The Art of the Mix Tape or My Summer Love Mix-Tape of '97

This past summer, during the Epic Re-Flooring of 2015, I came across one of my old poetry notebooks from 1996-1999.  Everything was going in boxes or being thrown out and I was tempted to throw this bad boy of bad poetry into the recycle bin.

Something stopped me though. I felt that if I threw the notebook away, it would have been a rejection of a part of me. Sure, that aspect of me is long gone but it felt wrong and I wasn't ready to let it go. At least not yet. Well, months later and I am still organizing my bookshelf and I found that old notebook of poetry again.

The notebook has more than just poetry, it has thousands of doodles, notes, script ideas for my summer film projects, and to-do lists, etc. To my delight I discovered an old mix tape track-list that I had made for my girlfriend Marie in the summer of 1997.  We had gotten together in May of 1997 and it was the first time I had experienced love. I was head over heels and having the time of my life. So, what's a guy in the 90's supposed to do for the girl he loves? Yep, make a mix-tape.

This was one of my first experiments in making a mix-tape. I might have made one for Mikey but it was all so long ago, it's hard to remember. I would later become an expert at pacing my track list and adding surprising or funny content to add to the listener's experience.

Here's a clip from High Fidelity about the rules of making a mix tape, also I wanted to include it because it's a great movie.

I ended up seeing High Fidelity with Marie and it was kinda weird because we were in a in-between spot when we saw it and the subtext for us was just hanging over us once the movie ended.  

Before we get to the track list, I have to set up a little more of my background.

First, I was pretty new to rock music in general.  All the time in high school I should have been discovering rock history and listening to the Beatles and Pink Floyd I spent listening to awful country music and being generally un-musical. So, my knowledge base of rock music was shallow to say the least. I was into "alternative" but it was mainstream alternative. I simply wasn't aware of the depth and richness in alternative, punk, indie,  you name it, etc. If this had been two years later (after being a college radio DJ) my track listing would be much more expansive and include some curve balls.

Also, Marie wasn't into rock music either, so I wasn't going to go too crazy here. I remember thinking it was going to be basic and straight forward.  I spent hours coming up with the track list. Looking at the track list today it's hard to see where I was going with this. Was it an introduction to stuff I liked and hoped she would like? Was I sending her any messages? I'm not even sure I knew at the time. Anyhoo, here's the track list with my additional content.

1. "Dill Pickle Intro"
2.  Smashing Pumpkins - "Today"
3.  Beck - "Hot Wax"
4.  "Talk Intro"
5.  Weezer - "No Other One"
6.   Bush - "Comedown"
7.  "Helicopter intro" - Nirvana - "Lithium"
8.   Dean Martin - "You're Nobody till Somebody Loves You"
9.   "DJ Speak"
10. Foo Fighters - "Big Me"
11. James Taylor - "You've Got A Friend"
12. Blur - "Song 2"
13. "Rocket Intro" - Rentals - "Friends of P"
14. Smashing Pumpkins - "Galapagos"
15. "Yoda Scene"
16. Pearl Jam - "Better Man"

I have to say this track list is full of rookie mistakes. There is no overall theme and the selections are haphazard (James Taylor to "Song 2"?) I also hate the fact that Bush is on this list...why did I include Bush?  I also am perplexed as to why I didn't end with "Galapagos" as it's a love song and it would have been better than the oddly placed "Better Man".

I have no idea what the "Dill Pickle" intro is nor what I talked about at tracks 4 and 9. Maybe "Dill Pickle" was an inside joke but the world will never know.

I used an old pair of earphones as my microphone. I remember it sounding better than you might expect. I thought the fact that I had discovered how to record my voice on a standard stereo pretty awesome. To achieve my sound effect introductions (I overlapped sound effects over the beginning of tracks 7 and 13), I would run the sound effects CD on a second CD player while holding the mic up the speakers as I recorded the music from the actual attached CD player. It was creative and I think it gave the mix tape a feeling "what will he come up with next"?   I believe the "Yoda Scene" on track 15 was the whole "There is no try" speech from Empire, although Marie probably had no idea where that was from and why this character was speaking in such a weird voice.

I'm not sure if this was one side or maybe just a sixty minute tape. I thought about adding up the times but I don't care all that much.  I remember spending hours  on the creation of my mix tapes. I would try to squeeze the perfect fit of songs so that each side was balanced and the listener wasn't left with 45 seconds of silence before the end of one of the sides. It really is a lost art form.

My wife had a little fun at my expense as I told her the topic of this blog. I was lamenting the loss of the mix tape and she laughed and said, "I wouldn't say it's sad, people are still sharing music".

"Yeah, but not like I did it!"

Of course she replied, "Everything has a purpose for you". And that's true enough.  As the years went by my mix tapes would morph into mix CD's but the same effort was there, including snippets from TV or movies, adding vocal tracks to introduce songs or share something crazy or funny. It was a way of sharing who I was, whether it was my love interest at the time or just a friend. It was also a lot of fun.

I suppose you could put together a YouTube playlist but it just wouldn't be the same for me.

I have a warm memory of how I delivered this tape to Marie. It was one of those wonderful youthful summer days, when there wasn't much to do. I had finished the tape that afternoon and I just couldn't wait to give it to her. She was working at a local diner and I drove down to see her and give her the tape. I remember it was early evening and the sun was just starting it's descent as I drove to the diner. I was wearing my Kurt Cobain shirt and she said she liked it, although I think she was just being nice. I gave her the tape and sat on the bar stool for awhile, watching her work and making small talk, as time allowed.

I went home probably listening to one of the many mix tapes I put together for myself. There might not be very many mix tapes any more, but at least they're missed.

I found another track list - so, here's another blog post on another mix-tape! 

Star Wars Fragments

Had plans for a general fragment post but then it turned into fragments about Star Wars, childhood and random jpegs....

Our oldest is turning six this week and we're having the party tomorrow. I tried to remember any of my childhood birthday parties and could only really remember two - it was normal to not have a birthday party every year when I was a kid. The earliest "party" I can remember is my Mom let me take a few friends to see Return of the Jedi and then eat cake at our house. One of my friends gave me a Return of the Jedi poster that was on the back of my door for ages.

I was born in 1977 but I have a specific memory of watching A New Hope in the theater with my parents...I am guessing this was because theaters would re-release old movies before the take-off of VHS. We were like the last people in the town to get a VCR (1989) so I do remember one Saturday,  I discovered A New Hope or Empire on TV. I was really, really excited. Sure, we have the pleasure of watching anything we want almost instantly - but the surprise and excitement of a movie on TV is a lost thing.

If you wondering my stance on the prequels - I firmly believe they are an abomination to film. Yes, that bad. If you need an explanation -this link will explain it all and it will amaze you.

Great post about watching SW in order. Still don't think it's enough for me to re-watch the new movies-- maybe one day when I'm bored or want to punish myself for some bad deed.

My cousin had tons of Star Wars toys. He had this huge bookcase full of them - he had the Millennium Faclon, X-Wings, Y-Wings, Ewok Village, etc. etc. It was crazy. I loved going over there because I had like two Star Wars figures plus the band from Jabba's Palace and one of the little racers they had on Endor. That's it. I think I stole Boba Fett from him.

When all the Star Wars mania hit back in the late nineties I could enjoy the series all over again but in many ways it was really for the first time. I bought the VHS trilogy and realized there were chunks of the movies I had either forgotten about or never even seen. The re-release of A New Hope was the first movie I saw at midnight on opening night. Fun times.

Well, here is a minor Star Wars pic dump that I've come across the past few weeks....

Belief, Knowledge and Yoda

Yoda uses "The Force" to lift the X-Wing out of the swampy bog. The spacecraft floats above the water and Yoda guides it with his hand, gently placing the spacecraft to the ground. Luke utters in disbelief, “I don’t believe it.” “That is why you fail” replies Yoda. - From The Empire Strikes Back

"If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe." - Soren Kierkegaard


Believing is never as easy as it seems in abstract. The whole idea of believing in a God seems easy and most of all, well, neat and tidy. However, in real life you might find yourself awake at night wondering if this is all there is to life. For all I know we might be floating around in space, helpless, small and living meaningless lives.

In my small time here on earth I have learned that it's easier to let go of the answers - to let go of the assumptions and knowledge I have about life, god, belief, etc. I can't figure it all out and I don't need to. When we put God in a box (like Luke Skywalker or a person taking the opposite position of Kierkegaard) we will fail (in part because we are human). It's not about knowing but trusting.


“I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." – Jesus (MT 17:20)


Jesus says even the smallest of seeds of faith will do great things. The beginning of every journey begins with one step. I believe that to be true and one day hope to live it to its fullest extent.

Spiritual Masters; or The Dao of Yoda, Jesus and Buddha

The converging and diverging aspects of world religions fascinate me. I imagine when it's all said and done, I'll have quite few posts centered on comparing and contrasting aspects of the many belief systems. With this post I wanted to explore the idea of a spiritual master. The idea of a spiritual master (better known as a guru) is a Hindu, or more broadly, an Eastern concept. While those in the west might not be familiar with the terms, I believe we are more comfortable with the concept than we think. All spiritual masters have much to offer the world and use a familiar pedagogy.

A guru acts as a conduit to the divine for his followers and are thought to literally exude divine energy. Many believers claim they are overcome with feelings of love or peace just in the presence of these spiritual masters. Because of this fact many Hindu guru's are pampered and treated seemingly god-like. From the outside looking in, it might look like a cult of personality. I've witnessed the pedestal treatment personally and it made me feel, well, icky.

The whole washing feet with the hair - kinda "icky" am I right?

Jesus and Buddha were recognized as spiritual masters in their own life times and even after their deaths.  Their followers still seek their wisdom and guidance.

In contrast with the concept of seeking help from a spiritual master is America's emphasis on the individual. We believe humans don't need a "conduit" to the divine. Our belief systems tend to be egalitarian. We like to think, "You're no closer to God than I am". I am intrigued by the idea of spiritual masters because they challenge the idea that we can figure it out intuitively on our own.

Recently when thinking about spiritual masters, my mind instantly thought of one of America's most influential spiritual figures, Yoda.

The iconic image. 

This post will ignore any possible existence of a Yoda after 1985. I will be in denial for the rest of my life.

I don't think it was a simple coincidence that I was baptized after a sermon that used clips from The Empire Strikes Back with scenes that featured Yoda. George Lucas was well versed in Joseph Campbell and Eastern religion traditions...but Yoda transcends his creator's interests.  Yoda (at least pre-prequels) influenced a whole generation with his wisdom.

Using Jesus and Buddha as contrasts; I want to show that Yoda exhibits all the qualities of a successful guru. I don't mean to say that all their messages are the same (because they aren't). I want to show that their teachings share a commonality in their pedagogy and approach.

Spiritual Masters Clarify and Simplify

I think our natural tendency is to complicate things - we build up rules, regulations, rituals, traditions, definitions, etc. We create a theology that helps us "box in" the divine. In a positive sense, these constructs help us understand and think through the idea of "god" but on the other hand they also limit our understanding about what "god" is. Gurus do the opposite - they help illustrate eternal truths.

Buddha: " Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal"

Jesus: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Yoda: "You must unlearn what you have learned...there is no try; do or do not"

This is just the kinda of depiction Buddha would hate; but it's the INTERWEBZ, so the heck with it.... 

Spiritual Masters Believe the Power of the Ultimate is Accessible

Being "spiritual" is difficult for me. I was raised with the idea that God was "up in heaven". While I might have sung a song about God "living" in my heart - I definitely felt separate from the divine. Spiritual Masters reveal that the Ultimate reality is accessible for all - anywhere. Guru's realize the first step in your journey isn't to become educated, initiated or even holy - the first step is to be aware that right here, right now it is possible to recognize and participate in the truth.

Buddha: "Therefore....be lamps unto yourselves. Rely on yourselves, and do not rely on external help".

Jesus: "Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you."

Yoda: "(The Force's) energy surrounds us and binds us....You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes...."

Spiritual Masters Teach Non-Retaliation and Non-Aggression

Alright, so I said I was focused on pedagogy - I changed my mind mid-stream...so sue me. This theme happens to resonate with me. In the last 3-4 years I began to try to approach life with a peaceful, non-violent attitude. I find this supremely ironic because as a child I was the first to respond or  retaliate.I relished my revenge fantasies and even hatched successful revenge plots.  I was known in my circle of friends as a "hot-head" and have a list of stories about my lack of non-aggression. Thankfully, time, study and my spiritual life has helped mellow me.  This was the journey I had to take.  All spiritual teachers worthy of any study must address conflict in this manner. I'm sure I'll have more to post on this subject someday.

Buddha: "All tremble at violence. All fear death. Seeing one's self in others, one should neither strike nor cause to strike."

Jesus: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles..."

Yoda: "...Beware...Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."

Personally, I gotta go with the North Koreans; they sure have it coming...