I wrote this poem back in 2004 or 2005. I don't remember what inspired it or how it came about. At the time I was experimenting with fonts and other use of non-lettered keys within my poems. I have always been fascinated by elephants, so somehow, this all came together. and yes, all the facts about elephants are true.
Elephant
/last night i fell asleep/
\in the middle of a prayer\
elephants often visit the
graveyard of their own dead
/this morning when i awoke/
\i felt numb and cold\
the elephant brain weighs 4 times
more than the human brain.
/a motorcade passed me today/
\it was the funeral variety\
i wonder if elephants
really ever forget
/i never remember the past/
\i hate myself for this\
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Art Post # 2: I Like Stars
When I was a kid, I loved a book called The Friendly Book. The text is awful - it's by Margaret Wise Brown, author of Goodnight Moon, which is wildly over-rated...(I do love the line "Good Night Mush" though).
However, the artwork is amazing. Many of her books were illustrated by Garth Williams. Besides Williams' amazing work for young children, he also illustrated some of my later childhood favorites, Stuart Little and Charlotte's Web. Anyway, I found my old copy of The Friendly Book not too long ago at my parent's house and, well, stole it.
I was determined to paint something from this book and settled on probably my favorite page:
This was on the page with the poem, "I Like Stars". The facing page has more stars and a little village below. It's really quite beautiful and idyllic. I started working on it last winter and sketched and inked the balloon and the rabbit. Then I stopped for one reason or another. A few weeks later, I painted it but I felt stuck as I couldn't mix the right color for the background. Then I was paralyzed by the thought of trying to paint around the balloon (and make it look nice) so I just stopped and worked on other projects.
Finally, with our silent auction coming up (and I am offering my own amateur skills up for the highest bidder) I decided to finish it up for my portfolio, even if I couldn't do it justice. It came out better than I expected although I'm not super happy with it. I think I'll like it better in six months....without further adieu, I Like Stars.
Seriously, the cover just does not do it justice folks. The whole book is just animals...there are no humans so it's quite a puzzling cover choice.
However, the artwork is amazing. Many of her books were illustrated by Garth Williams. Besides Williams' amazing work for young children, he also illustrated some of my later childhood favorites, Stuart Little and Charlotte's Web. Anyway, I found my old copy of The Friendly Book not too long ago at my parent's house and, well, stole it.
I was determined to paint something from this book and settled on probably my favorite page:
Image courtesy from Vintage Kids' Books My Kids Love
I Like Stars (2010)
I Like Stars (detail)
The Six Stages of Accepting The Wiggles
We own three Wiggle DVD's and one Wiggle book. This is enough to claim your very being as far as I am concerned.
My four-year-old (who was introduced to the Wiggles when she was two) loves them, my one-year-old is obsessed with them (they are known as "Bow-Wow" with the one-year-old because of the first song on her favorite DVD).
When I mean obsessed - I mean it. E (our one-year-old) asks for Bow-Wow on the "TD" ALL DAY LONG.
I have moved through this challenge in my life in the various stages of grief.
Denial - at first, I didn't think they could harm me. I planned on avoiding the Wiggles forever. Until my sister GAVE US the DVD's. I thought, "You know this really isn't necessary". Next thing you know, I was desperate - it was Saturday morning before anything started on TV (we don't have cable) so we popped it in. I tried to pretend it would be a one-time event and C wouldn't like it....it didn't work out that way.
Anger - I hated it all. I hated the songs, the dances, the members of the Wiggles, in particular I really hated Dorothy, the Dinosaur as her costume looked stupid (the teeth, the hat and her voice).
Bargaining - It begins to seep into your routine..."Okay, okay, we can put it in - only for ten minutes" or "It won't hurt, I can crash on couch or check my email while she listens to a few songs".
Depression - "This sucks, this really sucks, these damn songs are stuck in my head now"
Acceptance - Kids are fussing and/or driving me crazy...I start to smile and dance, "Anybody want to see the WIGGLES?!?!" You leave it on for awhile, even if the kids have moved on to toys.
Happiness - I critique their performances, even catch myself watching it as the my kids are playing with their toys. Half my day is spent with Wiggles songs in my head. I sometimes prance around to the songs with the kids. It doesn't feel right if the day ends with no "Bow Wow". Now, it doesn't bother me at all. I enjoy it.
God, help me, I enjoy the Wiggles.
My four-year-old (who was introduced to the Wiggles when she was two) loves them, my one-year-old is obsessed with them (they are known as "Bow-Wow" with the one-year-old because of the first song on her favorite DVD).
Okay, so it's not my dream job, but damn it would be fun to be stupid all day.
When I mean obsessed - I mean it. E (our one-year-old) asks for Bow-Wow on the "TD" ALL DAY LONG.
I have moved through this challenge in my life in the various stages of grief.
Denial - at first, I didn't think they could harm me. I planned on avoiding the Wiggles forever. Until my sister GAVE US the DVD's. I thought, "You know this really isn't necessary". Next thing you know, I was desperate - it was Saturday morning before anything started on TV (we don't have cable) so we popped it in. I tried to pretend it would be a one-time event and C wouldn't like it....it didn't work out that way.
Anger - I hated it all. I hated the songs, the dances, the members of the Wiggles, in particular I really hated Dorothy, the Dinosaur as her costume looked stupid (the teeth, the hat and her voice).
Bargaining - It begins to seep into your routine..."Okay, okay, we can put it in - only for ten minutes" or "It won't hurt, I can crash on couch or check my email while she listens to a few songs".
Depression - "This sucks, this really sucks, these damn songs are stuck in my head now"
Acceptance - Kids are fussing and/or driving me crazy...I start to smile and dance, "Anybody want to see the WIGGLES?!?!" You leave it on for awhile, even if the kids have moved on to toys.
Happiness - I critique their performances, even catch myself watching it as the my kids are playing with their toys. Half my day is spent with Wiggles songs in my head. I sometimes prance around to the songs with the kids. It doesn't feel right if the day ends with no "Bow Wow". Now, it doesn't bother me at all. I enjoy it.
God, help me, I enjoy the Wiggles.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Missing the Point on Church
I was talking on the phone with my dad tonight. He was telling me about the youth minister at his church being "too liberal". I asked for an example and he said he was a "tree-hugger". He said something about how it's okay, they still like him, etc, etc.
I said, "If you go to a church that just tells you everything you want to hear, you're probably going to the wrong church.". My parents (who were on speaker phone) both laughed. They didn't get it. I was a little puzzled for a second, as I thought this was an honest and agreeable position any Christian should have.
My dad said something about how sometimes people have "agendas" (at this point I should have mentioned to him that well, that's the whole point of a sermon, but I didn't).
I go to a church that I hate to admit, is conservative. It is a challenge - I sometimes feel like I'm trying to run under-water. I'm trying to move fast but seemingly not making any real progress. I would rather work to change things then just attend a church that will make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
There are limits to this mindset. At some point, you have to draw a line in the sand. There might be a day when enough is enough and a change is needed.
Anyway, my point isn't that we have to attend churches that we disagree with the theology or the pastor's political positions. It's just that sermons shouldn't be about being comfortable or preaching to appeal to most people (I'm looking at you, Joel Osteen). Rather, preaching the gospel shouldn't be an "easy" sell at all. It's about challenging your fellow sisters and brothers to take up the cross and bomb Iran (oops that was a little Hagee slip). I meant taking up the cross and living a sacrificial and servant life.
I'm tired of the complacency of Christianity here in the good ol' US of A. I know all religions are just reflections of their society and culture but we need constant reminders to be people of action and not just people of faith.
Worse still, I'm not raising a tree hugger but a tree kisser!
I said, "If you go to a church that just tells you everything you want to hear, you're probably going to the wrong church.". My parents (who were on speaker phone) both laughed. They didn't get it. I was a little puzzled for a second, as I thought this was an honest and agreeable position any Christian should have.
My dad said something about how sometimes people have "agendas" (at this point I should have mentioned to him that well, that's the whole point of a sermon, but I didn't).
I go to a church that I hate to admit, is conservative. It is a challenge - I sometimes feel like I'm trying to run under-water. I'm trying to move fast but seemingly not making any real progress. I would rather work to change things then just attend a church that will make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
There are limits to this mindset. At some point, you have to draw a line in the sand. There might be a day when enough is enough and a change is needed.
Anyway, my point isn't that we have to attend churches that we disagree with the theology or the pastor's political positions. It's just that sermons shouldn't be about being comfortable or preaching to appeal to most people (I'm looking at you, Joel Osteen). Rather, preaching the gospel shouldn't be an "easy" sell at all. It's about challenging your fellow sisters and brothers to take up the cross and bomb Iran (oops that was a little Hagee slip). I meant taking up the cross and living a sacrificial and servant life.
God may be Love, but take it from Hagee, Fear and Sensationalism Sell!
I'm tired of the complacency of Christianity here in the good ol' US of A. I know all religions are just reflections of their society and culture but we need constant reminders to be people of action and not just people of faith.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Finding Nirvana: Part II
Indirectly, my love of Nirvana got started with my "subscription" to Columbia House CD Club and a little laughing gas.
Columbia House was a pain - I always wanted to cancel but I was too lazy to do it. I always meant to send in the little card that said, "I do NOT want this month's album" but often forgot (I can't complain too much as I discovered Elvis Costello as well). One of those forgotten months included the Nirvana Unplugged album. I liked it but wasn't overly impressed. Slowly but surely, it weaseled its way into my rotation. It really took it's place in the pantheon when I was having my wisdom teeth pulled my sophomore year in college. My dentist suggested that I bring headphones, so I brought Unplugged with me, envisioning the flowers and candles from the performance. Let's just say it hurt later on, but it was a trip. I must say the album and I bonded over the experience.
At that point I had two Nirvana albums - Nevermind and Unplugged. This was a standard requirement for any rock fan in the 90's. However, I would soon find myself obsessed with the entire Nirvana catalog.
At first, I fell in love with Cobain's hooks. Nevermind has them all over the place and it's polished sound was just enough for me to open up to real punk music. The album is melodic and at times, even pretty. Nevermind certainly has the most "singing" than any other Nirvana album. I loved the melodies on In Bloom, On a Plain, and Something in the Way. Given the material that went unrecorded (Old Age, Verse Chorus Verse and Sappy) I can envision an album even better along those standards. The production is a little over the top for me today (too glossy/shiny) but like I said, I needed that at the time and ultimately, the production still works for what the album is. Finally, I loved the thick, layered guitars (and at times vocals) - the album has a nice vibe or feeling the whole album through.
But it was more than the production or hooks from Nevermind that got me to fall in love with Nirvana. I also started to view the world with little more cynicism than before. I was starting to question my fundamental assumptions about the way things worked. Additionally, I was alienated with the social scene at UTSA - it was a like a replay of high school but now I wasn't trying to fit in - I just despised it all. I wasn't quite as misanthropic as Cobain was but I felt a genuine malaise and mistrust about the world.
It might sound odd (to those who know me) but Kurt and I had lots of things in common. He liked poetry, drew in his journal and hated jocks. He liked abstract art and wrote abstract, post-modern lyrics. He was sensitive, angry and impulsive - a romantic in the classical sense. These were traits and characteristics I admired. I could channel that inner-punk now that I understood the world was a pretty messed up place. I could scream along with Kurt in the car and it could make me feel just a little bit better.
In quick succession I had picked up In Utreo, Incesticide and Bleach (in that order, mind you). I read Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana (still required reading for any Nirvana fan). I scoured independent music stores for Nirvana bootlegs featuring rare live stuff and unheard demos. I was a poor college student plucking down 30 bucks for Nirvana bootlegs. In a matter of months I was a walking Nirvana encyclopedia.
Nirvana had an authentic sincerity that seared itself into my art ethos. I didn't jump onto the punk bandwagon (always was a melodic junkie) but the Nirvana attitude informed my opinion about the music and art scene. One of the reasons Kurt was so down on himself was that he didn't think he was living up to his ideals or living up to what an "artist" should be accomplishing at his age (both of his assumptions were flat out wrong).
Nirvana and Kurt spoke to me like no other band. Like most people, I've mellowed with age. For awhile, I just flat out stopping listening to the music. However, in the past few months I started listening to the Nirvana catalog again (stemming from jamming out to a Weezer concert on YouTube, in which they just covered Bleach-era Nirvana songs in a 1998 concert). I have a new found love for the band, like finding an old comfortable, forgotten t-shirt under your bed. I still can embrace the emotion and power behind it all. I still love the abstract and obtuse lyrics. I love the sound of In Utreo - the weirdness of Incesticide, the catchy Nevermind. Damn, I love this band.
Columbia House was a pain - I always wanted to cancel but I was too lazy to do it. I always meant to send in the little card that said, "I do NOT want this month's album" but often forgot (I can't complain too much as I discovered Elvis Costello as well). One of those forgotten months included the Nirvana Unplugged album. I liked it but wasn't overly impressed. Slowly but surely, it weaseled its way into my rotation. It really took it's place in the pantheon when I was having my wisdom teeth pulled my sophomore year in college. My dentist suggested that I bring headphones, so I brought Unplugged with me, envisioning the flowers and candles from the performance. Let's just say it hurt later on, but it was a trip. I must say the album and I bonded over the experience.
It's weird thinking this performance may be their best overall album. Unlike other Nirvana albums you can just pop this baby in at any time of year or personal mood, and it's just fine. In terms of introducing a non-Nirvana fan, it's the best one. They are in fine form and it sounds like they are having fun. It's also the best album to listen to if you're getting your wisdom teeth pulled, too.
At that point I had two Nirvana albums - Nevermind and Unplugged. This was a standard requirement for any rock fan in the 90's. However, I would soon find myself obsessed with the entire Nirvana catalog.
At first, I fell in love with Cobain's hooks. Nevermind has them all over the place and it's polished sound was just enough for me to open up to real punk music. The album is melodic and at times, even pretty. Nevermind certainly has the most "singing" than any other Nirvana album. I loved the melodies on In Bloom, On a Plain, and Something in the Way. Given the material that went unrecorded (Old Age, Verse Chorus Verse and Sappy) I can envision an album even better along those standards. The production is a little over the top for me today (too glossy/shiny) but like I said, I needed that at the time and ultimately, the production still works for what the album is. Finally, I loved the thick, layered guitars (and at times vocals) - the album has a nice vibe or feeling the whole album through.
But it was more than the production or hooks from Nevermind that got me to fall in love with Nirvana. I also started to view the world with little more cynicism than before. I was starting to question my fundamental assumptions about the way things worked. Additionally, I was alienated with the social scene at UTSA - it was a like a replay of high school but now I wasn't trying to fit in - I just despised it all. I wasn't quite as misanthropic as Cobain was but I felt a genuine malaise and mistrust about the world.
I've heard sub-par live Nirvana performances, but the dude put his heart in most of the time.
It might sound odd (to those who know me) but Kurt and I had lots of things in common. He liked poetry, drew in his journal and hated jocks. He liked abstract art and wrote abstract, post-modern lyrics. He was sensitive, angry and impulsive - a romantic in the classical sense. These were traits and characteristics I admired. I could channel that inner-punk now that I understood the world was a pretty messed up place. I could scream along with Kurt in the car and it could make me feel just a little bit better.
Poppies, broken dolls and aliens...yup, it's a Cobain.
In quick succession I had picked up In Utreo, Incesticide and Bleach (in that order, mind you). I read Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana (still required reading for any Nirvana fan). I scoured independent music stores for Nirvana bootlegs featuring rare live stuff and unheard demos. I was a poor college student plucking down 30 bucks for Nirvana bootlegs. In a matter of months I was a walking Nirvana encyclopedia.
Nirvana had an authentic sincerity that seared itself into my art ethos. I didn't jump onto the punk bandwagon (always was a melodic junkie) but the Nirvana attitude informed my opinion about the music and art scene. One of the reasons Kurt was so down on himself was that he didn't think he was living up to his ideals or living up to what an "artist" should be accomplishing at his age (both of his assumptions were flat out wrong).
Nirvana and Kurt spoke to me like no other band. Like most people, I've mellowed with age. For awhile, I just flat out stopping listening to the music. However, in the past few months I started listening to the Nirvana catalog again (stemming from jamming out to a Weezer concert on YouTube, in which they just covered Bleach-era Nirvana songs in a 1998 concert). I have a new found love for the band, like finding an old comfortable, forgotten t-shirt under your bed. I still can embrace the emotion and power behind it all. I still love the abstract and obtuse lyrics. I love the sound of In Utreo - the weirdness of Incesticide, the catchy Nevermind. Damn, I love this band.
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