Paba Free Fragments

So one of my best friends and I had a falling out several years ago. It is sad, but it is what it is. When we were in college we applied for a 2-hour  radio show on our college radio station and created The Paba Free Show. It was fun. Here are the fragments:


It took us a long time to think of a name for our show. Nothing seemed to come naturally to us or maybe we were trying to hard to be clever. I came up with the name based off a comment from George on Seinfeld who was looking for a "Paba Free" suntan lotion. I was a massive Seinfeld show fan, so it felt right. Here is the whole exchange and inspiration for the name.

Jerry: Are these seats unbelievable or what?
George: Where’s the sunblock?
Jerry: Here.
George: 25? You don’t have anything higher?
Jerry: What, are you on Mercury?
George: I need higher. This has paba in it, I need paba-free.
Jerry: You got a problem with paba?
George: Yes, I have a problem with paba.
Jerry: You don’t even know what paba is.
George: I know enough to stay away from it.

Our college radio station's range was tiny. When I mean tiny, I mean if you were on the far side of campus, you couldn't pick up the AM frequency. We also had "FM-Cable" but you would have to plug in a cable, for the television into the back of your stereo, to hear it, if your stereo even had this slot, which was unlikely. No one could ever figure out if that was working or not because no body had this slot on the back of their stereo.

I found this googling the old station. This was never a door I used, it seems the station has moved once (or has been renovated) and maybe even twice. We had it old school with turntables, old school mics, and tons of old LP's. All of this was cramped in a tiny little space, in the back of a building where no one could find you if they tried. All the photos made me sad we never took a picture and sad because it means I am getting OLD.

Our first shows were awful as we learned the ropes of the technology. Eventually, I think we had some nice DJ moments, but the tapes of the early shows were pretty embarrassing.

It was such a cool thing to tell people at parties or where-ever, "yeah, we have a radio show on Fridays". You felt like such a bad-ass just saying it.  Honestly, I haven't had too many humble brags this good in my life. I still get reactions from people when I tell them I had a radio show in college, and they say something like, "That's awesome!"...and I'm like....(sounding like I don't think so)..."yeah.....I guess".

My friend and I were  power-pop fiends. Bands in our common rotation: Weezer, Fountains of Wayne, Spoon, Sloan, Superdrag, The Apples in Stereo, Nirvana, Sixteen Deluxe, Beck, Crumb, Frank Black and Tripping Daisy (yes, I am aware some of those artists are not "Power Pop"). I always told my friend to never play the singles from "big bands" like Nirvana or Weezer and to NEVER play R.E.M. but he would sneak them in when I went to the bathroom. Bastard.

 

Cool Power Pop image. I mean, this is cool right? Or maybe not. 

Our first semester we had the show on Saturday mornings (that was my friend's stupid idea) from 10:00-12:00, then we went to Sunday afternoon from 2:00-4:00 and finally found a good place on Friday afternoon's from 4:00-6:00. That was my favorite time slot. We would do our show, grab a bite to eat on Northgate (where all the best bars in College Station were), go home and hang out, get ready and go out for the night later. It was a nice routine that I always looked forward to. One week my friend was feeling frisky and decided to have a few beers during our show (obviously, a big school "no-no").  I was freaking out the whole time and generally was a big douche about it.

Our audience was miniscule. The few listeners we had, were, of course, our friends. Frankly, they only listened once we were in the Friday time slot anyway. Two of our friends could miraculously  tune into the station and we would often have them call-in for over-the-air conversations. This made it feel like an actual show.  Another friend would listen as he drove a school bus on campus and he would tune in as he shuttled students around. Once he drove on the other side of campus, he couldn't pick it up. I'm sure the bus-riding students were confused as to what they had the radio tuned to.  I think one of the other DJ's said they tuned in once and it so happened she was a girl and kinda cute so this made us doubly excited.

We would beg people to call in with requests. The truth was sad....but outside a few friends, NO ONE was listening. Then one day-- it happened. An actual request. From someone we didn't know!  He requested Echo and the Bunnymen (who I had only heard of)...we were nervous that we didn't have an album to play...but we eventually found an old LP. You know this is a big deal because I remember what the guy requested to this day.  We were so proud. One time we had a "stand off" with our non-existent listeners, telling them we wouldn't play music until someone called in. They never called and we chatted for the last hour of the show. We were a little "in on the joke"...but we both would have been thrilled to have actual, occasional listeners.


The great thing about having no listeners was that we could pretty much do what we wanted. We ended up rapping one day over a music-only track of "All About the Benjamins"  (of course I made up most of my rap).  I also sang over a non-vocal track from a indie band, about Huevos Rancheros a few times. Both of these experiments were pretty terrible, but darkly funny in an awkward-white guy kinda way.

I made a pathetic little website for the show (I mean it was 1998-1999 so most websites were pathetic to begin with). We never got any email requests and I was sad about that.  When I look back on it, it's kinda cute that I was trying to be cutting-edge.

We taped most of our shows but I would tape over them all the time with new shows.  We stopped doing the show after two years, for whatever reason we felt like we would be "too busy" but I always regret not giving it a final semester.  I had only taped about 3.5 shows even though I am certain I lost a tape along the way in a move or lost underneath my car seat.   About 10 years ago,  I transferred much of our banter (editing out boring stuff) into single MP3 digital copies. I collected many of the songs we played on the show and and mailed them to my friend on a CD before our falling out.  I love having these in my MP3 collection as they are a part of my personal history that is recorded. Sure, it doesn't mean a lot to anyone else....but it does to me (ya know, like this blog).

Recently, I created two huge MP3 files (mimicking an audio tape), I wanted to create the feeling of it not being easy to "skip" tracks. You would have to "fast-forward" if you didn't like the song. I edited our banter to ensure the bands we said were "coming up next" really were coming up next and created a "new" show out of old stuff.  I found old tid-bits of dialogue that I hadn't recorded years ago. It took a lot of time but at the same time it was a lot of fun too. I sent it to my friend as a peace offering about a week ago.....we'll see what happens.

Since my friend has kinda ignored me the last few years it makes memories of the show a little bitter sweet. He was a like a brother to me, we fought about life, politics, religion, you name it. But we had a shared past, loved the same type of music, loved going to concerts, hanging out, being stupid and having fun.  Maybe we debated a lot, but we also liked pushing each other's buttons...it was part of what made us friends. We could disagree but still hang out. Maybe we grew up and maybe we're too different now....time changes things. I don't know. I don't expect our friendship to be the same, but it would be nice to be facebook friends. I miss my friend but at least I'll always have the Paba Free Show.

Update 1/31/13:  I sent the package, he never responded. Oh well.

Lonely Fragments

My wife and kids have been gone for 10 days now and return tomorrow I thought I would have all this time to write and accomplish so much on the blog. oh well.

Late in the spring I tried to name as many players as I could that have played with Tim Duncan. I got up to 53. I was very disappointed with my self, I was expected at least to name 70+.   My wife found the sheet and wrote in #54 "you're weird but I love you". That made me smile.

I have been watching the LOTR trilogy (Extended Edition with all the special features). It's been cool. Can't wait for The Hobbit. I think I'm going to try for the midnight showing.

I think I ate more unhealthy with no one around.

I was a lot more busy than I thought I would be. I thought I would be lounging around, taking multiple naps a day, writing, reflecting, etc. Instead I was teaching, grading, getting certified to get folks to register to vote, watering lawns (I was looking after two other lawns other than our own while different people were out of town), prepping for a hunger banquet at church, going to my parents house twice, getting ready for the fall and more. I wouldn't really describe as "busy" but there wasn't a ton of downtime either.

Hard to believe school is starting again soon. Our six-year old will be going into the 1st grade and turning 7 in March. It feels more and more like she's not a little girl any more and that bums me out a little. All the same, I am proud of the little lady she is becoming. 

Doing some van shopping as well. I don't like car shopping, car dealerships, car salesmen, test driving, worrying if you're getting ripped off, thinking about how much money you are sinking into this hunk of machinery, even thinking about it makes me ill. bah, humbug.

I had an idea for a movie the other day but I am too lazy and not talented enough to pull it off.

Hang loose, daddy-o's. 

Fragments from Ethiopia: Trip # 1

Our trip to Ethiopia was all about meeting our son. And it was an amazing moment. He is so sweet and smiley. An easy baby to fall in love with. In this regard we are very blessed as he is very engaging. This  whole process is double-sided, there is much to be joyful about but our blessing is also a tragedy. I have cried more this year than any other year in my adult life - both for my son and his birth mother.  Having said that, I am going to keep the rest of this post quite "Ethiopia-centric" and not adoption centric.

I hate flying. Seriously. It's amazing being above the clouds. I even watched a lightening storm at one point and it was a pretty awe-inspiring. But damn, it scares me (ya know, the whole huge metal thing in the sky thing).

  A pretty little picture I took somewhere over Canada.

I love traveling. I love going somewhere that is so different from home. It made every day feel like three days (especially when it was the evening and you tried to review all that happened during the day). It was like we were lengthening our lives. (Of course, it helped that the Ethiopian Orthodox Church started prayers between 4:15 AM - 6:30 AM every morning for at least two hours too).

This was the culprit of my misery. This church was perched atop a hill just a few miles from where we were standing.  Every morning the prayers would awaken me...I could never get back to sleep (headphones with music, earplugs, pretending it wasn't happening, etc.). I actually fantasized of how one could stop the prayers from happening. Some include shooting the speakers but never physical violence, well at least most of the time.

The thing about going to a developing country is the crowded, active, teeming streets. I experienced this in China, but it seemed to be even more active in Addis. People were everywhere: on the busy sidewalks, on the street and running in front of cars, hanging out of the over-crowded taxi-vans (attempting to get more passengers). Cars and trucks cut each off with no mercy -- making nearly impossibly close calls (no horns or hard feelings -- only a few friendly honks). Little market stalls selling fruits and vegetables, tiny butcher shops (notated to be Christian as they didn't serve halal meat), shoe-shiners, young women selling corn roasting over charcoal, boys and young men holding hands as friends, traditional head coverings for many women (Orthodox Christians and traditional Muslims), donkeys, horses, dogs walking the street with no owner in sight.

Once we saw several horses walking down the highway and we asked our driver who owned them.  He shrugged and said everyone knew whose they were, so no big deal. Later we bought a goat for a nearby orphanage (yes, a live one) and our driver (Danny) helped load it on the top of our van's roof as if he was tying down some luggage.

As we traveled through the streets in cars, I never took my eyes off the street - I felt like I would miss something. So interesting and fun.

The bananas tasted different. Stronger, more distinct, sweeter even. The coffee was also fantastic. At the guest house that we stayed at, the ladies would make it very strong and serve it in these tiny little cups. The first day I asked for sugar and I got it very, very sweet. For the rest of our week, that's how I made my own coffee.  Dark and very sweet.

The people of Addis Ababa were nice but not overly nice. Let me put it this way, most people didn't engage you, until you engaged them (not counting curious and friendly children). We were in a local supermarket in a non-tourist area of town and we weren't turning any heads. It's not that they were unfriendly (although I believe we had a bit of that), but they wanted to see how you were first. I always tried to say hello first, speaking in Amharic produced many smiles.  

The food was great. Everywhere we went....there wasn't a bad experience. Lots of options and we never got sick....and I have a sensitive stomach. We attended a cultural dinner (with cultural dancers) one night and it was amazing - it was great that there were only two tourist groups there (counting our own as well) -- it felt more authentic, not some jazzed-up Disney-version given to foreigners.

The weather was also out-of-this-world (in particular coming from San Antonio in July helps). The average daytime temperature was about 65. It is the rainy season but it was exactly what I was hoping for...the rains would begin anywhere between 5:00-7:30 PM and at times it would be a downpour. It was a cool rain though and not humid at all. In the morning it would clear up, and most days became rather sunny by the late afternoon. We would leave doors and windows open all the time as Addis is located at a high altitude and there were little to no bugs to worry about. This was like a whole new world.

As you might imagine there was poverty. I was expecting this. The toughest scene was in a tourist market  - a little boy about age 7 with a half-burned face that was begging for money. It was hard to know what to do with all the children surrounding us at that point. I could write a whole blog about it, and I might someday....until then, I still feel guilty and sad.

I loved drinking Coke from bottles. It just feels right that way and it's re-used....why don't we do this? It was fun.

One of my favorite memories was from an evening when we just walked down the street on the lookout for bananas (as the supermarket didn't have any).  We bought some corn from one of the "corn-girls" as I called them. Every evening around 5:00 PM or so, young women would cook corn over a charcoal sitting on the sidewalk selling their corn for 5 birr or so (about 30 cents). I got to speak with one girl and had about as good a conversation as you can with not knowing someone's language.  As we spoke a few young kids hung around listening to our halting conversation. Lots of smiles were exchanged as I showed her a picture of our daughters. She wanted a picture with my wife as well. It was a nice moment.

There are lots of little stories that, for now, will remain untold. The trip just went off without a hitch....a wonderful trip from start to finish. Trip # 2 should be in the next month and I expect many more memories....

Fragments of Trip #2 can be found here!

Pic Dump # 6

Another pic dump from the best of my browsing. Enjoy the dump.
 

Fine Fragments

Been awhile since I ya know, posted fragments.

Well, it finally happened. We received a referral call on June 28th, and quickly had our court date in Ethiopia on 7/23. It was awesome. So we are the proud parents of a little 4 month old boy. We will go back in 4-7 weeks to bring him home. Wrote a journal while away, and I will write about this at some point (ya know - international adoption, our adoption, our trip, etc. etc.)

On the list of things I love about the summer: cherries.

My wife and kids will be going far away for about 12 days. I am busily mentally preparing for what exactly I am going to do with myself. Personal freedom to do exactly what you want, when you want is hard concept to grasp once you haven't had for awhile. It will be strange. 

Another thing I love about summer: Summer Classes, I had three classes this summer, and all three have been great. I love the students I've had. It's been a very enjoyable experience. They almost fool me into thinking I'm a good teacher.

Blog Ideas: China Fragments (about our 2004 trip), Ethiopia Fragments (see above), Jesus as Liberal and Conservative, Hinduism post, maybe, just maybe another Weezer post about a song of theirs I love, etc. I hope to get to some of these when my family is out of town. BOOK IT - August will be my most productive bog month EVAR. (well, at least I hope so).

2012 is more than halfway over...(crazy thought)....and it's been a slow reading year so far. I haven't felt that reading rush I usually get. I've taken it pretty slow and had some research mid-semester in the spring.  Then, with our referral, there has been a dearth of adoption and Ethiopian reading. All this is to say I still need to finish one two more books before the school year begins to get back on track. I think I can do it!

Tons of reading on Islam and Christianity during the Middle Ages and ancient China philosophies (Confucianism, Daoism, Legalism and a little bit of Mencius thrown in there as well).   Scattered research online and at the campus library, including large swaths of an anti-Islamic book I picked up for three bucks (The Legacy of Jihad - Bostom) that was primarily only primary sources so it was pretty damning. Let's be honest though, I could put together an anti-Christian book using sources from the same time period.The whole process was very enlightening and fun...I do enjoy mini-projects like that.

Here's the rest of the list (no authors unless I can remember off the top of my head, I'm too lazy).

Stories with Intent: A Comprehensive Gide to the Parables of Jesus  - Wow. Amazing stuff if you're serious and ready for a long, academic but productive read. 
Renting Lacy - Hit me like a ton of bricks, human trafficking is not easy to read about.
Dream Team - light reading for our trip. Enjoyable, but didn't agree with some of his "takes" at the end (little too reverential for my taste).
What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality - Concise, well done, even though I think he undermines his strong points by making some completely unnecessary claims. 
Adam, Eve and the Serpent - Pagels - Pretty good.

Lots of 80's Comics - especially Excalibur, Kazar, etc. big sale at the nearby used book store some for a quarter.
Essential Marvel X-Men # 3 - my first real foray into 80's X-Men (it was on sale) -- will do it again.

Currently Reading:  Currently reading biography of Gandhi - so far, so good, The Kingdom of God is Within You (Tolstoy) and re-reading The Hobbit (wanted to wait until the fall but I am just too geared up for the movies!!!)

Poetry Post: Moonlight

I discovered Li Bai and other Chinese poets sometime in 2004-2005 - I wrote this and then realized that I had ripped them off.

moonlight

my window blinds split the moonlight
into strips onto my legs
i lay warmed
by its pale blue light
happy in this solitude.

The Pleasure and Joy of Alienation

If there's a feeling universal in adolescence - it's alienation.  You feel it deep in your gut - you don't fit in. No one understands you. You're different.

Like many teenage males, I felt this way most of my adolescence. It became my normal.  If I had known any better (and I was too much of an dillweed to have any good musical taste at the time) - I would have loved, absolutely loved the Beach Boys' "In My Room".

I command you, listen!





It's one of Brian Wilson's best and when I did discover this song in college, I did fall in love with it. The song is about retreating to one's room, cocooning away from the world to remain safe and secure.   Contrast this idea  with the later Paul Simon song, "I am a Rock", in which Simon narrates a tale of a self-imposed isolation because of  his heart break. Wilson isn't alone because of someone or something that happened - he's alone, (I'm alone) because of who he is (who I am).

 

All you have to do is listen to him speak. The guy is a genius, but it's clear he would have a hard time"fitting in" under any circumstances. 

   

This is why the song succeeds so well.  Sure, life events happen that can cause direct or further alienation but fundamentally, life is about overcoming alienation. From ourselves, others and God.   At some level, to quote from Cobain,  "all in all is all we are" - we are alone and have to figure things out that way.  Wilson doesn't write as though the room is only a place of despair or sadness (although, where else is a teenage boy going to "do my crying and my sighing"?). His room is a place of comfort, where he can "lock out all my worries and my fears".  He can be who he is without judgment.

Still there is a underlying somberness to the tune that can't be ignored.

As I have matured, I've come to terms with being different. Maybe it's me or maybe it's society, but I don't open up with people very often. I have close friends, but not many. I honestly think only two people in this world truly "get me".  Maybe that's not that different from everyone else - but somehow there is always something that divides me from my family (politics and lifestyle), church (theology and politics), work (religion), life (everything). Simply put,  I feel like an outsider. I'm okay with that too...and I suppose deep down, there's more outsiders than you'd think...

This year Weezer's excellent "Blue Album" turned 18.  It was my first "favorite" album. When I bought the album (I had to wait about 8 weeks though Columbia House) - my first favorite song was "Buddy Holly". Then, it rotated to "No One Else", "My Name is Jonas", then it changed to "Say it Ain't So", "Holiday" and "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here", etc. etc.  Every few weeks, I would change my mind. I still think this is the one album I wouldn't want to live without. It was the soundtrack to my 1995.   I would argue it ranks up there with anything recorded in pop music, although most rock critics would say I am nuts.

No matter, it's a record that is "mine" in every sense of the word. Not only is it filled with catchy hooks and melodic guitar solos but the album is full of songs about...yep, you guessed it, alienation. All I had to do was look at the album cover close up for the first time -  just four regular guys. I understood immediately, they were just like me - four dorky white guys.

I rarely watched MTV at the time so for the longest time I thought Brian Bell (far right) was the lead singer.

This brings us to the album's ultimate statement on alienation, "In the Garage" - it's a clear reply to Wilson's "In My Room".  If you've come this far, then go a little further and listen:





Rivers Cuomo paints a more detailed picture than Wilson.  He's into Dungeons and Dragons ("12-sided die") , comic books ("Kitty Pyde and Nightcrawler ") and KISS (in a time when KISS was the antithesis of grunge music). He's a geek and it's front and center of the song.

It's clear the garage serves a similar purpose as Wilson's room, "it's safe" and "no one cares/laughs about my ways".  It is a place hidden from judgement.  While the song opens with the sad-souled harmonica and a dirge-like guitar, it won't stay this way.  It is a rock song after all, so it packs a little more punch than a somber Beach Boys tune. Lyrically, the song also takes a more Emerson-like outlook:   

"I've got an electric guitar
I play my stupid songs
I write these stupid words
And I love every one"

It's unclear if Cuomo thinks of the songs as stupid himself, if he's playing humble or if he's simply stating what he thinks others think of his songs - the point is he loves them.  They are his.

Musically, the song builds with each verse, climaxing with a delightful guitar solo and a few rounds of the chorus sung again. It's in this section the background vocals are highlighted (wonderfully sung by the Sass-Master, Brian Bell).  The last few lines are sung with conviction and with more oomph than before. It's here the song's feeling and intent becomes clear. 

The garage isn't only a place to feel safe. It's embracing your inner-awkwardness. We can rock out in celebration of not fitting in. It doesn't matter what "they" think....the truth is, it's more fun to be yourself.