The Ineffability of Life

It's an experience we've all had. A feeling or thought comes over you but can't find the words that would "do it justice". It might be a spiritual experience or a moment with your lover or child.  This feeling might come when you find yourself in nature, experiencing something of great beauty alone. Or maybe it's even simpler- you find yourself unable to explain why you love a certain song or film or even food. Suddenly, language can seem ill-suited to communicate exactly how you feel. In fact, the act of communication seems to rob the experience of its beauty and pulls you further away from understanding. 

Here's a Daoist take on this ineffable feeling from Zhuangzi:

Duke Huan was reading a book in the hall. Wheelwright Pian, who had been chiseling a wheel in the courtyard below, set down his tools and climbed the stairs to ask Duke Huan, "May I ask what words are in the book Your Grace is reading?"  "The words of sages." the Duke responded.  "Are these sages alive?"  "They are already dead."
 
“That means you are reading the dregs of long gone men, doesn't it?"
 
Duke Huan said, “How does a wheelwright get to have opinions on the books I read? If you can explain yourself, I’ll let it pass otherwise, its death."  Wheelwright Pian said, ‘‘In my case I see things in terms of my own work. When I chisel at a wheel, if I go slow the chisel slides and does not stay put; if I hurry, it jams and doesn't move properly When it is neither too slow nor too fast I can feel it in my hand and respond to it from my heart. My mouth cannot describe it in words but there is something there 1 cannot teach it to my son and my son cannot learn it from me So I have gone on for seventy years, growing old chiseling wheels The men of old died in possession of what could not transmit. So it follows that what you are reading is their dregs."

Here he is, Zhuangzi himself (or at least that's what Google told me). Of course no one really knows what he looked like but this guy looks "with it" enough for me.

It's a wonderful little story (well, besides the fact Pian was threatened with his life for only a passing comment).  I think the metaphor the Wheelwright makes is apt - we often have a hard time teaching someone to do something that is easy for us to do physically.  Without looking at your keyboard, try imagining telling someone who has never typed, which fingers to use to type out a specific sentence. Or try to imagine explaining to a non-bipedal alien how you walk,chew gum and talk all at the same time. You know, you just do it. The larger point is that the written word and the spoken word are more like shadows than we perceive them to be. 

The Dao De Jing teaches that "the way" of the universe itself is ineffable,  as the first chapter states, "The way that can be spoken of  -  Is not the constant way; The name that can be named." To think you know how to define the way means you're already wrong. Daoists are content with this mystery and  like other Eastern philosophies, Daoism stresses contentment over striving. Peacefulness over activity.  There are limits to human knowledge and intuition so we should individually be satisfied with the little that we do have. The desire for more, whether it be for knowledge or wealth leads to destruction.


This feeling of ineffability is (in part) behind why artists create art. Because "I love you" or "That's really pretty" can't cut it; so we create and attempt to transcend normal reality.  We strive for describing this truth and yet, there is a kind of beauty in this paradox. We are trapped inside our brains with no way to directly share our experiences (yet).  No one can fully understand you (if even you can understand yourself). However, these private, indescribable moments can stay with us forever, to be treasured  in our solitude.

Flippin Fragments

Blah Blah Blah-diddy do

I've been working on a project at work unrelated to the Study Abroad and it has eaten my life for about 10 days now. Thinking, planning, writing, investigating and now promoting it among the faculty. Ready for it to be done with and move on to more stress about if students are paying their fees for the Study Abroad (many are already falling behind, one has already dropped out).

Classes have begun and I feel good about the first few classes. Good kids, and I've had energetic classes thus far.

The first "real" day of class we discuss Plato's Cave.  It's one of my favorite classes and one question I ask the class is for small groups to come up with the "caves" we are currently living in. This is a hard question so I let them grapple with it awhile. After all, if you take up residence in a cave, you're usually in denial of it being a cave. So often we can clearly see the past;  the racism, sexism, injustice, etc. etc. but in our own time we have huge blind spots.  I mentioned that you know someone is in a cave when they say there is no evidence you can provide for them to change their mind.  Conspiracy theorists are the worst at this. I once tried to provide a CDC chart for a anti-vax person and OF COURSE it was part of the conspiracy to make us take vaccines.

So, in this "debate" with the anti-vaccine person on FACEBOOK - she told me the dramatic shift in childhood diseases and decline in childhood mortality was related to HAND WASHING. You might as well conclude it was NAPKINS or because KETCHUP really took off in the mid-20th century.  

This had actually already been on my mind.

Not vaccines, but the idea of changing my mind. I was talking with a fellow Christian when he mentioned that even if Christianity was somehow proved false, he would continue to be a Christian. Although we didn't spend too much time on what evidence that would be - let's assume it's Jesus existence or the resurrection itself. This means, he would continue to practice a faith - church attendance and a worship of a God that he no longer believes in. He says he would do this because he believes this lifestyle is the best one offered on earth. 

I get that on some level. However, on the other hand, I disagree.

I believe if I found or was provided good evidence that Jesus never existed or the physical resurrection did not happen, I would stop being a Christian. This doesn't mean I would let go of my Christian ethics and I will always love the Sermon on the Mount and the concepts of non-violence, love over hatred, forgiveness and helping others. However, I couldn't drag myself to a church on a weekly basis nor consider myself a "Christian" in any real sense.  For me the light out of the cave would be too much.  I always ask questions, second-guess, wonder and maybe that's a dangerous thing but I don't know any other way.

Still working up ideas for a hadith post on women but it's on a back burner so far away I can barely see it.  Wrote about a 1/3 of a post of another Weezer post (on an alternate and better Red Album) that will get done. Eventually. Also, about 1/3 done on my second post on the Beatitudes. The other day I felt bad about my lack of posting and then I remembered no one really reads and I am going to make time for it when I feel like it. Cause, you know, as Bon Jovi said it, "IT"S MY LIFE". (Didn't anyone else think that song sounded exactly like "Livin' on a Prayer"??????

Found me some 90's gold from some demos from the band Supersport 2000. Maybe something I will actually upload to Youtube as there are only a few tracks there.

Pandas are cool. One time I was flippin' channels when my oldest daughter was 4 and we stopped on one of the Spanish Channels that had a movie/documentary about this panda that lived with a little boy in China. It was so realistic I couldn't tell if it was a movie or documentary (I blame the fact that it was in Spanish, that kinda sucked). We were transfixed. It was amazing and yet I had no idea of the title nor how I can find this film. It was so good I still think about it to this day.

Happy Evenin' to ya folks. Stay Warm, Stay Happy and Take a look out on clear winter night and Wonder about the cosmos for a few minutes.

Black & White

I am a white father to a black son.

This means we get a little more attention than the typical parent-child attention. It's also an objective and verifiable fact that our son is charming, smart and handsome.

Typically, it seems like white males love little H most of all.  He's a boy's boy and likes sticks, big trucks, loud noises, buttons. It's like men sense this in him! H often reciprocates their attention with smiles and laughs.

This got me wondering though.....

When will my son stop being "cute" and start being seen as "dangerous"?

What will I say when someone doesn't want him to date their daughter?

Instead of making people stop in their tracks with his smile, when will some walk a little faster when he comes closer to them.

How will I explain that he will be pulled over for being black?

What will I tell him to do when he is followed in a department store?

My son is almost 2 years old so these questions seem far away and foreign but I know they are coming. Luckily, I have some time to prepare.

State of Mind

Sometimes I feel worn out.  The kids are in bed. The dishes aren't done but I am.

I don't mean just physically but mentally and spiritually. Lately, my spiritual life feels like I am running in place in one of those huge hamster wheels.

My actions show that I feel like God doesn't mind if I miss a prayer (or two or three or four). I feel disconnected from it all. This life has ups and downs and all arounds, and right now I'm in one of those ruts.

Frequently, I find my mind wandering to the future, never satisfying with what's right in front of me. Too busy to just be. Many people would be surprised to hear me say that because I am "in the moment" for most of my life. This is true for sometimes in moments with my children I am almost brought to tears of joy or beauty. When I am alone though, my mind betrays me.

The truth is, the future isn't better. The future might not exist at all. Now is better than the past and the future. It's all we have. The plans I make are just preparation. They should not be a substitute for living. If you are familiar with the Buddhist concept of mindfulness you know I just cribbed all that from my little bucket of Buddhist knowledge.

God, help me to see what's right in front of me.

I wanted to litter this little post with quotes from the Buddha and scripture and add a cute picture or two but it would just be for my pride's sake and plus, it's getting late.

Being mindful will help me be open to being closer to who God wants me to be. When I do pray, here's what I pray for.

Faith
Patience
Love of others especially my enemies
For the poor and helpless
To help those in need
Those in conflict areas of the world
For the scared and sick
To be a servant of others
All these characteristics to be in myself and family
To be where God wants us to be.

Sick Fragments and a Happy New Year!!!

2014 was off with a bang I spent the night violently vomiting and having diarrhea.



Not so good, Al, not so good.

Because you are dying to know, here is the list of the most sick I have ever been:

1. 2004 - China - too disgusting for words, painful, seemingly never-ending and I cried while on the toilet, "I just want to go home."
2. 2002 - San Antonio - All thanks to a McDonald's near Baton Rouge earlier that morning. Painful food poisoning.  Laid on bathroom floor pondering how death could be a good thing if this continued indefinitely. Thankful I didn't get sick until I was home.
3. 2013 - Last night.
4. 1992(?) - San Antonio - explosive diarrhea at the mall,  as I was buying the a Sega Genesis (repeated later after a uncomfortable trip home).

O HAPPY DAY.

Well, I have decided that I am going to take a shot at being an children's book author after all. Tentatively, I will begin my work in earnest after the Study Abroad this summer. It will most likely result in failure, but now that I have accepted that fact, I'm okay with it. The goal is the book, not success. Reminds me of this moment:







What a great line and movie. One of my childhood favorites. In the early 90's you could always just flip around the channels on Saturday afternoon and find either The Last Starfighter, Enemy Mine, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Roadhouse on TV. Either that or a Matlock re-run.

I was happy to note I surpassed my blog totals from last year, ever so slightly. Sadly, it made me feel like I accomplished something.  I don't know how people blog often. I have lots of opinions but it's exhausting just to come up with ideas.

Keeping busy with the holidays, our annual X-Mas party, being sick. This FridayI have a date out with the Mrs. with two kiddo's spending the night at grandparent's (little one's not ready - or is it us?). Should be fun.  Also,  I am totally sucked into watching Star Trek: Voyager -- almost done with the second season. Not saying it's better than TNG but comparing the first two seasons, Voyager is more consistent in terms of quality. That first TNG season is a slog and has some duds.

 I dunno maybe it's my stomach bug talking and I'm crazy. 

Does this need a caption other than AWE INSPIRING?

In other news, I am taking a break from facebook. I read someone's stupid post about a diet or about how we have food allergies because, in the past, ."..people TRUSTED THEIR BODIES to heal on its own more than we did." No, they didn't. They couldn't afford to see a doctor or they had no medicine to treat their aliment. Idiocy. Last year I took a month break, I think I am due for one now.

Sometime last year, via my wife from my friend's wife, I found out my friend does not vaccinate his children. It took everything in my power not to say something to him about it. I knew it would be like talking to a conspiracy theorist - there would never been enough evidence to convince him otherwise. If you're in that boat - knowing you can never change your mind then you're brainwashed or you're dangerously arrogant.

We were at the mall the other day and I saw a sign for "Two Shirts for $139.00". I had one of those moments where I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone or a visitor from another planet trying to understand an alien culture. What is wrong with the world?

That's it, kiddos.

To all of my 1.5 readers (no, not counting myself) - have a safe, happy and silly new year!!!

Vacation Fragments

I'm on vacation now for about a month.

CUE HAPPINESS

Got my no shave-almost-kinda-beard going for about a week now. I don't know how long that will last.

In theory this should mean I have time to post more on the blog but it won't really matter. I will be lucky to get done with 2-3 more posts before 2014 hits.

My office is so cold at work (so cold I am forced to occasionally use a little space heater in the summer time). I brought the littler heater home on the break so I could warm my feet up as I work on the kids' project at night in the kitchen. The kitchen floor at night is like an ice-rink. Today, it came upon me that the heater made me realize how cold I pretty much always am and have always been. All this is to say I feel like an Old Lady all day long.  FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

Goals this Winter Break:
Finish Girl's Project (for Xmas)
Research Peru trip (fill in the details for Sacred Valley free day, and Puno activities)
Think about revamping my intro class
Oil Change
Hair cut
3-6 Blog posts

Before the lame "War on Christmas" started I used to say "Merry Christmas" - now I only say "Happy Holidays" to strangers. TAKE THAT FOX NEWS. 

In the spirit of the season, MINI PIC DUMP

 

Well, then that just about settles it. It's hell for me.

Sikh Center Fragments

I visited our local Sikh gurdwara (called a "Sikh Center") here in town about a month ago.

Here are the fragments:

I had called about two weeks prior to inquire about the best worship time to come to. It was an awkward phone call but I didn't let it dissuade me from coming. Most Sikhs I have met have all been friendly folks.

Besides, I was looking to expand my checklist.

 Here are the significant religious places/events I have experienced in life thus far:

• Buddhist Monastery - Chanting Service & Meal (Monks were from Thailand)
• Buddhist Meditation Center - Meditation Open House (a Shambala Center)
• Hindu Temple (Vaishnavism)
• Mosque (Islam, for those that don't know, Sunni for those scoring at home)
• Eid al-Fitr Celebration Dinner  (End of Islamic Ramadan - Turkish Cultural Center)
• Reformed Synagogue (however, I was not there for a worship service)

I arrived early for the two-hour service as I was meeting a few students there for an assignment they had to complete. It was a group six of us and we stood around in the parking lot for a few minutes waiting to see if any additional students would join us (they never did). As usual, I had forced myself into this situation. We all felt awkward but I had to be the leader and pretend I didn't.

This is the Khanda, the symbol of Sikhism. I think it's pretty obvious that Sikhism has the best symbol out of all the religions. It looks like something off of Star Wars. (Runner-up: Yin-Yang)

 
We arrived inside the lobby and took our shoes off. There was chanting going on in what seemed like the large open room right in front of us. I led us inside to find....just a women sitting on the floor alone. I realized we were listening to a speaker we had entered the "langar" the common area around the kitchen for eating after the service.

I approached the woman and found out her name was Regina and she wasn't a Sikh at all - but married to a Sikh that had immigrated here to the states from India. She came to the gurdwara every Sunday with her family (including her in-laws). She told us it was best if we covered our heads while inside the gurdwara as a sign of respect. I felt a little stupid for not knowing that ahead of time, but ya know, it all worked out. She led us to a drawer full of head coverings for men and scarfs for women. I chose a blue one and felt like a pirate. Turns out blue and orange are preferred colors for Sikhs.

She invited us to grab a bite to eat (some corn-bread-like stuffing cake stuff and some other Indian goodies). We were waiting for the 11:00 service to start but it was already 11:00 and about 20 people came out of the worship area into the room we were in. More people started filing in, old people, women with their beautiful saris and groups of kids, running around being kids.

It surprised me when I saw that about a third of the men didn't have a turban or beard.

Love the sense of humor of this t-shirt. I would wear it if I was from India, South Asia or the Middle East.

I had previously thought all Sikh men had to have beards. I knew all about the 5 K's (look it up, I'm too lazy to type it out for you).  It turns out a Sikh male is only required to follow the 5 K's (which includes not cutting hair and keeping your facial hair) only after baptism. Baptism is a choice and only when the believer is ready. So, there were some men even in their late 50's at the gurdwara that had not been baptized.

A little after 11:00 AM rolled around, we strolled into the worship hall, which was divided by gender.  It is similar to a mosque in that everyone sat on the floor. However, at the front of the room was a short stage where three musicians chanted and sung.  More importantly, at the center was a stage like area where the scared book of Sikhism the Guru Granth Sahib was presented. The entire service an older Sikh would wave a feather over the book (ya know, to keep it cool).

Yeah, like this, except imagine the dude fanning the book with a feather (of course, it's hot under all those blankets). Also, this is (obviously?) not my photo. I don't have the gall to take photos of people when they are in their sacred areas. It just feels wrong and awkward. And I usually I feel awkward enough as it is.

 
The only other male student in my group and I went straight to the back where most believers were seated at. At this point, they were all older men over the age of 65.  We found a spot against the wall, as that's what most of the early-birds were doing - getting the early bird seating. So, old people are all the same, no matter the culture.  Indeed, it was the most comfortable spot and that's a good thing because we were sitting there for over two hours.

The first 30 minutes was just one long song. Like one of those praise-and-worship songs that just goes on and on and on. Making it more difficult was the fact that I had no idea what was being sung.

Turns out the mind wanders when the entire service is in Punjabi.

I noticed a young couple that sat in the back together on the female side, breaking the division of gender in the room. No one seemed to mind but it seemed audacious to me all the same. I was like, yeah, man, I would be that Rebel Sikh guy, too. Fight the POWER. He was a baptized believer and his girlfriend/wife/partner was Anglo. I was going to talk with them later but felt a little too eager to talk with them and then it made me feel silly and maybe even a little racist as I felt like talking to them only because he had a Anglo girlfriend/wife/partner. So, I was lame and didn't.

One of the musicians spoke for a few minutes and then another long half hour song began.  Some parishioners seemed to quietly sing along, but the music was so loud I couldn't tell how many were singing along.

Finally, there was a sermon. I was left guessing what was being said. Mostly, to my foreign ears it sounded like rhetorical question after rhetorical question, with the accompanying pauses and the occasional eye-brow raising. He seemed like a seasoned pro - even watching him was a little entertaining. He got a few pleasant but authentic guffaws from his congregation from time to time.



So, the Sikh Center here in town is in a non-descript building but this the Golden Temple in Punjab. Why am I posting a picture of it? Because I can't do a whole post on Sikhism and not show a picture of this amazing building. It would be a internet sin.  This is definitely on my bucket list. It's also close to Dharamsala as well, which would be cool to check out. AHH - I gotta get to India-Nepal sometime in the next decade somehow.


Later, it was explained to us that the sermon was about loving God and all of God's creations, including our fellow man. To love others is to express one's love in God and for God. A pretty nice thought.

After the sermon, you guessed it, another SONG (which thankfully only ran for 15-20 minutes). This final song was followed by a prayer in which we all stood up. Standing up felt great after being on the ground for about 2 hours.  The prayer was issued and I prayed myself, hoping God was listening to the Sikhs around me. As you may or may not know, I am not one of those strict, mean old Christians but this got me thinking about the nature of God, prayer, the purpose of prayer and the importance of prayer on the believer.

Finally, after the prayer, a part of the service happened that was in English! Three children read from short essays they wrote about their "camp" experienced from a youth event they recently attended.  Good introductory Sikh stories that I actually already knew. We were formally welcomed and our names were read out loud and we stood up as they called our name. Then another prayer was said and sweet bread was passed around to all. It felt a little like communion.

The congregation was dismissed but a group of young Sikhs were quickly around us to welcome us and answer any questions we had. They were pretty cool and they helped answer the question I had about facial hair. I was also encouraged to hear that they hadn't really experienced any direct or explicit discrimination here in town.  I was pleased to hear that a group of Christians came by after the terrible shooting in Wisconsin to offer their support. I wished I had thought about doing that too.

It was then time to eat, while we were having our questions answered the congregation filed into the langar (or what Christians might call the "fellowship hall") for lunch. The Sikh tradition includes lunch after service for all. Everyone sat on the ground and servers came around with buckets of food.

Okay, this is from a gurdwara in Dubai but yeah, it looked like this. The only thing kinda weird was the bare feet so close to your plate. That sounds more gross than it was, it didn't bother me.

It was Indian vegetarian fare. Not bad. Lentils were very good, the other stuff was okay. However, when you get free food, everything tastes a little better.  The students that stuck around for lunch were (honestly) a little boring. I ended up walking over to Regina and talking with her and it got very interesting as she considers herself a Christian but still attends here every Sunday. She talked about feeling the Holy Spirit among the believers and wondered if I thought it could be possible. I couldn't complete my thought as her in-laws came by, as did her husband. It seemed like this conversation was for more Christian "insiders" than the whole fam from the look on Regina's face. After a short conversation it seemed like it was "time to go" (and much of the congregation was making for the exits). I hope to meet her again next semester, but my answer is yes, I think it's possible.

It was an interesting experience I was happy to participate in.  For me, I love "hands on" experiences with other religions and cultures. I look forward to another visit in the coming months.