We finally got our phone call to pick up our son a few weeks back. This is amazing news for our family not so good for the blog.
Our trip was outstanding no major troubles and I had chance to have a few miniadventures of my own as well. Of course I will blog about it at some point. I typically use our bedroom PC to blog but our little guy will be sleeping in our bedroom for the foreseeable future so...I'm on my kindle fire. Holy crape this ducks writing on this (not making this up....thats actually the way i typed it out).
I know there are people who type on this type of thing all day...but this ain't happening often.
We have three kids now. It's hard.....but ya know not too terrible ....yet. So....I won't be posting for awhile....until then keep your face clean, roll your windows down when driving and have that extra cookie....you deserve it. Fare thee well..
Friday, September 28, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
My Kid's Camera
Our oldest child loves taking pictures. It might have something to do with the fact that we taken about 2.1 million pictures of her since birth. Her grandfather bought her a kid's camera (Hello Kitty) awhile back. It takes crappy pictures, but she loves it.
Like most children's art, my daughter's photos are brimming with boldness, purity and innocence. Children take risks with their art - they create it not for art to one-up another artist or for art's sake but because it's fun.
They don't have much to compare their own art to, so they are free to do what they want without over-thinking. Children can teach us to trust our inner guide and to remind us the joy of creation.
Or maybe she just takes lots of pictures and some are bound to look halfway interesting to her father.
Full Disclosure: I am not posting these photos believing they are some kind of artistic revelation. However, I never undervalue children's art. There's a painting my youngest did a few years ago that I need to get framed - it's more evocative and beautiful than a lot of modern art I've seen.
It's wonderful to see the kid's prospective on life. I also liked the garage reflected back into the car.
Like most children's art, my daughter's photos are brimming with boldness, purity and innocence. Children take risks with their art - they create it not for art to one-up another artist or for art's sake but because it's fun.
They don't have much to compare their own art to, so they are free to do what they want without over-thinking. Children can teach us to trust our inner guide and to remind us the joy of creation.
Or maybe she just takes lots of pictures and some are bound to look halfway interesting to her father.
Full Disclosure: I am not posting these photos believing they are some kind of artistic revelation. However, I never undervalue children's art. There's a painting my youngest did a few years ago that I need to get framed - it's more evocative and beautiful than a lot of modern art I've seen.
This is her great grandmother on her mother's side. Ok, so there are lots of blurry photos in her batch...part of it is she's a kid, the other part is the crappy camera. The red shirt brought something out in this one that I liked. It looked more Monet-like than the other blurry shots. You still see grandma's smile and the woman on the right makes for an interesting contrast.
This is our cat. She sits here for much of the day. C took a ton of photos of the cat....mainly with the cat looking irritated but this one is nicely framed...and...it's not blurry! That's a minor miracle.
Never a dull moment when you're a kid with a camera.
This was a nice one of our youngest.
Self Portrait. She did a few of these, so she knew what she was doing.
These last two are taken in our church. You forget how big the world was when you were a kid. I loved this shot as it brought back memories of being small.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Paba Free Fragments
So one of my best friends and I had a falling out several years ago. It is sad, but it is what it is. When we were in college we applied for a 2-hour radio show on our college radio station and created The Paba Free Show. It was fun. Here are the fragments:
It took us a long time to think of a name for our show. Nothing seemed to come naturally to us or maybe we were trying to hard to be clever. I came up with the name based off a comment from George on Seinfeld who was looking for a "Paba Free" suntan lotion. I was a massive Seinfeld show fan, so it felt right. Here is the whole exchange and inspiration for the name.
Our college radio station's range was tiny. When I mean tiny, I mean if you were on the far side of campus, you couldn't pick up the AM frequency. We also had "FM-Cable" but you would have to plug in a cable, for the television into the back of your stereo, to hear it, if your stereo even had this slot, which was unlikely. No one could ever figure out if that was working or not because no body had this slot on the back of their stereo.
I found this googling the old station. This was never a door I used, it seems the station has moved once (or has been renovated) and maybe even twice. We had it old school with turntables, old school mics, and tons of old LP's. All of this was cramped in a tiny little space, in the back of a building where no one could find you if they tried. All the photos made me sad we never took a picture and sad because it means I am getting OLD.
Our first shows were awful as we learned the ropes of the technology. Eventually, I think we had some nice DJ moments, but the tapes of the early shows were pretty embarrassing.
It was such a cool thing to tell people at parties or where-ever, "yeah, we have a radio show on Fridays". You felt like such a bad-ass just saying it. Honestly, I haven't had too many humble brags this good in my life. I still get reactions from people when I tell them I had a radio show in college, and they say something like, "That's awesome!"...and I'm like....(sounding like I don't think so)..."yeah.....I guess".
My friend and I were power-pop fiends. Bands in our common rotation: Weezer, Fountains of Wayne, Spoon, Sloan, Superdrag, The Apples in Stereo, Nirvana, Sixteen Deluxe, Beck, Crumb, Frank Black and Tripping Daisy (yes, I am aware some of those artists are not "Power Pop"). I always told my friend to never play the singles from "big bands" like Nirvana or Weezer and to NEVER play R.E.M. but he would sneak them in when I went to the bathroom. Bastard.
Our first semester we had the show on Saturday mornings (that was my friend's stupid idea) from 10:00-12:00, then we went to Sunday afternoon from 2:00-4:00 and finally found a good place on Friday afternoon's from 4:00-6:00. That was my favorite time slot. We would do our show, grab a bite to eat on Northgate (where all the best bars in College Station were), go home and hang out, get ready and go out for the night later. It was a nice routine that I always looked forward to. One week my friend was feeling frisky and decided to have a few beers during our show (obviously, a big school "no-no"). I was freaking out the whole time and generally was a big douche about it.
Our audience was miniscule. The few listeners we had, were, of course, our friends. Frankly, they only listened once we were in the Friday time slot anyway. Two of our friends could miraculously tune into the station and we would often have them call-in for over-the-air conversations. This made it feel like an actual show. Another friend would listen as he drove a school bus on campus and he would tune in as he shuttled students around. Once he drove on the other side of campus, he couldn't pick it up. I'm sure the bus-riding students were confused as to what they had the radio tuned to. I think one of the other DJ's said they tuned in once and it so happened she was a girl and kinda cute so this made us doubly excited.
We would beg people to call in with requests. The truth was sad....but outside a few friends, NO ONE was listening. Then one day-- it happened. An actual request. From someone we didn't know! He requested Echo and the Bunnymen (who I had only heard of)...we were nervous that we didn't have an album to play...but we eventually found an old LP. You know this is a big deal because I remember what the guy requested to this day. We were so proud. One time we had a "stand off" with our non-existent listeners, telling them we wouldn't play music until someone called in. They never called and we chatted for the last hour of the show. We were a little "in on the joke"...but we both would have been thrilled to have actual, occasional listeners.
The great thing about having no listeners was that we could pretty much do what we wanted. We ended up rapping one day over a music-only track of "All About the Benjamins" (of course I made up most of my rap). I also sang over a non-vocal track from a indie band, about Huevos Rancheros a few times. Both of these experiments were pretty terrible, but darkly funny in an awkward-white guy kinda way.
I made a pathetic little website for the show (I mean it was 1998-1999 so most websites were pathetic to begin with). We never got any email requests and I was sad about that. When I look back on it, it's kinda cute that I was trying to be cutting-edge.
We taped most of our shows but I would tape over them all the time with new shows. We stopped doing the show after two years, for whatever reason we felt like we would be "too busy" but I always regret not giving it a final semester. I had only taped about 3.5 shows even though I am certain I lost a tape along the way in a move or lost underneath my car seat. About 10 years ago, I transferred much of our banter (editing out boring stuff) into single MP3 digital copies. I collected many of the songs we played on the show and and mailed them to my friend on a CD before our falling out. I love having these in my MP3 collection as they are a part of my personal history that is recorded. Sure, it doesn't mean a lot to anyone else....but it does to me (ya know, like this blog).
Recently, I created two huge MP3 files (mimicking an audio tape), I wanted to create the feeling of it not being easy to "skip" tracks. You would have to "fast-forward" if you didn't like the song. I edited our banter to ensure the bands we said were "coming up next" really were coming up next and created a "new" show out of old stuff. I found old tid-bits of dialogue that I hadn't recorded years ago. It took a lot of time but at the same time it was a lot of fun too. I sent it to my friend as a peace offering about a week ago.....we'll see what happens.
Since my friend has kinda ignored me the last few years it makes memories of the show a little bitter sweet. He was a like a brother to me, we fought about life, politics, religion, you name it. But we had a shared past, loved the same type of music, loved going to concerts, hanging out, being stupid and having fun. Maybe we debated a lot, but we also liked pushing each other's buttons...it was part of what made us friends. We could disagree but still hang out. Maybe we grew up and maybe we're too different now....time changes things. I don't know. I don't expect our friendship to be the same, but it would be nice to be facebook friends. I miss my friend but at least I'll always have the Paba Free Show.
Update 1/31/13: I sent the package, he never responded. Oh well.
It took us a long time to think of a name for our show. Nothing seemed to come naturally to us or maybe we were trying to hard to be clever. I came up with the name based off a comment from George on Seinfeld who was looking for a "Paba Free" suntan lotion. I was a massive Seinfeld show fan, so it felt right. Here is the whole exchange and inspiration for the name.
Jerry: Are these seats unbelievable or what?
George: Where’s the sunblock?
Jerry: Here.
George: 25? You don’t have anything higher?
Jerry: What, are you on Mercury?
George: I need higher. This has paba in it, I need paba-free.
Jerry: You got a problem with paba?
George: Yes, I have a problem with paba.
Jerry: You don’t even know what paba is.
George: I know enough to stay away from it.
George: Where’s the sunblock?
Jerry: Here.
George: 25? You don’t have anything higher?
Jerry: What, are you on Mercury?
George: I need higher. This has paba in it, I need paba-free.
Jerry: You got a problem with paba?
George: Yes, I have a problem with paba.
Jerry: You don’t even know what paba is.
George: I know enough to stay away from it.
Our college radio station's range was tiny. When I mean tiny, I mean if you were on the far side of campus, you couldn't pick up the AM frequency. We also had "FM-Cable" but you would have to plug in a cable, for the television into the back of your stereo, to hear it, if your stereo even had this slot, which was unlikely. No one could ever figure out if that was working or not because no body had this slot on the back of their stereo.
I found this googling the old station. This was never a door I used, it seems the station has moved once (or has been renovated) and maybe even twice. We had it old school with turntables, old school mics, and tons of old LP's. All of this was cramped in a tiny little space, in the back of a building where no one could find you if they tried. All the photos made me sad we never took a picture and sad because it means I am getting OLD.
Our first shows were awful as we learned the ropes of the technology. Eventually, I think we had some nice DJ moments, but the tapes of the early shows were pretty embarrassing.
It was such a cool thing to tell people at parties or where-ever, "yeah, we have a radio show on Fridays". You felt like such a bad-ass just saying it. Honestly, I haven't had too many humble brags this good in my life. I still get reactions from people when I tell them I had a radio show in college, and they say something like, "That's awesome!"...and I'm like....(sounding like I don't think so)..."yeah.....I guess".
My friend and I were power-pop fiends. Bands in our common rotation: Weezer, Fountains of Wayne, Spoon, Sloan, Superdrag, The Apples in Stereo, Nirvana, Sixteen Deluxe, Beck, Crumb, Frank Black and Tripping Daisy (yes, I am aware some of those artists are not "Power Pop"). I always told my friend to never play the singles from "big bands" like Nirvana or Weezer and to NEVER play R.E.M. but he would sneak them in when I went to the bathroom. Bastard.
Cool Power Pop image. I mean, this is cool right? Or maybe not.
Our first semester we had the show on Saturday mornings (that was my friend's stupid idea) from 10:00-12:00, then we went to Sunday afternoon from 2:00-4:00 and finally found a good place on Friday afternoon's from 4:00-6:00. That was my favorite time slot. We would do our show, grab a bite to eat on Northgate (where all the best bars in College Station were), go home and hang out, get ready and go out for the night later. It was a nice routine that I always looked forward to. One week my friend was feeling frisky and decided to have a few beers during our show (obviously, a big school "no-no"). I was freaking out the whole time and generally was a big douche about it.
Our audience was miniscule. The few listeners we had, were, of course, our friends. Frankly, they only listened once we were in the Friday time slot anyway. Two of our friends could miraculously tune into the station and we would often have them call-in for over-the-air conversations. This made it feel like an actual show. Another friend would listen as he drove a school bus on campus and he would tune in as he shuttled students around. Once he drove on the other side of campus, he couldn't pick it up. I'm sure the bus-riding students were confused as to what they had the radio tuned to. I think one of the other DJ's said they tuned in once and it so happened she was a girl and kinda cute so this made us doubly excited.
We would beg people to call in with requests. The truth was sad....but outside a few friends, NO ONE was listening. Then one day-- it happened. An actual request. From someone we didn't know! He requested Echo and the Bunnymen (who I had only heard of)...we were nervous that we didn't have an album to play...but we eventually found an old LP. You know this is a big deal because I remember what the guy requested to this day. We were so proud. One time we had a "stand off" with our non-existent listeners, telling them we wouldn't play music until someone called in. They never called and we chatted for the last hour of the show. We were a little "in on the joke"...but we both would have been thrilled to have actual, occasional listeners.
The great thing about having no listeners was that we could pretty much do what we wanted. We ended up rapping one day over a music-only track of "All About the Benjamins" (of course I made up most of my rap). I also sang over a non-vocal track from a indie band, about Huevos Rancheros a few times. Both of these experiments were pretty terrible, but darkly funny in an awkward-white guy kinda way.
I made a pathetic little website for the show (I mean it was 1998-1999 so most websites were pathetic to begin with). We never got any email requests and I was sad about that. When I look back on it, it's kinda cute that I was trying to be cutting-edge.
We taped most of our shows but I would tape over them all the time with new shows. We stopped doing the show after two years, for whatever reason we felt like we would be "too busy" but I always regret not giving it a final semester. I had only taped about 3.5 shows even though I am certain I lost a tape along the way in a move or lost underneath my car seat. About 10 years ago, I transferred much of our banter (editing out boring stuff) into single MP3 digital copies. I collected many of the songs we played on the show and and mailed them to my friend on a CD before our falling out. I love having these in my MP3 collection as they are a part of my personal history that is recorded. Sure, it doesn't mean a lot to anyone else....but it does to me (ya know, like this blog).
Recently, I created two huge MP3 files (mimicking an audio tape), I wanted to create the feeling of it not being easy to "skip" tracks. You would have to "fast-forward" if you didn't like the song. I edited our banter to ensure the bands we said were "coming up next" really were coming up next and created a "new" show out of old stuff. I found old tid-bits of dialogue that I hadn't recorded years ago. It took a lot of time but at the same time it was a lot of fun too. I sent it to my friend as a peace offering about a week ago.....we'll see what happens.
Since my friend has kinda ignored me the last few years it makes memories of the show a little bitter sweet. He was a like a brother to me, we fought about life, politics, religion, you name it. But we had a shared past, loved the same type of music, loved going to concerts, hanging out, being stupid and having fun. Maybe we debated a lot, but we also liked pushing each other's buttons...it was part of what made us friends. We could disagree but still hang out. Maybe we grew up and maybe we're too different now....time changes things. I don't know. I don't expect our friendship to be the same, but it would be nice to be facebook friends. I miss my friend but at least I'll always have the Paba Free Show.
Update 1/31/13: I sent the package, he never responded. Oh well.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Lonely Fragments
My wife and kids have been gone for 10 days now and return tomorrow I thought I would have all this time to write and accomplish so much on the blog. oh well.
Late in the spring I tried to name as many players as I could that have played with Tim Duncan. I got up to 53. I was very disappointed with my self, I was expected at least to name 70+. My wife found the sheet and wrote in #54 "you're weird but I love you". That made me smile.
I have been watching the LOTR trilogy (Extended Edition with all the special features). It's been cool. Can't wait for The Hobbit. I think I'm going to try for the midnight showing.
I think I ate more unhealthy with no one around.
I was a lot more busy than I thought I would be. I thought I would be lounging around, taking multiple naps a day, writing, reflecting, etc. Instead I was teaching, grading, getting certified to get folks to register to vote, watering lawns (I was looking after two other lawns other than our own while different people were out of town), prepping for a hunger banquet at church, going to my parents house twice, getting ready for the fall and more. I wouldn't really describe as "busy" but there wasn't a ton of downtime either.
Hard to believe school is starting again soon. Our six-year old will be going into the 1st grade and turning 7 in March. It feels more and more like she's not a little girl any more and that bums me out a little. All the same, I am proud of the little lady she is becoming.
Doing some van shopping as well. I don't like car shopping, car dealerships, car salesmen, test driving, worrying if you're getting ripped off, thinking about how much money you are sinking into this hunk of machinery, even thinking about it makes me ill. bah, humbug.
I had an idea for a movie the other day but I am too lazy and not talented enough to pull it off.
Hang loose, daddy-o's.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Fragments from Ethiopia: Trip # 1
Our trip to Ethiopia was all about meeting our son. And it was an amazing moment. He is so sweet and smiley. An easy baby to fall in love with. In this regard we are very blessed as he is very engaging. This whole process is double-sided, there is much to be joyful about but our blessing is also a tragedy. I have cried more this year than any other year in my adult life - both for my son and his birth mother. Having said that, I am going to keep the rest of this post quite "Ethiopia-centric" and not adoption centric.
I hate flying. Seriously. It's amazing being above the clouds. I even watched a lightening storm at one point and it was a pretty awe-inspiring. But damn, it scares me (ya know, the whole huge metal thing in the sky thing).
A pretty little picture I took somewhere over Canada.
I love traveling. I love going somewhere that is so different from home. It made every day feel like three days (especially when it was the evening and you tried to review all that happened during the day). It was like we were lengthening our lives. (Of course, it helped that the Ethiopian Orthodox Church started prayers between 4:15 AM - 6:30 AM every morning for at least two hours too).
This was the culprit of my misery. This church was perched atop a hill just a few miles from where we were standing. Every morning the prayers would awaken me...I could never get back to sleep (headphones with music, earplugs, pretending it wasn't happening, etc.). I actually fantasized of how one could stop the prayers from happening. Some include shooting the speakers but never physical violence, well at least most of the time.
The thing about going to a developing country is the crowded, active, teeming streets. I experienced this in China, but it seemed to be even more active in Addis. People were everywhere: on the busy sidewalks, on the street and running in front of cars, hanging out of the over-crowded taxi-vans (attempting to get more passengers). Cars and trucks cut each off with no mercy -- making nearly impossibly close calls (no horns or hard feelings -- only a few friendly honks). Little market stalls selling fruits and vegetables, tiny butcher shops (notated to be Christian as they didn't serve halal meat), shoe-shiners, young women selling corn roasting over charcoal, boys and young men holding hands as friends, traditional head coverings for many women (Orthodox Christians and traditional Muslims), donkeys, horses, dogs walking the street with no owner in sight.
Once we saw several horses walking down the highway and we asked our driver who owned them. He shrugged and said everyone knew whose they were, so no big deal. Later we bought a goat for a nearby orphanage (yes, a live one) and our driver (Danny) helped load it on the top of our van's roof as if he was tying down some luggage.
As we traveled through the streets in cars, I never took my eyes off the street - I felt like I would miss something. So interesting and fun.
The bananas tasted different. Stronger, more distinct, sweeter even. The coffee was also fantastic. At the guest house that we stayed at, the ladies would make it very strong and serve it in these tiny little cups. The first day I asked for sugar and I got it very, very sweet. For the rest of our week, that's how I made my own coffee. Dark and very sweet.
The people of Addis Ababa were nice but not overly nice. Let me put it this way, most people didn't engage you, until you engaged them (not counting curious and friendly children). We were in a local supermarket in a non-tourist area of town and we weren't turning any heads. It's not that they were unfriendly (although I believe we had a bit of that), but they wanted to see how you were first. I always tried to say hello first, speaking in Amharic produced many smiles.
The food was great. Everywhere we went....there wasn't a bad experience. Lots of options and we never got sick....and I have a sensitive stomach. We attended a cultural dinner (with cultural dancers) one night and it was amazing - it was great that there were only two tourist groups there (counting our own as well) -- it felt more authentic, not some jazzed-up Disney-version given to foreigners.
The weather was also out-of-this-world (in particular coming from San Antonio in July helps). The average daytime temperature was about 65. It is the rainy season but it was exactly what I was hoping for...the rains would begin anywhere between 5:00-7:30 PM and at times it would be a downpour. It was a cool rain though and not humid at all. In the morning it would clear up, and most days became rather sunny by the late afternoon. We would leave doors and windows open all the time as Addis is located at a high altitude and there were little to no bugs to worry about. This was like a whole new world.
As you might imagine there was poverty. I was expecting this. The toughest scene was in a tourist market - a little boy about age 7 with a half-burned face that was begging for money. It was hard to know what to do with all the children surrounding us at that point. I could write a whole blog about it, and I might someday....until then, I still feel guilty and sad.
I loved drinking Coke from bottles. It just feels right that way and it's re-used....why don't we do this? It was fun.
One of my favorite memories was from an evening when we just walked down the street on the lookout for bananas (as the supermarket didn't have any). We bought some corn from one of the "corn-girls" as I called them. Every evening around 5:00 PM or so, young women would cook corn over a charcoal sitting on the sidewalk selling their corn for 5 birr or so (about 30 cents). I got to speak with one girl and had about as good a conversation as you can with not knowing someone's language. As we spoke a few young kids hung around listening to our halting conversation. Lots of smiles were exchanged as I showed her a picture of our daughters. She wanted a picture with my wife as well. It was a nice moment.
There are lots of little stories that, for now, will remain untold. The trip just went off without a hitch....a wonderful trip from start to finish. Trip # 2 should be in the next month and I expect many more memories....
Fragments of Trip #2 can be found here!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Fine Fragments
Been awhile since I ya know, posted fragments.
Well, it finally happened. We received a referral call on June 28th, and quickly had our court date in Ethiopia on 7/23. It was awesome. So we are the proud parents of a little 4 month old boy. We will go back in 4-7 weeks to bring him home. Wrote a journal while away, and I will write about this at some point (ya know - international adoption, our adoption, our trip, etc. etc.)
On the list of things I love about the summer: cherries.
My wife and kids will be going far away for about 12 days. I am busily mentally preparing for what exactly I am going to do with myself. Personal freedom to do exactly what you want, when you want is hard concept to grasp once you haven't had for awhile. It will be strange.
Another thing I love about summer: Summer Classes, I had three classes this summer, and all three have been great. I love the students I've had. It's been a very enjoyable experience. They almost fool me into thinking I'm a good teacher.
Blog Ideas: China Fragments (about our 2004 trip), Ethiopia Fragments (see above), Jesus as Liberal and Conservative, Hinduism post, maybe, just maybe another Weezer post about a song of theirs I love, etc. I hope to get to some of these when my family is out of town. BOOK IT - August will be my most productive bog month EVAR. (well, at least I hope so).
2012 is more than halfway over...(crazy thought)....and it's been a slow reading year so far. I haven't felt that reading rush I usually get. I've taken it pretty slow and had some research mid-semester in the spring. Then, with our referral, there has been a dearth of adoption and Ethiopian reading. All this is to say I still need to finish one two more books before the school year begins to get back on track. I think I can do it!
Tons of reading on Islam and Christianity during the Middle Ages and ancient China philosophies (Confucianism, Daoism, Legalism and a little bit of Mencius thrown in there as well). Scattered research online and at the campus library, including large swaths of an anti-Islamic book I picked up for three bucks (The Legacy of Jihad - Bostom) that was primarily only primary sources so it was pretty damning. Let's be honest though, I could put together an anti-Christian book using sources from the same time period.The whole process was very enlightening and fun...I do enjoy mini-projects like that.
Here's the rest of the list (no authors unless I can remember off the top of my head, I'm too lazy).
Stories with Intent: A Comprehensive Gide to the Parables of Jesus - Wow. Amazing stuff if you're serious and ready for a long, academic but productive read.
Renting Lacy - Hit me like a ton of bricks, human trafficking is not easy to read about.
Dream Team - light reading for our trip. Enjoyable, but didn't agree with some of his "takes" at the end (little too reverential for my taste).
What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality - Concise, well done, even though I think he undermines his strong points by making some completely unnecessary claims.
Adam, Eve and the Serpent - Pagels - Pretty good.
Lots of 80's Comics - especially Excalibur, Kazar, etc. big sale at the nearby used book store some for a quarter.
Essential Marvel X-Men # 3 - my first real foray into 80's X-Men (it was on sale) -- will do it again.
Currently Reading: Currently reading biography of Gandhi - so far, so good, The Kingdom of God is Within You (Tolstoy) and re-reading The Hobbit (wanted to wait until the fall but I am just too geared up for the movies!!!)
Well, it finally happened. We received a referral call on June 28th, and quickly had our court date in Ethiopia on 7/23. It was awesome. So we are the proud parents of a little 4 month old boy. We will go back in 4-7 weeks to bring him home. Wrote a journal while away, and I will write about this at some point (ya know - international adoption, our adoption, our trip, etc. etc.)
On the list of things I love about the summer: cherries.
My wife and kids will be going far away for about 12 days. I am busily mentally preparing for what exactly I am going to do with myself. Personal freedom to do exactly what you want, when you want is hard concept to grasp once you haven't had for awhile. It will be strange.
Another thing I love about summer: Summer Classes, I had three classes this summer, and all three have been great. I love the students I've had. It's been a very enjoyable experience. They almost fool me into thinking I'm a good teacher.
Blog Ideas: China Fragments (about our 2004 trip), Ethiopia Fragments (see above), Jesus as Liberal and Conservative, Hinduism post, maybe, just maybe another Weezer post about a song of theirs I love, etc. I hope to get to some of these when my family is out of town. BOOK IT - August will be my most productive bog month EVAR. (well, at least I hope so).
2012 is more than halfway over...(crazy thought)....and it's been a slow reading year so far. I haven't felt that reading rush I usually get. I've taken it pretty slow and had some research mid-semester in the spring. Then, with our referral, there has been a dearth of adoption and Ethiopian reading. All this is to say I still need to finish one two more books before the school year begins to get back on track. I think I can do it!
Tons of reading on Islam and Christianity during the Middle Ages and ancient China philosophies (Confucianism, Daoism, Legalism and a little bit of Mencius thrown in there as well). Scattered research online and at the campus library, including large swaths of an anti-Islamic book I picked up for three bucks (The Legacy of Jihad - Bostom) that was primarily only primary sources so it was pretty damning. Let's be honest though, I could put together an anti-Christian book using sources from the same time period.The whole process was very enlightening and fun...I do enjoy mini-projects like that.
Here's the rest of the list (no authors unless I can remember off the top of my head, I'm too lazy).
Stories with Intent: A Comprehensive Gide to the Parables of Jesus - Wow. Amazing stuff if you're serious and ready for a long, academic but productive read.
Renting Lacy - Hit me like a ton of bricks, human trafficking is not easy to read about.
Dream Team - light reading for our trip. Enjoyable, but didn't agree with some of his "takes" at the end (little too reverential for my taste).
What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality - Concise, well done, even though I think he undermines his strong points by making some completely unnecessary claims.
Adam, Eve and the Serpent - Pagels - Pretty good.
Lots of 80's Comics - especially Excalibur, Kazar, etc. big sale at the nearby used book store some for a quarter.
Essential Marvel X-Men # 3 - my first real foray into 80's X-Men (it was on sale) -- will do it again.
Currently Reading: Currently reading biography of Gandhi - so far, so good, The Kingdom of God is Within You (Tolstoy) and re-reading The Hobbit (wanted to wait until the fall but I am just too geared up for the movies!!!)
Friday, July 27, 2012
Poetry Post: Moonlight
I discovered Li Bai and other Chinese poets sometime in 2004-2005 - I wrote this and then realized that I had ripped them off.
moonlight
my window blinds split the moonlight
into strips onto my legs
i lay warmed
by its pale blue light
happy in this solitude.
moonlight
my window blinds split the moonlight
into strips onto my legs
i lay warmed
by its pale blue light
happy in this solitude.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
The Pleasure and Joy of Alienation
If there's a feeling universal in adolescence - it's alienation. You feel it deep in your gut - you don't fit in. No one understands you. You're different.
Like many teenage males, I felt this way most of my adolescence. It became my normal. If I had known any better (and I was too much of an dillweed to have any good musical taste at the time) - I would have loved, absolutely loved the Beach Boys' "In My Room".
I command you, listen!
It's one of Brian Wilson's best and when I did discover this song in college, I did fall in love with it. The song is about retreating to one's room, cocooning away from the world to remain safe and secure. Contrast this idea with the later Paul Simon song, "I am a Rock", in which Simon narrates a tale of a self-imposed isolation because of his heart break. Wilson isn't alone because of someone or something that happened - he's alone, (I'm alone) because of who he is (who I am).
This is why the song succeeds so well. Sure, life events happen that can cause direct or further alienation but fundamentally, life is about overcoming alienation. From ourselves, others and God. At some level, to quote from Cobain, "all in all is all we are" - we are alone and have to figure things out that way. Wilson doesn't write as though the room is only a place of despair or sadness (although, where else is a teenage boy going to "do my crying and my sighing"?). His room is a place of comfort, where he can "lock out all my worries and my fears". He can be who he is without judgment.
Still there is a underlying somberness to the tune that can't be ignored.
As I have matured, I've come to terms with being different. Maybe it's me or maybe it's society, but I don't open up with people very often. I have close friends, but not many. I honestly think only two people in this world truly "get me". Maybe that's not that different from everyone else - but somehow there is always something that divides me from my family (politics and lifestyle), church (theology and politics), work (religion), life (everything). Simply put, I feel like an outsider. I'm okay with that too...and I suppose deep down, there's more outsiders than you'd think...
This year Weezer's excellent "Blue Album" turned 18. It was my first "favorite" album. When I bought the album (I had to wait about 8 weeks though Columbia House) - my first favorite song was "Buddy Holly". Then, it rotated to "No One Else", "My Name is Jonas", then it changed to "Say it Ain't So", "Holiday" and "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here", etc. etc. Every few weeks, I would change my mind. I still think this is the one album I wouldn't want to live without. It was the soundtrack to my 1995. I would argue it ranks up there with anything recorded in pop music, although most rock critics would say I am nuts.
No matter, it's a record that is "mine" in every sense of the word. Not only is it filled with catchy hooks and melodic guitar solos but the album is full of songs about...yep, you guessed it, alienation. All I had to do was look at the album cover close up for the first time - just four regular guys. I understood immediately, they were just like me - four dorky white guys.
This brings us to the album's ultimate statement on alienation, "In the Garage" - it's a clear reply to Wilson's "In My Room". If you've come this far, then go a little further and listen:
Rivers Cuomo paints a more detailed picture than Wilson. He's into Dungeons and Dragons ("12-sided die") , comic books ("Kitty Pyde and Nightcrawler ") and KISS (in a time when KISS was the antithesis of grunge music). He's a geek and it's front and center of the song.
It's clear the garage serves a similar purpose as Wilson's room, "it's safe" and "no one cares/laughs about my ways". It is a place hidden from judgement. While the song opens with the sad-souled harmonica and a dirge-like guitar, it won't stay this way. It is a rock song after all, so it packs a little more punch than a somber Beach Boys tune. Lyrically, the song also takes a more Emerson-like outlook:
"I've got an electric guitar
I play my stupid songs
I write these stupid words
And I love every one"
It's unclear if Cuomo thinks of the songs as stupid himself, if he's playing humble or if he's simply stating what he thinks others think of his songs - the point is he loves them. They are his.
Musically, the song builds with each verse, climaxing with a delightful guitar solo and a few rounds of the chorus sung again. It's in this section the background vocals are highlighted (wonderfully sung by the Sass-Master, Brian Bell). The last few lines are sung with conviction and with more oomph than before. It's here the song's feeling and intent becomes clear.
The garage isn't only a place to feel safe. It's embracing your inner-awkwardness. We can rock out in celebration of not fitting in. It doesn't matter what "they" think....the truth is, it's more fun to be yourself.
Like many teenage males, I felt this way most of my adolescence. It became my normal. If I had known any better (and I was too much of an dillweed to have any good musical taste at the time) - I would have loved, absolutely loved the Beach Boys' "In My Room".
I command you, listen!
It's one of Brian Wilson's best and when I did discover this song in college, I did fall in love with it. The song is about retreating to one's room, cocooning away from the world to remain safe and secure. Contrast this idea with the later Paul Simon song, "I am a Rock", in which Simon narrates a tale of a self-imposed isolation because of his heart break. Wilson isn't alone because of someone or something that happened - he's alone, (I'm alone) because of who he is (who I am).
All you have to do is listen to him speak. The guy is a genius, but it's clear he would have a hard time"fitting in" under any circumstances.
This is why the song succeeds so well. Sure, life events happen that can cause direct or further alienation but fundamentally, life is about overcoming alienation. From ourselves, others and God. At some level, to quote from Cobain, "all in all is all we are" - we are alone and have to figure things out that way. Wilson doesn't write as though the room is only a place of despair or sadness (although, where else is a teenage boy going to "do my crying and my sighing"?). His room is a place of comfort, where he can "lock out all my worries and my fears". He can be who he is without judgment.
Still there is a underlying somberness to the tune that can't be ignored.
As I have matured, I've come to terms with being different. Maybe it's me or maybe it's society, but I don't open up with people very often. I have close friends, but not many. I honestly think only two people in this world truly "get me". Maybe that's not that different from everyone else - but somehow there is always something that divides me from my family (politics and lifestyle), church (theology and politics), work (religion), life (everything). Simply put, I feel like an outsider. I'm okay with that too...and I suppose deep down, there's more outsiders than you'd think...
This year Weezer's excellent "Blue Album" turned 18. It was my first "favorite" album. When I bought the album (I had to wait about 8 weeks though Columbia House) - my first favorite song was "Buddy Holly". Then, it rotated to "No One Else", "My Name is Jonas", then it changed to "Say it Ain't So", "Holiday" and "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here", etc. etc. Every few weeks, I would change my mind. I still think this is the one album I wouldn't want to live without. It was the soundtrack to my 1995. I would argue it ranks up there with anything recorded in pop music, although most rock critics would say I am nuts.
No matter, it's a record that is "mine" in every sense of the word. Not only is it filled with catchy hooks and melodic guitar solos but the album is full of songs about...yep, you guessed it, alienation. All I had to do was look at the album cover close up for the first time - just four regular guys. I understood immediately, they were just like me - four dorky white guys.
I rarely watched MTV at the time so for the longest time I thought Brian Bell (far right) was the lead singer.
This brings us to the album's ultimate statement on alienation, "In the Garage" - it's a clear reply to Wilson's "In My Room". If you've come this far, then go a little further and listen:
Rivers Cuomo paints a more detailed picture than Wilson. He's into Dungeons and Dragons ("12-sided die") , comic books ("Kitty Pyde and Nightcrawler ") and KISS (in a time when KISS was the antithesis of grunge music). He's a geek and it's front and center of the song.
It's clear the garage serves a similar purpose as Wilson's room, "it's safe" and "no one cares/laughs about my ways". It is a place hidden from judgement. While the song opens with the sad-souled harmonica and a dirge-like guitar, it won't stay this way. It is a rock song after all, so it packs a little more punch than a somber Beach Boys tune. Lyrically, the song also takes a more Emerson-like outlook:
"I've got an electric guitar
I play my stupid songs
I write these stupid words
And I love every one"
It's unclear if Cuomo thinks of the songs as stupid himself, if he's playing humble or if he's simply stating what he thinks others think of his songs - the point is he loves them. They are his.
Musically, the song builds with each verse, climaxing with a delightful guitar solo and a few rounds of the chorus sung again. It's in this section the background vocals are highlighted (wonderfully sung by the Sass-Master, Brian Bell). The last few lines are sung with conviction and with more oomph than before. It's here the song's feeling and intent becomes clear.
The garage isn't only a place to feel safe. It's embracing your inner-awkwardness. We can rock out in celebration of not fitting in. It doesn't matter what "they" think....the truth is, it's more fun to be yourself.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Top Summer Memories
I almost just wrote blog post that I already wrote last year. I was just going to write a list off the top of my head about what I "believed". Wow, I'm more redundant than I thought. Well, here's something else.
Top Summer Memories Off The Top of My Head
1. When I was 14, my friend Doug was over at my house and we walked about a mile to the nearest basketball court. It was July and hot as hell. We played one game and then sat in the shade and realized how stupid it was to play at 3:00 in the afternoon in July in San Antonio.
2. The summer after my freshman year in college, there was a week where my friend Eric's parents were out of town and we hung out there every day. It was so much fun, so many different people and friends came over, (only good clean fun, I'm sad to report) - late nights, video games, movies, personal drama, cute girls came over, cruises for junk food, I stole part of Taco Cabana sign, just lots of fun.
3. My 21st birthday (not clean fun, but fun nonetheless).
4. Waking up the first day of the summer and feeling so good.
5. Lots of grill cheese sandwiches at home with my sister.
6. Lots of TBS and WGN re-runs - Little House on the Prairie, Matlock, Leave it Beaver, I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, The Monkees, I was a little TV fiend at age 10.
7. My first two summers of college, almost every other day, we'd play basketball with a ton of guys after work. Good stuff.
8. Dancing with my friends at Midnight Rodeo on Thursday nights.
9. Eating at a hole-in-wall Taco place at 2:00 AM after going out with the guys. The place had like five tables...really. Reading the menu, I felt something on me. It was a roach crawling up my leg onto my crotch area. I yelled, "Oh Shit" (sorry kids) and stood up and swiped it away. It scurried somewhere towards the kitchen. We still ordered and ate there. What can I say? We were hungry and drunk.
10. The Wondrous Adventures of Blueguy - the summer after my senior year I created my TV show with my old toys. My friends loved it, they are mainly terrible (I still have them) but that's what made them so good at the time. The next summer I made a few sequels but the magic was gone. 10 total episodes were made. I think two of them were halfway decent.
11. On a church camping trip around 13, I asked for a sip of my friend Doug's newly opened 20 oz. Big Red, and proceeded to chug the whole thing. I have no idea how I did that or why he just watched in horror (all he had to do is just take it from me).
Top Summer Memories Off The Top of My Head
1. When I was 14, my friend Doug was over at my house and we walked about a mile to the nearest basketball court. It was July and hot as hell. We played one game and then sat in the shade and realized how stupid it was to play at 3:00 in the afternoon in July in San Antonio.
2. The summer after my freshman year in college, there was a week where my friend Eric's parents were out of town and we hung out there every day. It was so much fun, so many different people and friends came over, (only good clean fun, I'm sad to report) - late nights, video games, movies, personal drama, cute girls came over, cruises for junk food, I stole part of Taco Cabana sign, just lots of fun.
3. My 21st birthday (not clean fun, but fun nonetheless).
4. Waking up the first day of the summer and feeling so good.
5. Lots of grill cheese sandwiches at home with my sister.
6. Lots of TBS and WGN re-runs - Little House on the Prairie, Matlock, Leave it Beaver, I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, The Monkees, I was a little TV fiend at age 10.
7. My first two summers of college, almost every other day, we'd play basketball with a ton of guys after work. Good stuff.
8. Dancing with my friends at Midnight Rodeo on Thursday nights.
9. Eating at a hole-in-wall Taco place at 2:00 AM after going out with the guys. The place had like five tables...really. Reading the menu, I felt something on me. It was a roach crawling up my leg onto my crotch area. I yelled, "Oh Shit" (sorry kids) and stood up and swiped it away. It scurried somewhere towards the kitchen. We still ordered and ate there. What can I say? We were hungry and drunk.
10. The Wondrous Adventures of Blueguy - the summer after my senior year I created my TV show with my old toys. My friends loved it, they are mainly terrible (I still have them) but that's what made them so good at the time. The next summer I made a few sequels but the magic was gone. 10 total episodes were made. I think two of them were halfway decent.
11. On a church camping trip around 13, I asked for a sip of my friend Doug's newly opened 20 oz. Big Red, and proceeded to chug the whole thing. I have no idea how I did that or why he just watched in horror (all he had to do is just take it from me).
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Poem Post: I Groove
Written in the mid-2000's about an event in 1999 or 2000. Edited and published on my blog in 2012.
That's about it.
I Groove
I begin my strut to the dance floor covered in plastic tarp
the party crowd circles around me with their plastic cups.
As the strobe lights flash
everything's slowed down -
my name is chanted
and I feel good.
She lingers towards me and starts to dance
the crowd roars with approval.
I'd seen her on campus before
and I always stared.
She never once returned the favor even with a glance.
But here she is now - dancing with me.
The crowd, the chanting,(her beer?) brought her towards me.
We dance, and I groove like never before.
The song ends
and we part
as if it never happened .
But my groove
is still there.
That's about it.
I Groove
I begin my strut to the dance floor covered in plastic tarp
the party crowd circles around me with their plastic cups.
As the strobe lights flash
everything's slowed down -
my name is chanted
and I feel good.
She lingers towards me and starts to dance
the crowd roars with approval.
I'd seen her on campus before
and I always stared.
She never once returned the favor even with a glance.
But here she is now - dancing with me.
The crowd, the chanting,(her beer?) brought her towards me.
We dance, and I groove like never before.
The song ends
and we part
as if it never happened .
But my groove
is still there.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Frumpy Fragments
Awhile back I saw this bumper sticker driving home from work: "The King James' Bible IS GOD'S WORD". I wondered if I should follow him and break it to him that the New Testament was written in Greek.
What is it with people naming their children after dead presidents? It's gotten so bad, we were at a children's fundraiser today and there was a boy named....get this... NIXON. I mean, the flat out, worst president of the last century. I just can't even fathom it. I mean, even if I liked the name, I wouldn't do it. To top it off (I know, what else can top that off??) - a child was named Cheney. So, we were at a party with a child named with the same last name as the worst president and easily the most villainous of vice presidents of all-time. Wow.
Here are names I have personally heard being used by new parents, some of which are from close friends or family.
Reagan
Carter
Ford
Nixon (today)
Kennedy
Grant
Jackson
Madison
Harrison
Taylor
Pierce
Waiting just waiting for a child to be named Bush. I hope it comes true.
Thinking about presidents we are just too presidentally-centered. I am all for re-thinking US money (including offing the penny altogether). We need to display more social reformers, artists, inventors, scientists, athletes, judges, senators, astronauts and other heroes. We need to honor Native Americans and our scenic landscape more than just the same dead white guys and the same white statues and buildings that honor the same dead white guys. There are creative ways of getting this done, I hope it happens at some point. I liked the Lewis & Clark stuff and 50 state quarter thing...so there is a little hope after all.
I was thinking tonight about what the percent of the population sing in their cars. I don't mean hum along or sing quietly - I mean, really belting out songs at the top of their lungs singing. I would be one of those people, although I get a little braver at night.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Summertime Fragments
Talking with my six-year old in the car the other day and I don't remember what we were talking about but she said, "Sometimes I wonder who I am and what I am doing?". I praised my little philosopher for asking such big questions.
I've been on "break" since last week but I don't feel rested and I haven't really had a break. Go figure.
Had an epic hour yesterday. I sold five old books at the used bookstore that I didn't want for five bucks (I got ripped off but ya know I just wanted to get rid of them as I need the shelf space anyway). Got 8 comics for $2.50 (80's Marvel). With my remaining money, I got two tacos for the exact amount leftover money in my pocket. It was like fate, man.
Summer's cool. We have our anniversary in June (and Father's Day) and both of our birthdays in July...so lots of excuse to go out on dates.
As expected, my grandma passed away last week....it went as well as those type things can go.
I sometimes get the desire to post links to cool articles and pics but think that it really wouldn't be that fun after all. Pic Dumps are enough for me.
Reviews of Stuff
Rockafire Explosion Documentary - 2.5 stars (out of 5)
The Avengers Movie - 3.5 stars (it's alright but damn, it's not worth the $8.50 or whatever it was for a ticket - that makes me want to never go back until The Hobbit in December unless I have a coupon)
Spurs Playoff Run - 5 Stars (I mean, the playoffs are about drama so they aren't really producing it but they are playing some amazing ball -- I hope they keep it up with no drama at all by kicking the crap out of the Thunder and Heat).
NBA Side note Part I: Can't say I think the Mavs are Lakers were very good this year but OKC impresses me. The team and it's fans are rabid. My gut is telling me this series (SA-OKC) could be a classic. Maybe like SA- Dallas 06 (can't say it worked out for us but the games were amazing - even if the refs were awful and gave the Mavs some critical calls). It's just got that vibe and hype going. But who knows? I hope this time the Spurs come out on top - they need Manu back in fifth gear for this series.
NBA Side note Part II : Every know and then I think about how scary the Heat or Celtics are (as they both actually play defense) and then remember how crappy both look against crappy, crappy teams). Seriously, Jazz would be at least the fifth best team in the East maybe the fourth and the Clippers, even with a hobbled team, are better than the Pacers.
Man on a Wire Documentary -4 stars (not even done with this one but it's a goodie).
Summer Weather - 4 Stars (hasn't been too hot yet)
Sno-cones from the place down the street - 5 Stars (Tiger's Blood with Cream)
That is all, proceed with the rest of your life.
I've been on "break" since last week but I don't feel rested and I haven't really had a break. Go figure.
Had an epic hour yesterday. I sold five old books at the used bookstore that I didn't want for five bucks (I got ripped off but ya know I just wanted to get rid of them as I need the shelf space anyway). Got 8 comics for $2.50 (80's Marvel). With my remaining money, I got two tacos for the exact amount leftover money in my pocket. It was like fate, man.
Summer's cool. We have our anniversary in June (and Father's Day) and both of our birthdays in July...so lots of excuse to go out on dates.
As expected, my grandma passed away last week....it went as well as those type things can go.
I sometimes get the desire to post links to cool articles and pics but think that it really wouldn't be that fun after all. Pic Dumps are enough for me.
Reviews of Stuff
Rockafire Explosion Documentary - 2.5 stars (out of 5)
The Avengers Movie - 3.5 stars (it's alright but damn, it's not worth the $8.50 or whatever it was for a ticket - that makes me want to never go back until The Hobbit in December unless I have a coupon)
Spurs Playoff Run - 5 Stars (I mean, the playoffs are about drama so they aren't really producing it but they are playing some amazing ball -- I hope they keep it up with no drama at all by kicking the crap out of the Thunder and Heat).
NBA Side note Part I: Can't say I think the Mavs are Lakers were very good this year but OKC impresses me. The team and it's fans are rabid. My gut is telling me this series (SA-OKC) could be a classic. Maybe like SA- Dallas 06 (can't say it worked out for us but the games were amazing - even if the refs were awful and gave the Mavs some critical calls). It's just got that vibe and hype going. But who knows? I hope this time the Spurs come out on top - they need Manu back in fifth gear for this series.
NBA Side note Part II : Every know and then I think about how scary the Heat or Celtics are (as they both actually play defense) and then remember how crappy both look against crappy, crappy teams). Seriously, Jazz would be at least the fifth best team in the East maybe the fourth and the Clippers, even with a hobbled team, are better than the Pacers.
Man on a Wire Documentary -4 stars (not even done with this one but it's a goodie).
Summer Weather - 4 Stars (hasn't been too hot yet)
Sno-cones from the place down the street - 5 Stars (Tiger's Blood with Cream)
That is all, proceed with the rest of your life.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Death, Birds, Hope
My grandmother has pancreatic cancer and so I've been thinking about death a lot more lately. Death and oddly enough, birds.
Waiting for someone to die is a strange thing. I know it's not a unique situation but it's still new to me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
My grandmother's mother washed the dead in her small Texas town for wakes or funerals. Her mother would bring the body into the house and wash them on the table. Yes, she would wash bodies on their own kitchen table. When my grandma was five or six, her father died and his body was brought into the house to be prepared. She saw his body and hid in the back of the house for a long time.
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My mother is frustrated that my grandmother doesn't want to talk much about it. "It" of course, means talking about dying. My grandmother is from the "Greatest Generation" and traditionally they aren't as open as Baby Boomers. She's always been no-nonsense and dying from cancer has made her a bit "stoic" as my mom sees it. But is she afraid? She's been a faithful Christian her entire life but what does she think, what is she feeling?
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A few weeks ago a wren made a huge nest on our front door. There are six eggs. We have watched them grow, day by day.
My grandma is on hospice care at home and we went to visit her last Saturday. Sure, she has looked better before but she was still herself; except she stayed in bed. She couldn't host us as she typically would have. She couldn't serve me her watery ice tea (I could never tell her I didn't like her tea) or cook her famous pot roast but all in all, given the circumstances, it felt pretty normal. It was a nice visit.
As she lives a little over an hour away, the soonest we could come back was the following Friday. In six measly days, she had changed completely.
As she lives a little over an hour away, the soonest we could come back was the following Friday. In six measly days, she had changed completely.
I was taken aback when I first walked into her room. She looked as though she had lost 15 pounds from her 108-pound frame. The weight loss affected her face and her eyes were sunken in. I hate to say it but she looked .... well, bird-like. It was like being around a different person. Even her demeanor was different; less interaction, more of a blank stare, and more...silence. She hasn't eaten much and having a conversation takes more energy than she has in her reserve tank.
I found myself watching the "Dr. Oz" show with my grandma in silence alone. The whole thing was surreal. My grandma is dying and we're watching Dr. Oz with our remaining time together. The thought occurred that I should take advantage of my time with her and chat. I prepped her with questions about her courtship with my grandfather (who passed seven years ago). She struggled a little bit and I didn't catch every word but it went on for a few minutes and then....she got sick.
I felt awful. I know intellectually that maybe it wasn't my fault that she became ill but I still blamed myself.
I found myself watching the "Dr. Oz" show with my grandma in silence alone. The whole thing was surreal. My grandma is dying and we're watching Dr. Oz with our remaining time together. The thought occurred that I should take advantage of my time with her and chat. I prepped her with questions about her courtship with my grandfather (who passed seven years ago). She struggled a little bit and I didn't catch every word but it went on for a few minutes and then....she got sick.
I felt awful. I know intellectually that maybe it wasn't my fault that she became ill but I still blamed myself.
Waiting for someone to die is a strange thing. I know it's not a unique situation but it's still new to me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
My grandmother's mother washed the dead in her small Texas town for wakes or funerals. Her mother would bring the body into the house and wash them on the table. Yes, she would wash bodies on their own kitchen table. When my grandma was five or six, her father died and his body was brought into the house to be prepared. She saw his body and hid in the back of the house for a long time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My mother is frustrated that my grandmother doesn't want to talk much about it. "It" of course, means talking about dying. My grandmother is from the "Greatest Generation" and traditionally they aren't as open as Baby Boomers. She's always been no-nonsense and dying from cancer has made her a bit "stoic" as my mom sees it. But is she afraid? She's been a faithful Christian her entire life but what does she think, what is she feeling?
I told her how much I loved her cherry pies and this barely got a half-smile. I counted that as my victory for the day.
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My parents have been taking care of my grandmother often, which means I have to take care of my parent's pets and house when they are gone. Their house backs up to a large wooded area and they have taken in three cats from "the wild" as their own. In two of the last three days, one of the cats has killed a bird on the back porch. Just gutted the whole thing out - there were even blood stains on the concrete. This isn't surprising, as cats kill birds all the time, but it gets your attention.
Death and birds.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night, I woke up numerous times, and with each lapse of consciousness, I was haunted by the memory of my grandma.
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Last night, I woke up numerous times, and with each lapse of consciousness, I was haunted by the memory of my grandma.
How different she looked, how powerless we are, the pain she is feeling, and the emotions she can't or won't express. I wondered about my own death and how similar or different it might be. Any time I think about death, I think about God. And when I think about God, late at night, I always doubt. I begin to doubt that God exists or if there is any purpose in life, I doubt my feelings and my own experiences.
I feel existential dread as I recognize the slow and inexorable wheel of time as it moves relentlessly forward every day of my life. The world is defined by its commitment to change, entire species and epochs have come and gone....for what end? One day you and I will be gone. One day, it's more than likely humanity will become extinct too. I know this isn't an uncommon thought or concern but I wonder what the point of existence is anyway? The pain, the mystery, the suffering, the wondering...the plan?
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A few days ago my family and I went to one of our favorite pizza restaurants to eat out and on the way out, I noticed a small dead bird that had died from running into the window. This happens all the time, millions of birds die every year around the world due to flying into windows. Still, the human brain is wired to recognize patterns..... so, there it was again, death and birds.
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A few weeks ago a wren made a huge nest on our front door. There are six eggs. We have watched them grow, day by day.
It was a welcome bit of hope in a troubled time.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Saturday Night Special: Blind Melon
Been awhile since I've posted one of these. This a great catchy little ditty. I remember seeing this video back in the day, even holding the CD at Best Buy ready to buy it off the basis of this one song. This was before MP3's so if I wanted the song - this was it. I doubted myself and I have no idea what I bought instead or if I bought anything else that day. This song always stayed with me through the years. Even though it wasn't played all that often on the radio. God bless the internet - one day a few years ago I remembered the song and found it, and fell in love with it all over again. Can't watch this and feel bad about Shannon Hoon - but he did leave behind some great tracks.
Pic Dump of the 21st Century
The best of my browsing (except for the great stuff I forget to save). Enjoy.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Peaceful Fragments
busy busy boy (sigh) but wanted to drop in with some fragments to my peeps. (even if my peeps don't actually exist, I don't want to disappoint myself as April is almost over).
I've noticed a strong tendency in our culture to "feminize" the peace sign - my daughter attended a friend's 6th birthday party this week and the theme was the "peace sign". So, peace has been reduced to a fashion statement for children. It's absent of any real moral or political value. In fact in the last ten years while we were fighting two wars (and drone bombing within other's borders)....the peace movement was...well...nothing. If there is one thing about capitalism, it sucks the truth and beauty out of everything (art, religion, politics, etc.).
I will have to explore this further at a later date but equally disturbing is the "camo" birthday parties and clothing for little boys - there are no cute peace symbols for boys clothing or birthday parties, only camo, sports and war. Look, I know I am simplifying but it's late sisters and brothers, so cut me some slack. Our culture breeds this into our little ones:
I heard an atheist describe Christians as atheists with just one exception. Thought that was pretty neat.
Sometimes I wish I was in grad school again and teaching one class (with no papers to grade either)...and while I am in fantasy land, that I could eat ice cream with no calories.
My grandma has pancreatic cancer. She is 92 and this means pain management rather than treatment. She has always been strong, independent and sharp...so as stupid as it sounds, this all came as a surprise to me. She is so down to earth (too much so actually) she told my mom, "I hope this isn't upsetting you all very much". She's ready....I hope I get there someday (to 92 and to be "ready", to be clear).
That is all. Enjoy spring while it lasts.
I've noticed a strong tendency in our culture to "feminize" the peace sign - my daughter attended a friend's 6th birthday party this week and the theme was the "peace sign". So, peace has been reduced to a fashion statement for children. It's absent of any real moral or political value. In fact in the last ten years while we were fighting two wars (and drone bombing within other's borders)....the peace movement was...well...nothing. If there is one thing about capitalism, it sucks the truth and beauty out of everything (art, religion, politics, etc.).
It's like the cross really. It's so ubiquitous (at least here in Texas) its power and meaning is invisible.
I will have to explore this further at a later date but equally disturbing is the "camo" birthday parties and clothing for little boys - there are no cute peace symbols for boys clothing or birthday parties, only camo, sports and war. Look, I know I am simplifying but it's late sisters and brothers, so cut me some slack. Our culture breeds this into our little ones:
Yes, this is real. Holy Hell, what a world we've wrought.
I heard an atheist describe Christians as atheists with just one exception. Thought that was pretty neat.
Sometimes I wish I was in grad school again and teaching one class (with no papers to grade either)...and while I am in fantasy land, that I could eat ice cream with no calories.
My grandma has pancreatic cancer. She is 92 and this means pain management rather than treatment. She has always been strong, independent and sharp...so as stupid as it sounds, this all came as a surprise to me. She is so down to earth (too much so actually) she told my mom, "I hope this isn't upsetting you all very much". She's ready....I hope I get there someday (to 92 and to be "ready", to be clear).
That is all. Enjoy spring while it lasts.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Fragmented Fragments
Been busy with life.
I could list the excuses but then again, who cares?
I have a couple of ideas I would like to write about but inevitably at night, I am busy, tired or just not in a writing mood as of late. Time will tell.
I can't believe it - the spurs are giving me hope. I hate that.
That is all for now.
My kids love this song:
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Top 8 Moments in My Sports Fandom
Took a long spring break from blogging. It was nice.
Because no one asked and you don't care....the top 8 moments in my sports fandom...in no real order (except for #1)
1. 2005 NBA Finals, Spurs v. Pistons, Game 5 - Robert Horry adds to his legend by hitting a clutch three-point shot in OT with 9 seconds left to put the Spurs up by 1. As any one who knows basketball will tell you, game five is usually the most critical of any seven game series. The Spurs had been up 2-0 after two games and had won rather handily. In Detroit for games 3 & 4, the Pistons returned the favor and kicked the Spurs rear even more convincingly than the Spurs victories in games 1 & 2. The truth was the Spurs had to have this game or the series was over.
The first four games had been snoozers, but game five was shaping up to be something special. It was a defensive classic. Neither team could seem to gather much momentum before the other team would come back to tie the game or take a small lead.
I felt a sick tightening in my guts as the game continued (this usually happens in close Spurs playoff game past game four for me anyway). It seemed no one else sans Duncan was stepping up and even he couldn't hit a shot in the 3rd quarter. Then, out of the ashes of a crappy game, Big Shot Bob started to light it up. His big night started with a three point shot at the end of the 3rd quarter to earn his first three points of the game.
He would wind up 21 points in the second half as he put the team on his back. I was watching the game at home with my friend Eric. With nine 10 seconds or so left, the Spurs were down by two in OT. We stood up near my television, nearly scared to death. Horry inbounded to Manu, a double-team came, leaving Horry wide open. Manu passed back to Horry for the 3 that won the game. After the shot went down I literally leaped into Eric's arms and we jumped up and down screaming and cheering. If you are wondering, yes, it felt totally right at the time. I really wish someone had captured the moment on video.
2. 1998 Big 12 Championship Game, Texas A&M v. Kansas State - The Aggies were a double-digit underdog but pulled out an amazing overtime game. I had a chance to travel up to St. Louis but my friends and I didn't want to put in the diving time. We regretted it but all the same we all left my friend's apartment and went bar-hopping in College Station. The mood in College Station that night was truly awesome -- it was like everywhere we went, everyone was your friend. For a night, we felt like we ruled the world.
3. 1997 NBA Draft Lottery - The Spurs plain sucked in 1996-1997. I thought the Spurs might suck for the rest of my life. So when we got that #1 envelope for the #1 pick in the draft (of course, Tim Duncan) - I wasn't even that big of a college hoops fan...all I knew was it was good to have the #1 pick - I can't remember if I even knew who Tim Duncan even was. All the same, I ran around the house whooping and yelling "Yes"!
4. 1998 - Texas A&M v. Nebraska - Beat the #1 team at home. If I had seen it on TV, it would have been nice but being there in College Station live - it became transcendent. You truly felt like part of the game, that you could make an impact on the play down below. This game featured the loudest moment I have ever personally experience at a sporting event (the clinching interception). It happened to be the first "Maroon Out" game as well and I actually did not participate as I didn't have a clean maroon shirt. It might be one of the few moments that I prayed to God for "my" team to win.
5. 2003 Western Conference Semifinals, Spurs v. Lakers, Game 6 - The Spurs had been up 2-0 with two blowout wins at home. They proceeded to crap on their momentum by laying two huge eggs in LA (also blow-outs). In game five they led the Lakers by 26 at home and it looked like it was over, only Kobe got hot. I watched in utter horror as Robert Horry had his wide-open three bounce out at the buzzer. The look on the Spurs' faces was priceless. It was if they just had literally dodged a bullet. No one knew what to expect for game six back in LA. The Spurs had allowed the Lakers back into three of the games even though they had been up by at least 15 or more points. They were lucky to have won one of them in game five.
I watched the game at a sports bar and the crowd was amazing you could sense the electricity in the bar crowd (or was that the beer?). The place was packed and you could barely walk to get to the bathroom. It was so much fun. It was close at halftime but there was no need for drama or buzzer beaters just Timmy and the gang dominating the Lakers in the second half. By the fourth quarter, it was a blowout.
My friend Philip and I were just laughing as Kobe Bryant and Derek Fisher started crying as the game was ending. Really, actually crying...it still makes me laugh.
6. 1999 - Texas A&M v. Texas - The Bonfire Game - Just days after the Bonfire collapse, the biggest game of the year was still set to go. The campus and fans needed it. We just had to win this game - it was probably the most meaningful game I have ever been to. Such a weird vibe - I think even Texas deep down didn't want to beat us that game.
7. 1999 - Entire Playoff fun for the Spurs - not quite a moment, although the Memorial Day Miracle might suffice (alas, I was alone doing laundry, and that does not make for a great memory). The night the Spurs won it was a childhood dream come true.
8. 1989 - Spurs v. Lakers - David Robinson's first regular season game. I was 12 years old and I was there. Oh yeah, the Spurs won too.
As you can see many of these games happened as I was a young man - I don't think there is really any topping these moments as after Tim, Tony and Manu retire I will truly be without peers in the NBA my age that I care about. I am getting older and sports just aren't that important anymore. I am okay with that but maybe if my kids play sports I can bring back some of these same feelings. Time will tell.
Because no one asked and you don't care....the top 8 moments in my sports fandom...in no real order (except for #1)
1. 2005 NBA Finals, Spurs v. Pistons, Game 5 - Robert Horry adds to his legend by hitting a clutch three-point shot in OT with 9 seconds left to put the Spurs up by 1. As any one who knows basketball will tell you, game five is usually the most critical of any seven game series. The Spurs had been up 2-0 after two games and had won rather handily. In Detroit for games 3 & 4, the Pistons returned the favor and kicked the Spurs rear even more convincingly than the Spurs victories in games 1 & 2. The truth was the Spurs had to have this game or the series was over.
The first four games had been snoozers, but game five was shaping up to be something special. It was a defensive classic. Neither team could seem to gather much momentum before the other team would come back to tie the game or take a small lead.
I felt a sick tightening in my guts as the game continued (this usually happens in close Spurs playoff game past game four for me anyway). It seemed no one else sans Duncan was stepping up and even he couldn't hit a shot in the 3rd quarter. Then, out of the ashes of a crappy game, Big Shot Bob started to light it up. His big night started with a three point shot at the end of the 3rd quarter to earn his first three points of the game.
He would wind up 21 points in the second half as he put the team on his back. I was watching the game at home with my friend Eric. With nine 10 seconds or so left, the Spurs were down by two in OT. We stood up near my television, nearly scared to death. Horry inbounded to Manu, a double-team came, leaving Horry wide open. Manu passed back to Horry for the 3 that won the game. After the shot went down I literally leaped into Eric's arms and we jumped up and down screaming and cheering. If you are wondering, yes, it felt totally right at the time. I really wish someone had captured the moment on video.
Did a series re-watch (of only the Spurs wins because that's how the NBA sold it) and the 2005 title is the most impressive of the Spurs' four titles. Not because they beat great teams to get there (although that Phoenix team was damn close) but because they faced what I think was the best team they played in their dynasty period. Yes, the Lakers were great but were they ever really a "team" in the truest sense of the word? They wore teams down because of the sheer talent and will of Kobe and Shaq. Yes, the had great role players but they won because of those amazing two players. The Spurs lost in 04 to luck and in 2006 to bad officiating (the last two games were actually well called but games 1-5 were horrible, including Tim getting his toes stepped on by Dirk and getting called for a foul that would lead to a Mavs win). But the Pistons were just an amazing collection of team players. They were a mirror image, a doppelganger in the truest sense.
2. 1998 Big 12 Championship Game, Texas A&M v. Kansas State - The Aggies were a double-digit underdog but pulled out an amazing overtime game. I had a chance to travel up to St. Louis but my friends and I didn't want to put in the diving time. We regretted it but all the same we all left my friend's apartment and went bar-hopping in College Station. The mood in College Station that night was truly awesome -- it was like everywhere we went, everyone was your friend. For a night, we felt like we ruled the world.
3. 1997 NBA Draft Lottery - The Spurs plain sucked in 1996-1997. I thought the Spurs might suck for the rest of my life. So when we got that #1 envelope for the #1 pick in the draft (of course, Tim Duncan) - I wasn't even that big of a college hoops fan...all I knew was it was good to have the #1 pick - I can't remember if I even knew who Tim Duncan even was. All the same, I ran around the house whooping and yelling "Yes"!
4. 1998 - Texas A&M v. Nebraska - Beat the #1 team at home. If I had seen it on TV, it would have been nice but being there in College Station live - it became transcendent. You truly felt like part of the game, that you could make an impact on the play down below. This game featured the loudest moment I have ever personally experience at a sporting event (the clinching interception). It happened to be the first "Maroon Out" game as well and I actually did not participate as I didn't have a clean maroon shirt. It might be one of the few moments that I prayed to God for "my" team to win.
5. 2003 Western Conference Semifinals, Spurs v. Lakers, Game 6 - The Spurs had been up 2-0 with two blowout wins at home. They proceeded to crap on their momentum by laying two huge eggs in LA (also blow-outs). In game five they led the Lakers by 26 at home and it looked like it was over, only Kobe got hot. I watched in utter horror as Robert Horry had his wide-open three bounce out at the buzzer. The look on the Spurs' faces was priceless. It was if they just had literally dodged a bullet. No one knew what to expect for game six back in LA. The Spurs had allowed the Lakers back into three of the games even though they had been up by at least 15 or more points. They were lucky to have won one of them in game five.
I watched the game at a sports bar and the crowd was amazing you could sense the electricity in the bar crowd (or was that the beer?). The place was packed and you could barely walk to get to the bathroom. It was so much fun. It was close at halftime but there was no need for drama or buzzer beaters just Timmy and the gang dominating the Lakers in the second half. By the fourth quarter, it was a blowout.
The only lousy picture I could find from the game. Tim was an absolute monster and was at his peak in 2003 - his stat line for game six: 37 Pts (16-25), 16 Reb, 4 Ast, 2 Blocks. He might be boring - but Spurs fans never minded.
My friend Philip and I were just laughing as Kobe Bryant and Derek Fisher started crying as the game was ending. Really, actually crying...it still makes me laugh.
Our future wives were not impressed with our behavior - but all we could say was that it was so satisfying to finally beat that particular arrogant team and watch them cry about it. Sure, they would beat us the next year in a soul-crushing manner but there was no crying on the Spurs team. I still find this particular series maybe the most satisfying as a Spurs fan.
6. 1999 - Texas A&M v. Texas - The Bonfire Game - Just days after the Bonfire collapse, the biggest game of the year was still set to go. The campus and fans needed it. We just had to win this game - it was probably the most meaningful game I have ever been to. Such a weird vibe - I think even Texas deep down didn't want to beat us that game.
7. 1999 - Entire Playoff fun for the Spurs - not quite a moment, although the Memorial Day Miracle might suffice (alas, I was alone doing laundry, and that does not make for a great memory). The night the Spurs won it was a childhood dream come true.
8. 1989 - Spurs v. Lakers - David Robinson's first regular season game. I was 12 years old and I was there. Oh yeah, the Spurs won too.
As you can see many of these games happened as I was a young man - I don't think there is really any topping these moments as after Tim, Tony and Manu retire I will truly be without peers in the NBA my age that I care about. I am getting older and sports just aren't that important anymore. I am okay with that but maybe if my kids play sports I can bring back some of these same feelings. Time will tell.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Mohammad and Jesus: A Case Study in Forgiveness
I used to think that underlying all the surface differences between religions (at least those with a belief in a god) was one important similarity. I believed at the core of every successful religion was the belief in a purposeful, loving, creator God. And I found just that depiction of God in two of the major world faiths, Christianity and Hinduism. However, this winter my fears and doubts about Islam were confirmed - it is fundamentally a different kind of faith.
This past holiday break I began a quest to re-edit our course selection of the Qur'an for our Introduction to the Humanities class. This meant I finally put in the time to finish reading the Qur'an, researched various translations, went to pro-Islam sites, anti-Islam sites, academic websites, watched videos, trawled Wikipedia and basically spent a lot of time and thought on Islam and the Qur'an. It was interesting but honestly tough to go through.
Let me begin by stating I respect Muslims. Heck, I lived like a Muslim two years ago for one week (admittedly, it was a mixed bag of success). I find the dedication to prayer and fasting a beautiful thing. The sense of community Muslims have here in the US is impressive - I have visited one of our local mosques a few times and I have always come away enriched by the whole experience. Additionally, I do not think the Qur'an justifies terrorism in any form. Only when the text is taken out of context can the book be used to justify violence toward those who are unbelievers (and even then it wouldn't be a call to kill non-combatants either). This isn't to say there aren't issues with violence in the book or the faith as a whole (as Muslims have used "Islamic law" to promote violence). However, the Qur'an itself creates a well developed "just war" theory. War is to be limited and only allowed in certain situations.
All that said, the more I have learned about Islam and the Qur'an the more I find the faith troubling in numerous ways. I don't necessarily mean in the ways you might expect (i.e., terrorism) but in the conception of God itself. The Qur'an displays a God that is brutal, heart-hardening, punishing (and ultimately) a hateful God. Humans do not have complete free will once you have "rejected" God, there is little promise for forgiveness, as he will harden your heart:
“Surely, those who disbelieve and did wrong; God will not forgive them, nor will He guide them to any way except the way of Hell, to dwell therein forever.” (Qur'an 4:168-169)
Note: All my quotes are double-checked for fairness and accuracy. In this case both this quote above and the one below are not taken out of context and are representative of the Qur'an's discussion on free will and hell.
As an added bonus, once in hell, your punishment will be quite horrifying and torturous beyond your imagination. It's all narrated in the most terrifying detail:
“And you will see the criminals that Day bound together in shackles, their garments of liquid pitch (melted copper) and their faces covered by the Fire.” (Qur'an 14:49-50)
In my research, I kept a narrow focus to Islam, the Qur'an and a little bit on Mohammad and his family. My translation was a part of the Oxford World's Classics series, translated by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem. The translation itself is quite poetic (especially compared to other English translations) and is quite clear. Haleem's introduction and introductory notes for each sura are indispensable. Haleem puts each sura in a historical context for the readers that is necessary for understanding a difficult text for those of us born outside an Islamic culture. I purposefully steered clear from hadiths to narrow my scope. However, one evening after reading an anti-Islam website, I saw a story about Mohammad and an "adulteress" woman that caught my attention.
For those who aren't familiar with hadiths - hadiths are stories or sayings of Mohammad. They aren't considered scripture (as each hadith may or may not be verified or trustworthy as other hadiths). However, they are extremely important in Islamic life, especially where the Qur'an is vague or silent on an issue. They have had a vast influence on Islamic law.
Anyway, back to the hadith that caught my attention. When I first read this particular hadith, I frankly couldn't and didn't believe it. I am a liberal after all, I believed the stonings that still happen today were a result of culture, not the religion itself.
Absolutely terrifying and horrible.
Besides, this was coming from some anti-Islam extremist. However, after more web research I finally found the hadith number and the reference. The hadith is hosted on a neutral academic site which finally led me to accept the fact that I had already known: Islam is vastly different from Christianity. Grace, forgiveness as understood by Christians is a foreign concept to Muslims. The obvious parallel to this hadith is the story of Jesus and the adulteress that was about to be stoned in the gospel of John. If there was a story to encapsulate the differences between the two faiths, it can be found in these two stories. First, here's the hadith of Mohammad:
http://www.cmje.org/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/017-smt.php
Book 017, Number 4207:
"Imran b. Husain reported that a woman from Juhaina came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and she had become pregnant because of adultery. She said: Allah's Apostle, I have done something for which (prescribed punishment) must be imposed upon me, so impose that. Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) called her master and said: Treat her well, and when she delivers bring her to me. He did accordingly. Then Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) pronounced judgment about her and her clothes were tied around her and then he commanded and she was stoned to death. He then prayed over her (dead body). Thereupon Umar said to him: Allah's Apostle, you offer prayer for her, whereas she had committed adultery! Thereupon he said: She has made such a repentance that if it were to be divided among seventy men of Medina, it would be enough. Have you found any repentance better than this that she sacrificed her life for Allah, the Majestic?"
This hadith brings up interesting issues concerning hadiths (especially if I was a believing Muslim). First I want to note that the woman comes to Mohammad asking for punishment. According to the Qur'an (24:2) the prescribed punishment for adultery is 100 lashes on the back (ouch). Maybe she already knew that, maybe she didn't. Maybe, if I'm going to be fair-minded beyond what I need to be- maybe Muhammad hadn't received that "revelation" just yet. Either way, it's clear the woman's intentions are noble and brave as she is seeking forgiveness with the person in her community with the most authority (not to mention he's got the total "in" with God).
Mohammad sends her off to take care of her growing baby only to have her come back and be executed for her sin - this act is accepted without question and believed to be necessary in order for true repentance and forgiveness to take place. Being humiliated in front of the community's leaders is not enough, nor is simply asking for forgiveness to God enough. What the woman thought of the ordeal after her initial confession is left to our imaginations. Physical punishment is the atoning act - there can be no other option.
Maybe, you're a Qur'anist (and if I were Muslim I would be) - you ditch the whole story and call it for what it is (hogwash). Still, the story is indicative of the faith proclaimed in the Qur'an. The story reflects the elements already in the Qur'an - it doesn't have to be true to be "true". The threats of hell that exist on almost every page in the Qur'an show that violence is the prescribed punishment for sin. Forgiveness isn't cheap in the Qur'an.
Some of this can be explained by the Middle Eastern preoccupation with shame and dishonor (themes that if you really squint can see hints of in the gospels). Adultery produces shame and dishonor and the only way it can truly be eradicated is by punishment.
Now let's visit the famous passage from John 8. Like the concept of hadiths, it has it's own problems of verification (as it's not in the earliest manuscripts of the John)...we'll get to that in a little bit...here's the story:
From John 8: 2-11:
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
In this story the woman isn't nobly coming before Jesus asking for forgiveness - she's caught in the act (if we take the men at their word). Making matters worse, she's playing the bait in a game to trap a (possibly) religious nut - she must be just as scared out of her mind as the other woman in the other story was (or will be, as in theory, this happens about six hundred years before the Islamic story does...you get the point, right?).
Jesus (as he often does) answers a question with a challenge - we can sit in judgement only if we have no sin of our own. From a Christian perspective, mercy comes from God and while I am on earth, I can't judge because I am no better than anyone else. I'm screwed up, just as much as they are (See also Matthew 7).
However, there is a similarity that Christianity and Islam share. Traditionally, Christians have believed in a fiery, violent tortuous afterlife as well. Of course, I don't prescribe to that particular poor exegesis but that's a story for another post. The point is, forgiveness isn't cheap in Christianity either. In fact, it's already accomplished by the cross. In order to repent, you don't have to be stoned.
The fact is this story is a late addition to the gospels and it most likely circulated orally for decades in some form before being written down here in John. Maybe, just maybe it's not even true (although it sure as heck makes a great scene in The Last Temptation)....but it's still "true" in its reflections of the message of Christ. The real miracle is that the God of the New Testament believes in grace - all that is "required" for the woman is to "go...and leave your life of sin".
In some sense, the demand is the same in both stories - your life in exchange for forgiveness. For Jesus, this didn't mean your life in a physical sense (although your faith may cost your physical life). The fact is, if I know I am truly forgiven, it means I act upon that fact and live a life towards Christ-consciousness. I am thankful I can work to bring the Kingdom a little closer to earth. I'm already forgiven.
This post isn't about judging Islam or Muslims. I only wanted to contrast where the two faiths split - these differences are real and do change the way believers of their respective faiths see themselves and others. I see much hope in the Qur'anist movement and in my fellow American Muslims to help reform global Islam.
Postscript: I had three Muslim women speak during two of my intro classes today. During the break I asked two of them about this hadith and it's inconsistency with the Qur'an's teaching on adultery. They saw no inconsistency. She said the hadiths and the Qur'an were "harmonious" and that the woman wanted to be stoned to be forgiven in this life - rather than face punishment in the next. When I asked could she have been forgiven without the stoning - she said yes. Which at this point, begs the question, why get stoned then? She said it "broke Mohammed's heart" to do that, and that he didn't want to do it (which clearly is reading into the text). I said, I could understand if someone wanted to be killed (even if I think this is highly unlikely, let's go with it) - I said I have a big problem with someone taking these stories as "law" and forcing "forgiveness" by murdering the woman - which seems much more like brutal punishment rather than atonement. At any rate, it goes to show me that people pretty much believe what they want. They were very nice though and I learned a thing or two myself.
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