Poetry Post #1: Childhood Memories

I gave up writing poetry around the time Claire was born.  I just got tired of writing after about 10 years of writing poems (I would guess only 4 of those years was I consistently trying to write).  This might as well be a good place to post some. Most of my poems were fragments of ideas anyway.  Here are two based on childhood memories.  I always enjoyed writing about memories because they were so personal and easy to write. Maybe because I had a clear and simple goal when writing about memories....so that might explain it.

i was only a boy at the time.
you were drawing for me because i loved cartoons.
you drew a man looking over a fence,
with a big cartoon nose hanging over its edge.
slowly, the pen made its lines,
a bit unsteady and squiggly.
i remember you playing dominos.
i remember christmas morning blurs.
i remember you quiet and in the hospital.
i never knew you, mysterious grandfather
i was only a boy at the time.
but i still remember.


beach
the seagulls circled overhead
calling for our bread.
i told you to put the food away
before they poop on us.
i feel sick and vomit
grape soda/bologna sandwich into the sand.
those damn seagulls eat that instead.

8 Ways to Land a Great Afterlife

I was walking into our bathroom when I noticed our Consumer Reports magazine upside-down - I was more than a little surprised when I read an article entitled "8 Ways to Land a Great Afterlife". Of course, it actually read, "8 Ways to Land a Great Airfare". Sure it was upside-down, but I think my mind's eye saw this mainly because I watched the Lost finale last night. That and the fact that I am obsessed with death in general.


Interestingly enough, it's eight tips of achieving a cheap airfare also might also be read as tips to achieving a great afterlife as well.


1. Be Flexible About Dates

The trick about dying is that you don't know when it's going to happen. You might only live once, but don't stress with existential angst over it - you'll waste precious time worrying when you should be living.


2. Consider Other Airports

If Airfare is the stand in for the afterlife, then surely the airlines represents the different world belief systems (meaning the atheists refuse to fly?). Then this must mean the airports are way stations - death itself before the airline takes us away. Maybe this means to consider our own mortality - we're going to die - so contemplate it and be ready.


3. Check the airline's site

Airline Site = Sacred Scripture. If you need more information, check out the scripture that your belief system is based on. Read up on all the details, offers and rules and regulations.


4. Mix and Match

If you can't find the right fit - by golly, mix and match. Most people do it anyway, they just don't admit it. Create your own theology by borrowing or weaving other meta-narratives into your own!


5. Know when to Buy

Timing is everything. When it's your time - don't fight it - let go and recognize the season of life is over.

6. Consider Multiple Carriers

Surely a Universalist wrote this article.


7. Waive Change Fees?

I got nothing. Hey, every analogy breaks down at some point.


8. Think About Bidding

Take a leap of faith, no matter how blindly - Kierkegaard would totally use Expedia.

Pushing the Button: Faith & Community in Lost

In honor of Lost's last episode on Sunday, I decided to write about my favorite episode and scene in the series. Lost may have never regained it's simplicity, beauty and mystery from the first two seasons, but there's never been a show that has been as philosophically deep. It explored issues such as: Do we have freewill? Are humans good or evil? Can we change who we are? At the same time the series has (at times) been downright silly, disappointing and has left many a plot thread hanging. However, it's a network TV show, it has its limitations in form and it admittedly suffers when judged as a coherent piece of art. Even still, Lost is easily my favorite television series ever. I will miss Lost.

Insert Cliche Image from Show. Think about it - a blog with no readers, posting pictures that no one needs. The epitome of silly.

One of Lost’s fundamental and reoccurring themes is the struggle between faith and reason. This theme is best illustrated in the show’s second season episode, Orientation. To attempt to completely recount the story’s twisting plot could possibly cause a reader’s nose to bleed (thank you very much - that’s an inside joke for Lost fans). However, I’ll try my best to briefly set the context for a broad audience....just bear with me and oh yeah, spoiler alert.

Lost is centered on the survivors of a plane crash that happened on a super-natural (to put it lightly) island. There is a mysterious “smoke monster”, a crazy French lady who has been shipwrecked on the island for 17 years, and the whispers. Oh, and sometimes our survivors have visions and dreams of the dead, animals, etc.

All this is to say the island is a not just mysterious place but a miraculous place as well. One of the key plot points of the first season is the discovery of a hatch or underground shelter by the character John Locke. The buildup of the first season concludes with the opening of the hatch and it is immediately explored by the main characters, John Locke and Jack Shepherd in the first episode of the second season.

The “hatch” has living quarters and a massive computer station - all of which was seemingly built in the late 70’s. A man named Desmond Hume has been “trapped” in the hatch for a three years. He claims he has to enter a numeric code every 108 minutes in order to “save the world”. If Desmond fails to continue to push "the button" an enormous amount of electro-magnetism being held at bay by the station could reach catastrophic levels around the world.

Jack Shepherd and John Locke serve as proxies for one of the show's fundamental themes: faith and reason. For most of the series, Jack serves as the show’s primarily rationalist and is the survivor’s closest thing to a traditional leader. He finds the entire scenario incredulous; "You understand what he's saying -- it's insane, it's impossible."

Insert Cliche Religious Symbol  Here

...actually, if you ask me Lost. deals just with many of the tenants of Daoism. But that's another blog post.

John Locke is the show’s “knight of faith”. Although the viewers know his faith in the island and purpose is grounded in concrete, rational reason (when the plane took off he was a paraplegic; after the crash he could walk) the hatch represents a new “leaping off” point. While the situation might be "impossible", Locke believes the island has led him here and he accepts the mission of “pushing the button” with purpose. The hatch can serve as an allegory for the existential nature of life. Our situation is absurd, seemingly senseless and well, our proverbial hatch clocks are ticking. Are you ready to push the button?

The episode crescendos as the hatch timer is winding down and this exchange follows:

Jack: “Why do you find it so easy to believe?!”

Locke: “It never has been easy!”

Some believe that people profess faith because it's the easy way out. Faith is claimed to be a crutch, an "opium for the masses" or a deep seated need for a father figure. (Yes, I'm looking at you Sigmund and Karl)

Faith can be all those things, but the fact is, it doesn't have to be an answer - it can be a journey or challenge that bravely embraces the absurdity of life. Jesus never said life would be "easy".

Like Locke, I believe faith is not easy. I suppose I should clarify when I use the term “faith” I mean a real, authentic faith…not one that is practiced by rote, tradition or familiarity. Faith is not easy in terms of accepting the absurd nor is it easy to embrace your faith so fully that it informs your every action, every deed, every thought. Faith is a choice that should be made every day, even if it’s practice is imperfect.

It’s almost impossible not to project ourselves into art that we like. When I first saw this scene, I was blown away. It represented my own struggle to believe. However, when I finally saw this scene years later - I realized I had missed a huge point of this entire encounter.

In defiance (in equal measures of stubborn foolishness and bravery) Locke demands Jack join in this “ridiculous” act because he can’t do it alone. Although Locke himself can enter the code, he implores Jack to push the “Enter” button; which will re-set the timer. He realizes that faith is not meant to be practiced in isolation, but with others, with community…even with those who aren’t yet believers at all. “It’s a two person job, Jack” This also recalls one of the many mantras of Lost; “if we can’t live together – we’ll die alone”. Separate, we don’t hold ourselves accountable and often fail to see someone else’s perspective. Together, we build relationships that strengthen us as individuals.
Too often we view our spirituality in a vacuum or solitude. We might imagine ourselves standing as an individual before God at the end of time. We don’t have to “fight” the battle alone, though. Locke recognizes that believers need community. While much of our faith journeys have to start alone and even be walked alone along the way, faith is not meant to be practiced alone. Faith is supposed to build community.

In this episode, faith wins the day....but faith has it's pitfalls later in the series as well. I won't go too far the rabbit hole (that would be an additional essay and the whole point of this blog is FRAGMENTS)...needless to say I will miss all the questions the series has posed. I'm looking forward to the finale to see what, if any, ultimate meaning can be teased out in this final episode.

Here is the entire scene for your pleasure and enjoyment.

Keepin' it Real in the Fake World

I was listening to NPR the other morning when I heard my Texas senator, John Cornyn say that Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan's had experience in academia but no "real world" experience.

This isn't the first time I have heard folks refer to those of us who teach at the college or university level as lacking "real world" experience.

Now, that I think about it, it's all true. Most of my life is not in the "real world" at all...

Rating my Reality at Work

Teaching = definitely not real
Organizing lessons = sorta kinda real, but not really.
Creating assessments = trapping students, not a fair and balanced reality
Grading = subjectively non-reality
Serving on Committees = drawing/day dreaming in meetings = not real
Dealing with Student-Instructor Conflicts = seemingly real but conflict based on "non reality" of the classroom, thus making it pure fantasy
Designing Schedule/Purchasing = real on some level by its method of input, fake in the abstract
Research = not real, most likely research with a liberal basis, meaning non-facts
Writing = real in concept;  but because it's not written with the purpose of selling something or trying to elect someone, it's as real as unicorns or global warming.
(okay, so I'm not really researching or writing but ya know, it's a possibility in my field of "fake work")

Art Post # 1: Barbar

Working on 2-3 different posts for now (one "Lost" related, a Pac-Man comic, and a blog about "spiritual masters"). 

Occasionally, I will be posting my artwork on the blog.  I draw/paint/create haphazardly and inconsistently.  I have a few unfinished works in my portfolio. 

Because I am a parent, I see many children's books and love experiencing children's books again (sometimes sharing books I read when I was a child).  This painting is a reproduction of one of our Barbar books.  I love the simplicity of the art in the Barbar books.  The art is bright, smooth, simple and well, appropriately child-like.  This particular picture was the second of three snow-themed panels on a page. With a little foresight, I could have done all three panels at once, but alas, it wasn't to be.  Now, I don't think I could mix the colors exactly the same if I tried.  I love the action of the picture...it just makes me smile.  For some reason the artist had the sky painted a brownish hue - so I followed suit. Odd, but it fits.

Snow Fight

      2010, Acrylic with Ink

      Copyright, Neil Lewis
 (of course I own the copyright to Barbar, you fools - how do you think I am independently wealthy?)

Greatest Songs In the World, Part I: Across the Sea

I wrote this a long time ago for a friend. I wanted him to fall in love with the song so I felt I had to give the song a little context. Predictably, my essay didn't do it....I guess my original essay failed in its purpose. However, I still liked it enough to revamp it and share it on the blog. Enjoy.


We all have songs that we claim ownership of. They seem to embed themselves in our lives. Each time we hear these songs we time travel back to when we first fell in love with the song. Fourteen years after hearing this song for the first time, it still floors me. Weezer's "Across the Sea" is one of the best rock songs of all-time.

If you don't have this album, then get it.

You may be thinking I have framed my thesis in dramatic terms, maybe over-stepped the bounds of rock history. After all, years ago Rolling Stone released a list of the greatest rock n’ roll songs of all time and nary a Weezer song was even close on the list. Honestly, after the travesty of Radititue, any reasonable person who might be unfamiliar with Weezer's sophomore album, Pinkerton might think I am insane.

"Across the Sea" is Weezer's crowning moment with its closest competition coming from the incredible, ‘Say it Ain’t So’ from the “Blue Album”. On a purely musical level, it is satisfying. I love the drums, the bridge, the solo, and the fact that there's a piano hidden in all the noise. It's loud, textured and emotional. When you listen with headphones all the nuances shine though. Why can’t every album sound like this?

The strength of the song lies not so much in its lyrics (more on this later) but its theme. Cuomo's song displays pure, unadulterated, old-fashioned longing. Who can't relate to that?

“Across the Sea” is based on a true story. When Rivers was attending Harvard he started to attempt to write songs for the follow up to Weezer’s success debut album. Unfortunately, he came down with a case of writer’s block. Months rolled by with little to no songwriting until he received a letter in the mail from a girl in Japan. The first few lines of the song are exactly her letter, word for word. The lyrics are weird and frankly a little disturbing. But isn't it true that men become obsessive and a little odd about women? Later in his career, Cuomo grew away from personalized lyrics because he felt no one could relate to them....this was his first step towards the darkside.

Anyway, back to the lyrics. When I first heard the song in 96', the lyrics kept the song from "clicking" with me. I liked it, but it wasn't one of my all-time favorites.

A few years later, I was riding the stationary bike at the gym when the song came on. Suddenly the skies parted and as I pedaled I could finally discern the details behind all the noise. I could hear the aching of my own voice. I "got" it!

I was in a "relationship" where I was emotionally and geographically apart from my love interest. I wanted to scream, "Why are you so far apart from me?" I was longing for someone who might as well have been across the sea. I felt that even if I could touch her again, it wouldn't be right. For Rivers it was an innocent teen, a world away in Japan. This idealized version of love promised an end to both of our somewhat self-induced loneliness (I'm happy to report my "someone" was "of legal age" at the time!).

My lost relationship seemed out of reach and what I missed most were the little things, “words and dreams and million screams, oh, how I need a hand in mine to feel!" Due to what seemed a cruel or meaningless fate at the time, I was left alone – to wait and to remember. Even after my little soap opera escapade ended, the power of the song remained.

Our interpretations, our narratives are what keep songs as close to “alive” as an art object can be. But even this can fade. When I listen to the song today, I don't dwell on the details of my past. That aspect of the song is dead to me....

The song still remains alive because it expresses an even more universal feeling, the feeling of "Why me?" I'm secure enough in my masculinity (and I'm no emo guy either) that sometimes, when I'm in the right mood and I'm really listening - I still tear up a little listening to this song. "Across the Sea" poignantly shows the beauty behind suffering and longing.



By the way, the title of this blog entry implies there might be a part two - don't count on it, it's more a less a play on a later weezer song....