After a topsy-turvey freshmen year and nightmarish sophomore year, I might have expected another dose of insanity, but instead just the opposite happened. If I were forced to name this year, it would be One Year in Purgatory.
Although I am sure there was the day-to-day daily drama of being in high school, there just weren't many lasting memories from this academic year.
As previously covered in lovingly horrifying fashion, my lunch periods from my first two years in high school were terrible. Finally, regression to the norm occurred my junior year. I finally could eat lunch with friends. I had two good friends (Philip and Jeff) and another pal (Matt) to share lunch with! Our usual spot was outside on one of the concrete tables. I have lots of good memories of eating and fooling around. Our school would frequently sell slushies and I would buy them all the time. Loved me some sugar.
What Was Wrong With Me Anyway?
Speaking of love, my love life was a non-existent. At the start of my junior year I still hadn't had my first date or a girlfriend. The last success I had was my freshman year (A girl had agreed to go out on a date with me but I never followed through to take her out). My last kiss had been when I was in elementary school for Pete's sake! It was that bad. I felt depressed about it and it became a source of embarrassment and shame every time I thought about it.
Here are the top four reasons I think this happened.
1. Overly high-standards
This makes no sense in retrospect given that I am not a good looking guy by most women's standards. There was a time in 8th grade that I didn't "ask out" a girl because I was afraid of what my friends would think. She was kinda geeky but I thought she was kinda cute too. I wasn't even popular so why should I have cared about what people thought? It feels like I am talking about a different person, but it was definitely me.
It's not like I was aiming for cheerleaders but I over thought the entire process. I was overly concerned with what others thought.
2. No confidence
When I write "No" I mean none, zero, zilch. I had zero self worth at this point in high school. It all makes sense though. I made average and sub-par grades. I wasn't good at sports and I was very average looking and self conscious of my looks. Of course I had crushes but I didn't believe any one would really want to date me. That 8th grade opportunity that I felt was possibly there - by 1994 it looked liked a golden opportunity that I should have taken. Everything was amplified by my failure to act.
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| I felt kind like this guy except completely aware I was a loser and had no confidence. And I didn't date rape anyone either (we all missed that in the rape culture of the 80's). |
Zero confidence wasn't enough. I was also terrified of rejection. I didn't want to feel embarrassed by getting rejected. I just couldn't handle it. I felt like a fragile piece of art, an ugly piece of art, at that.
4. Bad luck
I am pretty sure that there were some (a few? one?) young ladies out there that would have given me a chance at a date but sometimes, life just kicks ya in the groin. Besides, you have to make your own luck sometimes (at least when it comes to romance).
However, there was always hope.
The Odds Were Against Me
I had shifted my attention to a girl at church named Tiffany. I could just never get a handle on her though. She was super quiet and kinda a "tom boy". Some days I thought she looked cute, other days I didn't find her attractive at all. She went to another school but she was around on Sundays, so she gave me someone to dream about asking out. I don't believe I even told anyone mainly because it was more like a fantasy than a thing that could actually happen.
There was also Dani, a senior that sat in front of me in my Business class. I hated the class, but I also had a major crush on her. We talked a lot but I never thought she would think of me as a actual person to date. She was the first girl that I liked that was what I would call "cool". Most of the girls I were interested in were the "girl next door" type. But Dani was a little different. She was into the alternative scene, wore hip clothes, just carried herself with a different air than the rest of the girls I was around. We had a little friendship but I could just never scrounge up the courage to ask her out.
I am sure there were other girls I had crushes on but it doesn't really matter because I didn't act on any of them. Life moves on and you forget a lot.
History Repeats Itself (Every Week)
One great thing about my junior year was that one of my best friends Philip and I had World History together. He even sat right in front of me. Our teacher, Mr. Borchers had obviously been teaching the same lessons for at least three decades. He had a weekly schedule that was rarely deviated from. It was so ingrained in my soul I actually remember it.
Monday: Go over last Friday's exam, begin lecture for this Friday's exam
Tuesday: More lecture
Wednesday: Finish up lecture, begin classwork
Thursday: Finish up classwork, review for exam
Friday: Exam, once finished, start reading the chapter for next week
It might have been slightly different but this was pretty much it. It was a boring class and delivered in even more boring style and this is coming from someone who loved history! Although boring, Mr. Borchers actually inspired me.
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| I kinda agree but not in this history class. Besides, I needed a picture or something here to break up the text. |
Mr. Borchers inspired me to be the opposite of what he was. Once I figured out I was going to be history teacher or professor he was my starting point of what not to be: stale, boring, lecture driven and tradition-bound. This isn't to say I'm the world's greatest teacher, but I'm sure I am not a "Mr. Borchers" either.
Despite being boring, Philip and I had a blast during this class. On really boring days we would have a drawing challenge and pick a student in the class to draw. The person had to guess who it was before the other person could draw the next student. We would also help each other out on the classwork, which amounted to 6-7 pages of worksheets (in the trade they call it "busy work"). We would split up the work with another student, Kevin and be done as quickly as possible.
It was cheating but it felt more like community. Besides, Mr. Borchers was barely paying attention. This was before the internet so I have no idea what Mr. Borchers was doing at his desk. He simply never walked around to see what the students were doing. It wasn't all bad, Philip, Kevin and I would compete for the highest exam grade. We usually got A's or high B's, so I had to be on my game for the week (no, we didn't cheat on those).
El Cheato (Part II)
The other class where I consistently cheated in was Spanish I. At the time, I hated this class with a passion. I didn't feel "good" at it and I thought the teacher was awful.
When I look back on the teachers I had in high school it was pretty bad. If I were to break it down, it might look something like this:
Burnt out/Don't give a Poop: 5%
Angry/Mean: 4%
Eh/Passable: 40%
Good/Great:15%
Bad: 10%
Horrible: 8%
Can't Remember: Whatever number is left over.
Maybe I'm being overly harsh. Maybe I was a little jerk at the time too. Besides, I took a few remedial classes and all "regular" courses. So, there were some bad examples in my class and I definitely became influenced by their example.
Anyway, back to Spanish, Senora Beck was our teacher. She was in her mid-30's and in a weird way, I found her attractive (then again at 16 I found most women that were alive attractive). She had little control of the class, she yelled a lot and the class felt chaotic. I also hated getting up in front of people and talking Spanish. So, I resented her for that (which is pretty stupid because that's how you learn).
I sat in front of sophomore named Trent. We would joke and usually be partners for our activities. I felt like an older brother to him as I was an upperclassman and he was short and small. In reality I am sure we were like 9 months apart. We were always coming up with ideas on how to cheat. We cheated on daily work and cheated on tests. Anything written in that class was pretty much a combo job from the both of us.
We came up with an ingenious way to cheat on the exam, I am sure it's well worn trick but felt like it was special at the time. One of us had one of those pens with a tiny tip, and would write almost all of our vocabulary words around the pencil. Even from 2 ft. away it just looked like a design because it was written so small. At some point, usually he or I would drop the pencil or ask to borrow it because our "pencil broke" and he would give me the pencil with a knowing smile. Sometimes we would have two pencils and trade it covertly mid-exam.
One day fooling around in my book I discovered I could erase the ink from our book. So, being an all-around jerk, I started erasing vocabulary words that were around the pictures. I remember specifically starting with the picture of the zoo (you could see the picture of the monkey but I had erased "Mono"). By the end of the year, I had erased every single page number. It was pure evil but I found the whole thing hilarious. I have no defense other than I was a weird, sad teenager who did dumb things. That's all there is to it.
But I still find it pretty funny.
The Dancer's Test
One day they announced juniors could take the ASVAB test for the military. The test was sold as a "must" for students who were either interested in joining the military or students who didn't know what the wanted to do. Ya know, the losers.
I KID, I KID
Anyway, you also got to get out of class and I figured this was a great way to "skip" class officially. Because it was un-timed, I took as much time as possible, including staying until 5th period (Spanish) was almost over even though I had been done for two hours.
I also really didn't know what I wanted to do, so I figured maybe this test would actually help me figure it out. The test had a series of questions about my personality and I remember questions like:
Do you like physical work?
Do you like math?
Do you like shooting people?
Do you like to learn about how machines or computers work?
Do you like speaking in front of others?
I made up one of those. I think you can figure it out.
Anyway, most of my answers were like, no, no, no, NO.
I don't like working. I don't like exerting myself. I don't like standing up in front of people and talking. I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL. I ended up revealing that I liked art, music, etc. ya know, teenager stuff.
Then the actual exam began and it had all the typical reading, math, logic, spatial reasoning, etc. While I wasted time on the test, I really did try my best on the exam. After all, I had no clue what I wanted to "be" when I grew up.
Months went by and I kinda forgot about the whole thing until I got the results in the mail. I was actually a little excited to find out what this ASVAB thought I could be. I opened the colorful results to find my recommended career field was:
Professional Dancer
Yes, that's right. PROFESSIONAL DANCER
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| I usually do this every morning most days anyway. So maybe I could have been a dancer.... |
Maybe this is only funny if you know me but me as a professional dancer makes about as much sense as me as a solider. At that point in my life, I had never even danced in public.
It made sense though in a weird way. I was bad at math, I told them I didn't like hard work, or that I never took apart computers or put together model airplanes, I liked to play basketball, enjoyed reading and the arts. Wa-la, must be a DANCER.
I was pissed. The even funnier part is the US military would send me recruitment materials for years afterwards. I think it had to deal with the great Navy shortage of dancers in the late 90's.
Vroom Vroom
My junior year my friends started getting their driver's licences. Maybe it was because of a lack of maturity or a clinging to my childhood but I was not motivated to take driver's ed.
I still remember our first Friday I went out with a friend in a car. Philip came over to pick me up at some ridiculously early time I think it must have been 7:20. We drive through the drive-thru at Burger King. Why? I have no earthly idea. I vaguely remember thinking we felt rushed, so we ate in the car or maybe it was just me eating and Burger King was on the way. I dunno but I remember mayonnaise was on my burger and that ANGERED me at the time.
Then we went to Pear Apple County Fair, a huge arcade, mini-golf type place where tons of kids went to. A girl asked me if I had a lighter and I felt so cool. It felt so dangerous. I think we were back home before 10:00.
We would later learn to leave later in the evening to feel like our night was more eventful.
Driver's Ed with Larry
In the spring I finally decided to take driver's ed with my friend Eric (who was a sophomore). Eric went to church with me and while it took awhile for us to warm up to each other, by the spring of 1994 we were starting to become best friends. We shared a warped sense of humor and we just got each other. He's the brother I never had. We would become each other's best man at our weddings.
Anyway, we had a blast in driver's ed together. Our class instructor was super boring and had a Texan drawl that could put you to sleep. He brought up the same stories over and over, including one about a young man that was "6"4, 240" he would say this in such a way that it just sounded like a thing into itself (6-4 240). It became an instant inside joke for us. Ya see that guy over there? He's probably about "6-4 240"? I know, hilarious...but you have to hear it and you had to be there.
Our actual driving instructor was so gross. His name was Larry and he had the worst reputation. He was a such a prev. He had to be pushing 40 but he seemed to be interested in all the girls at the driving school. I remember him just checking them out, right in front of the other guys. Granted, he was a decent teacher for us. He treated us like men and young men eat that kinda of stuff up. So, we tried to sign up for Larry every time we had hours to drive. Larry was just a gross guy. I remember sharing fart jokes with him (when we first introduced the idea of "Pizza Happy"). We actually looked up to him.
We had heard rumors that if you signed up for the late shift, he would eat with you at Hooters. We had signed up for the late shift one time but nothing had happened, until later that night.
Larry: (casually) "You guys heard of Hooters?"
Both: "Yeah."
Larry: "Next time you guys sign up at 9;00, we'll drive down to Hooters, hang out and I'll give you credit for driving."
Both: (in hushed awe) "Ok."
So, the next time around we drove down to the nearby Hooters (which was new to our area). We felt like such rebels and we were so excited. We were getting away with something!!! All the Hooters girls knew Larry and he introduced us. "Woah!"
I think we had a couple of sodas and Larry ordered fries. It all felt so scandalous. For a 16-year-old, Hooters did not disappoint. Given that 16-year-old's have the internet today, I don't think the impact could be properly understood by anyone under 30.
I remember thinking our "final" was pretty cool. He just told us he had to get to the airport, on a certain airline at a particular time for a flight. He did not tell us how to get there either, it had to be by memory and we just had to work it out (we were a couple of dopes that had never been to the airport so, we felt sufficiently challenged).
So that just about covers it, my junior year left me with enough hope of what was to come. I was right to be hopeful, as 1994-1995 was one of the best years of my life and easily my favorite school year. All the hard times were going to be paid off for one magical senior year.... .
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