Stumbling, bumbling end of year fragments

Well, 2017 is ending with a bang.

That is everything is breaking including our laptop, garage door, the broiler on the oven, a dead van battery, a bedroom ceiling fan  and a few electrical problems in the house...and more to come (besides a roof that needs replacing).

Sigh.

That and we just got back from a Disney World vacation. So, ya know, money has unusually been on my mind. Still, it's all first world problems so I should shut up.

So, I'm writing this blog on my phone but all my plans of "catching up" on the blog lies in utter ruin.

Still, 2017 was quite a year. I finished a grad certificate program, traveled to Ireland and the UK, we took the kids to Disney, it actually snowed here in SA, and our kids are doing amazing things that are keeping us busy. C is first chair flute and as an 11 year old started her own photography business (and already has had at least 10 gigs), E, is always a crafty girl and has excelled in her dance class and is part of a local production of Annie, H has moved on a bit from Pokemon and loves Lego Ninjago, he's amazingly smart and ahead of his kinder classmates. He will likely start karate this spring.

I leave you with two images I recently found and love. Whoever you are out there in Internet land, have a happy New year and don't forget to not be a big jerk to your family when you're mad about something else.

Pic Dump: Fall 2017 Edition

It's been awhile so here are the best of random pics I have saved at work. Savor them and love them or at least enjoy them.

 

 

 

This is maybe the best photo ever taken.

 

 

 

BONUS GIFS (free at no additional cost):

Return of the Poet

Between the years of 1995-2005 I wrote thousands of poems. Mainly, terrible poems but that's besides the point....poetry was an important part of my life. I wouldn't have advertised it to my friends or family at the time, but I thought of myself as a poet.

I wrote poems about forlorn love, feeling lost, poems about the meaning in life, figuring out my identity, love poems, silly poems, poems about how life didn't have a meaning, political poems, religious poems, weird poems, poems, poems, poems. Between 1999-2002 I wrote almost every day, sometimes for over an hour of me just typing away.  Basically, poetry was my daily therapy session. 

Somewhere between getting married and having our first child, I lost touch with my inner poet. I wasn't an angsty, aimless, regret-filled young person any more. I was fulfilled emotionally and professionally (in surprisingly short order). Life was busy and great and I turned to other artistic endeavors.

Over the last ten years plus, I painted abstract paintings, did some collage work, painted art from comic books or children's books, created a fake band on MySpace (collage/cut and paste) and even tried to write a novel (well that still might happen someday).

From time to time I would write a poem for my beautiful and understanding wife. And even less frequently, I would find myself inspired to write a random poem down. But the truth was I wasn't a poet anymore.

Something's been welling up inside of me over the past few months and I've been writing poetry again. Not as frequently as in the past and definitely not consistently but there's been a change. It started back in Northern Ireland at Corrymeela and it's continued in part by teaching my Introduction to Peace & Conflict class.

 In Lederach & Lederach's excellent When Blood and Bones Call Out, it is revealed that poetry is more discovery than creation.

 “In the everyday poetry is in and around us, but becoming poetry requires noticing….People begin to take notice of things that have been there all along and then rise from the noticing towards something that takes shape”  (Lederach & Lederach 175).

This helps re-frame the whole idea of "writing" poetry.  If we're doing it right, poetry is really just articulating what's already there. The pressure is off "to create" and the mind and heart is open to describe what is there. All this is to say I am excited to discover the poetry that's been swimming inside my head and heart the last few years, months, weeks, etc.

So, as you might imagine, this post is about building up to more poems.

I decided to show the documentary, The Interrupters to my Peace & Conflict class a few weeks back. The day before I showed the film, I was writing my notes down as I watched the film. Something screwy happened with the closed captions. The captions became stuck on just one phrase:

"a stake that they can hold onto"

I believe the context was one of the interrupters was speaking about a group of young people who needed something to hold onto (in place of violence).  I turned the CC tab off and then back on again and that seemed to do the trick but sure enough a few seconds later, the old phrase, "a stake that they can hold onto" popped back up.  Every few minutes I would have to turn the captions on and off to get the phrase to disappear. 

Eventually, I just got used to it and watched the film with out captions. But that phrase was still just sitting there, seeming to weasel its way into my brain.

"a stake that they can hold onto"

What do we hold onto exactly? Aren't we all trying to hold onto something? That's where this poem came from, it was already there. 

A stake that they can hold onto

It seems all humans need

is something to hold onto

A something to hope for.

Something to be.

How can we find our voice?

Where is our place?

Some will

Endeavor and discover

Fight and bleed

Dying for their place

Dying for their voice

Others will read, hope and dream.

Where will you find the place where you can

just be?

Let the dead bury their dead and find that stake to hold onto.

A week later I wrote another poem at my desk. Inspired by some piano music on Youtube as I graded. It just came to me. My only comment is that sometimes I'm the artist but most of the time, I'm the drop.

Drip 
Drip 
Drip

I paint some abstract bullshit

I watch a drop of paint as it drips down the canvas.

It falls, unaware of its existence

unaware it is drawing ever closer to the end...

It’s journey ends with a thud

Off the canvas

to the floor.

A stain,nothing more.

Quote of the Day

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” - Kurt Vonnegut

Ireland Fragments - Part I: Dublin

This past June I traveled to Northern Ireland (UK) as part of a graduate certificate program capstone class in conflict transformation. My wife went with me my first week to visit Dublin, NI and London.

Here are the fragments.


In December, I started scouring for a good deal. After about 3-4 weeks, I found a "deal", one that I couldn't pass up.  As you might imagine, the "deal" was better on paper than in the good ol' real lived-in world So it was SAT to Ft. Lauderdale (3 hour flight, 5 hour layover), to Stockholm (9 hour flight, 5.5 hour layover) and finally to Dublin (2ish hour flight). This meant it was over 24 hours of traveling. I mean, it was still "worth it" but it was still tough.

Oh yeah, the Stockholm airport bathroom was BOSS.

We arrived around 8:30 PM in Dublin tired but excited.  We had an Airbnb lined up and our host had given us directions on a bus-line, but finding the right bus was a bit of an adventure. We were to pick up the key at a bar named "The Red Parrot".  It felt a little like a spy movie, so that was a little fun. 

After we got the key, my phone was dying (that meant our map was dying) and the flat was harder to find than you might think. It was getting dark and a few sprinkles fell on us. While not quite panicking, I wasn't having fun anymore.  I should point out addresses in Ireland and generally in the UK as well can be very difficult to find. I could bore you with the insane details but here's a photo of me putting my key into the wrong flat....

Thankfully, I think the no one was home or they were asleep. After 35 minutes of traveling in circles, in courtyards and streets with almost exactly the same name, we unpacked and felt good.

The only restaurant still open in the area was a Middle Eastern place called Pasha (which was great, because one of our favorite places back home is called Pasha as well). We were hungry and we devoured our plates.

I had previously made tentative plans for us to hike south of Dublin (Wicklow area) but for a variety of reasons, at the last mintue we decided to stick to Dublin. I felt fancy free as we had no real plans other than to walk downtown and just see where our feet would take us. And boy did we walk on this first day. We walked everywhere and my-way-too-young-to-be-arthritic knee was acting up by the end of the day! I have no idea how much we walked but Google estimated I walked 55 miles in June (which after I looked into it, is still too low).

We stopped at a small coffee shop for scones and coffee at the Roasted Bean Coffee Company (right across from the Connolly Train Station). Although there were a few "average" cups along our travels, the coffee in Ireland and the UK were far and away much better than in the coffee in the US.

Dublin Street Art near Connolly Station

We eventually found ourselves outside Trinity College and went in for the tour. I had read that the Book of Kells was overrated so I wasn't thrilled with going but the college tour was great and the admission to the library and Book of Kells was included, so why not?

My favorite detail about the tour was about this library. Apparently this insane librarians organized the collection by SIZE. Yeah, not by topic, or alphabetical, the SIZE of the book. Was the purpose to make the library so un-usable to students that it would remain quiet and free of students? If so, librarians 1, students 0. Good game, chaps.  Also, the smell of this place was old book smell heaven. Ahh...the smell of rotting books.

From Trinity we went on to St. Patrick's hoping to hear a rehearsal of a choir but the choir never showed up. Then we went on the Chester Beatty Library. I have to say, if you love history and old stuff, then the Chester Beatty Library MUST be checked out. So awesome. Chester Beatty collected tons of books but not just any books, the oldest and most important books, scrolls and book fragments he could get his hands on. Amazing stuff. The earliest collection of the four gospels together resides here. But my favorite part of the collection was an ancient copy of a Qur'an, (I forgot how many centuries old it was) with an inscription from his wife that said (I am paraphrasing here)..."Happy Anniversary, honey! I knew you would love this!" So funny.

I cannot recommend this place enough if you give a fig about history and/or religion. We grabbed a late lunch at the cafe as well and it was very good (again, it was Indian food).

Then it was on the a few more churches that day, I mean it was a hell of a day for churches. As the day wore on, we started to realize how tired we were. That said, we weren't gonna back down. On our way to another Dublin Christ Church Cathedral, we ran into a a choir from Arizona that was going to perform at 5:30 or 6:00 PM. So, we decided to stick around for that. We stopped at Leo Burdock's for some fried fish that was right across the way from the church. It was okay, but nothing to go crazy about.

This guy (much larger than the seagulls here in South Texas) waited so long for single chip, but maybe it was something in his eyes, but I denied him. I was like, "Naw, man, naw". Also, can we take a second to talk about ketchup in the UK? Terrible, horrible, gross. It's sickly sweet and actually made me forgo even eating it and yet, I would forget and start using it again. Also, the "chips" in Ireland were utterly forgettable. Almost every single time, they were limp and disappointing. Give me some crunch and some good ol' American ketchup. Also, say no to the "Brown Sauce" - never even figured out what that crap was.

The concert was pretty okay, K really enjoyed it more than me and really that was the whole point. The setting was beautiful, what more could you ask for. At Christ Church Cathedral, you can go to the catacombs and that was the highlight for me personally as it was cleared out at this time in the early evening.

This was a mummified cat and rat that had been found stuck in the organ years ago. It was too cool not take a photo.

This was the burial of a knight named Strong Bow (the child or smaller body was not marked). I thought the name was something out of She-ra, so for the rest of the day I would say "Strong Bow, look out" or "Sir Strong Bow, how mighty you are!". Turns out he was pretty important.

After the concert we walked the 100 million miles back to our Airbnb, stopping at a pub on the way home for some drinks and music (pretty good). When we got back it was well after 10:00 and we had been walking around Dublin for 13 hours straight, with a few breaks sitting in old churches.

It was an amazing day, one that I won't forget!

Day 2-4 coming up next.....

Fragments, ya know, just good ol' fragments

Random Fragments

Been pondering the Fermi Paradox lately. Just been swirling in my head a lot. It's the darnest thing really. Maybe I'll write about it someday....(yeah, right).

Nationalism is a disease.

Trump is a child, a bully, an asshole, a sexist, a racist, a sexual predator but when I think of him most of the time, I think of him as an empty-headed fool. The most dangerous of fools, who believe they are actually smart.

Story Time

Two nights ago I had a dream that my wife and I were in a minor accident (K backed into a truck that careered into another truck and a Frogger arcade cabinet that just happened to be on the street corner at the time). No big deal, just a typical weird dream.

I woke up, went pee and went back to sleep. Later, early in the morning, our son got up and asked us for breakfast, because he was "really hungry". He settled for a small banana (of which he ate 3 small bites) and side note, didn't eat his breakfast until 9:00 AM because he told me he didn't feel like eating at that point in time.

Ok, so after H had woken us up (around 6:00 AM), I was in a different dream...in this dream, I was at our oldest child's school when K called me to tell me our van had somehow been totaled in the accident. I was sad because we just paid off our van in real life (and apparently in the dream as well). After I woke up, I realized that time-line of the old dream bled into the new dream, several hours later, even after I had woken up. Very weird, but very cool.



Work Fragments

I am a part of a Study Abroad to India and I am so upset because they basically took my program, changed it, made me team up with another faculty member, screwed up our budget, etc. so, I just don't care. I may be fulfilling one of my life-long dreams and when I think about it, it just pisses me off. What a world. But maybe it will all turn out in the end....?

Excited about the possibility of running a program at the school. If it goes my way, it will be really, really exciting.  As it, it could make an actual difference in the world. If not, I will be, uh, sad.


Stuff I'm Trying To Do Lately (followed by my measurement of success based on 1-5 Stars, five stars being awesome, one star being terrible. 

Trying to be mindful as much as possible ***
Eating more fruit, cutting crap ***
Eating more vegetables *
Being organized at work ***
Reading Actual Books (not comic books) **
Not Watching Football ****

Side note: Note watching football because of CTE's, nothing to do with the taking of the knee stuff, which, I support 110%. 

Kid Fragment Updates

C (6th grade) impressed me with her balance and creative spirit. She's doing great on he grades. She's got a good head on her shoulders and she's coming around on the Beatles! She's always loved them but seems to be "getting them" now.

Trying to always keep the middle child, E (3rd grade) in mind. All of my kids are amazing but today I felt as though E will definitely change this world with her passion and unique vision. She's such a snuggle bug. We've been loving reading from a Peanuts Treasury in bed together a lot lately. Making nice memories together. :)

H was sick today. Vomited in the van so I cleaned vomit out of his clothes, the van floor, stuff on the van floor and (my favorite) the car seat!!! Oh boy. He's been doing well in Kinder after a rough start of being bored. He started basketball two weeks ago and I love his attitude to keep practicing and get better. Still can't shoot at the six-foot basket worth a darn, but he can dribble pretty well.

Well, that's life...it's up and down and overall, relentless. Oh yeah, I should be grading. !!

That's all folks, don't forget to pick up milk on the way home and kiss your loved ones when you get home.

School Daze Fragments

It's almost school time and fragment time here at HF (that's Hopeful Fragment for those scoring at home).

My oldest, C, starts 6th grade, which is middle school here and that means tears, drama and humiliation...but it's all part of growing up. E starts third grade and so that feels pretty normal but our youngest, H, starts Kinder. Kinda crazy. I am 40 and all my kids are finally in school.

Hey now, I'm happy to be alive. 

I went to the grocery store the other night and I noticed how quickly time felt at the store. I feel like time at the grocery store moves at 3 times normal speed. I get home and think, "How did that take 45 minutes?"

POETRY UPDATE 

I wrote some poetry again, it was cool. Also, I found an old short story of a Komodo dragon that was about to be executed by firing squad when a solider breaks rank and tries to convince everyone to save the animal's life. I think I will post it here soon. (WOW).

WORK UPDATE 

Teaching an intro to peace and conflict class in the fall and getting excited. India is a go (for study abroad) but the budget is a MESS. Too complicated to get into.

CONFEDERATE MONUMENTS UPDATE

Take them all down, take every last one of those damn statues down. Also, I am a trained historian, so that gives me all the creditability I need, posers.

Entertainment UPDATE


Hey man, I started watching Arrested Development. Pretty good, man, pretty good.

Also still on my MST3K kick. Love the show, Love it. LOVE IT.

Because it's being brought up I should say I am TEAM JOEL and the first four and a half seasons. I just don't like the Mike.... I have tried, I really have tried and it hasn't yet sunk in. Here is how I rank 'em.

Joel
-
Jonah
-
-
-
Mike Nelson

Also, I prefer Picard to Kirk by MILES.

I have a sinking feeling about the Spurs this year, haven't felt this way since 2010ish.

I started my big Ireland post but got bogged down by details, all the crazy details...it is a HUGE post and it's the first two days... geez.

NINTENDO UPDATE
Got the NES Classic, back in Jan, so far I have passed Super Mario 1,2, 3, Mega Man 2, was obsessed with Mario Brothers and Balloon Fight for weeks at a time, almost passed Zelda 1 but got distracted and I am about to fight Mother Brain on Metriod. MEMORIES.

FOOD UPDATE

I sometimes get sick of eating. As in, everything I think about possibly eating I just don't want.....Either that or it's unrealsitc, like I want a huge burger or cheesecake but other than that everything else seems sick or boring. It happens to me once every few weeks. Blah.

Okay, ladies and gents I think I have had it. Treat yourself to a late night snack but don't forget to do the dishes before bed, it will make you feel better in the morning.