Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fragment Trek

Almost done with my chairship (I don't think that's quite a word but whatever). At this point the waiting has gotten to the fever stage. I have a hard time concentrating at work and I am behind on my grading (which I am putting off even as I type). Don't let anyone ever tell you 8:00 AM's Monday-Thursdays are easy....boy, I don't know how regular people do it. I get up so early I don't see the kids at all.

This week I was presented with a possible opportunity that would be awesome. I don't know when it would be or if I could even go due to our adoption (as it would have me leaving the country for three weeks) - and the person that might arrange for it to happen might not be in his position in the next two years....so....we'll just have to see how it pans out. For now, I doubt it will all happen, but it's an exciting thought.

Speaking of our adoption, we are making serious headway on our waitlist. I wish we could get our son now but waiting isn't all bad. We have time to prepare logistically and emotionally, etc.

Just made a few purchases off Amazon and the two books I bought pretty much sum up my current interests and personality quite well, Albert Camus' The Rebel and Marvel's Planet Hulk collection (which, even by non-geek standards is pretty cool, well on second thought, no, it's only cool on comic/science-fiction standards, most normal people would think it's stupid).

HOT OFF THE PRESS BLOG NEWS
(wow that was exiciting, eh?)

Experiments in Living: A Week Without "Made In China" as been postponed until at least mid-July. I just want to finish my five-week class first.

Weezer Concert Review: Coming Soon. I wrote most of it and then got bored (not exactly the best advertising for that post, I know).

Also, thinking of visiting the local Sikh center one of these weekends.  If I do, I'll have a report.


Here is a picture of Jean Luc Picard because, let's face it, you just can't go wrong with a picture of Jean Luc Picard to end a blog post. It's gold. "Engage!"

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Walking into Faith









Why does it always seem to take a crisis to believe?

Why can't we just take the plunge before we find ourselves in a dire situation?

Pride? Stupidity?

Maybe we're just wired that way.

Like Indiana Jones I think you can't see the bridge until you actually walking on it. It's not a freaking Jedi mind trick, it's like asking a blind man to describe a sunset - we're incapable of seeing until we believe. If you think God is dead, then, he's dead.

As I struggle to believe-- I wonder why the things that always bring me back are the things I can't handle.

It's not that pushing the rock up the hill endlessly isn't impossible alone, Sisyphus did it, as did Camus. The point is, it doesn't have to be that way. So while I relax now, comfortable in my air conditioned house to doubt, over analyze and ponder -- I wait knowing that a storm is coming and I don't want to go through it alone.

Like all storms this means preparation is in order and that means I have work to do.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Fragmentory Point

Haven't posted in awhile. First week before school and of school was Krazy busy. Then I was teaching on Sunday mornings as well. Then I went to the Weezer concert last Tuesday....and now I am working on a massive review of the Weezer concert in Austin that no one will care about (hey, bro, I am writing this so I can remember it!!!)

T-minus about a month and I will no longer be chair of my department! Hurray!

About two weeks ago, the unthinkable occurred - I got sick of breakfast tacos. Somehow, I had managed to get a scam some free tacos a few days, then I sought them out and then...and then...one morning at work I thought of tacos and it made me kinda ill. It was a strange feeling but it has thankfully, already passed.

Something I don't want to forget about E - when she gives you something she no longer needs she tells you, "Share you go" - it's so cute it hurts a little bit.

I don't know who reads this blog. How do you get here and why do some of you come back?

Here is one of my favorite Sesame Street clips. I adore this, and so does C.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Thinking Out Loud

If......

Infants and Children that die go to heaven
and
Many people (once grown) will not go to heaven but will go to hell and be punished eternally.

And....

Abortion is morally wrong because life starts at conception, as we have a soul at conception....

Then....

Couldn't you make the case abortion is actually more moral than not aborting as it will save many people from an eternity of suffering?

Reality Check: Not saying abortion is great or anything, just exploring the fun of conservative "conventional wisdom".

Monday, May 30, 2011

Fragment Rock

Away from the blog on vacation this past week - stayed busy and actually went to work one day. Could have gone without the day at work or the extra busyness but that's life.

We had another garage sale fundraiser this weekend - these might actually take a few months off my life.

"Tell me how you feel - and remember, be honest, it's for posterity"

Adopting is a like a huge long pregnancy (going on 15 months now) except my wife is more in the biological father's role this time around with me. This means there are period of times that it doesn't feel like anything is really happening and it all seems so far away. However, lately I have been pondering our transracial identity as a family a little more and that makes it all the more real.

Found myself laughing at my kids the other day and thought - kids are almost worth it - just for the laughs alone.

I am starting to hate living in Texas in the summer time.

Teaching the Gospel of John at church this summer -- maybe it will change the way I feel about it but honestly, I just don't think it can get out of my 4th spot ranking of the gospels. At any rate, I look forward to the challenge of making the class make me dig deeper. Maybe 3rd place isn't out of reach....

Wanting to start planning a "Service Spring Break" trip at school - but knowing I might not be able to go (due to the adoption) surely bitter sweet no matter how I slice it.

blah, blah, blah....

(drumroll please)

Blog Posts Coming Soon

The Paba Free Show - our radio show in college.

The Angel and The One - one of my favorite Weezer songs.

Starting my Experiment - Living the "Not Made in China" Week (planning on this sometime in June or July)

Peace out, my blog brother and sisters

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Saturday Night Special: Spoon

There is a special place in my heart for the band Spoon.

I discovered Spoon on my college radio show - and we played them frequently (usually stuff off Mountain of Sound EP and A Series of Sneaks). They are everything I like about my rock music - singable, catchy, powerful, fun but smart. You get the picture. We saw them in 98 or 99 at a small club in College Station. There weren't more than 30 people there and they rocked the house. I could have had a beer with Brit but I was too shy for that kinda thing back then (hey, I did have a beer and chatted it up with a member of What Made Miluwakee Famous a few years back though).

Anyway, I fell back in love with Spoon with their album from 2008 - Ga Ga Ga Ga and saw them in Houston that fall.  Enjoy "The Underdog" from the same album!!

Friday, May 13, 2011

"We are Here" or How to Defeat the Total Perspective Vortex

My youngest daughter loves the movie, Horton Hears a Who.

If you are going to sit through a kid's movie over a hundred times, it holds up pretty well and believe me, there are much worse things to sit through than this film. One afternoon on the 132nd viewing, the film's theme of being a minuscule person in a giant, unfathomable universe struck a nerve.



Please note 132 is a vague estimate, there was a period of time during nebulizer treatments that we watched portions of "Orton and Jojo" at least three times a day. My two year old loves Jojo, the misanthropic, non-speaking,Who most of all. Totally fits her personality....




The film deals with the heroism of Horton, who trusts in his big ears and the fact that "a person's a person no matter how small". However, another strand of the film is how the Mayor of Whoville accepts his infinite smallness in the universe. This is much more fleshed out than in the book, "fleshed out", as in the character doesn't exist in the book. I could only think of the great scene from Carl Sagan's "Cosmos". It's amazing, so, you know, watch it.





If you're too lazy to watch (shame on you) let me briefly summarize. Looking back on earth from a satellite thousands of miles away, the earth is only a pale blue dot. That's it. All that we've believed in, accomplished and fought and died for happened on a fraction of a pixel in the universe. The pale blue dot is about accepting the earth's rightful place in the universe - a tiny, unknown planet. It should humble us all and remind us that for all our pomp, we are really a primitive and disconnected race. It should in, Sagan's words, inspire us to "deal with each other more kindly and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot".

The fact is, we are the Whos.

We live in denial of this, almost as well as the Whos do - when Horton flaps his ears over Whoville, over and over again, the Whos just take their sunglasses on and off to adjust to the insanity.

"Nothing ever bad happened in Whoville, never has, and never will" -- as the lead on the Whoville city council says. We take our sunglasses on and off - we tell ourselves the narratives until they fit us like warm comfortable sweaters. Most of all these narratives (nationalist and consumer identities, religions, etc.) tell us we are important. We are the center of the universe.

yeah, i know it's only the world revolving around "me" but it's late and i'm tired...just go with it.


Let me stop here. For long-time readers (ha ha ha ha), you may or may not know that I consider my self a Christian. So these words you might find confusing, troubling, or crazy.

One day I might find the willpower or time to outline my exact theology, but until that unlikely day, just take my word on it - it's complicated. For now, it will be suffice to say I believe God created a universe that is (from my limited human viewpoint) ultimately unknowable. As far as the human mind can conceptualize, the universe is bordering on eternal. If God made the universe, then, we must be small.

In Douglas Adam's excellent The Restaurant at the End of the Universe a torture device called the Total Perspective Vortex, "annihilates you by showing you just how infinitesimally small you are compared to the Universe".

Books 1 and 2 are outstanding and then the series just kinda goes down from there with each successive book.  I don't think I finished the last one. Although if I taught an absurdist, existential literature course, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy would be on the reading list.


I don't think this smallness is necessarily inherently good or bad. In fact, the recognition that we are small is critical to letting go of our self-inflated importance and seeking a more authentic existence. Have you ever looked up at the stars at night and had the feeling of being inconsequential? The universe has created awe in theists and non-theists alike although with the size of the universe provoking (of course) different response and conclusions.

"What could define God [is a conception of divinity] as the embodiment of the laws of nature. However, this is not what most people would think of that God," Hawking told Sawyer. "They made a human-like being with whom one can have a personal relationship. When you look at the vast size of the universe and how insignificant an accidental human life is in it, that seems most impossible." -  Stephen Hawking (in a recent interview)


Because I do believe, I think our smallness shows us how special we are. At worst, we find ourselves alone in a vast, cold, life-less universe. Even in the best-case scenario, the universe is populated with islands of life surrounded by an almost unimaginable, life-less ocean. There is no doubt about it, humanity does seem to have a special place in the universe by virtue of being alive.


Ok, as you can tell I am not one of those "the universe is teeming with life' people. I could be wrong - but even if there is intelligent life, even lots of it - we still are millions, trillions of light years apart. It would be like telling you that you have a long lost sibling somewhere in the world but we don't know anything about that sibling. So, great you have a sibling but no way of knowing or communicating with he or she nor any idea where they might be in the world....So, so what?

Anyway, back to the film. At first, the mayor lives in denial of the entire possibility (thinking himself mentally unstable).... but eventually, he does accept his insignificance in the universe. He begins to trust a giant elephant in the sky for Whoville's very salvation. Don't confuse the mayor as one of Kierkegaard's "knights of faith" - his faith is based on verifiable evidence. Nonetheless, accepting his place in the universe means he must trust something above himself. Eventually, we all have to let go of something, and ultimately, I think it all ends up being about control.

Once we have accepted our role, and relinquished our ideas of self-importance we can move on to figuring out how best life should be lived. Now that I know I am no longer the center of the universe, what is my role? I answer that question by embracing the smallness - trying to integrate my role as a servant in my life. I struggle with this - but as I continue to surrender self to God every day a little more, I know my role must be one of helping and putting others first.

As the movie crescendo's the Whos must rally together and make enough noise so others hear them (and not get dropped into a boiling pot of oil). They shout "We are Here!" over and over - until they are heard.  I imagine that's what we are all trying to do on a metaphoric level every day.

"We Are Here!"; indeed.