being duds, another third being decent and another third being quite well done. Some of my personal faves are when the Dinobots take on Megatron (#8), the Blaster - Cybertron Saga (#17-#18 - shoulda been longer), the Scraplets Epic with Blaster and Goldbug (#29-#30).  

Somewhere in the mid-30's the series started to get pretty lame and stayed bad for the next twenty issues or so. The art got much worse and it seemed Hasbro pushed for more story lines introducing an endless amount of characters that no one cared about. So somewhere after #35 or so I dropped out of keeping up with the Transformers (I remember thinking the Headmasters were really stupid).  I checked back in at the comics rack and I even bought the issue when a "Powermaster" Optimus Prime was back, but even I though it was pretty disappointing.

So, while I was stepped away from my Transformers fandom, something pretty amazing happened. Budniksy brought in the UK writer Simon Furman and Furman helped right the ship. I didn't catch on until issue# 67 (which despite the art, was a terrific alternate future story that tied back in to the main storyline).

If Budniksy is the father of Transformers (he actually created most of the toy names and personalities), then Furman is the soul of Transformers. Furman created more than just a backstory, but a mythos that was much deeper than just a simple toy line. Characters were more flawed, more conflicted...basically more human.

Here's the cover of #70. I saw this at a gas station and it got my attention. I was instantly back to being hooked on the Transformers comic.

From this point on, Furman was working with some great artists like Wildman and Senior (who's work I had obviously missed in the strong "Matrix Quest" storyline). Furman's work in the last two years of the Transformers' comic is simply outstanding (especially the storyline from #67-#75).  If you are a fan at ALL of Transformers and great storytelling, start with Furman's run at #55 and finish up with #80. 

Anyway, most of action peaks with issue #75 (Unicron!!)  however, Furman was still weaving quite a web when Transformers got the axe. You see while #79 is a pretty typical comic, I knew #80 would be the last issue of Transformers. At this point in time, the toys were off the shelves and I assumed this was the last I would ever read of the Transformers. 

No one knew that there would be re-boot after re-boot and re-boots of reboots from all the crap from the 80's and 90's. 

So, #79, while an okay comic was only a "real" cliffhanger because I could NEVER find #80. There is an actual cliffhanger, but it's complicated to explain....the larger point is that it was a cliffhanger for me. I always wondered how the comic storyline would end.

I went looking almost everywhere a kid without a car could look but I never did find #80. In the early 2000's I started picking up used comics again and I could always find Transformer comics here and there. I managed to pick up about a third of the total series. I think I have about 50-60 of the total comics. However, after the movie series came out, I have never seen one Generation 1 Marvel comics in the wild again (at used bookstores, etc.). I ended up reading a scan of #80 in the early 2000's and it was okay...but it could have never lived up to all the hype and mystery.  Still, all that interest led me to check out reprints of the UK story lines (which feature Furman and Senior). Those are also highly recommended. 

So, I have finally finished my blog post here and I've just read this massive blog post of crap. I have no idea why it happened but it was kinda fun and I hope it finds someone, somewhere a little joy out there as well. Go read a comic and forget your problems for the day.

Disney Queries

Just got Ducktales Vol. 2 DVD for the kids because C has been loving the old Carl Barks Comics and sue me, I want my kids to like everything I do!!! So, here are my thoughts and queries about this strange, strange world.

Have you ever noticed that in old-school Disney comics, Donald Duck never wore pants and Mickey Mouse never wore a shirt?

That's inversion PERVERSION (but clever, Walt, very, very clever)

To top it off, Goofy was always FULLY CLOTHED.

What's odd about the whole Disney Cartoon Universe is that's it's mainly populated by dog-like people and ducks. We're watching DuckTales and there is the occasional pig in the background, or weasels (of course, they're bad guys) or different birds (like Gyro and Launchpad)  but it's mainly dog people and ducks. The dog people are kinda more like humans and less like dogs (their skin looks human). But the ducks are pretty duck-like. Where are the cats, sheep, goats and cows? Why limit yourself to dog people? 


Is this like an alternate earth where animals evolved and lost their animal aspects such as flight for the ducks and great hearing for the dogs? Wouldn't it be cool if it was a like a Planet of the Apes thing going on and they could retcon the whole universe to show the over-throw of man? (Hint: No).

Also what is very strange is that  the whole universe is segregated. You never see a mixed couple in the Disney animal world. RACISTS.

What's up with Donald's voice? It was a mistake made 70 years ago, just correct it already. People will moan about it but that's because most people are stupid. The voice is  horrible and hard to understand. It doesn't make any sense either, all the other ducks talk normal, so why doesn't he?
In the pilot of Ducktales, Launchpad asks, "why does he talk so weird?" which actually made me laugh.

Donald's like George Costanza of Seasons 7-9 of Seinfeld (when he become a caricature of the character --  in fact the whole show started to go downhill). He's a one-note character that is predictable and boring.WAIT A SECOND --

Mickey = Jerry = Every Man 
Goofy = Kramer  = Stupid Man (and both tall)
Donald = George = Angry Man 

HOLY POOP - Seinfeld is based off of Micky, Donald and Goofy.

 My mind is officially blown.

They actually work okay as a trio but the characterization in the comics by Gottfredson and Barks are so much more subtle and fun than we have ever seen in the cartoons. 

My daughter E asked if Mickey and Minnie were getting married. I told her they had been dating for 60 years so it was doubtful. I mean you know they're DOING IT, right? They can't hold out this long....

One last thing that bothers me is Huey, Dewey and Louie are STILL UNDEVELOPED characters after 60 or 70 years. Even the great Duck Man himself, Carl Barks was too lazy to try. They are just clones of each other that happen to finish each other's sentences. Can anyone address this? Wouldn't it be worthwhile?

Pop Culture Queries

I've noticed many of the Sesame Street characters have more clothes on at the beach than when they are not at the beach. They're naked 99% of the time, except they put a swimsuit on to go the beach. WHY?

Look at this trash, everyone puts on clothes....even Big Bird puts on a tie. (Wait...what?) Everyone but Cookie. He probably ate his swimsuit on the way to the beach. 

Who made this decision? Like,"this looks great, just get some clothes on these naked puppets!" Why go to the trouble? There's no need to differentiate from their regular appearance because, all we have to do is look in the background and we know, we're at the beach. WHY??

The 3 rules of taking care of mogwais from the movie, Gremlins were pretty stupid. Let's review:

1. Never expose them to bright light.

Fair enough, lots of animals avoid light.

2. Never get them wet.

Stupid, but sure, you don't want to transform them into that crazy, evil monster gremlin form. So, we can deduct from this rule that their natural state is the evil, crazy gremlin form, and not the cute mogwai, as animals cannot avoid getting wet. How did humans capture a baby gremlin? What are the advantages from an evolutionary vantage point? What did they evolve from? How did they not wipe out the human race in ancient China and spread outwards like the evil spawn that they are.....

3. Never, ever feed them after midnight.

This one takes the cake and has always confused me. Isn't every minute in the day, except for 12:00:00-12:00:59 - AFTER MIDNIGHT??? I mean, if you want to get technical, even one second after the clock strikes midnight, is after midnight. Do they have to feed in under one second or under one minute? If it mogwai's internal body clock resets to "not after midnight" then when is it NOT after midnight? Sunrise? Noon? When?!!?  Also, is the mogwai internal body set to GMT? How does it even know?  Why couldn't the writers just say, "never feed them at night"? That would make for clear boundaries and ya know, make sense. Why do they have to torture us this way?

What a strange movie to market to kids. That movie scared the poop out of me. Other inappropriate movies I watched as child under the age of 10: Jaws, Psycho (really!), Red Dawn and I think Sixteen Candles. Holy Smokes that's nuts. I'm like a Puritan compared to my parents in regard to movies I would let my 8-year old watch.

 

I was driving on Sunday and saw one of those family stickers, showing a husband, wife and male child. If you've noticed, they've gotten cute the last few years, they have Star Wars characters, Zombies, you name it. This particular car had a He-Man, She-Ra and a child He-Man (the head had obviously been cut and transplanted onto the child's body). It didn't hit me right away but it sunk in later that afternoon (confirmed with my daughter, then Wikipedia)....He-Man and She-Ra were brother and sister!! Does the geek couple know this? Are they hoping the general public is largely unaware of the incestuous undertones of their "cute" family stickers? Wait....maybe they actually are brother and sister raising a child on their own? WHAT A TWIST.  Really though, what are they teaching the child and how should I contact CPS?

Which leads me to another query? Why does She-Ra dress like a stripper? That skirt can NOT get any shorter. Her alter-ego, Adora, literally WEARS NO PANTS. Why do we objectify women like this?