State of Mind

Sometimes I feel worn out.  The kids are in bed. The dishes aren't done but I am.

I don't mean just physically but mentally and spiritually. Lately, my spiritual life feels like I am running in place in one of those huge hamster wheels.

My actions show that I feel like God doesn't mind if I miss a prayer (or two or three or four). I feel disconnected from it all. This life has ups and downs and all arounds, and right now I'm in one of those ruts.

Frequently, I find my mind wandering to the future, never satisfying with what's right in front of me. Too busy to just be. Many people would be surprised to hear me say that because I am "in the moment" for most of my life. This is true for sometimes in moments with my children I am almost brought to tears of joy or beauty. When I am alone though, my mind betrays me.

The truth is, the future isn't better. The future might not exist at all. Now is better than the past and the future. It's all we have. The plans I make are just preparation. They should not be a substitute for living. If you are familiar with the Buddhist concept of mindfulness you know I just cribbed all that from my little bucket of Buddhist knowledge.

God, help me to see what's right in front of me.

I wanted to litter this little post with quotes from the Buddha and scripture and add a cute picture or two but it would just be for my pride's sake and plus, it's getting late.

Being mindful will help me be open to being closer to who God wants me to be. When I do pray, here's what I pray for.

Faith
Patience
Love of others especially my enemies
For the poor and helpless
To help those in need
Those in conflict areas of the world
For the scared and sick
To be a servant of others
All these characteristics to be in myself and family
To be where God wants us to be.