The Calm Before the Storm: A Dispatch from Texas

Have you ever been driving on the highway and, in the distance, you see ominous dark clouds ahead? You're not sure if the storm will hit you, but it's getting closer with each mile.   

This is the best I could do from my photo collection. This was near the Grand Canyon. 

For years, politics was politics, and the ivory tower was unmoved. 

We discussed ideas, challenged the status quo, and maybe changed a few minds here and there. Even if some didn't like higher ed or the values of critical thinking, diversity, and embracing an open and free society.....it seemed we were removed from political consequences. Of course, it was red meat to the base to take potshots at academics, but to a large degree, a truce was formed. It was obvious enough that society needed an educated workforce, but higher education also provided publicly funded research in science and medicine to benefit the country's corporations. Quality colleges and universities brought not just global prestige but an influx of wealthy foreigners, ready to stay and benefit the US economy.. Sure, the faculty and leadership would always skew to the left, but this seemed to be the accepted price tag. 

To be honest, it's a dirty little secret that universities and colleges have little to no influence in the political realm. Despite all the screaming about "indoctrination", if colleges really did indoctrinate, why aren't there more leftists in power?  The brainwashing hasn't been very effective.  Public universities have largely embraced and supported American capitalism and foreign policy. After all, who was educating the Wall Street and political leaders? 

The power of the ivory tower was largely symbolic. If you want proof of just how limited that power of higher education was, just look at our society today. It didn't stop the storm. At best, the power was limited to the broader culture, reinforced by the entertainment culture.  Many educated leaders could be shamed into appearing non-racist, non-homophobic, etc., and sometimes these beliefs were even acted upon in small but meaningful actions.  

After decades of ingesting misinformation, conspiracies, and lies, the time was ripe for change. MAGA extremists didn't want to bring in foreign students, they didn't want the government spending money on research, and they definitely didn't appreciate that educated people tend to vote against MAGA. So, the truce that had held since World War II was over. War was declared.  

For rightwing billionaires and a political class groomed by Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, and Alex Jones, it wasn't just about taking away even the small amount of power and influence colleges and universities had, but it was also about control. 

Make no mistake, the many culture wars were created to foster division between the classes to keep the elites in power. But those in power have been listening to the right-wing media conspiracies, and an ideology fueled by resentment, hate, and scorched-earth partisanship.  It is now a self-propelled beast; the media is fueled by the billionaires who are fueled by social media conspiracies and misinformation, which in turn feeds back into mainstream media. 

I have been directly impacted on my campus. There's a chill in the air, and some people can't be trusted anymore. 

Some words and concepts can't be discussed, but the administration won't say anything in writing, because they are scared. Of course, nothing is illegal to teach, but the governor can just ask for anyone to be fired, and it will be done. In the past month, university systems have banned words and concepts from the classroom. 

Some might think this is an obvious over-reach. The checks on power in our old system came from the checks and balances of the three branches of government, a sense of shame AND from an engaged citizenry at the ballot box. If the other side ever takes power, the roles could be reversed, etc., etc. 

However, these "checks" are all gone because all the branches are controlled by one party; they have no shame, and they don't plan on giving up power again. 

Even before the blog post was finished, the storm came for me. Something I have worked on for over a decade is gone. It was my professional life's work, and I was going to do it until I retired.  They took it from us, even without complaint, without a single controversy; they simply didn't want to worry about it or carry the risk. 

There was no compromise, just capitulation. 

It doesn't just end there. There are rumors of the core curriculum being cut, changing accreditation agencies (that will enforce some kind of political "diversity" or censorship).  Of course, it's not just higher ed; we are all under the storm clouds.  

Seek cover and batten down the hatches, the storm is here and there's no break in sight. Hang on as best you can. 

My Top 100 Favorite 90s Songs

There is very little reason for this blog post to exist. 

No one was requesting this list....certainly not the internet! However, some ideas weasel their way into my little brain and require creation. If I am being honest, I did not know what songs would make this list, so I had work to do if I wanted to know.  

My criteria for creating this list were completely unscientific. The method was disorganized. At the start, I tried to make a rubric to help disentangle my feelings, but I gave up in frustration.  

If there was a method to the madness, it was trying to unscramble nostalgia, joy, and love while admiring the song craft and balancing my love of catchy songs and the songs that were personally important to me. 

I started going through my 1,600+ '90s song playlist on Spotify. I went song by song, and I had an initial list of about 200. I didn't discriminate too much, if I thought there was a chance, it was added to the list. 

Then, I pared down the most obvious choices that would not make the list. At this point, it was in the 120-130 area, so I pared down songs again, all the way down to 98. 

Then I added two more songs back and started ordering them (and of course, re-ordering them over and over again). 

There are a few songs on this list that I don't listen to much anymore. They might pop on the radio or on my 90s playlist on Spotify, but I don't even particularly like them anymore. That said, they were so important to me as a teenager that it felt right to have them on this list.  

In the end, I just wanted to take a moment to think about some of my favorite songs of all time.

Please note these are not the BEST songs of the 90s, it's just my current list of my favorite '90s songs.

100. Dee-Lite - "Groove is in the Heart"

This song makes me happy. When I hear it, it makes me feel 12 again, watching the all-request 1-900 music video channel while lying on my bed. 

99. Frank Black - "Creature Crawling"

Can a song with a middling chorus but one of the greatest bridges ever force itself into my top 100 favorite '90s songs? Yeah, it just did. 

98. Smoking Popes - "Paul"

A well-crafted pop song that is sneakily good. 

97. The Cardigans - "Love Fool"

It's a huge hit, everyone knows the words, but so what? It's just love and warmth all the way to its core. One of those "perfect" songs. 

96. Foo Fighters - "X-Statix"

This song could be about nothing or everything, but its droney-dreamy vibe is compelling. 

95. Nirvana - "Heart Shaped Box"

There are a lot of big radio hits early on this list, but this song features my favorite Cobain imagery and lyrics. I love the sound of this song. Oh, and the music video is top-notch. 

94. Space Hog - "In the Meantime..."

This song just oozes 1995 to me. I would catch this song on the radio and beg the radio gods that the DJ would not fade the song out too soon or fade in the next song too early so I could hear that plaintive piano solo at the end. My god, I loved it. 

When you heard the complete song with that piano solo on the radio...you knew it was gonna be a good day.  

93. Fig Dish - "Seeds"

Great album, great song. 

I have to admit this song may be the first "reach" on the list. Maybe it's not actually in my top 100. The album is soooo good though, and I wanted to find a song that best represented its excellence. 

So, I might have cheated a little bit. What are you gonna do about it? 

92. Gin Blossoms - "Until I Fall Away"

This song is from the album New Miserable Experience that I bought on tape. I remember I was about to take my buddy Steve out to senior lunch, but I was embarrassed by this album because Steve was a music snob. So before he got in, I hid the tape under my seat. 

Well, Steve, I am out of the closet, that album is GREAT, and this song kicks ass, I don't even care what you think about my music taste anymore!!

P.S. If you are reading this and you know Steve, please don't tell him I like the Gin Blossoms.  

91. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Under the Bridge"

Alex, I'll take "Songs that I listened to on my Walkman on repeat while feeling very, very important and miserable for 100," please. 

90. Mazzy Star - "Fade Into You"

If you are feeling like you need to think about a few things, turn this song on and just revel in your feelings. Beautiful song. 

89. Ash - "Oh Yeah"

This is objectively the worst song on this entire list. So, why is it sitting pretty here at #89? 

It's a love song and the chorus states, "Oh yeah, she was taking me over, and oh yeah, it was the start of the summer."

I started dating a young woman in June of 1997. It was clear to me that we were falling in love. I put this song on a mixtape for her, and I went to visit her at the diner where she worked. I asked her what she thought of the tape, and she smiled and asked, "So, am I....taking you over?" 

An hour later, I left the diner, driving home as the sun was setting, feeling like I was on top of the world.  

88. Green Day - "J.A.R"

I don't know anything about Green Day fandom, but I have a hunch this little ditty is considered an underrated gem. It's a song about how to live life. A great song that has a neat closing. 

87. Porno for Pyros - "Pets"

Just a relaxing song about how fucked up human beings are, but that we would make good pets for aliens. It's clever.....and it will make you bob your head. 

86. Stone Temple Pilots - "Interstate Love Song"

Another album I had on tape (but I wasn't embarrassed by it). I loved this song before it was a hit, and if I close my eyes when I listen to it, I can smell my old 1986 Toyota pickup. 

85. Fountains of Wayne - "Sink to the Bottom"

Power pop that makes you feel like giving up, but you find yourself humming it for days after you've heard it. 

84. Frank Black - "Back to Rome"

To this day, I occasionally put this song on in the car and sing it with all my heart at the top of my lungs. Maybe if you do that, you'll like it too? 

83. Kim Deal & Robert Pollard  - "Love Hurts" (cover) 

I recently discovered this amazing little demo of a song. It's the cover of that terrible '80s song, but it's been transformed into a lo-fi masterpiece. It's good. It's real good. 

82. Lemonheads - "Hospital" 

Evan Dando's deadpan singing is perfect for this song in all ways possible. 

81. Jayhawks - "Blue"

I discovered this song a few years ago. If I had discovered it in the 90s, it would probably be in my top ten. It's that goddamn good and it's sheer existence should remind us that being alive is pretty neat. 

80. Superdrag - "I'm Expanding My Mind" 

It's good. I don't have much else to say other than it's a good song and I love the slide guitar outro. 

79. Wallflowers - "6th Avenue Heartache"

I listened to this song a few times this week while doing this little list, and this song just kept moving up the list. It's a solid rock song, and I have to admit, when I hear it out in public, I start singing it. 

One Week later update: this happened today at the grocery store, and I had forgotten I had even written that...and yes, I was quietly singing along. 

78. Matthew Sweet - "Time Capsule"

Not his masterpiece, but pretty damn close. Okay, okay, it's another one of his masterpieces. 

77. Beck - "Lord Only Knows" 

A song that still makes me laugh a little with its last line of "going down to Houston to the hot dog dance". I mean, how could you deny it?  When I heard this album in 1996,  I thought it was the future of music. Looking back, I know now I was one naive son of a gun. 

76. Tom Petty - "Free Fallin'"

It must have been the spring of 1993 or 1994. I attended a church retreat with my youth group on the Frio River. The camp had a 20-foot-high cliff where you could jump or dive into the water. It seemed like we jumped into that cold water hundreds of times.  It felt a little dangerous, and it made me feel alive. I found it exhilarating. 

My friend Doug and I started singing "Free Fallin'" that day. Now, all these decades later, when I hear this song, I still think of that weekend and the jumping into the cold Frio River, over and over again. I'm more than a little wistful.  I've never be that innocent again. 

75. Apples in Stereo - "Silver Chain"

This song feels like a classic that never existed, or it was written in a dream Brian Wilson had. 

74. The Grays - "Very Best Years"

I discovered this expertly crafted song a few years ago. You should discover it too. 

73. Travis - "Driftwood"

We all know people who are driftwood. All we can do is pray, hope, and wish upon a star. 

72. Dwight Yokam - "A Thousand Miles to Nowhere"

Beautiful, haunting song that is your first step to healing from your troubles. The song embraces the fact

that life is imbued with loneliness, and the song comes out the other side to acceptance.

71. Counting Crows - "A Murder of One"

I am NOT a Counting Crows fan, but I am a huge August and Everything After fan. I bought that album in 1995 and loved it. Then, sometime in the 2000s, I kinda forgot it. Then, a few years ago, I decided to listen to it again, and it's near perfection. This song ends the album, and it will slay you if you let it. 

70. Ben Folds Five - "Underground" (Live from Naked Baby Pictures)

Like most people, I have always felt different from most people. I have always felt a little odd, and maybe, just maybe, I was a little special too. Which is all the more odd, because most people feel this way too.  

"Underground" is one for the underdogs. Maybe we're not the weird ones after all. 

69. Lemonheads - "Outdoor Type"

It's a goofy, jokey song, and I like it because I am a goofy and jokey person. It's probably too high on the list.... but so what? 

68. Nirvana -"Aneurysm" (Live)

One of the single best openings to any rock song slowly builds you to....the poppiest song about heroin addiction. The album version is underrated, but I decided to go with the more raw version from The Muddy Banks of the Wishkah instead. 

67. Of Montreal -"Don't Ask Me to Explain"

Of Montreal's album Cherry Peel is lo-fi perfection. This song makes me feel like I live in a dingy old house full of hippies and a bunch of weirdos. 

66. Olivia Tremor Control - "Jumping Fences"

This song is like the sweetest candy wrapped in a brightly colored cellphone. Go ahead and listen to it back to back....I always do! 

65. Smashing Pumpkins - "1979"

In the mid-90s, you could not escape this song. It seemed like it was part of our life, a soundtrack for our times. It was a part of our lives, as much as going out late for tacos, ditching class to play pool at the bowling alley, or driving around late at night with friends, looking for something to do. 

It's a great song that gets me thinking about driving around in my friend Philip's car on Friday nights. 

64. Teenage Fanclub - "Mad Dog 20/20"

I think Teenage Fanclub is overrated. They always seemed like a band I was just supposed to like. But for me, something was missing (or maybe I was missing it, I dunno).  

This song was a throwaway B-side on DGC Rarities Vol. 1. It just fills in the missing pieces for me. "Oh this is why people love Teenage Fanclub!!" I love this song.  

63. Pearl Jam - "Better Man"

I think Pearl Jam is overrated. They always seemed like a band I was just supposed to like. But for me, something was missing (or maybe I was missing it, I dunno). 

Tee hee. 

That's not completely true, I do like PJ okay, and if anything, I respect them more than I did in the '90s. There were a few PJ songs that were contenders to make this list, but "Better Man" was the first Pearl Jam song I fell in love with. It's a five-star song and if you don't think so, then go suck a lemon. 

62. Old 97's - "Busted Afternoon"

There is something about this song that just screams summer to me. The first time I heard this country-western swing, I knew I was hooked. 

61. Duncan Sheik - "Barely Breathing" 

Yeah, this one is embarrassing, even by my standards. 

I heard this song in college and immediately downloaded it on Napster. Sure, it sounded like Adult Contemporary, but my God, I related to the lyrics. To this day, I don't know another Duncan Sheik song. I feel at this point that's the best option for me, it's just meant to be that I only know this one song by Duncan. 

60. Green Day - "She"

Green Day's album Dookie changed my life. No, I'm not kidding. 

I had dabbled in becoming a music fan in high school. I tried listening to my older sister's favorite music early on (Erasure, New Order, Nitzer Ebb,  NIN, etc.), but that didn't quite stick. Then, in 10th grade, I started listening to country (it's shameful, I know, but I went to the district's "Ag School"). I never really lost my love of rock music, and in '94 my musical tastes changed for good. 

The first album I purchased in my musical re-birth was Dookie. I never became a huge Green Day fan, but the band and Dookie hold a special place in my heart. Not all of it holds up for me, but "She" has never failed me. I love this song. 

59. Ween - "What Deaner Was Talkin' About"

There are a few songs on here that are short and sweet. This song leaves you wanting to hear more. To be honest, I don't know what Deaner was talking about, and I have no idea what this song is about...but it's good! 

58. Smashing Pumpkins - "To Forgive"

This is one of those strange songs I don't think about all that often, and then when I hear it, I am blown away by how awesome it is. Also, it's a strange fact that I don't really like Billy Corgan's voice, and yet they have a few songs on this list. 

57. that dog - "Minneapolis" 

Sometimes, a near-perfect pop song just floats to the middle of a list of favorite songs. Don't mistake my lack of comments for a lack of love. Insert chef's kiss here.  

56. Built to Spill - "Liar"

Built to Spill is like pizza. Most of the time, you are happy to eat pizza. Sometimes you get cheap pizza at a kid's party, sometimes you're feeling lazy, and you pop a frozen pizza in the oven. No matter how you get it, it's STILL pizza.  

I love Built to Spill, and even bad Built to Spill is pretty okay. "Liar" is like really good pizza when you haven't had good pizza in a long time. 

55. Sloan - "Loosens"

I would wait for my dorm roommate to leave for the evening, and I would put the Twice Removed CD in my stereo and crank up the volume. I didn't mind the dorm hearing this amazing album, but I didn't need them to hear me singing my heart out, especially to this song. This was my cathartic go-to song in the '90s. If you just experienced a break-up, listen to it at high volume for maximum impact. 

54. The La's - "There She Goes"

This was another one of those songs you just couldn't escape in the '90s. It's nearly perfect, and if I hadn't heard it 1.3 million times, it would have at least cracked the top 20. 

53. Superdrag - "Pine Away"

A hopeful ode to possibly, maybe, imagining yourself actually talking to your crush. 

52. Jellyfish - "The Glutton of Sympathy" 

Jellyfish should have been one of the biggest bands of the '90s. That didn't happen, so instead they proudly serve the public by serving as a symbol for cool indie musical taste. If someone likes them, you should look into whether they need a new friend, or if you haven't heard this song, it's not too late! Listen to this song and become that cool person. 

51. Apples in Stereo - "You Said That Last Night"

This was the first Apples song I ever heard. We played it on a lark on our radio show on the college radio station. This song and this album just made me see the world in a much brighter way. There was good music everywhere. 

50. Ramones - "Life's a Gas"

I saw the Ramones on their last tour ('96 Lollapalooza tour).  I didn't know them as well as I now know their catalog, but I came away impressed. I want this song played at my funeral. 

49. Everclear - "Santa Monica" 

When I hear this song, I think about the strange and bewildering time my friend Adam and I, in a hysterical mood from studying, made up hand signals that went along to this song's chorus in my kitchen at 2:00 AM. I still remember them and occasionally do the hand signs when no one is looking. I wish I could show them to you, they're really cool.

48. John Mellencamp & Me'Shell Ndegeocello -"Wild Night"

Joy. Pure rock joy. Also, I looked up this song on YT while writing this list, and holy cow, I remembered all at once why that video held my attention all those years ago lol. 

47. Sloan - The Lines You Amend

Mid-90s Sloan was a perfect merging of '60s pop rock and '90s alt/indie rock. I don't think anyone else has come close to this beautiful melding. This song was great enough, but then the bridge comes in, and it just leaves you wanting to rewind and listen to it again. 

46. Toad the Wet Sprocket - "Walk on the Ocean"

There are moments when you forget about yourself and the world's troubles, and all feels right. I have these moments listening to classic jazz live while having a drink with my wife, or getting caught up in a good book or TV show. For whatever reason, this song makes me feel innocent and new. The spring shower is over, and the sun is peeking out. 

45. Squirrel Nut Zippers -"Hell"

As I kid, I found the idea of hell terrifying. We didn't talk about hell much at my church or at my house, but it was there, lingering in the back of my mind. In college, I had a dream that it was Judgement Day, and I was being flown up into the clouds with a bunch of strangers around me. I just knew I was going to hell.  When I first heard this song, it felt a bit scandalous....but I knew it was catchy. 

Today, I don't believe in hell, and for me, this song acts in some small measure as a way to laugh at my old self and the odd and terrifying idea of eternal torment. 

44. Weezer - "Devotion" 

In October of 1996, my friend and I drove up to Austin to purchase tickets for Weezer's show at Liberty Lunch (that would occur later in December that year). There was no other way to get tickets, and I was NOT going to miss it. I left early in the afternoon so I could be back to SA by dinnertime, without my parents knowing. 

Tickets were on sale at the legendary Waterloo Records. Once we bought tickets, I did a little shopping, and to my shock, they had the "El Scorcho" single. Singles were a big deal in the '90s. As I was a Weezer super fan, this was a big deal. I had managed to hunt down all the Blue album singles so I could get my hands on any extra Weezer songs. 

In order to hear two measly extra songs (one of which was a re-recording of "You Gave Your Love to Me Softly", which I had already heard). I was going to have to shell out 15 bucks. This amounted to over three hours of work. 

Of course, I was a sicko, so I bought it and the single had "Devotion" on it. I didn't have a CD player in my car, so I had to wait until I  got home to listen to it...and I wasn't disappointed. This waltz (yes, it's the only waltz in the top 100) spoke directly to my little 19-year-old soul. It's still one of my favorite Weezer songs all these years later. 

43. World Party - "Put the Message in the Box"

Rock music is usually about romantic love. After a quick scan, about 40% of this list is songs about romance or break-ups. This song is NOT about love, it's about the world and not giving up or giving in to hopelessness. It might be cheesy, but my God, I need to hear more messages like this. 

42. Built to Spill - "Cleo"

"Cleo" is written from an unborn child's perspective (no, it's not about abortion). It's one of those few songs about children or parenting, and it's not terrible....in fact, it's amazing! 

41. Counting Crows - "Rain King"

If you're feeling defeated, down, and depressed, pop this little ditty on and maybe it will help. Everyone needs a few songs like this to get that pep in their step. 

40. Coward - "I'm Alright"

From a band no one knows, here's a song even fewer people know. It's a song about moving on after a break-up. I needed this song to survive for a long time. Power pop packaged for the people. 

39. Grant Lee Buffalo - "Truly, Truly"  

This is one of those "late bloomers" on the list. I never knew it even existed in the 90s. I discovered it last year, and I thought of my wife the first time I heard it. I am a lucky man. 

38. Matthew Sweet - "Sick of Myself"

This is a song I wish I could sing and play with my band at one of our concerts.  

But I don't have a band, and I don't play guitar. 

Still, if I DID, I would cover this song. 

37. Nirvana - "Man Who Sold the World" (Unplugged) 

Sometime in the late '90s, I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. The dentist told me he would give me "laughing gas" and suggested I bring my own music. I selected the Nirvana: Unplugged album, and it was a great choice. Within a few notes of the first song ("About a Girl"), I was whisked away to Wonderland. 

At first, I had to concentrate to determine what I was listening to. I would forget what song I was listening to, and I had to concentrate to figure out how long I was into the album. It felt as though I was between a dream and reality (the constant drilling sound did remind me of what was really going on). Otherwise, it was a hell of a trip, and Kurt and Co. were there to hold my hand.  

Anyway, I know this is one of two cover songs by Nirvana on the list, but they knock it out of the park.  It's a great performance. 

36. Pulsars - "Tunnel Song"

The Pulsars are my favorite band that no one I have met in real life has heard of. This song should be the first song you put on a road trip playlist. 

35. Breeders- "I Can't Help It (If I'm Still In Love With You)"

This B-side will make you fall in love with the Deal sisters. Is that enough for you to listen to it? Because it should be! 

34. Smashing Pumpkins - "Muzzle"

It's as if their hit song "Today" grew up, got jaded, and then realized it will all be okay because the human experience is terrible, wonderful, and most of all, shared with each other. 

33. Old 97's - "What We Talk About" 

Clever, poppy, catchy, country/rocky, with harmonies and a dash of spice on the side. You will drum on the nearest surface, and you will sing or hum along with this song, even the first time you hear it. 

All this, and they make you wait one full minute to hear that glorious chorus. 

32. Breeders - "Do You Love Me Now?" 

In 1998, I would go to the gym and get on the stationary bike and then run a bit more.  You could listen to the radio or the TV's but you could also bring a CD to the front desk, and they would tell you what channel to tune to. I had liked Last Splash alright, but I had never really given it a proper chance. Out of boredom, I took the CD to the gym one day...and I kept bringing it. Eventually, it all sank in and made sense. 

In one of these biking sessions to nowhere, this song broke my heart. I love this song. 

31. Cocteau Twins - "Bluebeard" 

I had heard about the Cocteau Twins here and there for decades, they seemed like a big deal in indie circles, but as there is so much music to hear.... I never got around to checking them out. In fact, my daughters introduced this '90s band to ME.... a self-appointed '90s music prince. 

Suddenly, I felt old and humbled all at once....but by golly, this is a hell of a song. 

30. Fountains of Wayne - "Sick Day"

When Fountains of Wayne were at their best, their songs about suburbia and modern life painted a picture that you wanted to go back to over and over again (RIP Adam Schlesinger).  Your brain will be almost forced into creating a music video for the people the lyrics describe. 

29. No Doubt - "Sunday Morning"

The last time I heard this song, it was on a Sunday morning. I was on my way to pick up my daughter's car from being towed. It had been a while, but when the song came on, it seemed like life was full of joy and beauty. A classic. 

28.  Pulsars - "Suffocation"

Is love like suffocation? Maybe a little, and this song might be too high on this list, but this album just makes you believe anything is possible in the world. This album is like if Power Pop and New Wave got together and had a baby. You should check out this album, it's self-titled and I believe only on YouTube. 

27. Sloan - "Can't Face Up"

Sloan is all over this list for a reason, and that's because for a few years in the '90s, they were the best band in the world and barely anyone outside of Canada even knew it. If you don't like this song, there's a good chance I don't like you. That's a little dramatic, but you get the point. 

26. Weezer - "The World Has Turned And Left Me Here"

Pathetic song for pathetic people. Highly recommended for teenagers. Of course, I don't relate to it anymore, but the Beach Boys-like conclusion still gives me "the feels" like I am 17 again. 

25. Nick Heyward - "Kite"

Short, lovely Brit-pop song that will stick in your head for days. 

24. Beck - "Brother"

I have never really been able to decipher the meaning in this mysterious Beck B-side...and I don't need to because I have felt its meaning in my bones, if you know what I mean. The haunting guitars, the out-of-tune piano, and Beck's ghost-like delivery combine to make an all-time personal favorite.

This song is about loss and regret, and when the song ends, it feels like I've had a good cry and I'm ready to go about my day, changed.... but not the same. 

23. For Squirrels  - "Under Smithville"

The story of For Squirrels is tragic, but if this song is any indication, they had a bright future ahead of them. This song is like the best of jangly REM, and it will make you wonder what could have been. This is a song about heartbreak about being ghosted and feeling like shit and yet, you'll be bouncing around like a happy little boy as you jam out to this ditty. 

22. Nirvana - "Turnaround"

Yup, another cover song!! But this song never fails to get me pumped up. It's angry, it's pop-punk, and Kurt is nailing his performance. Channel your disgust with the world and sing along. 

21. Jellyfish - "New Mistake"

Truly a song that deserved better than its reception. It's not hyperbole to say this is one of the best-crafted pop songs I have ever heard. It's amazing.

20. R.E.M. - "Near Wild Heaven"

In high school, my friend Adam convinced me R.E.M. was a terrible band and "gay". He was constantly bashing R.E.M. and I think he brainwashed me...even though I had loved "Stand" and "Losing My Religion" before I knew R.E.M. was considered uncool by one of my best friends. 

Sometime in adulthood I realized as much as I love Adam, he was being a dickhead and he was wrong. R.E.M. is pretty amazing, and this is my favorite R.E.M. song. I love it and it makes me feel good. 

19. Radiohead - "High and Dry"

You have to sing along with this song. It doesn't matter if you can sing or not; you just have to. 

18. Breeders - "Divine Hammer"

This song about evangelical Christians is ultimately about wanting to be spiritual, but realizing not everyone can be spiritual or believe.

There is a simplicity to the way some people believe that I find all at once puzzling and yet, well, lovely. If I am being honest, I'm jealous. Beyond the lyrical content, it's a great pop song that is catchy, but of course, you knew that. 

17. Fountains of Wayne - "Kid Gloves"

Fountains of Wayne is one of my favorite bands of all time, so it feels a bit weird to have a B-side listed as my favorite FoW song on this list (for those scoring at home, "Valley Winter Song" is my favorite Fountains of Wayne song). 

This song seemed to be written specifically for me and my on-again, off-again relationship. When I hear it, I remember the long drive from College Station to San Antonio and back again. Just outside of Bastrop, the highway would become a winding road through the shadow of Lost Pines Forest. It was as if I was being welcomed into a new topography and climate, and it was always something I looked forward to driving through.  

I would think about life, love, and the ever-present future. Often, I would make new mix-tapes just for the trip home or the trip back to school. It was something like healing. 

About fifteen years ago, a fire burned down a large portion of the Lost Pines, especially the area by the highway.  Oh, and that relationship never worked out either. 

The beauty of the Lost Pines is gone, but my memories of this song and that drive survive in my heart. 

16. Apples in Stereo - "Ruby" 

It may be recency bias that this song is so high, but I've been obsessed with this song for the last year or so. This jaunty number reminds me of the Muppets for some reason. "Ruby" will make you wonder if it's too late to start a band of your own and travel around the country in a van, giving concerts for free drinks. 

15. Big Head Todd and the Monsters - "Bittersweet"

This is one of those songs I heard as a youngster a few times. I liked it back then, but it wasn't on our macho rock radio station, and I don't remember it on MTV, so it was just off my radar in short order. Then, about two years ago, I heard it at the movie theater as I was playing a few arcade games with my son before the movie started. It all came back to me now. This has a little adult-contemporary vibe, but I am an adult after all. It's a song you could listen to three times in a row and still be ready for more. 

14. Spoon - "The Agony of Laffitte"

This acoustic song was originally on a little-known EP....it's soulful, sad, angry, reflective, and undeniable in its ability to crack into the recesses of your brain and take root. When the xylophone solo hit me, I knew I was hooked for life. 

13. Of Montreal  - "When You're Loved Like You Are"

At this point on the list, every song is good. Why is #12 better than #13? Why is #21 better than #38? Or #53 over #59? This is why it seemed like such a fool's errand to attempt to quantify these songs onto a spreadsheet....almost an obscenity. And yet, ranking this short song that sounds like a Beatles demo from 1964 at #13 just feels right.  

12. Sloan  - "Autobiography"

This song was a reminder of what was happening in college.....it reminded me that I was actually growing up.  I was learning to grapple with the limits of my childhood dreams and what it meant to finally pick a major and maybe settle in for the fact that my life now was less wide open than it was before. 

 I had transferred to Texas A&M almost on a lark, but at times, this made me feel like an adult, yet empty and alone.  As the song says, "I know I'm a conformer, but I'm sure it doesn't matter. My new friends are all adults, and my old friends all have scattered," resonated with me.

11. Spoon - "Loss Leaders"

I once saw Spoon live in a College Station bar with like 20 people actually watching Spoon. It seemed like there were more people there for Sixteen Deluxe (a band from Dallas). After Spoon played, Britt Daniels went to the bar to have a drink. I approached to tell him I loved Spoon and thought they played a great show....and I chickened out. I didn't want to bother him. Star-struck by Britt as if he were already the indie rock king/music critic darling. 

"Loss Leaders" is on the Mountain of Sound EP, and I  borrowed it from the radio station I DJ'ed at so I could record the whole thing at home. It is a deeply mysterious and captivating song. It was made all the more interesting to me when I read an interview with Daniels, in which he refused to explain the song's meaning. 

That doesn't mean it has some deep, special meaning, but it intrigued me. The song is somber and yet full of expectation.  Whatever its meaning or lack thereof, it works for me. 

10. Ben Folds Five  - "Evaporated"

This song takes me back to my last semester as an undergraduate. It was a lonely time in my life. Most of my buddies had graduated, and I lived alone. I had plenty of time to reflect on my choices, where I had been, and what was next.  I had grown up a lot in my five years of college. I encountered great joys, accomplishments, and new experiences, but they were followed by tragedy and heartbreak. 

I would paint, listen to music, and write a ton of poetry. I knew I was at a crossroads. This song feels like the end of a journey, weary and bleary-eyed. The central question facing me was how much of the past me remained. What had died, and what was I keeping moving forward?  

9. Jimmy Eat World - "Table for Glasses"

I had heard the acclaim about Clarity, and I just had to pick it up. It was a classic '90s purchase, I bought it without having heard a single song....and I wasn't disappointed. The first track is "Table for Glasses," which I found instantly moving, and yet I couldn't tell you why. 

Once again, it's another song that I don't have a clue what the topic is. See also Spoon's "Loss Leaders" below and Beck's "Brother" above. I guess I have a penchant for the unknown. That said, this mystery is the driving force behind my love of this song. The song hints at faith, "Lead my skeptic sight," but what kind of faith are we talking about? 

I would rather not even know the rest of the lyrics or what the song is "really" about. Any explanation would pale in comparison to what it means to me. 

8. Beulah  - "Emma Blowgun's Last Stand"

This song takes you on a journey that stays with you long after the song is over. Contrary to most of my top ten, I don't connect this song to my life or in a deep and personal way. It's this high on the list because it's one of the best songs I have ever heard.  In fact, I hope you've never heard of it, and I urge you to stop what you're doing and seek it out. Right now. Just keep this tab open and come back. I won't go anywhere. 

See? I told you it's good.

7. Weezer - "Across the Sea" 

I wrote a whole blog post about this song, so if you're bored, you should read it. Some critics have claimed this song and Pinkerton in general are "problematic". I have some sympathy for that position, but I disagree. When you really boil this song down to its core, it's about the fundamental human feeling of yearning. I can't tell you how many times I have belted out the zenith of this song with all my heart, and sometimes I sing with a little tear in my eye. 

6. Tom Petty - "Wildflowers" 

I liked this song in the '90s just fine, but it was just another cool Tom Petty song until somehow, this song became associated with my oldest daughter, which means I love it with my heart. I often get teary-eyed when I hear it.  For those tracking at home, our other daughter is connected to Cass Elliot's "Make Your Own Kind of Music," and my son's song is still to be announced....but, give me a break, he's only 13, so I still have a little time. 

Until I had kids, I never knew how you could want something so much for someone else. It's an ineffable feeling of protection, hope, and love. It's similar to the feeling I get when I dropped her off at kindergarten. They have to leave sometime, leaving the parents in a sea of loss, love, and pride. This song captures that feeling for me. 

It's the cycle of life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

5. Ben Folds Five - "Emaline"

The most surprising aspect of the compilation of this list has to be the fact that Ben Folds Five has three songs in the top ten and two songs in my top five. It doesn't seem possible or fair, but the placement of these two songs seems to fit for me. "Emaline" is a song about holding on too long and hoping against hope that your love will last another few months. At least that's what it meant to me.  

There's no way to track how many times I have never skipped a song that I know well, but instead choose to listen to....but "Emaline" probably takes the cake for me as it's the song I just never skip. 

4. Radiohead - "Black Star"

Sometimes, there is no one to blame for why things fall apart. I just found out that supposedly this song is about being in a relationship with someone with a mental illness, but I never knew that back in the '90s, and I don't think it matters. To me, this song represented the very human need for a purpose (or even a scapegoat), our minds impose meaning when often there is no meaning at all. The bright North star isn't special; it just happens to be special from our perspective here on Earth (and it will change at some point, too).  

The human heart is fragile and prone to irrationality. There is no reason why, there is no need to blame anyone, for the cliche is true, "the heart wants what the heart wants". Might as well blame it on the Black Star. 

3. Ben Folds Five - "Smoke"

In February of 1999, one of my best friends, Mikey, died in a car accident. A few months later, I was randomly listening to Whatever and Ever Amen, and when "Smoke" came on, it felt like I had never heard it before. I fell apart crying. 

Mikey was my best friend's little sister, but as things worked out, we became friends too. There were moments of pure joy and a sibling-like intensity between us, but there was also jealousy. 

In between our varying relationships, we both wondered, is there something here?

One night, we had traveled to visit her brother in Abeline. There was only a hammock in her brother's girlfriend's spare room. Yeah, I know, who has a hammock in a spare room? 

We looked at each other like, "Are we going to do this?" We had talked about possibly exploring dating, and here we were....alone, in a room with just a hammock. We slept in the hammock, nestled tightly. I didn't seriously consider "making a move". It felt comfy, it felt right. Anything more would have felt like a violation. 

The morning came, and I never remember ever talking about "us" again.  It seemed like the moment had been there, and yet we didn't know quite what to do with it. 

A few months before she died, she emailed me, still with questions lingering, but she was optimistic. We were at separate universities, and we were separated by several hundred miles. Maybe God, fate, or the universe would bring us together, or maybe not. Time would tell.  

Life is only understood looking backwards. I don't think we would have ended up together. There was something there, but I don't think it was enough for a long-term relationship. Even still,  I know we would still be friends. 

Mikey's death was not just a nightmare. I understand that moment as the first and inevitable step in wrestling with mortality and meaning. 

In the aftermath of her passing, I realized that night in the hammock was only a memory. I was the only one who would know how close we came to being something more. All the times we worked on a jigsaw puzzle or watched an old movie late at night, the silly conversations, the time she begged me to pick up fried burritos from Dairy Queen.....all that was left of Mikey and me were my memories. 

I knew even back then that memories can fade with time....and all that was left was the smell of smoke.

I still cry when I hear this song. I cry for Mikey and the forgotten memories. I cry for her family. I cry for a life that she never had. This song will stay with me until the day I die. I still miss Mikey, and I still smell the smoke. 

2. Weezer - "Say it Ain't So"

"Say it Ain't So" might be one of the greatest rock songs ever written. I know that's quite a bold statement, but it's my blog and my list...what are you going to do about it?  It all starts with that iconic opening riff, building from the bouncy verses to the crescendo of the glorious chorus, only to be topped by the bridge that spills into this massive, dueling guitar solo. If you haven't heard this song in a long time, give it a listen, but it can feel like you're being seduced....it takes the listener on a heck of a journey. 

It almost seems too perfect to have been written by a human. It's as if the Rock Gods had dictated the song directly into Rivers Cuomo's head to be shared with the masses. 

This song symbolizes 1995. I was graduating from high school and beginning college. I had hated high school until suddenly I had loved it. My senior year had been the best year of my life.  I had a few friends, and now suddenly I had a ton of friends. This was a time of possibility and hope. The world seemed to be unfolding in front of me. The soundtrack of my life in 1995 was Weezer's Blue Album. 

I would listen to "Say it Ain't So" on my stereo at home, singing and belting it out as loud as I could. It was a cathartic release. I couldn't relate to the song's focus on having a stepdad who I was worried was becoming an alcoholic, but the song channeled what anxieties I did have into pure rock release. 

Upon reflection, this song may be too high on the list. I tried to be as objective as possible in the creation of this list, but this song (and album) meant too much to me. It was always going to be in the top five, and I knew it. This song and album helped me navigate the waters of 1995. When I hear it, I still hear the exuberance and hope of my lost youth. 

Occasionally, the song will pop up on my massive '90s playlist on Spotify. If the mood and timing are right, I will indulge myself and begin to belt it out, as loud as I can. Being old can suck but at least I can still get some catherisis out of an old favorite.  

 As much as I hate Weezer (and love them), I still owe them one. 

Thanks, Rivers.  

1. Sloan - "I Can Feel It"

At the end of the list of songs full of forlorn love, mystery, and angst, is the song that this list had to end with, because this is the song that was playing when I proposed to my wife.

Both K and I had already experienced plenty of heartache ("She came runnin', I hate everything that came before me"). K was my best friend, so I think there was a feeling that maybe this new relationship was a little "too good to be true". Could a relationship feel this good, devoid of drama, agendas, time tables, and games? To feel surety for the first time was, ironically, a bit disconcerting.  Everything that had come before couldn't match what we were feeling. We chose to trust it, and despite the tragedies, setbacks, fights, and struggles, we continue to trust that first feeling we had in the late winter of 2001.  

This duet isn't just about falling in love; it's about trusting that feeling, despite "breaking under the crush". 

At some point, when we were dating, this became one of "our songs". In October 2002, I drove eight hours to Baton Rouge. I snuck into her house (with her roommate's permission, of course). I littered the ground with rose petals all the way to her room, and I had "I Can Feel It" playing on the stereo. 

When "I Can Feel It" comes on and we're both in the car, we both sing together in harmony. She still has a thing for me, and I have a thing for her too. Thank God.  

Coach Pop and the End of Everything

 Everything has to end. 

There couldn't be a more obvious statement.... because entropy is a law of the universe. Our own Earth has an expiration date. The Earth's end will come long after complex life has been extinguished, when the sun will swallow the planet in about 7.6 billion years. 

Nothing is exempt from its own end. Every planet, star, and galaxy has a projected lifespan. After quintillions of years, all the stars go out, and even the black holes will finally meet their demise. Hundreds of undecillions of years later, and even the spare photons that had just been floating around will finally be released....and what is left of the "universe" will only be an unimaginably vast and eternal void of nothing. 

The end of all ends, you could say. 

I don't even know what this is, it's just a made-up illustration of space, but if you imagine, this could be the end of the universe at some point (well, and that means every moment is a part of the end, so there ya go). 

We are reminded of this fundamental aspect of the universe in our daily lives. You finish your morning coffee, you finish a task or project at work, lunch hour is over, you finish that frustrating email, dinner is over, you finish binge-watching that series you're watching on Netflix, and that's that - the day is done..... and you rise to begin the next day of a new set of endings. 

But that thought nags at us....one day we'll be finished too.  

Popovich has worked for the Spurs for a total of almost 35 years.  I met Popovich when I was 11, when he was a young, ambitious assistant coach in 1988. He caught rebounds for me in a contest in which I won season tickets. Pop has been working for the Spurs in some capacity for almost 71% of my life....and I'm old! 

Is it just me, or does everyone look young in this photo?

My thoughts on Pop evolved along the way: from a virtual unknown, to the mysterious GM who brought in Rodman, to the snake that stabbed Bob Hill in the back, to the stubborn and unlikeable coach.  Some time after the third championship in 2005, I even grew to like him a little bit. By the 2010s, he was beloved by Spurs fans.... and almost all at once, he was beloved by seemingly the entire basketball world. 

Pop was a link to Spurs fandom that connected all the way back to my childhood and adolescence. Coach Pop was a welcome consistency in a world of change. From Drob to Timmy, Tony & Manu to the "Beautiful Game" and Kawhi, and then a bolt of lightning, a new beginning, Wemby. Change was a constant, but so was Coach Pop. 

The Spurs projected like they were one big family. R.C. Buford is still in the front office, Sean Elliott is part of the broadcast team, Timmy and Manu frequently hang out at the practice facility, and Robinson is a part-owner and attends most games. As long as Pop was still coaching, it made it a little easier to lie to myself about the nature of the universe. I could pretend that some things didn't change. 

When Pop suffered from a stroke last fall, I knew the writing was on the wall. I was relieved to hear it was "mild," but after a little research, I knew it was likely he would not return. It would be a miracle, but the Spurs have seen those before.

In case you didn't catch the reference, I am referring to Sean Elliott's "Memorial Day Miracle". 

Sean Elliott famously told Mario Elie, "I got one more in me" before hitting the game-winning three-pointer. But I didn't think or expect things to go down like a 3-point miracle. Pop was in denial, and the Spurs were just waiting for him to figure that out. 

I wasn't shocked when the announcement came that Pop was retiring as coach and moving to the front office.  I still wasn't shocked when it was announced at the same news conference that assistant coach Mitch Johnson would be the new head coach, because it seemed like such a Spursy decision.  

I was shocked because he finally looked like an old man. If I am being honest, he didn't even look old; he looked elderly.  He spoke slower, softer, and he was physically frail. Pop was still funny and self-deprecating, still smart,  still humble, and yeah, still Spurs President....but definitely different.

Here we find ourselves at the end of Coach Pop....of course, not quite the end of Gregg Popovich, but the dream is over, and the morning sun is showing us reality. He's an old person, like my parents and in-laws. He's changing because he has to, facing health challenges he hasn't had before. He's changing like we all are; it's a story as old as time itself. Coach Pop stepping down is the symbolic end to the bridge connecting my childhood to my middle age. 

I felt sad seeing one of my heroes look so frail, but maybe selfishly, I was more sad that my delusion about time, aging, and youth was over. 

We all have to end sometime, but at least Coach Pop had a hell of a ride. 

It's really all you can ask for. 

Go ahead and make fun of me, but this hit me HARD.

Being Grateful in Dark Times: An Ode to the Morning

There is a lot to be said for all shit happening in the world today. There is a malaise of cynicism and hopelessness in the air of late. It would be there no matter what my personal experiences but....

It's now interfering with my job and how I do it. I am learning to navigate in choppy seas, learning how to ride the waves the best I can while retaining a sense of subversiveness and integrity.  K might lose her job because of politics, cruelty, greed, and ignorance. 

One of the things keeping me from being black-pilled is knowing that’s what “they” want me to feel like.

Here’s a small list of what I am grateful for off the top of my head: 

• Mornings that are a bit on the cool side
• Petting a cat in my lap or nearby
• A good cup of coffee
• Watching people from my office window
• Reading late at night (currently on the Libby app on dark mode)
• Bean and cheese tacos
• Cooking
• Dates with my wife
• Driving E to school in the mornings, we have our little routine
• Hoping for better times
• Planning for traveling (work or family) 
• Knowing my workplace is a bit like Cheers, I feel safe there
• Listening to an NBA podcast as I get ready in the morning or driving somewhere

I noticed how many of the items and things above are morning-centric. I don’t feel like a morning person, but I suppose I am in some ways. Heck, I even associate bean and cheese with the morning. 

In the morning, I feel hopeful, a bit in wonderment of what the day might bring. The world is fresh and full of possibility. While I get ready, there is a sense of purpose and action. 

As the afternoon wanes, I begin to realize time is running out, and I begin to see what won't be crossed off the to-do list (or sometimes what was even started). Plans are made to end the day at work, pick up or cook dinner and pick up the kids. 

By the time the evening comes, I've gotten comfy and maybe a bit tired, time is running out to get things done. 

In bed, I sometimes stare up at the dark ceiling and think about the mundane, the sublime, and everything in between. It is in this space I often remember, time is running out, even on my life. So I am grateful for the little things and the hope that the morning light brings. 

I am planning to blog a bit in May when I have more time (ha ha). I would like to do another “Confucius Didn’t Say That” blog post, finally finish a video game retrospective (80% already done), and there was ANOTHER found art object on campus the other day that I took a photo of. 

In the meantime, don’t lose hope and don’t forget to turn the lights out when you leave your home. 

Found Art in Parking Garage (November 2024 - March 2025 )

 Untitled - Found art object - 2024 - Artist Unknown 

This art installation has been at my college since November. It is a simple pair of nail clippers, vibrantly decorated with a pink oval. The anonymous artist left it on a poll in one of the parking garages, and it has been making students, faculty, and staff ponder its true meaning for months.

The artist might be challenging the community to begin the simple act of noticing. Parking garages are places of transition; they are not meant for contemplation. When we arrive, our minds wander toward our destination and we think about what we will be doing at work or school. On the way back into the garage, our minds turn inward, homeward, such as what you might be eating for dinner. In this transition space, we usually go unchallenged, looking down at our phones, lost in our thoughts, or talking with colleagues or friends about our evening's plans. Maybe the artist is telling us, "Wait....not so fast"....the simple appearance of nail clippers, a common item in an uncommon place, can bring us out of our own heads and into questioning why this object was left here, put more broadly, why is anything, anywhere? 

Nail clippers are common objects, but they are also intimate. After all, you only share nail clippers with those you love; a stolen pair of nail clippers is almost as absurd as a stolen toothbrush. This item is perfectly usable and yet no one has taken it or thrown it away. The very idea of touching it is revolting but with a simple wash in alcohol, it would be clean. Nail clippers outside the context of a home are disconcerting. The piece makes viewers wrestle with its dual nature, completely normal and useful but also disturbingly disgusting; an item out of context is an item that does not belong. 

Last week, I came upon the installation to find it in an open position, ready to cut nails. Was it the artist, making another statement? Or was it another viewer, participating in the art?  I simply folded it back to its current position...there's no need to alarm anyone. 

I hope I can enjoy this absurdist art piece for months to come. 

Edit April 2025: It disappeared the last week of March. 

The Bridge of 23 Years

One of my colleagues at work died last weekend. He worked in a different department and I didn't know him all that well. That said, we had worked at the same school for twenty years. We would always say hello and our conversations were always short but pleasant. It's cliché, but I never heard a bad word about him from students, faculty or staff. He seems like a genuinely good person. 

He was only 54 and likely died of an aneurysm. I am….(checks ID)…an unbelievable 47.  

So, I have been thinking about my own mortality even more than usual. It’s not an exaggeration to say the thought of death lingers in my head at least 2-5 times a day and this was before this past weekend. I am reminded of dying when I drive because I have been in a serious car accident and have had friends die in car wrecks. I am reminded of death when my mom gives me the rundown of the old, sick, and dying from her church. I am reminded of death when my wife tells me someone on her "friends list" husband died. I am reminded when my imagination believes the headache is probably a brain tumor or when my wife doesn't answer my text for two hours. Thoughts of death or dying are part of my routine. 

This is definitely a form of neurosis, but when I think of death, it’s usually matter-of-fact. These thoughts shape me in many positive ways. This is why I am motivated to plan a new summer program at work or what pushes me to send check-in texts with my kids when they are at school. I become thankful for my morning coffee or I stop to feel the cool breeze as I walk to the office.  I am grateful for this neurosis.  

Earlier this week was driving and thinking about how I want to get to at least get into my 70s before I die. That is only (double-checks the math)….an unbelievable 23 years away. I started thinking that twenty-three years doesn't sound like a lot of time. In an attempt to make myself better, I tried to remember where I was 23 years ago...

In December of 2001, I was finishing my third semester of grad school.  I earned my undergraduate degree in May of 2000 and decided to attend grad school back home to save money. I lived with my folks and got a job as a substitute teacher. I got another part-time job working for a company that provided VHS and DVDs to grocery stores for rentals. 

Yeah, 23 years ago WAS a long time ago.

In September of 2001, I had gotten into a serious car accident and the accident still lingered in my daily thoughts. I felt lucky to be alive.  

I also remember feeling uneasy with the idea that my adulthood was stretching out in front of me. I was already plotting my next move. I didn’t know what it would be, but I thought it should be dramatic. I was thinking of moving out of state on a lark and seeing where life would take me.

After my last class in the fall of 2001, I was talking with a woman from my class in the parking lot. I liked her okay, she was smart and cute so I asked if we could get coffee sometime and she said yes. I didn’t know how that would work out but I remember feeling, “Why not? She seems nice enough…” but I never called her and I'm not really sure why. 

A few days later my good friend K came into town from LSU on winter break and I started hanging out with her and then….everything in my life turned upside down.  That story is told in great detail here.

Twenty-three years bridging the start of my marriage, to this random point in time, to (hopefully) bridging twenty-three more years to the age of 70. 

Truly at a mid-life point.

I like to joke that after your late 30s, you don’t experience a mid-life crisis, it’s just one series of crises, one after another.

Something happened this fall that really shook my wife and me to our core (and it wasn’t death). It affected others and it was my fault. It was a Grade-A fuck up from yours truly. It also opened up a lot of discussion on some struggles that I haven’t told anyone about because I figured I was doing okay just repressing those problems. I could pretend it really wasn’t an issue at all because I was doing just enough to push it out of my mind.  An anonymous blog is not the place to get into such things but despite it all, my amazing wife has proven she’s my best friend and the best partner I could hope to have. I don’t deserve her.

I don’t know how many years I have left. I do know all of my memories, achievements, and adventures mean nothing compared to the love I have experienced. Love of others, love of life. Love is the meaning of my life. 

Where will I be in twenty-three years?

I don’t know, but I hope it continues to be a life of love and grace. 

Son of Underrated Albums of the 90's

You would think after five of these posts, the well might be getting a little dry.....but no, not quite yet. I keep discovering some neat 90s albums all the time! 

To catch up with any new readers, this is my fifth post discussing some of my favorite underrated albums of the 90s. 

So, here are three more underrated albums from the 90s.

DGC Rarities Vol. 1 (1994)

Okay, okay, hear me out. I am NOT drunk on nostalgia. 

If you are a true cool kid from the 90s you will remember seeing copious amounts of this album in the bargain bin at used CD stores. You probably knew someone who owned this CD and it was often considered a throwaway album. It was a total troll move to put Nirvana's demo "Pay to Play" (it's a note-for-note demo version of "Stay Away" with different lyrics) on this collection.

In an objective sense, this is merely a compilation of throwaway songs and demos from artists who were signed to Geffen. There are some heavy hitters here (Nirvana, Beck, Weezer, Hole, Counting Crows) and some indie favorites (Sloan, Sonic Youth, Teenage Fanclub).

This album is not that great, it is uneven and has zero flow between songs. But if you are looking for an album to surprise you and warm the cackles of your cold dead heart, take a listen and imagine buying this album for ONE song like I did (Weezer's "Jamie") because there was no way to listen to this song without buying it. Wow, what a world it was. Today the album feels like a love letter to the mid-90s. 

You can't help but smile wistfully as the last track by The Sundays fades out. 

Standout Tracks: Teenage Fanclub - "Maddog 20/20",  Beck - "Bogusflow", Counting Crows - "Einstein on the Beach",  Posies - "Open Every Window"

The 6ths - Wasps' Nests (1995)

There are some albums that can instantly relax you and The 6ths' Wasps Nest is one of them.  I can even imagine falling asleep to this 60s pop-inspired journey after drinking a single beer. The album process was extremely unique as Stephin Merritt of the Magnetic Fields wrote and recorded the album but different vocalists sang lead on the songs (the best-known vocalist is Lou Barlow on "In the City in the Rain"). 

Most songs are dreamy, almost entrancing in their repetitive melodies (but, like, in a good way).  The themes cover the gambit but there's a soft, warm melancholy surrounding the songs and lyrics. I think this album would be perfect for rainy days or something to encourage you to stop thinking of your problems and listen to someone else's. Highly recommended. 

Standout Tracks - "Sand Deigo Zoo", "All Dressed Up in Drams" "Falling Out of Love (With You)", "Movies in my Head" and "In the City in the Rain". 

Satellite Lovers - Sons of 1973 (1996)

For decades this Japanese pop/jazz masterpiece just existed....and yet, for reasons yet revealed....(possibly Satan himself) it never gained traction. About 3 months ago someone uploaded it on YouTube and through the algorithm's blessing (may the algorithm be blessed, most high), the Satellite Lovers album, Sons of 1973 is now being reevaluated as a classic 90s album. Okay, that's an exaggeration but it has 2 million views and I think it's great....isn't that good enough?  

How did the world miss out on this band? I have heard some of their other albums but I have been focused on this gem and I will eventually get to the others (they are very diverse and don't sound like this album at all).  

It's easily one of my favorite albums I've listened to this year. So if you like cheesy pop music and catchy songwriting with a side of jazz, check it out! 

Standout Tracks - "Best Friend", "How Much I Love You", "Sunnyday, Holiday", " 空へ（S.L Meets HV!" - All of it, okay, just listen to all of it!!! 

I have at least a few more albums up my sleeve.....until then, stay cool, kids, it's almost fall.