Day two was relatively successful. My prayers went off without a hitch (well, except the 8:30 PM) but that was a bit of foreshadowing to say the least.
During day two, I had my prayers down pat. I could recite most of it mindfully and really reflect on what I was saying. I could feel myself actually feeling....wait for it.... spiritual at times. A peaceful reassurance when reading Psalm 23; while a desire to submit and follow with the "Lord's Prayer".
At work, I found myself trapped furthest from the door at a packed-to-the-gills meeting (literally 75+ in a room meant for 25 or 30 at the max). I had to quietly get out before my afternoon prayer - which made for a slightly uncomfortable and more visible exit than I would have preferred.
I found an empty room again, but once again, found myself looking at the door, waiting to be "outed" as a secret Muslim (imagine how Obama must feel).
Little Known Fact: Our last 11 presidents have all been secret Muslims - "W" even kissed this guy - what a homo.
That evening I came home right at 5:00 and had to quickly prepare for prayer. This didn't go over too well. While my wife was and is extremely accommodating for such a weird guy - my 18 month old-daughter certainly doesn't get it. She came into the room as I was praying (unknown to my wife) - I continued to pray and placed her on our bed (she loves climbing on anything). When Kathryn discovered her, she took her out which; of course resulted in a screaming fit. Needless to say the rest of my prayer was rushed and not, as they say, "centered".
Topping the day off we ate at an "Persian" restaurant near our home (owned by Iraqi's). It was definitely fun and my daughters enjoyed watching strangely familiar music videos from the Middle East. It's like the late-80's-early 90's style music videos never really died...they just took root in a different part of the world.
Fact: This video was based on a real experince. If you see a person appearing as a sketch, you've just broken the fourth demension.
I totally forgot about the 8:30 prayer as I was immersed in baking cookies for our upcoming adoption fundraising garage sale. As I hit the sack late on Thursday, I was tired....little did I know my little successful run was about to be broken.
After two missteps, my one week journey as a Muslim finally began today.
After my cell phone alarm had me up at 4:50 - I went to the kitchen sink to begin the wudu cleansing rituals. These rituals can only be described as, well, literally symbolic. While you physically clean yourself; the point isn't physical cleanliness but rather a spiritual cleansing before praying to God. I felt a little divided about wudu this early in the morning. On one hand, I like the idea of preparing myself before praying but then again its 4:50 in the morning and the process will be waking me up more than I would ever want to be.
I started with my hands, nostrils, mouth, face, arms (up to my elbows) and finally my feet (up to my ankles). All this was repeated three times. I later found out I was practicing Sunnah traditions, which are based on the Sunni Hadiths. Admittedly, wudu did its job - I felt fresh and wide awake after I was done.
This would have been nice, but I stretch well - I hope the wife doesn't mind my feet near the kitchen sink! :)
I started my recitation (again, I am reciting from my faith tradition using the 23rd Psalms and the Lord's Prayer) and completed two rakats (two prayer cycles) before heading back to bed.
Of course, my body was ready to start the day. I probably didn't drift off until about 5:30. Thankfully, our oldest only got up at 6:30 and stayed in her "Quiet Time" for the full 30 minutes until 7:00AM. Needless to say I was ready for my coffee at that point.
I went along with my day as usual; I left for work around 8:00ish and checked emails, made a few phone calls, got ready for my class, etc. My class will be conflicting with the afternoon prayer (Dhuhr) as it runs on MW from 11:00-1:45. Dhuhr usually happens between 1:32-1:35 PM. According to tradition, it's okay that I'm a little late - I am just supposed to make it up as soon as possible. So, after class and answering a few after-class questions, I headed upstairs back to my office. I thought I would check my email and find a vacant room (thankfully not as difficult to do in the summer semester). I got sidetracked by a friend...and then I remembered that I was already late with my prayer duties. I headed to the men's room for my wudu.
As I began cleaning myself in the public restroom for Dhuhr I began to feel a little self-conscious for the first time in my journey. I was worried someone might walk in as I was washing my arms up to my elbows. No one came in - but it definitely put me in the position of a Muslim here in the states. I began to appreciate the tension created by participating in a different belief system than the dominant culture.
I explored an area of our building that had a number of empty rooms. As I began my prayers in the corner of a darkened room, I nervously keep peeking towards to door when I heard the noise of nearby doors opening and closing or people walking by. I half-expected someone to burst in and discover me with my shoes off, bowing in prayer in the corner. I started to turn a computer on in case someone came in so that I could create a facade that I was checking something on the computer. However, I determined to just tell the truth if I was discovered.
When I got home, my family was at the in-law’s house (just around the corner) which allowed me peace and quiet for the Asr prayer (a little after 5:00 PM). I was expecting them any minute and rushed the whole process (this was definitely my worst prayer of the day). I slacked further at Maghrib (8:30ish PM) when I was making cookies for our garage sale adoption fundraiser and completely forgot. I remembered when Kathryn came home and started about 15 minutes late.
Finally my Isha prayer was a breeze because not only was it on-time but I hadn’t broken any of cleanliness traditions – I didn’t have to perform my wudu! What a relief for the last prayer of the day. I was definitely tuned in more than the others – I wasn’t tired, rushed or nervous someone would discover me and I was finally beginning to memorize my recitations.
My first day as “Muslim” was relatively successful. I haven’t explored the spiritual side of my experience so far, but I thought I would have plenty of time to do that in the future blog entries (after all, this is only day one of seven). I’m ready for Day 2!
I was ready to start my week as a “Muslim” early Monday morning.
(See the prior post if you are confused for the details).
Sunday night I found myself dead tired from a long weekend out of town. However, I was determined to go forward with the plan.
I had my prayer rituals printed out. I had my scripture picked out (I went with the old standards – Psalms 23 and the traditional “Lord’s Prayer” more on this later this week).
After we got the kids to bed, we cleaned the kitchen (we had left it dirty when we left for Austin). Then I got ready for the next day (the first day of the summer session) and fired off some important emails. When we finally got into bed it was after midnight. I told my wife, “no pain, no gain” and set my alarm for 4:50 – 10 minutes before Fajr, the first prayer of the day. This would give me enough time to perform the ritual wudu – which is the ritual cleaning of the hands, face, mouth, nostrils, arms and feet.
I suddenly awoke at 1:30 at the sound of our oldest (4 years old) crying. I might have dreamt this because when I checked on her she was fast asleep in bed. As I dragged myself back to bed I felt as though the like the Tired Stick and been beaten over my head. I was groggy and out of it and with little thought – turned off my alarm.
I felt bad but knew I wasn’t physically ready after a long weekend. I made plans for Tuesday to be the day. This time I turned on the alarm – I was ready to go. This time I awoke sometime at 5:30 – my alarm had gone off but the radio was so soft (as to not wake the wife) it hadn’t done it’s job. I had overslept Fajr by 40 minutes! In Islam you can make this up by praying around the time of sunrise (Shorook) around 6:30 but 6:30 at my house is “Go Time” and there would be no time for me to pray.
So, I will begin the process again tomorrow. This time around I will be using my cell phone alarm...although now I know why an adhan is needed because you can't accidentally oversleep.
So I have decided to embark on a little experiment in living. In a few days or weeks (whenever I feel like I'm ready) I will live like a Muslim for one whole week. I’m not converting to the Islamic faith – my entire experiment will be through the lens of Christian belief and practice (i.e., instead of reciting the first chapter from the Qur’an, I’ll be reciting a chapter from Psalms). My goal is to embrace what being a “Muslim” is – to submit to God. Here will be my basic rules:
*Practice Cleanliness traditions such as wudu (as this relates to prayer).
* Pray five times a day as prescribed in the Qur’an during the prescribed times (this can change daily but usually lands around the following times: 5:20ish, 6:30ish, 1:30ish, 5:10ish, 8:30ish and 9:50ish). This includes trying to find time to pray at work or whenever I may be. Most prayer traditions will be followed.
*I will not consume pork or alcohol (I’ll be doing a bit of cheating; as strictly speaking , Muslims should not eat any meat not killed properly by another Muslim)
*I will (or we will) try to dine at one of our "Persian" restaurants that week..(this one is just for fun more than anything).
So, between now and then, I will be selecting some prayer verses I will be reciting, memorizing them and studying the physical movements of prayer.
Should have an update in about a week...or at least the night before I start this crazy experiment in living.
I gave up writing poetry around the time Claire was born. I just got tired of writing after about 10 years of writing poems (I would guess only 4 of those years was I consistently trying to write). This might as well be a good place to post some. Most of my poems were fragments of ideas anyway. Here are two based on childhood memories. I always enjoyed writing about memories because they were so personal and easy to write. Maybe because I had a clear and simple goal when writing about memories....so that might explain it.
i was only a boy at the time.
you were drawing for me because i loved cartoons.
you drew a man looking over a fence,
with a big cartoon nose hanging over its edge.
slowly, the pen made its lines,
a bit unsteady and squiggly.
i remember you playing dominos.
i remember christmas morning blurs.
i remember you quiet and in the hospital.
i never knew you, mysterious grandfather
i was only a boy at the time.
but i still remember.
beach
the seagulls circled overhead
calling for our bread.
i told you to put the food away
before they poop on us.
i feel sick and vomit
grape soda/bologna sandwich into the sand.
those damn seagulls eat that instead.
I was walking into our bathroom when I noticed our Consumer Reports magazine upside-down - I was more than a little surprised when I read an article entitled "8 Ways to Land a Great Afterlife". Of course, it actually read, "8 Ways to Land a Great Airfare". Sure it was upside-down, but I think my mind's eye saw this mainly because I watched the Lost finale last night. That and the fact that I am obsessed with death in general.
Interestingly enough, it's eight tips of achieving a cheap airfare also might also be read as tips to achieving a great afterlife as well.
1. Be Flexible About Dates
The trick about dying is that you don't know when it's going to happen. You might only live once, but don't stress with existential angst over it - you'll waste precious time worrying when you should be living.
2. Consider Other Airports
If Airfare is the stand in for the afterlife, then surely the airlines represents the different world belief systems (meaning the atheists refuse to fly?). Then this must mean the airports are way stations - death itself before the airline takes us away. Maybe this means to consider our own mortality - we're going to die - so contemplate it and be ready.
3. Check the airline's site
Airline Site = Sacred Scripture. If you need more information, check out the scripture that your belief system is based on. Read up on all the details, offers and rules and regulations.
4. Mix and Match
If you can't find the right fit - by golly, mix and match. Most people do it anyway, they just don't admit it. Create your own theology by borrowing or weaving other meta-narratives into your own!
5. Know when to Buy
Timing is everything. When it's your time - don't fight it - let go and recognize the season of life is over.
6. Consider Multiple Carriers
Surely a Universalist wrote this article.
7. Waive Change Fees?
I got nothing. Hey, every analogy breaks down at some point.
8. Think About Bidding
Take a leap of faith, no matter how blindly - Kierkegaard would totally use Expedia.
In honor of Lost's last episode on Sunday, I decided to write about my favorite episode and scene in the series. Lost may have never regained it's simplicity, beauty and mystery from the first two seasons, but there's never been a show that has been as philosophically deep. It explored issues such as: Do we have freewill? Are humans good or evil? Can we change who we are? At the same time the series has (at times) been downright silly, disappointing and has left many a plot thread hanging. However, it's a network TV show, it has its limitations in form and it admittedly suffers when judged as a coherent piece of art. Even still, Lost is easily my favorite television series ever. I will miss Lost.
Insert Cliche Image from Show. Think about it - a blog with no readers, posting pictures that no one needs. The epitome of silly.
One of Lost’s fundamental and reoccurring themes is the struggle between faith and reason. This theme is best illustrated in the show’s second season episode, Orientation. To attempt to completely recount the story’s twisting plot could possibly cause a reader’s nose to bleed (thank you very much - that’s an inside joke for Lost fans). However, I’ll try my best to briefly set the context for a broad audience....just bear with me and oh yeah, spoiler alert.
Lost is centered on the survivors of a plane crash that happened on a super-natural (to put it lightly) island. There is a mysterious “smoke monster”, a crazy French lady who has been shipwrecked on the island for 17 years, and the whispers. Oh, and sometimes our survivors have visions and dreams of the dead, animals, etc.
All this is to say the island is a not just mysterious place but a miraculous place as well. One of the key plot points of the first season is the discovery of a hatch or underground shelter by the character John Locke. The buildup of the first season concludes with the opening of the hatch and it is immediately explored by the main characters, John Locke and Jack Shepherd in the first episode of the second season.
The “hatch” has living quarters and a massive computer station - all of which was seemingly built in the late 70’s. A man named Desmond Hume has been “trapped” in the hatch for a three years. He claims he has to enter a numeric code every 108 minutes in order to “save the world”. If Desmond fails to continue to push "the button" an enormous amount of electro-magnetism being held at bay by the station could reach catastrophic levels around the world.
Jack Shepherd and John Locke serve as proxies for one of the show's fundamental themes: faith and reason. For most of the series, Jack serves as the show’s primarily rationalist and is the survivor’s closest thing to a traditional leader. He finds the entire scenario incredulous; "You understand what he's saying -- it's insane, it's impossible."
Insert Cliche Religious Symbol Here
...actually, if you ask me Lost. deals just with many of the tenants of Daoism. But that's another blog post.
John Locke is the show’s “knight of faith”. Although the viewers know his faith in the island and purpose is grounded in concrete, rational reason (when the plane took off he was a paraplegic; after the crash he could walk) the hatch represents a new “leaping off” point. While the situation might be "impossible", Locke believes the island has led him here and he accepts the mission of “pushing the button” with purpose. The hatch can serve as an allegory for the existential nature of life. Our situation is absurd, seemingly senseless and well, our proverbial hatch clocks are ticking. Are you ready to push the button?
The episode crescendos as the hatch timer is winding down and this exchange follows:
Jack: “Why do you find it so easy to believe?!”
Locke: “It never has been easy!”
Some believe that people profess faith because it's the easy way out. Faith is claimed to be a crutch, an "opium for the masses" or a deep seated need for a father figure. (Yes, I'm looking at you Sigmund and Karl)
Faith can be all those things, but the fact is, it doesn't have to be an answer - it can be a journey or challenge that bravely embraces the absurdity of life. Jesus never said life would be "easy".
Like Locke, I believe faith is not easy. I suppose I should clarify when I use the term “faith” I mean a real, authentic faith…not one that is practiced by rote, tradition or familiarity. Faith is not easy in terms of accepting the absurd nor is it easy to embrace your faith so fully that it informs your every action, every deed, every thought. Faith is a choice that should be made every day, even if it’s practice is imperfect.
It’s almost impossible not to project ourselves into art that we like. When I first saw this scene, I was blown away. It represented my own struggle to believe. However, when I finally saw this scene years later - I realized I had missed a huge point of this entire encounter.
In defiance (in equal measures of stubborn foolishness and bravery) Locke demands Jack join in this “ridiculous” act because he can’t do it alone. Although Locke himself can enter the code, he implores Jack to push the “Enter” button; which will re-set the timer. He realizes that faith is not meant to be practiced in isolation, but with others, with community…even with those who aren’t yet believers at all. “It’s a two person job, Jack” This also recalls one of the many mantras of Lost; “if we can’t live together – we’ll die alone”. Separate, we don’t hold ourselves accountable and often fail to see someone else’s perspective. Together, we build relationships that strengthen us as individuals.
Too often we view our spirituality in a vacuum or solitude. We might imagine ourselves standing as an individual before God at the end of time. We don’t have to “fight” the battle alone, though. Locke recognizes that believers need community. While much of our faith journeys have to start alone and even be walked alone along the way, faith is not meant to be practiced alone. Faith is supposed to build community.
In this episode, faith wins the day....but faith has it's pitfalls later in the series as well. I won't go too far the rabbit hole (that would be an additional essay and the whole point of this blog is FRAGMENTS)...needless to say I will miss all the questions the series has posed. I'm looking forward to the finale to see what, if any, ultimate meaning can be teased out in this final episode.
Here is the entire scene for your pleasure and enjoyment.
