I was coming home from work the other day and I read a church sign that simply stated, "God is in Control". At first I imagined a mad man reacting in total defiance of the sign and slamming his car into the car next to him. Yeah, that's my first thought.
Beyond this transitory insane thought, I began to ponder the whole idea of giving up control and gaining something else far more satisfying back. It seems at the bottom of every belief system (or for that matter some non-belief systems) the first step is to give up control of your life.
"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." - Jesus as quoted in Luke 17:33
The whole idea of control stands firmly in the way of a walking a spiritual path because giving up control means giving up your own pride. It means admitting that you don't know what's best for you. It means letting something (or someone) else determine your ultimate fate.
I figured it was time for a cheesy, inspirational photo symbolizing all of our spiritual paths. Often I find symbols to be too idealistic, causing myself to wonder if I am even on a spiritual journey at all. So, if you find yourself looking at the above photo and wondering if you are "spiritual" or not, the answer is to stop over-thinking it and just enjoy the photo.
I'm the first person to admit the dangers of reading too far into our past history. Then again, to not give meaning to the past, means we can't even understand our own narratives. So, with significant doubt (and wonder) I can look back at my life and begin to see I was in denial of how much control I even had at the time. I can look back and see what some would call fate, luck, or I would call God's fingerprints all over my past.
I can firmly say my wife Kathryn and I feel we have been led to this time and this place in our lives. As we travel the road of adoption together, we feel like we have had our hearts opened and this is where God had been leading us all along. We let go of a lot of fears and doubts and (so far) have gained much in the process.
Strangely enough though, it doesn't feel like an end point. I don't mean necessarily we are done adopting (that's an open door) but we feel like we have open hearts for what God wants us to do. We don't have any firm ideas right now as we are (well, for lack of a better word) entrenched in our adoption process. We are open to any number of scary, exciting, crazy paths for our lives to become. This doesn't mean anything will happen soon or even that it has to wind up me leaving my job. I am just trying to let go of dictating my own future.
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell
So in this intermission of sorts (although, it doesn't feel like any kind of intermission I know about) I want to just wait and listen. I want to ask God for where he wants us to serve. It's a crazy idea really. Letting go of my dream job, financial security and family expectations. Letting go of the comfortable "good life" and embracing the unknown. Letting go may not be easy, but it will sure keeps you on your toes.
No comments:
Post a Comment