This is the story about how one little poem changed my whole outlook on life.
During study hall of my senior year I told my friend Chris that I occasionally wrote poetry and short stories. He didn't believe me, so he asked me to write a poem on command and this is what I came up with:
Without You
I am not a fish.
Do you see my gills?
Do you see my mouth shaped for a kiss?
I cannot breathe under or over,above or below.
I will die anyway, cold and alone.
He read it and said, "That's actually not too bad". I beamed with pride and after re-reading it, I liked it as I thought it was clever and romantic. After school, I showed it around the choir room and my friends liked as well. In the coming weeks, I brought in some of my other poems and short stories (most of which that I remember were quite deranged and demented and often featured violence) but for whatever reason, they too, met with success.
Late that spring our choir trip and final concert were cancelled due to the behavior of two students (the rest of us had to pay for their behavior, don't ya know?) During classtime in choir we just watched movies as there was no concert to prepare for. During a showing of "Oklahoma" I wrote an eulogy poem for the senior class, lamenting the loss of the last senior trip and last concert. It was tongue-in-cheek, over-the-top and as I remember it, quite silly. I wish I still had it... but on second thought, some things are probably best remembered rather than preserved.
Some guys passed the poem around the room and...it was a hit. The next thing I knew some of the guys wanted to print t-shirts of the poem and wear it as a protest. I didn't mind. The truth was I didn't think they could pull off the organization of printing the shirts or paying for them up-front. To my surprise, in about a week the t-shirts had arrived. My initials along with the other two main organizers were on the back of the t-shirt. At least 20-30 students wore the t-shirt to school on one coordinated day (while I was surprised that it was actually happening, I still wore the t-shirt).
It was the first time I had really "stirred the pot". I got a few questions in my other classes about the shirt, asking me what it was all about, and if I had written the poem, etc. I felt a little embarrassed by the whole situation but I felt a little cool too. I can count the number of times on one hand when I felt cool in high school - this was one of them.
That morning I got called in to the choir director's office. I was nervous. I tried to explain the situation as best I could. I admitted that it was my poem but that the t-shirt idea spiraled out of my control. I told her some BS about how it wasn't about her as much as it was about us expressing our sadness that the concert and trip had been cancelled. Although, honestly, it was all about her and her over-reaction to bad behavior by 2-3 students. Regardless, it worked and I wasn't in trouble. Looking back, she had to know she was in the wrong anyway so I am sure that worked in my favor.
All this is to say that little "poem on command" laid the groundwork for years of writing poetry and writing in general. For better or worse, I thought of myself as a poet. Broadly speaking it helped build a sense of "self".
After spending the first three years of high school as an aimless misfit, I had spent my senior year getting comfortable in my own skin. I had stirred the pot for the first time with success and (of course) it would not be the last....
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