Winter Mix Fragments

I should be finishing up grading late work and the last round of papers to close out the fall semester but here I am blogging on a blog no one reads.

(sigh)

Things I will finish or start blogging about before 2019 (okay, I might not, but I am hopeful, after all this is a blog with the term "hopeful" in the title):

• Wizard of Oz Fragments (I was in a show this summer)
• Something about Weezer (likely White album)
• Also, some other poem post 

Happy to discover Unknown Mortal Orchestra. Wait, I didn't discover them, Youtube suggested them. That means I just succumbed to the to algorithm. Oh well, whatever, enjoy the genius video below. I won't spoil the ending. Just watch the WHOLE THING.



If you're too lazy to watch it, are you ready for the SPOILER?

Okay,

Here goes, not turning back.

LAST CHANCE to enjoy the video all on your own.......

.....



....

Nothing happens.

As in, almost literally nothing dramatic happens, it's just a cool cartoon of a woman on the train.

Also, a cool song plays.

Genius...I mean it. It really subverted my expectations. It's post-modern in the best way possible. I was waiting for something, anything and well, nothing happened. It's a message about life itself. Maybe I should write a whole blog about it. It's better than LAST JEDI. (seriously)



UPDATES IN LIFE

Our program to take students around the US is going alright, only three apps but I think it will get to the magic number (7? 8?) I dunno.

Same church I did Wizard at is doing auditions for Willy Wonka. Yeah, I'm gonna audition. I suppose I have the acting bug. Feels silly that's just a community theater group but it's fun and when someone believes in you like the director of this program does, it makes you feel good. I will probably audition for Grandpa, who, is entirely a detestable character and person, but I don't have the suaveness to pull off Willy and I want a meatier role than one of the fathers of the children.

KIDZ Update 

Oldest, C (7th grade) is awesome at flute and just plays all the darn day long because she enjoys it. We've had some 7th grade drama - but that's to be expected. Also, one day she will find my secret blog sooner than later. Yikes. Hi, C!

Second oldest, E (4th grade) is becoming quite the performer, just made a wonderful memory the other night....I was watching her sing along with her mom at the piano several holiday tunes by light of the Christmas tree. Then, C, H, Grandma (and yes, even me) joined in....nice memory already. :)

Youngest, H (1st grade) is now obsessed with BEYBLADES (which, I admit, is VERY fun just to say). He doesn't even have any yet, but he's watched the show and we google the toys together.

I had a dream somebody at work died. I didn't have the heart to tell him when I saw him. The two people I told looked so concerned. Is this taboo to talk about? I mean, I'm not God. I can't dream for it to come true and I have zero psychic powers (to my knowledge).

Ready for the break. It's that time of year and I am ready.

That's it for now, don't forget to check your mirrors before you change lanes and for goodness sake's, enjoy some ice cream every once in awhile.

Poem Post: >Abort, Retry, Fail?_

Every so often I've been writing poems. So I thought I would share one here. Usually I find myself writing late at night, when the mood strike me (which is usually when I am listening to something dramatic on YouTube).  This particular poem come out of a series of poems that meditate on the brain's function and the need to create meaning. Our brains are really just fancy biological computers. In particular, I find it interesting that we're all (for better or worse) stuck in our own brains. I was looking up computer error messages and stumbled across  the "Abort, Retry, Fail?" Wiki article and it included a quote that I thought summed up the human experience pretty well:

"It (Abort, Retry, Fail) has become an icon of poor interface design, because it led exactly nowhere … A veritable Catch 22, since the only viable option appeared to be to keep typing R until one was willing to accept that one's work was lost and there was nothing left to do but shut down the program and start anew"

>Abort, Retry, Fail?_

I dream because I have to

I dream to stay awake

I ask and I ask

but the Oracle is not answering my texts.

My operating system is stuck on re-start -- this is some bulls-

>A FATAL EXCEPTION ERROR HAS OCCURRED  

A virus has infected my registry.  

A sailor lost at sea, a feeling machine sinking in --

I dream because I have to

I  dream to stay awake 

>Abort, Retry, Fail?_

Type “R”, cross your fingers, and hope we don’t crash.  

Thought of the Day

Talking with a friend at work today brought out something that had been swirling in my head the past few weeks but just now came to fruition:

"Stop projecting, start accepting"

Why should someone be who I think they should be?

Isn't it wrong-headed to expect someone to cater to my desires or needs?

Can't the other person be accepted for who they are, what they offer? In fact, I want to be accepted for who I am too.

Shouldn't I have the integrity to offer the same?  

Pic Dump: Fall Edition

Fall is in the air and it's been awhile so its time for a mini pic dump. Enjoy the stuff I've found on the web. A little advice for all you wonderful folks, always leave an umbrella in your car, you never know when you'll forget to check the weather and you'll be kicking yourself for not taking my wise advice.

The fact that this event happened at BYU is kinda perfect.

After all the mass shootings, natural disasters and Ted Cruz you can look at this and think the world isn't so bad after all.

 
 

Sticks don't hit people...oh wait that's stupid.

Sibling rivalry starts young

 

Quote of the Day

It's been a while since I've posted a "quote of the day" but I was reading some Confucius (surprise) and came across this little truth nugget. It's from 17:26 in the Analects.

  “One who has reached the age of forty and is disliked, will be disliked to the end.” - Confucius

Confucius Didn't Say That!: Moving Mountains Edition

We've all been there - you have a mountain of things to do and don't know where to start.  You feel stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. The smart thing to do is take a deep breath and start small. This brings us to today's edition of "Confucius Didn't Say That!". So, go ahead and fix yourself a hot cup of tea and get cozy. We have an inspirational doozy today:

"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones" - Confucius

To be honest, this quote is refreshing.

It almost kinda looks credible, it's at least in the realm of possibilities....however, once you really take a close look at it, it's rotten at its core. I also think it's stupid and since Confucius wasn't in the habit of saying vapid bullshit, I know he didn't say it before I even checked the Analects.

Yeah, it's stupid. These fake Confucius quotes really get my goat.

Think about it for a second. Why would you move a mountain in the first place? To what end? To build a road or city? Is it in the way? Even if you could move it, there are usually other mountains around it, would you have to move those as well? Even as you slowly dismantled a mountain you would have to transport its remains elsewhere incurring further cost and time. Has anyone ever looked at a mountain and said, "I'm pretty sure I can move this mountain if I just take a little bit at a time".

The ironic thing about my memes is that they are fake Confucius quotes.

As always, my first step was to check AC Muller's translation of the Analects for the use of the word "mountain". There are a few mentions of mountains but none remotely similar to our selection above. One, in particular, I liked even though the message isn't about starting small or not giving up from 16:12:

"Duke Ching of Qi had a thousand teams of horses, but when he died, there was nothing for which the people could praise him. Bo Yi and Shu Qi died of starvation at the foot of Shouyang mountain, and the people praise them up till this day. What meaning can you glean from this?"

Of course I searched for other keywords, like "journey", "stones", "rocks", "small", "give up", etc. I am a keyword search expert and I just can't let my readers down. You can trust me. Okay, well you shouldn't trust me, I am just a stranger on the internet but I am more reliable than Google as far as finding real Confucius quotes, that's for sure.

As for the theme of starting small and effort that 'keeps the faith', there are a few quotes that could suffice.  In 9:19, Confucius doesn't discuss moving a mountain but building a mound:

"The Master said: “It is like building a mound: If I stop before carrying a single basket of earth, it is my stopping. It is like leveling the ground: If I continue even after dumping only one basket, it is my continuation.”

Muller also leaves a comment with this quote and adds: "The process of self-development requires continual effort, even if only a bit at a time."

There was another quote on commitment in 15:2:

“The noble man remains stable when in dire straits. The inferior man falls apart."

It's clear that that the values underlying this quote don't directly contradict a Confucian worldview, although I think he would have issues with the metaphor.

I know, I know, maybe I'm taking the metaphor a little too literally.

At my core, I am basically a "whatever floats your boat" kinda guy. So, if you like the quote, cheers my friend.

That said, the imagery of a man moving a mountain by carrying a few small stones is not inspiring at all. In fact, it's downright Sisyphean. No one could move a mountain a few small stones at a time. The entire metaphor reveals the utter pointlessness and smallness of human efforts in comparison with the earth and nature.

The real question isn't about starting small but ensuring we're working on something that can be accomplished in the first place. If you're looking for a cliche, I say go with "Rome wasn't built in a day" instead of this one.

For the sake of Fragments

I've been away from the dying world of blogging (wait, this is a still a blog right?)

Some fragments of the current status of the world that surrounds me:

I really despise Ted Cruz. I mean of course I despise his politics but I am really talking about his face. His face upsets me. And his voice. But it's really his face.

What's with weird turtle-like republicans like Mitch McConnell and Ted. Maybe there's a hidden underground city of very conservative turtle folk?  I say BUILD A WALL and keep them turtle people out. I know, I know I just dehumanized Republicans and that's bad. I know it's mean but it's all in good-hearted fun. And it's true, too. 

Here's a video I love. I

God Bless Vic Berger, truly a hero in the Age of Trump.

Summer came and went in case you didn't notice. Also, South Texas has turned into the Pacific Northwest with rain and clouds on a near daily basis. I don't like it. Enough complaining about the weather, what am I, an old man? (yes).

I am growing a beard. Yeah, I know you don't know me (wait, Philip do you still read this?). It took me three weeks to get it decent. I think I am on week five. I pretty much look like an English professor (for those scoring at home I am a Humanities professor, so I am really really close to reaching peak "me").

SELF INDULGENT BEARD FRAGMENTS BREAK

• It's growing in red. That's cool with me. Also, no gray hairs.
• Important aside:  I am 41 and not a gray hair in sight. yet.  I would brag about this but I don't think anyone really cares either way and they are bound to show up at some point soon. 
• I find myself looking in the mirror more often just because it's like, "Wait, is that me?" and it takes a second for my brain to realize, that yes, indeed it's me with a red beard. 
• Sides still coming in slow but steady.Still not fast enough. I think I will keep it at least through winter. I dunno I could get crazy one weekend and shave the whole thing off. 

My car died two weeks ago and it made me sad. Some people at work were showing their privilege and like, "oh exciting, you get a new car!" with a smile and I was like...."Uh, no. We don't make a lot of money, I would rather not spend that money right now". Some people don't understand my wife works part-time and we ain't raking it in compared to many in my cohort of educated families. 

The car that died was my grandmother's car that I bought from my uncles when she died six years ago. I kinda got a little sad cleaning it out the other day, but what am I to do? It had been a decent car for us for six years, thanks Maw Maw!

The car was really getting to be junky more and more. It was a 2005, so it was time.

We finally got a new(er) car yesterday. I am happy I have a car that works. Let's hope nothing else goes wrong or breaks (but it likely will).

Music UPDATE That no one cares about

Really into Summer Salt. Like the Beach Boys. Check 'em out. Obsessed with their Driving to Hawaii EP. Here, random person who I will never meet. Click here and enjoy.




Went to a conference in Philadelphia in late September. It was such a great experience. The city was awesome, public transport was amazing and I loved the museum. I saw so many pieces I studied in college and turned into a joyful fanboy.  Also, the conference was pretty okay as well.

Supposed to finish a blog about my experiences in The Wizard of Oz but can never seem to finish it or want to finish it. I might be helping out at the same church with a Nativity (I think reading, I dunno but the director seemed excited). Also, my BEARD will be coming in handy. Oh, I do feel more manly.

Final note: I am not going to be one of those douche bag beard guys. Don't worry.

Our study stateside program has almost been given the ultimate blessing....now, its just up to us to recruit students. I think we'll be good. The program will be amazing....super excited.

Also, I applied for a FREE program for professors to go to India in January. I actually think I have a shot at it....but who knows? Should find out in the next two weeks.

That's all for now folks, don't forget to schedule your next oil change and feed the fish.

Thought of the Day

I was talking with my wife about my lack of ability in regard to teaching and I said, "You know average is underrated".

It stuck me as silly and yet completely true.

Of course she said I wasn't average, but I know better.

Art Post: Jabberjaw

It was my nephew's birthday and I was called into duty for the pool party. The theme was sharks and my mind was blank...then suddenly it hit me....Jabberjaw. OH YEAH.

I LOVED the Hanna-Barbara Cartoon Olympics when I was a kid and I loved Jabberjaw.

Of course no one demanded Jabberjaw and none of the kids knew who Jabberjaw was....heck, most adults didn't even know either (let alone care)....but my life is one shining moment after another and in this moment I wanted to shine my light on a late 70's - early 80's cartoon LEGEND. 

Enjoy, shark lovers.

Note caption at bottom: "No actual sharks at party!"

Ireland Fragments: Days 2-3

After an exhaustive first day in Dublin, we were still energized for a half day of activity in Dublin (before moving into Northern Ireland).

We woke up and had breakfast at a local diner not far from our Airbnb. This was ideal as it had zero tourists.  I had a full Irish breakfast and felt like I had enough meat to last me for the entire trip. I found the blood sausage to be pretty decent (some folks had warned me about it).

We packed up our stuff and walked down to the Connolly train station to head to Belfast. It wasn't fun dragging our bags into town, but it added to the adventure all the same.

It just so happened that we were in Ireland at the same time as an old friend. We had the opportunity to meet up with JJ for a proper Hobbit-like "Second Breakfast" at a coffee shop near the train station. JJ (the same JJ, I almost died with) was winding his trip down and would be headed back to the States in 2-3 days. It was quite surreal to be chatting it up with an old friend in Dublin, but life is full of weird surprises.

This photo has a lot of blue in it. Enjoy it, fans of blue. 

We caught the train to Belfast and spoke with an old man about his life in Dublin and his travels to the North. The most amazing thing I was beginning to realize was just how many Irish dialects or accents there were in such a small geographic location. In the States, we have accents but they take up large areas, hundreds even thousands of miles of similarity. In Ireland, you'd go to the next town over and hear something very different from the other town.

It was our first view of the countryside and it was quite lovely. We arrived at our Airbnb, which was a whole apartment (which was a relief for just spreading out, as well as privacy). We were near Queens University, so we hiked over the campus and enjoyed the beautiful Belfast Botanic gardens

I had never been in an European Garden before. It had much more of an impact on me than I thought it would. All I can say is that I know why people use the word "lovely" over in the UK/Ireland more than Americans. Everything was just lovely.

I just like this photo.

Queens University - just a pretty place to walk around.

You just walk around and kinda get used to seeing cool stuff like this. It's such an ordinary thing. But here this is, a cool-looking building thing. Just cool things, lovely things everywhere.

We grabbed some grub at Maggie Mays (pretty good dinner - K opted for an Irish stew - LOTS of potatoes, I got a burger) but the dessert was amazing. It made us happy to be alive at this point in the history of the universe.

Holy cow just seeing this again gave me sugar flashbacks. So damn delicious.

We asked our server for recommendations for live music and he recommended Five Points. It was about a half mile down the road and it was also, pretty amazing. We were likely the only tourists there and the guys playing there were awesome. It was as authentic as it gets. I loved it. 

Every time I went to a bar I ended up getting Guinness. I know that's cliché but I started to really appreciate it while I was there and enjoyed it. Besides, ya know, when in Rome....

We had stopped at the market after dinner (and before going to Five Points) and made our own breakfast in the morning. I was pleasantly surprised at the food prices in NI. Cheaper than Dublin and some items cheaper than the US

After breakfast, we caught a taxi to the airport to rent a car and explore the Antrim coast. I was little worried about driving on the "wrong" side of the road but it really wasn't all that bad (of course it helps I had a nice navigator to remind me of what the heck I was doing).

Our plan was to drive north, stopping at various sites along the way. I was excited by the prospect of driving around the Irish country side and seeing what would happen. I knew it could be a perfect little adventure and I have to say that this day was my favorite day of my entire trip.

Green hills and pastures as far as the eyes could see. This particular day was one of hte most misty or "rainy" days of my entire trip. Surprisingly, my whole 3 weeks in Ireland and the UK was pretty dry. There was one or two rainy days and the rest of the days were dry or only had a stray shower or two.

K kept taking photos of the countryside, the only problem was that none of them could really do it justice. The roads were so narrow, I could rarely truly enjoy them as well. Later in the trip I had plenty of opportunity to sit back and enjoy the countryside.

Our first stop was at the Carrickfergus Castle (in Carrickfergus).  It's the not the most impressive Irish castle but visiting a castle was on our "to do" list and it wasn't too far out of the way. We basically mapped this trip out the night before and it made it all the more fun.

 My beauty in front of the castle.

K took this one. I loved these little stairs and the little details like this more than anything else about the visiting old castles, buildings, etc.

Carrickfergus Castle was nice but unless you have a thing of castles or you are in the area (like we were), it's skippable. That said it was fun, quick and cheap. It's set up more for kids than anything else. I don't want to under-sell the experience though, if you have kids with you, a definite thumbs up.


We were only there about an hour and we got back on the road. NI is full of tiny little towns that start with "Bally" (holy smokes, looks like over 30).  Well, in one of them (maybe Ballymoney) we were stopped at a light and saw this sign.

We found it quite funny and unique, so K took a photo of it. Sure enough, just seconds later, we see a "classic" Old Lady (right out of a WB cartoon) crossing the road. Well, we got a photo of her as well!

If it was Ballymoney, this is sign and photo make a whole lot more sense as according to Wikipedia, "The Ballymoney area has the highest life expectancy of any area in Northern Ireland, with the average male life expectancy at birth being 79.9 years and 84.8 years for females in years"

We decided to stop at "The Hedges" which is a few minutes south of Ballycastle. Apparently, it's featured on "Game of Thrones" and some other movies/television programs but we don't watch GoT so it was more just a cool photo-op. It was on our way to Ballycastle, so it wasn't much trouble. If you have a spare 20 minutes, I recommend it. We took some pics and were on our way.

We finally made it to our "destination" which was Ballycastle. I was interested in seeing Ballycastle because about a week later I would be spending most of at the Corrymeela Peace Center for about two weeks. Ballycastle is a lovely little town and I will have much more to say about this town in future blog posts. We had lunch at the hotel that faces the seaside (which, by all means, avoid the restaurant there, as it was disappointing).

We walked a bit around town but because our lunch took longer to arrive and it was already past 1:00 PM, we decided to pick up the pace.

When I would begin to imagine this Ireland-UK trip over a year in advance, I would often imagine the Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge (about 20 minutes outside of Ballycastle) and sigh. This was the activity I most anticipated for out trip and I knew it could be the highlight of our trip (but I was hoping against hope for rain not to ruin it). While it had sprinkled here and there during the morning, it had remained largely dry (well as dry as NI gets).

The bridge seemed smaller than the photos make it out to be, but it did not disappoint. The walk across the bridge was great but the views the island offered was amazing. 

Edit 2024: I was looking at my drafts and I never finished this post (or even this series to be honest...whoops) but I decided to go ahead and publish because this post was already so long!! 

Truth as an Object / Truth as a Journey

I've written about truth before (from the vantage point of falsifiability) but like most things, my mind has been kicking around some ideas.

I used to think of "the truth" as a treasure to be found. I could think, read, maybe even actually discover what the "right" answers were to life's most perplexing questions, but mainly about God.

I have always wanted to believe, but I have always been dogged by doubt. For every reason to believe there is a reason to doubt. For every yin a yang, for every black a white. I can argue every side inside and out and if you let yourself do that, it's quite exhausting. 

Unknowingly, I had adopted a traditional Western view of the truth. It goes something like this:

There is only one truth and (surprise) it just so happens to align to my beliefs.

In other words, truth is a zero sum game; a science experiment; a mathematical equation to be solved. The truth is singular, definable, and crystal clear. Ignoring the fact that this idea of truth flies in the face of lived human experience and it's utterly convincing and cutting in its logic. Above all, truth is a thing, an object, an idea to find and believe in.

For the most part, I still stand by this idea. That is, the truth is the truth. Facts are facts (and not alternative facts). Science is a great way of understanding the universe (evolution, vaccines, etc.) math is great (yay, bridges)!

Here comes the but....

But the truth is more complicated than only understanding the world and experiences through a reductionist lens.

Simply put, science is critical to creating a better life for humans but science can't tell us how to live or tell us what the meaning of life should be. Science is the blank coloring page, you can't change the outline, but we decide how to color it and embellish it.

Let me clarify, that yes, I am oversimplifying it, and maybe even overstating my argument. For example, evolution has guided our decisions and there is evidence to suggest we have already made a choice for before our brains are even aware of that choice being made. This is not an air-tight argument, it's a blog. So, while I maintain math and science truth as "captial T truth"...I also find this kind of truth alienating on a personal level. Our metaphors for truth don't fit the lived experience of most humans.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about that is unrelated to truth but related to time.

In the west we see time as moving forward and our metaphors for time involved "getting over things", "moving on", etc. However, our lived experience as time do not match the lived experiences (how often a simple memory can take us right back to a trauma). However, other cultures use a metaphor of walking backwards. We can only see the past, not the future we're stumbling into. I find this metaphor much closer to reality.

I've come to believe truth isn't an object but a journey we take, and on that journey, and hopefully, at best, the truth unfolds before you. Of course there is a place for science and math truth, but to force that kind of metaphor into our relationships, religious or spiritual realm, personal choice, art, etc. it doesn't work so well. Maybe I just don't want everything to be explained by science. I prefer the metaphor of a walk. I may wander here a bit, I may get lost, I may even stop for awhile. If I saw it was a zero sum game, maybe I have a personal crisis or breakdown, but if I see truth and life, as one long adventure, I can have the wherewithal to keep going.
 
Last spring I had a rabbi come to our multifaith forum and she shared this story with our panel. I think it's a good place to end.

"The Baal Shem quoted the Psalm, "Truth shall spring out of the earth" (85:12) and asked, "Surely it must be easy to find Truth?" "Indeed it is easy, " he continued, "but no one wants to bend down. No one is willing to stoop to pick up a little Truth..." A popular saying states that one can walk the length and breadth of the whole world with the Truth. The Baal Shem accepted this, since the Truth is knocked about everywhere on earth"

A Passion For Truth - Abraham Joshua Heschel

Confucius Didn't Say That: Funny Edition

There's a common trope in Western culture about "the sad clown".  Of course like many cliches, there's some truth behind it. Who can forget the tragedy of the suicide of Robin Williams?

Well, I might have just brought you down, but good news, my fair reader, it's time to bring you back up with another exciting blog post about another FAKE CONFUCIUS QUOTE. This one comes courtesy of a website called "Goalcast" and it's on their "23 Confucius Quotes to Convert Your Knowledge Into Wisdom" page. 


 "The funniest people are the saddest ones" - Confucius


It's pretty easy to dismiss that Confucius didn't say this as Confucius wasn't the Seinfeld of ancient China. 
  

Hey, Confucian scholar, you probably noticed this is based on 7:37 in the Analects.

This surprisingly strikes at the core of the whole project, as Confucius didn't come up cliched aphorisms, but taught people how to live. In other words, the goal wasn't to describe truth but to live it. Confucius was a teacher first, so when Confucius does describe something, it serves a purpose of making a larger point about our ethics or character.

For example, this is from 8:11:

"The Master said: “Perhaps you could be as handsome and as talented as the Duke of Zhou. But if you are arrogant or stingy, those good qualities will not be noticed.”

You can imagine Confucius breaking into a conversation his students were having about the Duke of Zhou with this ditty. This is classic Confucius, its might sting a little if you were rebuked but his logic and reasoning is spot-on. 

I could not find any instance of Confucius speaking about funny or humorous people. There's no mention of the term "funny" in the Analects, The Great Learning or The Doctrine of the the Mean. There's a few references to Confucius laughing but there are definitely not any sections on laughter, humor or funny people in general. 


I also couldn't find any example of Confucius speaking about sad people either.  There is no mention of the term "sad" or "sadness" and little about crying. There are a few mentions of "mourning" but they relate to how best to mourn or how best we should treat those in mourning like in 7:9: 

"If the Master sat beside a person in mourning, he would not eat to the full. If he had wept on a certain day, he would not sing."


At this point, I can't find the original person who said this quote. I got nothing for ya on this. Most attribute this quote to Confucius or it is left anonymous. 

As for judging if this is a good quote, I am not personally particularly fond of it. Although it can be true in the generic sense, it's too broad and general for my taste. While it's true that many funny people are sad we should also recognize there are lots of other people who aren't funny that are also sad.

I suppose my next question is did someone who was unfunny come up with this quote to feel better about not being funny? Like, "Hey you may be funny, but you're secretly sad and depressed on the inside, so you try to act funny on the outside in hopes of feeling better!"

Mix-Tape #3 - The Concept Album

I wrote an ode to mix tapes a few years ago here and then after I found another track-list, I wrote a follow-up here. Now, it seems like I am finishing up a trilogy of posts about mix tapes with this post.  

I recently re-discovered another mix CD in one of my old CD cases. I had never really forgotten about this mix CD but it's been sitting in its sleeve for years, unloved and un-listened to.  I never had much reason to listen to it after I made it (early 2001). Subsequently, I never really tied this mix into my whole "track down every mix tape/CD" before the world ends blogging activity. 

Between the years of 1997-2002 I was a romantic relationship to friendship to somewhere in between romance and friendship with Marie. It was the typical young love, long-distance, on-and-off again type stuff.  I was committed to making it work, even if that meant giving space, being a friend and generally not moving on with the rest of my life. Don't try that at home, folks.

Eventually, this was finally resolved when I started dating my wife. Some of this is covered in epic fashion here for those suckers interested.

 I titled this mix (in hastily written permanent marker) "Concept Album - Mix 2000-2001".  The CD was created as cathartic exercise in healing from my heartbreak over Marie. Honestly, if you look at the track list I think  you'll agree it was clearly so cathartic that it became over-indulgent.  For heaven's sake, there's 19 songs. It's like eating too much soft-serve ice cream, it ultimately just doesn't sit well. I was in my early twenties, so cut me a break. Here's the track list broken into the themes for the sake of convenience. 


Part I
1. Ash - "Walking Barefoot"
2. The  La's - "There She Goes"
3. Sloan -  "I Can Feel It"
4. James Taylor - "Country Road"
5. Eric Clapton - "You Look Wonderful Tonight"
Part II
6. Green Day - Scattered Pictures
7. Breeders - Do You Love Me Now?
8. Fountains of Wayne - "Troubled Times"
9. Duncan Sheik - "Barely Breathing"
10. Elvis Costello - "Everyday I Write the Book"
Part III
11. Peaches & Herb - "Reunited"
12. Foo Fighters - "Up In Arms"
13.  Tom Petty - "The Wait"
Part IV
14. Everclear - "So Much For the Afterglow"
15. Ben Folds Five - "Evaporated"
16. The Beatles - "I'm Thinking Through You"
17. The Rentals _ "Say Goodbye Forever"
18.Coward - "I Don't Care"
19 Foo Fighters - "M.I.A."

(Insert embarrassing emoji here)

Thinking of this track selection almost twenty years later I find this mix overly earnest and entirely too long.  While I do like the whole idea of theme, rather than collecting the songs that were personally important to me, it looks as though I settled on trying to capture every possible angle on ALL of my feelings. This is what kills the album.

Also, Duncan Sheik? Embarrassing....

Ok, ok, I still kinda like that song....

Ahem....a surprising aspect about this album was that I included Sloan's 'I Can Feel It". This is a song I have long associated with my wife, in fact I had it playing when I proposed to her. It's funny how memory works, as soon as I started blogging on this mix, I uncovered memory of myself singing this song in my dorm room, of course thinking about Marie. But up until this rediscovery, I had convinced myself that my only attachment to this song was through my wife. It seems my brain had conveniently wiped away any associations I had with Marie and this song and dumped them in favor of associations with my wife. 

Finally, I think the mix suffers from too many disparate parts, it feels almost manic-like in its need to catalog "hey, here's a song, oooh, whatabout this song?"  From Green Day to Tom Petty to Peaches and Herb....I just think it's too jarring of a listening experience.  

Because I can't leave good enough alone, I succumbed to my temptations and made a new edit of my concept album. This time I used songs that I associated with Marie at the time (and still do). You might ask yourself, "Why bother?"; and that's a pretty good question. It's just with somethings in life I have to get it just right....and this is one of them.

Notable changes included exchanging Ash's "Walking Barefoot" for Ash's "Oh Yeah".  I had included "Oh Yeah" on Marie's first mix-tape (which just came to me in a flash and is mysteriously missing from my blog post about its creation...???). "Oh Yeah" is a romantic song about a summer love and the chorus repeats, "Oh yeah, she was taking me over and oh yeah, it was the start of the summer". After Marie had heard the tape she asked me, "So, am I taking you over?" That's one of  those lovely little memories that I've retained from that summer.

I also added Jimmy Eat World's heartbreaking "Your House". It fit so well, it's hard to leave it off.

I was also quite smitten with Ben Fold Five's "Emaline" and "Evaporated". They seemed to speak to me in a way that other songs couldn't. They were a big part of my life between 1997-2000.  I decided to keep Peaches and Herb as I find it kinda cute and I remember it vaguely being the inspiration to create my own concept album.

So, here would be my 2018 edit, trimmed and more focused:

1. The La's - "There She Goes"
2. Ash - "Oh Yeah"
3. Ben Folds Five - "Emaline"
4. Breeders - "Do you Love Me Now?"
5. Elvis Costello - "Every Day I Write The Book"
6. Fountains of Wayne - "Troubled Times"
7. Peaches & Herb - "Reunited"
8. Foo Fighters - "Up in Arms"
9. Tom Petty - "The Wait"
10. Beatles - "Looking Through You"
11. Jimmy Eat World - "Your House"
12. Ben Folds Five - Evaporated

So, there ya have it, possibly my last post on mix-tapes. Then again, I am a pack rat, so  you never know!

Summary Summer Fragments

Hey party people,  I should be grading but I don't want to. Here are some fragments.


It's been unbearably hot for being this early in the summer here in South Texas. It makes me unhappy and generally sour.  So, what I am saying is that I hate it and I am already ready for the fall.

For some crazy reason I never got into of Montreal until now. I always loved "Baby" but I have been listening to Cherry Peel non-stop for about three weeks now.  This album would have been perfect for me in the 90's as well given the focus on unrequited love on the album. 



It's a lo-fi masterpiece with strange and creepy lyrics. I think it's genius. Four out of Four Stars.

Looks like the Spurs dynasty really is over....sigh.  I have all sorts of thoughts on this but Ziller at SBnation summed it up nicely. If you care, read it. The whole thing makes me sad, and yet I'm more intrigued than sad. This draft week will be exciting. Is it petty and lying to admit I never really loved Leonard anyway? I mean, how could you? The guy has zero personality and never stepped up as a leader.  Of course if he re-signs, I take this all back.

TOP TEN Favorite SPURS

Please note, these are my faves, players that I loved to watch and who I got excited for when they got into a game. These are definitely not who I think are the best players. I am also only ranking players I have actually watched as a fan....so, sorry Ice Man.

1. Manu
2. Tim
3. David Robinson
4. Robert Horry
5. Malik Rose
6. Patty Mills
7. (tied) Bruce Bowen
7.  (tied) Danny Green
9. Sean Elliott
10. Boris Diaw  

Runners Up: Tony Parker (I love Tony but ya know, he's kinda a pretty boy and I just  got more excited about the other players....maybe he made it look too easy....I dunno), Jaren Jackson, Kawhi Leonard (yeah, he will fall this far, yes, I am emotional but just give me a few more years and he can sneak into one of the 6-10 slots). Avery Johnson (kinda hated him as a coach), Willie Anderson, Frank Brickowski, Matt Bonner,  Gary Neal, Speedy Claxton, Kevin Willis, Stephen Jackson, Steve Kerr, Terry Porter, George Hill, Oberto and that's about it.

A few weeks ago, C saw an owl in our backyard. Our house backs up to a green belt so we get to see some amazing wildlife from time to time. The owl blended in perfectly with the trees it took me a while to see it. I ran to get the camera and I was able to get one shot in before he flew away. One PERFECT OWL shot. So lucky. C was upset I didn't let her have the camera, but I just reacted. Such a beautiful bird. Enjoy: 

We started rehearsals for Oz (I am the Wizard/Professor Marvel). Kinda crazy. Remembering lines is not as easy as you would think! Oh well, I still have time (still working on my Wizard voice, I have Oz/Professor Marvel's voice down though).

Getting excited about the next academic year. My friend and I are planning a Study Stateside program like a Study Abroad, but we’ll traveling around the US. This is awesome because we think it will make (in part because it’s cheaper) and we’re in charge of it. Our district overlords can’t control it and screw it up. Also, we’re bringing in some great events next year. Fun stuff.  Basically, teaching has become a means to an end to me at this point in my career. I enjoy it, sure. But I am more excited to travel and plan events and hopefully one day do some peacebuilding on campus with students.  I am attending conference in September in Philly. Should be awesome!

That's it and it's getting late. I am Spurs sad and that means watching some good Spurs memories....hmmm....I think the 4th quarter of the sixth game of the 2003 Western Conference Finals will do nicely (Spurs-Mavs).

Until next time, don't forget to hug your loved ones, take a warm shower at night and say a little prayer before you drift off to sleep.