How I Met Your Mother, Part II : Lessons Learned (1995-1998)

For as long as I can remember I wanted to fall in love. I had dated a number of different girls but I felt like I had never really made that deep connection. Maybe it was a false sense of expectation or maybe I watched too many movies but I dreamed, even yearned to fall in love. I have a notebook full of bad poetry to prove it too.

Well, every dog has his day and one rainy summer night, it finally happened.

Like most good love stories, the beginning of our relationship was quite unexpected. I was attending a community musical (The Mikado) with Eric, Mikey and her boyfriend BJ to see a number of our choir friends perform, including your mother. After the play was over, the whole crew talked and we made plans to eat at IHOP. After dinner a few of us hung out at the Eric and Mikey's house to watch a movie. I sat on the couch and ended up talking for hours over a People magazine with a very cute girl.

Sure we had known each other before that night, but this time something was different. Most girls I had dated didn't seem to have strong opinions and the dates I went on felt awkward (surely it wasn't me that was the awkward one, right?). While this wasn't a date - it was very, very intriguing. I drove home that night excited about the possibilities. I didn't know it but I had just fallen in love for the first time.

This, of course, was not the night I fell in love with your mother - that wouldn't be for awhile.

It was 1997 when Marie and I started dating. This was my first "real" relationship and I was happier than I had ever been. Marie and I shared a wonderful summer that was a boon to my notebook as it was now being filled up with love poems. We shared an ability to deconstruct anything and anyone. Our conversations reveled in discussing minutia, the mundane and the design flaws of restaurants. It was a Seinfeld fan's dream come true. The one complication that hung over the summer was that I had just been accepted at Texas A&M and would be leaving in the fall.

Meanwhile, your mother was in a relationship with our mutual friend, JJ. Do I have to even say it? Yes, he was part of the choir crew as well.

Note: This choir crew was a loosely organized group. It wasn't a tight knit group although at times, it could be. Between, 1995-2000, we had about 12-15 consistent members without accounting for the various additional boyfriends or girlfriends and a rotating cadre of guest stars who would enter our group for seasons at a time.  I would say only a few times a year would the group be all together.  As incestuous as it all sounds, I was the only one (besides your mother) who seriously dated more than one of the members of the group. Looking back I am surprised there wasn't more dating from within the group. 

JJ and Kathryn dated for a long time. They were great together. I loved both of them as friends and I remember thinking that they would be one of those couples that would be married shortly after college.  They seemed to get along so well.  Marie and I even went out on a double date that summer with the lovely couple (both your mother and I have vivid memories of this date at Carraba's).

While we were happy in our own little worlds, your mother and I can barely have said to have a friendship from late 1995- 1998. Of course we were friendly but we usually only saw each other at parties or at the Schmidt's house during a break from school. I do have one distinct memory of talking with Kathryn at the Schmidt's house one Christmas break in 1996. Most of the guys were throwing a football outside but Kathryn and I chatted on the couch for about half an hour. It was the first time I realized that Kathryn had changed since we had dated. She seemed different.  She didn't seem so much like the "goody goody" label I had placed on her. She was a real person - and cute.  

Well, that magical summer of 97' finally came to an end. Marie and I decided to try the "long distance relationship" otherwise known as sure-fire failure to all people under the age of 21. We maintained our relationship during the fall semester and I visited a few times throughout the fall. In retrospect I think I didn't visit as often as much as I should have. During the holidays, we were reunited and we (seemingly) had a great time - I was still in love.

At the famous annual Christmas Party (1997).  

By February (1998) - something changed for Marie. She didn't like the long distance between us but the bigger issue was she had the hots for some lunk head at the gym. So, my first foray into love had fizzled out. For the record the guy from the gym had an abnormally large head (having said that he could probably tie me into a pretzel had I ever told him that to his face).

I was devastated. The night we broke up was the night before a geography exam. I was living in the dorms on campus and I shared a room - I was going to have to cry somewhere else. I walked around aimlessly on the dark campus trying to make sense of it all and sniffle in the cold. I visited the chapel for the warmth but I soon realized I still had to study. I went straight to bed and bombed it the next day. Don't let it be said your father isn't a romantic.

Thus began the long (and very annoying) Saga of Marie (pending trademark). You see this wasn't the end of our relationship - it was only the beginning of an on-again-off-again romantic relationship and then the not friends-best of friends-maybe friends that kiss and then not friends at all thing. I will spare you the details, but some will be forthcoming as they are necessary to understand how your mother and I finally starting dating again. Later that spring Marie and Kathryn decided to attend LSU together in the fall of 1998.

While the Saga of Marie continued, so did life. I liked my new life at A&M but I still felt a little bit like the odd man out.  I was still adjusting to my new life with a whole new set of friends in College Station.  However, in the summer of 1998 and continuing into the fall, I changed. I had been evolving ever since my senior year in high school but now I fully loosened up to the possibilities of who I could be. It was as if I had finally let the up-tight, conservative, know-it-all Neil finally be put to rest. I was having a blast but I just couldn't put Marie behind me.

Sometimes in life there are roads we have to take before we find our redemption. I could have never been the man I was for you mother without my experiences with Marie. For all the drama and pain, I owe Marie a debt of gratitude. She taught me so much about myself and about what I wanted from a serious relationship. More importantly, she made me believe I could be loved back and was worthy of romantic love.

I don't necessary believe in destiny (although maybe you could sell me on a destiny-lite with a strong dash of free-will --but get back to me on that in a decade or two). What I do know is that we always have choices. Choices on how to respond and what to do when we hurt. Chances are someday you will have a broken, messed up, heart-breaking relationship.  I don't wish it on anyone, but often that's part of growing up. I hope you put in the work to find the meaning for yourself. Just remember, every heartbreak has to end sometime.